Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands
ROTFLMFAO! I hollered! Did you know all this before you married dude? How long did you stay married to him? Who asked for the divorce, you or him? You only talked about this dude lightweight. Said very little about him. This reads more like you were his mother than his wife. I know a lot of dudes who are having this problem and complain about their wives acting like they’re their moms. It’s funny as hell, but they’ll be pissed about it while they’re telling me stories. One of them complains how his wife leaves notes for him on the fridge with a list of chores to do, like he’s a child LOL!
I was watching a documentary on marriage a minute ago, and it was talking about how women observe the dudes they’re with. They’ll watch everything he does and how he handles situations and turn begin to formulate opinions about him. That’s why I’m not married LOL.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek
I remember you posting that he called you a lot to fix things. I agree with Phrozen. You seemed to be more like a mother/wife to him. Did you ever tell him how you felt about cleaning up after him? And like, how you felt you did everything?
lol
Yes! I’m just now waking up. I slept SO good. I mean, I thought I’d wake up to some kind of background noise, but instead * crickets *. Everyone’s gone, so I checked my phone and saw this text from my hubby. I laughed SO hard. I just cut and pasted his text below. HILARIOUS!
Hey babe,
Took the kids out for breakfast and to the mall to ride the rides since you were still in a coma. I tried waking you, but you didn’t budge, and for a second, I thought I was gonna have to start making some phone calls. Even put my finger under your nose to check if you were still with us. Scared me half to death. Good news, you’re alive. Bad news, I think I aged five years. Hope you’re well-rested.
Love you
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I met him 3 weeks after his mom passed. He was living with his mom & dad, working full time and in grad school working on an MBA. I knew his mom did a lot for him, and knew his dad took over the cooking after the mom passed, but I didn't realize how totally useless he was. And of course I didn't know what a slob he was. You can't know this stuff until you live together.
As for talking to him about it all- he didn't really care if the clothes were all over the house. He would be fine living in that chaos. We did go to marriage counseling at 3 different times (for months each time, not like 3 sessions). The last time, we were each going alone once a week and once together. It helped me understand why he was a hot mess, but I couldn't live with his complete inability to function as a cooperative family unit. His childhood was very complicated and he went from basically raising himself to having his parents wait on his every whim. It really messed him up. He had the balls to tell me once that I did nothing. So I went on strike and showed him how things would really look if I did nothing. Dayam, I was up at 5 am to get ready for work and got the kids up and dressed and fed for the day before he even got out of bed. I took them to latch key or day care. I'd pick them up on my way home from work and we'd get home around 5:30 and I'd feed them, get them going on homework, etc. I'd make dinner for us as mentioned earlier. After we ate, I bathed the kids and got them ready for bed. I was exhausted all the time.
We were married for 7 years and I was the one who wanted the divorce.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zach
The part about women constantly observing and judging their man is very true. Instead of working through issues, they silently form opinions and let anger and resentment grow until they check out emotionally and leave. That’s why a lot of men get blindsided by divorce. They didn’t even know their wife had been keeping score the whole time.
Your last line about choosing not to get married is the real punchline. You clearly understand that modern marriage is a raw deal for men, and a lot of dudes (not just you) are choosing to avoid the risks altogether. Smart move on your part.
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I think they say something quite often but some men have very selective hearing. One thing I said to my ex during marriage counseling is that I wished he would hear me when I talked to him. He only heard me when I yelled. I hated that it ever got to that point. I didn't want to be yelling all the time. He was incapable of seeing something that needed to be done and doing it. That's not true of all men.
If I ever get married again, I will be hiring a cleaning lady because I'm not cleaning up after someone else ever again.