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Originally Posted by AlphaFrog
I know I'm going to sound all fuddy-duddy bemoaning the downfall of today's society, but I can't help but think that issues like this make divorce more common. Not just the actual financial issues, but the fact that we have trained ourselves to CYA in regards to marriage. We go in with contingency plans and ready to bail if we feel it necessary. We make it easy because then if things don't work out, we can shrug our shoulders and move on. What would happen if people once again treated marriage of less of an experiment and more of a serious commitment? I feel that if you're seriously ready to make that kind of commitment to someone, you should be ready to tie yourselves irrevocably to that person. And this is coming from someone who many people would feel has had plenty of legitimate "excuses" to throw in the towel and not look back.
/soapbox sermon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl
If you're that far apart on money, IMO you shouldn't get married in the first place. It's SO much heavier than people realize. Even if you have separate accounts, if you're saying every other day "it's MY money and I'll do what I want with it" that's not a healthy relationship. Maybe you're not fighting-fighting, but you're still feeling the disapproval of the other person.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek
And this is just random. But people are the accumulation of their life experiences. They come to relationships preprogrammed from all of their love connections. They observe how to love from their parents, who may or may not have been a good illustration of what love looks like. And they've learned about it from how they've been treated in past relationships. Over time, these are things that will eventually be shown if you hang out with the person long enough to see their true colors. Is the relationship/marriage going to be perfect? No it is not. But forming a permanent link is only one step in the life of a relationship. Romance must continue, the desire to solve conflicts must continue, and the constant search of what will please the other person must continue. Never take the other person for granted -the moment you do, you are in danger of being either filed away or deleted and replaced. Bottom line, if it doesn't fit, don't force it. You will never be able to fix the other person. So, consider whether you can live with your potential partner as is. If not, move on. There is no shame in that.
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I agree with all of this.
When Andy and I got engaged, we moved in with each other to save money. We opened up a joint account for joint expenses. When we got married, we joined all of our finances. I kept my own credit cards and a couple of bills in my name, so that I maintained a credit rating in case he dies before me. We have a weekly meeting where we review finances, but unless it is a major expense, we don't ask before we spend money...but I HATE debt and Andy is a saver, so we're a good match. Now I am a stay at home Mom and I don't feel at all that it is his money. Andy has never made a comment to me to make me feel like I am less of a partner in the relationship. We both work hard; it's just his provides outside income. I provide my income in different ways, by shopping sales and cutting coupons.