[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Lots of the guys who complain "she only wants a player, she doesn't want a nice guy" are really NOT that big of a catch. They're passive aggressive, or they want a girl to make all the decisions (i.e. they want a mommy who they can also have sex with). Or they think just because they look great on paper, girls should be falling all over them. Sexual attraction is something you can't make happen.

Being nice does not mean being a doormat, but some guys just don't get that. If a girl is rude or mean to you or keeps jerking you (or other guys, for that matter) around, call her on her shit. She'll respect you a lot more. Part of the reason I'm friends with the guys I'm friends with is they will, always, call me on my crap. If they just sat around saying "oh honey, that's so awful, here let me buy you a drink and a Dairy Queen blizzard and we can talk about it" I wouldn't want to be around them for a minute.

Agreed.

Originally Posted by AGDee

I agree that chemistry/attraction is only one part of the equation, but I also think it is a necessary part of the equation. I believe you need attraction, love and friendship all rolled up into one. Without any of the three, it won't work. The love I refer to is love born of respect, thoughtfulness, commitment (true commitment of the heart, not just saying "we are exclusive") and kindness. The friendship is enjoying doing activities together, communicating well, and sharing common ambitions.

My first marriage was missing love, which led to abusiveness. My second marriage was missing chemistry and love, which led to boredom and resentment. I won't settle for less than all of the above, because it's better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship.

*LiKE*