Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek
o.k. I get it now, but what about for people like me. My standards have always been high, and it wasn't because I didn't wanna be met, it was because I didn't wanna be with just any random guy. I think everyone has their set standards for whatever reason it may be, but I think my reasons are realistic. I also don't like being alone, I mean who does? I would have to stay lonely if I kept going out with guys who couldn't meet my standards.
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This is fine, for whatever that's worth - it's just that many many people who say this (and believe it) really aren't doing it for the right reasons; it's a defense mechanism, and part of the mechanism is buying into it wholeheartedly. So it's a fine edge to walk, but it's certainly possible.
Here's the thing with ridiculously high standards: do you use them as a "threshold" or as a measuring stick?
That is, it's clear most people don't meet the high standards in this thread - do they not meet these standards:
1. Right off the bat - that is, they are disqualified by some quality before you even start
2. After some time, experience or "getting to know you" period (like, after a few dates or interactions)?
The first is a threshold, and is generally a poor strategy - after all, we are all way worse at "reading people" or judging than we think. We overestimate our own abilities.
The second is a measuring stick, and if you're not willing to give people a chance and then measure their "true worth" against your values or expectations, you will likely be lonely for a long time. People will surprise you (for better or worse) if you give them a chance - if you don't, you're likely part of the group that uses high standards to hide low self esteem.
-RC
--I'm seriously the new Dr. Phil, except not fat and not a tautological douche