Quote:
Originally Posted by stressedattim
Hi all,
I'm seeking some help regarding disaffiliation. I joined the frat in September of last year and went through the pledge process and am now a brother. The problem now is that I've realized Greek life isn't something that's for me. The frat made pledging so easy. All we had were weekly meetings. While easy, it didn't show me much about the frat. I was able to go through pledging without realizing it isn't what I wanted. you see, Greek Life is a pretty big thing at my school. A whole week is dedicated to rush, and frats hold some pretty epic events throughout the week. While I wasn't forced to pledge anywhere, I felt somewhat pressured since everyone else was doing it. I know that these were the wrong reasons to join a frat. My problem with the house is that I am not close to some of the brothers. And it isn't until now that I've realized this is a problem that probably won't be remedied. I want to disaffiliate, yet at the same time I want them to understand where I'm coming from and I want to keep the friendships I've made with the brothers I am close to. I know though, that this is pretty damnear impossible.
Anyone have any advice as to how I should go about doing this, or whether I should be doing this at all?
Thanks!
All advice is welcome and appreciated
(Oh btw. I don't want to post what frat I'm in at the moment. Unless it comes up, I'd rather not have to)
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by stressedattim
I understand that i need to make an effort to become close to the brothers. And I can say that I am at fault for that. I didn't post this before, but not being close to the brothers is not the only reason I am considering disaffiliating. I've thought i long time about this and I've realized that a fraternity is just not something I want to be a part of. I have nothing against fraternities, it's just not for me. As much as I would like to have a group of people that I can confide in, that I can have fun with-- pretty much a brotherhood, I would rather not be in a fraternity. The one thing holding me back is that we recently had someone from my pledge class disaffiliate and is now expressing interest in another frat. I don't want to add insult to injury by disaffilliating myself. But it's gotten to the point where this is affecting my schoolwork and I don't want that to be the case.
(From the beginning, it's been a chore, almost an obligation to have to go over to the house. If I truly wanted to be in the frat, I feel that I would willingly and happily be able to go over without second thoughts. And if this is not the way I feel, I don't want to string the brothers along and have them think that this is something I want, when it really isn't)
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by stressedattim
Ok. Well in reference to your asking why it's not for me, here's the thing. I'm not very well informed on how frat life is elsewhere, but my frat is mostly a social frat. We have small parties almost every weekend but not much else. We aren't philanthrophic nor do we just have brother bonding activities. Most of the time I've been over there it's just drinking. I just feel that I'm not the kind of person that belongs here.
(sorry if I'm sounding defensive. I just wnt to make sure that this is actually what I want and that I'm not making a mistake.)
|
There is no way that anyone here can possibly know if it's the right decision for you. There is also no way to guarantee that the brothers will continue to be your close friends. It seems like every time someone offers an opinion, you give yet another reason why you want to leave.
You need to talk to someone you know and trust. No one on a random message board is going to beg you to stick it out. And lastly, remember that you'll only get back what you're giving.
If you don't think you want to give (anymore), then go ahead and disaffiliate. It's your choice, and your choice alone.