Quote:
Originally Posted by AGDee
I feel sorry for him because he cannot find his inner peace but at the same time, he's not willing to face the painful things he has to face to find it. Because of his childhood experiences, he never learned the basics of a family being a cooperative unit. In his experience, it is "each man for himself". That simply doesn't work in a marriage and is very hard to see while you're dating because it just doesn't come up in the same ways. ...
Our occasional fights are always about money or his selfishness. I work hard to coach both him and the kids so that their relationships with each other remain good.
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So, based on your thoughts, what good things is he getting out of staying emotionally distant?
The other question, is coach the right word in this case? Just asking?
As far as the bolded, I wholeheartedly agree with that statement. And guess what, pre-marital counseling is not going have this fleshed out either. It is our characters, values, etc. that we have internally that seems to make the difference. And if 2 personalities clash, collaborative work is not going to happen. Moreover, according to John Gottman, it is also how couples workout their differences and the willingness to find alternatives...
Chit, my husband and I fight, kick and scream. How we solve our problems took my relaxing my hardcore values... This doesn't say anything about your situation. All I am noting is what I chose to do. IMHO, that is what I was willing to negotiate.