[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Gretchen W

I started a thread a few months ago about a guy, well...tool bag who I was dating for 7 months during that time. Well, long story short and update, we broke up because he just wasn't moving out of his parents house. He had a great job, was doing great things in school etc. he just didn't want to get his own place. and he was lazy when it came to things that were important to me. I even thought it would be cheaper for us to move in together, but he didn't want to do that. He was like a selfish big kid.

New thread, new problem. After we broke up, I've been dating, but I keep dating the same kind of guys. Yes, I'm attracted to them, but why I keep attracting and being attracted to the same tool bag guys is what I'm struggling with. I've been dating the opposite of what I'm used to dating because I was thinking that maybe they would be different. It's weird because they're different from my previous dates/relationships, but yet, they're still tool bags like the previous guys. I'm just wondering if it's me, and what I need to do differently to meet and hopefully get serious with a really good guy. Is anyone else having this problem (meeting the right guy)? If you had this problem how did you change your situation? This really, really sucks. I'm ready to give up.

Your views on what's attractive, depending on how long you've been single, may change over time. You can be attracted to the wrong person for a number of reasons. A lot of times, when people don't know who they are (not necessarily you), they tend to look for features in other people that they lack themselves or for qualities that they feel will give them validation with others. I think the bottom line is your own neediness can push you to be attracted to someone whom, under normal circumstances, you wouldn't give the time of day. It's just that if you haven't eaten for a while, a cracker can give the appeal of filet mignon, so don't be fooled by men who you think you're attracted to while you are in a needy state.

eta: just make sure that what attracts you is in agreement with your values and is able to fulfill your long-term needs.