Quote:
Originally Posted by RoxyGrrrl
For me however, I have been living with someone for 12 years now. Most people don't know we're not officially married as we own two homes, wear rings, and refer to each other as husband and wife. At one point I contemplated leaving him (not because of not being married) and no, it wouldn't have been as simple as packing a bag and physically leaving.
Why aren't we married by now? I don't know, it doesn't seem necessary. It wouldn't make us any more committed than we already are. I never saw myself as the kind that would flout convention, but here I am. When we started living together we weren't sure if our paths were going to come together because we were both trying to establish our careers. We realized we had to make a few sacrifices if we were going to make it work. So we did and we're still together.
I'm almost through with school and I'll finally be Dr. Roxygrrrl and I am contemplating hyphenating my name because he's been there every step of the way and cheered me on even when I was ready to quit. The reason I say all this is because if I had been single all these years I probably would've become Dr. Roxygrrl sooner, so it's not like living together for us is some carefree existence where you still live like you're single. We are truly partnered. As I said earlier, to make it work this long we had to make a few sacrifices along the way or we wouldn't still be together.
We still don't rule marriage out, but really, at this point it would just be a piece of paper. We also think about having a commitment ceremony because we've made it this far and it would be nice to celebrate that with our family and friends. I just have to feel some overwhelming urge that I must be married before I'd do it. I just don't know what it can do for us at this point that we don't already have. We're happy.
I do however, think my situation is pretty anamolous, at least relatively speaking, so I don't pretend it's the answer. If getting married is something you know you want, you shouldn't settle for anything less.
Sorry this was so long.
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And as far as I and many other people are concerned, your relationship is a "failure" and one of the reasons why cohabitation is a bad idea.
Sure, it works for you and thousands of other people. But the average cohabitating couple that's lasted for 12 or more years, which is too damn long for ME to be in ANY type of relationship without being married, comes out of it with more than a "Dr." title and thinking about hyphenating the name
IF they get married.
A great percentage of cohabitating people who have been together even 2 years come out of it having an out of wedlock child, hoping they will get married one day, and wishing they had some paperwork to show for all the "playing house" they did when it's all said and done.