[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by AChiOhSnap

I think that most MIL problems mostly occur when the MIL/DILs can't or won't be flexible with "the way things are done." People get really passionate about their traditions, familial expectations, and boundaries. So when Mary MIL suggests that maybe Danielle DIL should quit her job to stay home with the kids, Danielle is like "Hell no, this is my life and my family, butt out" and Mary is totally offended, saying "How could you go against our family tradition like that? That's not what's best for my son and grandkids." Of course, this pisses off Danielle even more and the whole debate becomes a point of extended familial contention. And thus an ugly MIL/DIL relationship begins to snowball.

I agree. Alot of it has to do with a lack of tact in expressing opinions. Like in your example, MIL thinks DIL should stay at home with the kids. Instead of asking "Have you thought about maybe staying at home for a few months?", she might be a little condescending with her opinon and say something like "I would never have dreamed of leaving Susie & Bobbie to go to work. How can you stand it?" So we're automatically on the defensive with that person just because of the way they presented their opinion.