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Originally Posted by Sigmapsimom
Don't assume that we moms are not "doing our jobs." I have been on the phone with my daughter for hours today talking and texting. I encouraged her to go to the parties today, which she did. We've had the life isn't fair discussion - talked about sisterhood. We have discussed pros/cons, scenarios, what ifs - you name it. I've been honest with her and told her it is unlikely she will get in a sorority if she doesn't do this. I can't tell her to rank them. That's entirely her decision. Mine is only to advise.
Don't discount their feelings and make comments they should be grateful. They're 18 year old girls who had certain dreams of sorority life and they are mourning those dreams and that's ok. As someone said earlier, "Cry, eat chocolate, cry some more." It's up to them and only them to decide if they want to try it out or not. By no means, should anyone feel that they have to accept a bid just because it's the only option, even if it doesn't feel right to them. I think those not connected to IU do not understand the house culture of Greek Life. You don't know what it's like to be on a campus with many Greeks and GDI's alike putting down these 2 sororities. You are a second class citizen. It's incredibly unfair and some of it is false, but let's face it the opinions and acceptance of our peers at that age is incredibly important. And one last thing, even if she did rank them there is still no guarantee of a bid. That is the last thing she needs is to be rejected yet again. No idea what to expect from them.
How do you answer this question sent to me today by my daughter as a text?
"Mom, I'm not strange. I'm not mean. I'm involved. I like the same things. I am girly and classy and fun. I take care of myself and I pride myself in looking good. I know I would be a great fit in several of the houses. I just don't know what else I could have done. It's all I saw in my college vision since forever" And let's face it, this is happening to many. many girls, not just mine.
Please don't dismiss what these girls are going through. I think the biggest piece of the puzzle here is they all know the system is set up for many to fail and it seems so arbitrary, but they just don't think it's going to happen to them and when it does it's devastating. They hear stories about how you have to "game the system" but they don't know how to do that.
I already apologized for wrongly using the word "club" but feel free to keep throwing that around.
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Originally Posted by Mom64
The unhoused sororities are viewed as "less than", the PNMs all basically know to rank them last as getting an invite back is easier, Rho Gams have told them as such.
I am tired of hearing of this mutual selection process. It is not! PNMs rank their choices but are basically given what they get. Why should they have to make "lemonade out of lemons", they are better than this.
In my daughter's case she received invites back from #18, #20 and #21. Guess what, she did a pretty good job of ranking them as after revisiting them she felt no connection and decided to opt out of the process. Frankly, I think these houses may "take what they can get" (there are bills to be paid) which is why they end up with a somewhat "hodgepodge" of a membership.
She has friends who thought they were "top tier" and were quite upset to get invites back from houses they thought were less than that, these were houses my daughter would have loved to have been a part of and ranked accordingly. She is sad to hear them complaining of their invites to these houses and some were her top choices. One of my daughter's friends told me that she found one house to be snobby today but it's really her only choice so she'll take it if she can get it.
And for all of those who feel that they can call our posts "entitled" or "snobby" I dare you to spend one minute if not the many hours we have spent consoling our daughters and reassuring them of their self-worth.
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Boy...I have to pipe in... I went to IU and went through the process and was Greek and so I do KNOW what it is. I did it and lived it and it's a lot. It is mutual in the sense that the rankings have to match up. It sucks if they don't but she does get to rank her choices. Sounds like she might be making decisions based on "reputations" and "what people think" and that's her prerogative, but not the sororities' fault. I have a family member going through rush at this very moment and so I'm also aware of the grueling process (gotten all the texts, etc) for which women can choose to take personally and measure their self-worth by it, or understand it's a lot of timing, luck, and chemistry. Women do this for lifelong friendships and sisterhood, not a house, not a "reputation", not a label, not just to wear certain letters. No one wants moms to hurt for their daughters, but I've read unbelievable things in here...one mom saying her daughter won't get a bid bc of religious affiliation (not true), one saying if her daughter didn't feel it went great at a party assume the house didn't either....this is bad advice. Ultimately, women have to follow their heart and if that's the reason they don't pledge a particular place, then so be it. But if the reasons are all this other garbage, these girls really need to be looking inside themselves more.