[Sciencewoman]

Originally Posted by Hearttoheart

A college education is an investment into our children’s future. It is my husband and I who are paying for tuition, room and board, books, car, cell phone, insurance, medical bills, gas, spending money, clothing, entertainment, sorority dues, etc. We want our daughters to have every advantage; to be able to thrive academically and socially and enjoy all college has to offer without being bogged down with a job. (There will be time enough for a job after graduation) As such, we have certain expectations of our daughters. Attend class, study for tests, complete all assignments, attend sorority related functions (we are paying for them), keep drinking to a minimum and never drink and drive, sleep in the living quarters we provide for them, (not at some boyfriends house), etc.
This is an expensive investment! And as a means of protecting my investment, yes, I will monitor their lives! Call me a helicopter parent, or a snowplow parent or whatever. Each daughter attends college out of state, so no, I am not there registering for classes for them, (although they do call and ask my opinions); and no, if their dorms are too cold, or their food is not edible, I am not making phone calls. I don’t hold their hands to doctor appointments or to meetings with professors. But, I do care about whom their friends are and who they are dating! They are my investment after all, and their behavior can effect this investment of mine.
I expect them to keep in touch. The biggest mistake a parent can make is simply writing a check and expecting their college student to tow the line. They are still young and still very capable of making mistakes! I monitor their social media pages, their grades, and their social activities. If mistakes are being made, I want to be proactive, not shaking my head after they flunk out of college and end up in rehab or pregnant. There is nothing wrong with helicopter parents! We are pushing our children to be successful and making sure the only mistakes that are being made are minor ones. There is nothing wrong with parents protecting their children! Whether they are 5 or 50, they are still our children!

I'm in the same situation, and I agree with most of what you've said. I don't do things for my daughter, and I don't monitor her FB or social life, but we do regularly talk about academics, and she likes to tell me about sorority doings. I expect to know about her grades and that she's staying on top of everything, and I'm there to support her when she asks for help. I'm not driving the car, but I'm helping her read the map. I'm a professor and sorority adviser myself, so I see what can happen with other people's kids. My current role involves "check in and listen/support when needed." I just can't go with the "sink or swim," stand back and watch what happens philosophy. That's why we have sorority advisers, right? I don't see a big difference. They're maturing into adulthood, and they need guidance during the college years. I think that's part of a positive parenting relationship.

As AGDee said, I think some of the hype is overblown, and the over-the-top anecdotes get the press. My parents expected to see my grades and talk to them about how I was doing, and they liked to know about sorority doings. They paid for my schooling and I accepted that as part of the deal, and I knew they cared about how I was doing. They still do! If the internet was around when I was in college, I bet my mom would have monitored even more. Now she has an i-pad and she's figuring out how to use it...uh oh!