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This is definitely not an easy decision to make, and it's obvious that it's really weighing heavily on you. I went through something similar during my new member period. I didn't feel as close to the chapter as I initially expected I would, and that bothered me. However, I did have 3 girls I got very close to and we spent lots of time together. To me, even one relationship in my chapter would have meant the world. And that special connection I wanted to feel -- I got that at initiation. It really took me up until that point to finally feel the sisterhood and the love.
Remember that your sorority experience isn't just your undergrad years. Your alumnae experience could turn out to be exactly what you had been hoping for from day 1.
If you really want to be in a sorority, and it sounds like you do, take some time and really think about this decision. ellebud's advice about talking to your big is a great option. Good luck!
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