[NotSoRetro]

ASTalumna06
Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Erie, PA
Posts: 473


Quote:
Originally Posted by NotSoRetro
I am not wanting at all to go back to Boston or Los Angeles and am thinking that if I am not invited back to the two I want, I may only go to one pref party tonight instead of two.

I'm confused. Why are you extremely against going back to Los Angeles? I thought you had good parties with them.

I have typed this out twice, and lost it thanks to my lack of computer skills, so here's hoping that this time sticks!

I can't really describe why I did not want to go back to Boston and Los Angeles. I think maybe my feelings were a bit of self-preservation, because I sort of felt that the charade was up at those two skit parties. I wasn't as wealthy, as beautiful, as social, whatever as these girls. If I made myself too good for them, maybe it wouldn't hurt as much if they released me. But, I don't think I ever really expected to be released by anyone. Maybe I did at the beginning of the week, but after coasting through the first two days, I was tremendously overconfident. I thought (mistakenly like many PNMs) that I got to make the decisions -- all of the decisions during recruitment. I didn't realize that although I would have a decision to make everyday, it would only be about those things that I could control.

After my PX read me my shockingly short list, I was stunned, hurt and embarassed all at the same time. I felt exactly the way you do when you fall in public... as much as I was shocked and hurting, I was too embarassed to think about that.

Why was I so embarassed?

I don't think I had necessarily bragged about my invites to my friends at school and at home, but I certainly wasn't humble. I felt like I was such a superstar, and this was a very public affirmation to me that I was no superstar. I couldn't imagine telling my best friend from home (who had a perfect rush at her school) that I went to pref at a house I had previously released.

I also thought going back to the Miami house would be really embarassing and humbling. I knew that if I went to pref there, there was definitely a chance I could get a bid there. What would it be like if my pledge sisters knew I released their house? Would they think I was a snob? Also, why had I been invited back there in the first place? I regretted with interest every other chapter throughout the week, and none of them had invited me back again. Did this mean that they were having a down year? Was my perception of their standing on campus incorrect?

I had so many questions and I knew my Rho Chi wouldn't be much help. She would tell me the normal, maximize your options, all chapters are strong, follow your heart stuff. I wanted to know the answers to these questions, but I didn't really have time. I had to make a decision.

So I decided to accept both invitations, because I knew that would maximize my chances for getting a bid. Although I liked Miami, I didn't really consider that I would accept a bid there, because of the humiliation factor. But, I had loved Atlanta all fall semester, loved the alumnae that I knew, and had a pretty solid rush experience there. I could go to both, pref Atlanta and more likely than not get Atlanta, because my pref card would run through the system more than once. The week wasn't a disaster, just today was.