Snow Plow Parents

[IrishLake]

http://www.bostonglobe.com/arts/2013...xUP/story.html

Even worse than Helicopter parents...

[Lovethesand]

Funny but sad.

I work with one of those moms. She must call her 22 year daughter a dozen times every single day. What's even more odd to me is the daughter lives at home so why so damn many calls?

Story: daughter and boyfriend got into a tif. Nothing serious. Mom called the BF and read him the riot act. BF didn't appreciate it and told her nicely to butt out. Mom went ballistic and hung up on him. Then called the daughter and told her to break up with him. And yes this is all happening at work and everybody can hear.

Parents need to let go. Best thing to ever happen to my Debbie was for her to go to school OOS.

[DubaiSis]

A friend of mine is a recruiter and WILL NOT work with millenials for just this reason. So parents, take this as gospel, you ARE ruining your child's future by controlling their entire lives today.

[33girl]

I had what were considered VERY overprotective parents. When I was in college 3 hours away I spoke to them once a week. I don't get this generation of parents or kids at all. AT ALL.

[AGDee]

These really are not the norm. Yes, they are out there, but I know a whole lot of parents at that age and not a one of them is that bad. Most are letting their kids grow up as they should. I do hear from Hypo more often than once a week- she usually texts at the most inconvenient times- and when we talk on the phone it is typically because she wants to talk something out. Example- She sends a text the first week of class "Can you talk? I want to talk about my schedule" I send her a text back "I'll call you when I get home from work" I call, she goes into this long diatribe about how she isn't sure whether she wants to take x class or y class. If she takes x class, she'll only have 14.5 credits so she'll have to take more another term but if she takes y class she'll have 17 credits which is a lot. But if she goes with option 3... blah, blah, blah.

She talks and talks and talks and comes to a decision on her own while I sit there and say "Yes" "Ok" "Are you sure?" lol.

Even when she went through her medical thing last year, my only contact with health service was after it was all done- to send the doctor who went above and beyond to make sure Hypo got the right services a thank you email.

Honestly, most parents I know (and that's most of my friends/peer group at this point in life) are NOT snow plows or even helicopters. The problem is, those parents are the loudest so you hear them more.

[Katmandu]

I have friends and colleagues with collage aged children and they call/text multiple times a day about the most inane things. Constantly. Both children and mom. It's bizarre. They know every minute detail of the child's day... Food, classroom, what they wore, who said what to whom..... When my best friend and I are out shopping or for coffee, she will take or send at least a half dozen calls from young adult children. Fwap, fwap, fwap.

[ADqtPiMel]

Originally Posted by Katmandu

I have friends and colleagues with collage aged children and they call/text multiple times a day about the most inane things. Constantly. Both children and mom. It's bizarre. They know every minute detail of the child's day... Food, classroom, what they wore, who said what to whom..... When my best friend and I are out shopping or for coffee, she will take or send at least a half dozen calls from young adult children. Fwap, fwap, fwap.

See...my parents are essentially the opposite of helicopter parents. I've had zero financial assistance from them since graduating high school (worked full time through school), and they never cared at all what I did with my time or my money. But I do text with my mom every day, about really stupid stuff. I live 500 miles away and I like talking to my mom about the normal goofy stuff we talk about in person.

ETA -- I don't identify as a millenial, more like Gen X, though I'm on the cusp.

[KSUViolet06]

I had scholarships for most of school, but my dad footed the bill for stuff like dues, meal plan, etc. We talked like, bi-weekly (my dad couldn't helicopter me from CA.)

I saw my mom once every 2-3 weeks even though I lived 30 min away.

I'm actually impressed at how little my mom meddled in and checked up on my life given my age (I was 17 until Christmas break) and the fact that I was living on my own in dorm for the first time (but then again, I was a rather good student in HS so she had no reason to believe I was like, skipping class/not doing work/etc.)

[FSUZeta]

Luckily, I can only think of one friend who is a helicopter parent, and actually, it is more her kids constantly calling her than the other way around. The rest of us wait and let our kids call us for the most part, unless, of course, there is an important/pressing reason for us to call them. I figure if they call me, they have the time and the desire to chat, and I am not imposing on their time.

[sigmagirl2000]

One of my most frustrating issues as a high school teacher is parents texting/ calling their child while their child is clearly in class. If they want to get an urgent message to their child, they should contact the main office, not interrupt my class (or other classes). I must run into this issue about 15 times a day. The students will even show the messages to the teachers with time stamps to prove that they are not texting friends, etc., but rather being contacted by parents.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by Katmandu

I have friends and colleagues with collage aged children and they call/text multiple times a day about the most inane things. Constantly. Both children and mom. It's bizarre. They know every minute detail of the child's day... Food, classroom, what they wore, who said what to whom..... When my best friend and I are out shopping or for coffee, she will take or send at least a half dozen calls from young adult children. Fwap, fwap, fwap.

This, I think, is what's most disturbing about some of these cases; the "kids" are just as attached to the parents as the parents are to the kids. They've become completely dependent on mommy and/or daddy, and they don't mind if their parents call their teachers or join them for an interview. They see no problem with it.

I posted this story to my Facebook news feed and one of my friends started her comment with this:

"Parents drove me crazy when I worked at a college! I had a mom come and try to fill out the application and apply for her daughter because she 'didn't have time'..."

So sad (regardless of whether or not mom was telling the truth about why she was filling out the app instead of her daughter).

[SWTXBelle]

I teach at a private school, and I am stunned at the parents who seem to resent it when their children actually have to WORK. Seriously, they don't want their children challenged - which boggles my mind. What are they paying $14,000 a year for if not to have their children challenged so they can truly achieve? But no - complaining, complaining, complaining. I had a mother who told me that her precious was stressed out with high school applications (!), so even though she had been given A Tale of Two Cities on November 12th to read by January 8th, she couldn't be expected to have read it because she took Christmas vacation off, and the first weekend back, and then she had missed so many dance lessons AND SHE CAN'T MISS DANCE, so, um, yeah.

What do you say to that?
I just sat there . . .

[HQWest]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

I teach at a private school, and I am stunned at the parents who seem to resent it when their children actually have to WORK. Seriously, they don't want their children challenged - which boggles my mind. What are they paying $14,000 a year for if not to have their children challenged so they can truly achieve? But no - complaining, complaining, complaining. I had a mother who told me that her precious was stressed out with high school applications (!), so even though she had been given A Tale of Two Cities on November 12th to read by January 8th, she couldn't be expected to have read it because she took Christmas vacation off, and the first weekend back, and then she had missed so many dance lessons AND SHE CAN'T MISS DANCE, so, um, yeah.

What do you say to that?
I just sat there . . .

Ask her if she wants to talk to the counselor about testing to determine her daughter's lack of reading readiness or not reading at her grade level?
(there really ought to be a sarcasm smiley....)

[AGDee]

What I find funny about when Hypo calls me for advice is that I never give her any. I might ask questions that help her draw her own conclusion, but I figure she's going to do what she really wants to do. She just wants validation that it is ok. She has sent me texts saying "Is it better to skip a class to finish homework for another class or to turn in the homework late?" I'll ask "which one impacts your grade more? Is there an attendance requirement for the class you want to skip? What is the penalty for turning in something late?" She wants me to tell her to skip class. I'm not going to say that. She comes to her own conclusion- which is, of course, skipping class. Really? You're calling your mom for permission to skip a class? I'm not giving you that, but I'm encouraging you to evaluate the consequences and make your best decision.

[Hearttoheart]

A college education is an investment into our children’s future. It is my husband and I who are paying for tuition, room and board, books, car, cell phone, insurance, medical bills, gas, spending money, clothing, entertainment, sorority dues, etc. We want our daughters to have every advantage; to be able to thrive academically and socially and enjoy all college has to offer without being bogged down with a job. (There will be time enough for a job after graduation) As such, we have certain expectations of our daughters. Attend class, study for tests, complete all assignments, attend sorority related functions (we are paying for them), keep drinking to a minimum and never drink and drive, sleep in the living quarters we provide for them, (not at some boyfriends house), etc.
This is an expensive investment! And as a means of protecting my investment, yes, I will monitor their lives! Call me a helicopter parent, or a snowplow parent or whatever. Each daughter attends college out of state, so no, I am not there registering for classes for them, (although they do call and ask my opinions); and no, if their dorms are too cold, or their food is not edible, I am not making phone calls. I don’t hold their hands to doctor appointments or to meetings with professors. But, I do care about whom their friends are and who they are dating! They are my investment after all, and their behavior can effect this investment of mine.
I expect them to keep in touch. The biggest mistake a parent can make is simply writing a check and expecting their college student to tow the line. They are still young and still very capable of making mistakes! I monitor their social media pages, their grades, and their social activities. If mistakes are being made, I want to be proactive, not shaking my head after they flunk out of college and end up in rehab or pregnant. There is nothing wrong with helicopter parents! We are pushing our children to be successful and making sure the only mistakes that are being made are minor ones. There is nothing wrong with parents protecting their children! Whether they are 5 or 50, they are still our children!