Official Schedule for the Republican National Convention, 2008

[DaemonSeid]

Just Released- Agenda for the 2008 Republican National Convention, September 1st 2008*

7:00 P.M. Opening Koran burning.

7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to the NRA and Haliburton

7:30 P.M. Edward Pugh proposes a toast

7:35 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship. John Hagee

8:00 P.M. Edward Pugh proposes a toast. 8:05 P.M. Ceremonial moose is shot for dinner

8:15 P.M. Gay Wedding—Larry Craig and mystery life partner

8:30 P.M. Edward Pugh proposes a toast. (passes out and removed)

8:35 P.M. Slideshow of George Bush at the Olympics

8:40 P.M. 20 minute Intermission

9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. A Brave New World for Tomorrow – Geraldine Ferraro introduces Condoleeza Rice

9:15 P.M. Kevin Brady proposes a toast.

9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden FBI Tip line (Slogan: “Never Found him, Never will.”)

9:25 P.M. Around this time Osama Bin Laden broadcasts his Stop Snitching message via internet offering all backers of his cause $5,000 each to keep their lips sealed from those “infidel Americans” (His slogan: “Always 3 caves ahead”)

9:30 P.M Unveiling of plan to stop the freeing of freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay – Chuck Norris and Delta Force Command

9:40 P.M. Why I Love the NRA – Pre recording of Charlton Heston from the 2004 convention

9:45 P.M. Why football is the Greatest Sport – Matt Hasselbeck introduced by John Elway and Brett Favre

9:50 P.M. Rush Limbaugh presented Fairness in Broadcasting’s Man of the Decade, presented by Ann Coulter.

10:25 P.M. How Bush and Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers and Saved the World from Tyranny and Evil …in their own words…introduced by Karl Rove…(featuring a Powerpoint slides by Lucasfilm and WETA and music performed by the London Symphony Orchestra

10:30 P.M. Nomination of John McCain by Rudy Guliani

11:00 P.M. George Bush proposes a toast.

11:05 P.M. Al Gore arrested outside of the RNC claiming that the hot gases inside are causing global warming.

11:15 P.M. Our President and Vice President are War criminals—Cindy Sheehan

11:15 and 30 seconds P.M. Introduction of Mrs. Sarah Palin – Tina Fey

11:17P.M. Coronation of Sarah Palin

12:00 A.M. Closing Entertainment – featuring comedians Dennis Miller and Al Franken with song selections by Crystal Gayle and Marie Osmond (Kid Rock and Jessica Simpson will be featured across the hall)

2:05 A.M. A fight erupts outside between Cindy McCain and Sarah Palin as John tries to take Sarah back to her hotel for "strategic brainstorming session". Don King tries to cash in on an “Old Hottie vs New Hottie” bout in Vegas for November 1st.


* It was originally scheduled to start on September the 1st but due to Hurricane Gustav’s approach, those in power decided to delay a week so that way if anything went wrong all adequate fingerpointing and blamegaming could be put in the appropriate places and give the Dems something less to whine about.