[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

This is what I took offense to. Sorry I wasn't more clear. Yes, kindness is nice and should be something we aspire to, but sometimes the most kind thing you can do is be honest.

??? How is telling a girl, who has a low GPA, that her options may be limited, or that she was likely dropped by chapters due to her grades, not honest?

How is telling her that she may have been dropped for ANY NUMBER of reasons – but these reasons are SECRET (sshhh!!!) -- somehow more useful? Just letting a girl wonder what was “wrong” with her during a 20-minute party doesn’t seem like much of a life lesson, IMO, especially during a stressful week when her confidence could use a boost.

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

And telling a girl that she is perfect and there is nothing wrong with her and it must have been a mistake is not helpful.

I didn't see any comments that would even remotely fit that characterization.

So, I'm just curious, what is helpful? I know as a mom, explaining the process to dd was actually a little tricky. Endorsing a process which is based on judging people (in both directions), during a 20-minute scramble, went against just about everything I taught regarding judging others and choosing friends. Just sayin’. I settled on an explanation of an imperfect (and often arbitrary) system that has opportunities and rewards on the other side (wherever that may be, and whatever she makes of it).

I do think it is helpful to keep the process in perspective – it is, after all, sorority rush, not a tour in Iraq. Chapters must release girls, and after a few 20 – 30 minute parties, releases are often made on objective criteria. Like grades.

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

And while Giddy is probably saying I DIDN'T SAY THAT, I can tell you there are a lot of Moms out there saying this and rushees fully believing it. And kindness is the reason for these little white lies that keep these girls from understanding they are not 10 foot tall and bullet proof. Nor are they the prettiest girl to ever step foot in Ole Miss. Or the smartest. There is a realistic and supportive way to say that some people are just not going to appreciate your greatness. Much like holding a torch for the boyfriend who dumped you and moved on to another girl, the sorority that cut you is not worth any more of your time. Regardless of the reason, which is none of your business.

Honestly, some of the rush-will-knock-you-down-a-peg-or-two sentiment here seems to sometimes border on schadenfreude.