Open Letter VI
 

oh, i love the number the 6!! :D

anyway...

to q.: you are out.of.line. i don't know if you are just stupid or disrespectful. in any case, you are stupid for disrespecting me. you gone learn. and you gone get yo' feelings hurt in the process because that's some bullisht that i don't tolerate. i know this, go ahead and clear out yo' schedule, grab some tissue and answer the phone because you WILL be hearing from me.

to m.s.: :rolleyes: can you, FOR ONCE, take something serious? but hey, if you can't, i won't so don't trip when i break out and leave you stuck out. now what??

to mom & dad: congrats on 31 years of marriage. i really love yall. yall have really held me down and had my back. i'm soooo lucky

to lil' brother: i'm really proud of you. see, i told you that you were not as stupid as your grades say you are. i'm really proud, happy and impressed at the way you've been able to turn things around. i guess it took a lil fire to be lit under yo' azz for you to do what you KNEW needed to be done. keep it up and you'll get what we both want for you. :)

to songwriters: when are yall going to learn that subtlety is sexier. i mean, this are actual lyrics to a song by omarion:
O...that’s gonna be the sound
Girl when it’s goin’ down
Your body sayin’ O...
Don’t have to say my name
Girl I’m just glad you came
So you can say O...
In the morning O...
In the night
You sayin’ O...
Means I was in it right O...
You can’t be mad at me
I’m just aiming to please
Let me hear you scream O...

Girl come over and
Let’s get this thing crackin’
You’ll be so proud so when
You see what O’s I’m packin’
Cause I’m young but I’m ready
Trynna get hot and heavy
Tell you what if you let me
yeah, yeah
Girl I’m gone take you
Somewhere that never been
Show you some things that
Make you wanna show your friends
Have you so weak that you
Can’t even say a thing
But that’s okay all you gotta say

[Chorus]
O...that’s gonna be the sound
Girl when it’s goin’ down
Your body sayin’ O...
Don’t have to say my name
Girl I’m just glad you came
So you can say O...
In the morning O...
In the night
You sayin’ O...
Means I was in it right O...
You can’t be mad at me
I’m just aiming to please
Let me hear you scream O...

O is for that overtime I’m puttin’ in
We’ll go for hours take a break
And go at in again
Girl I work my way from A
All the way to Z
But trust me baby girl
O is where you wanna be
Couldn’t believe me when I tell you
I’m not trynna tell you what to do
Cause when it’s said and done
The choice ain’t mine it’s really up to you
Just say yes don’t fix your mouth
To tell me no drop the bottom
Jaw for me and just say O...

[Chorus]
O...that’s gonna be the sound
Girl when it’s goin’ down
Your body sayin’ O...
Don’t have to say my name
Girl I’m just glad you came
So you can say O...
In the morning O...
In the night
You sayin’ O...
Means I was in it right O...
You can’t be mad at me
I’m just aiming to please
Let me hear you scream O...

Let me hear you say
O, when I’m hittin’ it
Let me hear you say
O, when I’m gettin’ it
Ohh...
Let me hear you say
O, when you come see O
Let me hear you say
O, when you come from the back to the front
Now somebody say my name
Let me hear you say
O, when the sun goin’ down
Let me hear you say
O, when you can’t make another sound
Now scream
Baby girl let me hear me scream Oh...
Baby girl let me hear me scream Oh...

now aint nothing sexy about those lyrics regardless of who sings them!

Re: Open Letter VI
 

ewwww, yuck.

Re: Open Letter VI
 

I just wanna say congratulations to Mama and Daddy Queen of Crunk on 31 years. ....but I kind of knew ole boy would be in check ever since MeezDiscreet told us how her mama beat down the neighborhood with a hairbrush and half-a-coat-hanger?!?! :cool:

Re: Re: Open Letter VI
 

DITTO. Dude, you ain't got it ALL like that.:rolleyes:

Re: Re: Open Letter VI
 

Re: Re: Re: Open Letter VI
 

Congrats to Mama and Daddy Crunk on 31 years of love and happiness. :D I guess your mama whipped it on him. :p

Re: Re: Re: Re: Open Letter VI
 

December 7, 2004

Mr. Santa Claus
Pres./CEO - Secular Christmas Inc.
North Pole, Arctic Circle

Dear Santa,

I know, I know. It's been a few years since I've dropped you a line. I couldn't find an E-Mail address, so I guess I'll have to just post my letter on the web.

Hopefully though, my sincerity will permeate through this letter, yet not be overpowered by my cynicism. If possible, try to disregard minutia like my being 35 and theoretically not covered anymore under your toy/gift distribution plan. As a matter of fact, I wasn't ever really sure exactly when coverage stopped. I believe it was some time after the OPEC crisis and before the year my parents stopped claiming me as a dependent on their tax return. Have your people call my people and we'll do lunch to straighten that one out. In any event, I would appreciate it if you would push me to the front of the line on these requests. Bobby, Lucy, and little Kip can wait this time...this is rather important.

I've talked about these issues numerous times with Jesus, had some Islamic friends kick it back and forth with Allah. I passed along the word to some of my Jewish counterparts and even petitioned a Jehovah's Witness after I reluctantly bought one of those magazines, waking me up last Saturday morning.

My true inspiration though came from a little Nubian Princess... er... uh... "African-American girl" if you're not current in my vernacular. I asked her, "What would you do to make the world
right for all African-Americans?" She said, "I don't know." I responded, "Well then, who would know? Whom would you ask?" In her unmitigated innocence and inimitable charm she shot back with, "Santa Claus, 'cause he makes everyone happy!."

Hmm...

Now don't get me wrong, 'Mr. Happy-Maker', but I had my reservations about approaching you with my dilemma. First of all, I'm not sold on the "he makes everyone happy" viewpoint. I'm not quite ready to co-sign. I seem to remember too many Christmases as a child with clothes as presents when I asked for the latest Tyco slot car track. I also remember a bunch of Christmases as an adult when I got toys as presents when I needed some clothes. Lastly, you've been conspicuously absent from 'our' neighborhoods when the children needed you most. Contrary to popular misconception, Black on Black crime is the dominant scenario, not Black on Claus.

Just FYI...

There has never been a reported incident of a Sled-Jacking...ever.
Maybe someone got vicked, uh, got "victimized" in ancient Norse
history; but nothing all that recent. You know, maybe the warrior
Eric the Red was cruising the strip, "chillin'" or hanging out with
the homies...er uh friends that is; trying to catch some honeys, I
mean ladies... conquering the frozen tundra, et. al. circa 1000 A.D., and got caught "slippin'". I'm sorry Santa, "was found to be unaware" at a stoplight on the wrong side of La Brea in Iceland. And subsequently, he got "jacked"...as in hi-jacked Santa.

I know it's hard, but try to stay with me. My point is that sled
insurance should be pretty low. You've had no excuse forsaking the children. Excuses are tools of the incompetent.

Anyhow, my list is short and pretty straight-forward. If you could
help out it would be greatly appreciated.

Greatly, greatly appreciated.

1. End Black on Black Crime - Maybe increasing the scope of your toy distribution in the local 'hoods...er uh 'neighborhoods' may
stimulate more creative interaction between my African-American
children. And yes, that does mean working East of Figueroa and just South of Slauson when you come to L.A. I strongly encourage more Africentric toys and Black History stories/books. It would promote a stronger tie between our children to our glorious history. The contributions of African-Americans to America and the rest of this world are far more than cotton, peanuts and one man who had a dream. The whole world needs to know; but who will tell our story if we ourselves are ignorant of it? Ignorance and hatred are inextricably linked; thus ignorance of self can only have one end result.

Ya' feel me? I mean...wouldn't you agree?

2. End the Anti-Affirmative Action Movement - Granted, a high
percentage of your constituents are crumb snatchers (read: children) of the ultra-conservative sympathizers of this movement. But believe it or not, much of the country will follow your lead. It would be nice to see some Black elves in management capacities. In fact, it would be nice to just see some Black elves, period.

Too much of society has misconstrued Affirmative-Action as filling
quotas or reverse racism.

I offer this analogy...

Imagine a road race between the different races of the world. One group is given a 400+ year head start to accumulate as much economic, political and social power as humanly possible. Then, as the other race joins in to catch the leader; a plea is made for 'equality' across the board. You do understand that Executive Order 11246 does apply to your business, regardless of your non-profit status?! I'm not talking about tokenism either ... I'm talking Eracism. (Erasing Racism) Also, dropping a few copies of Eldridge Cleaver's 'Soul On Ice,' or my favorite, Race Matters by Dr. Cornel West under George Bush's and Jesse Helms' grandchildren's tree couldn't hurt either. If hatred is taught and bred from ignorance, who says we can't plant a new seed here and there? Especially since those old weeds just won't go away on their own, it's worth a try.

3. End Racism - Logical segue from my last request. A lot of Black
folk are still perturbed at your treatment of Rudolph back in the day (read: many years ago). You and your staff ridiculed him because his nose was a different color.

But!

When you're in "it" up to your gelatin-like gut...and I don't mean
snow; there you are using Rudolph to pull your sleigh and save your job. Did Rudolph get a promotion? No! Still pulling your sleigh while you still get the glory. Rudolph got one carol, (or plantation spiritual, whichever your preference) and little else.

4. Expand Black History Month to Year-round observance. If one man in a red suit gets a month+ (Thanksgiving to New Year's) just because he selectively drops off toys in middle America and up, then it shouldn't be too much to ask for a race of people to get a continuous observance. We already have year-round schools, let's make this happen too. Let's put the "Merry" and "Happy" back into the holidays for all of us. Remember what I said in #1 about ignorance and hatred.

On a side note, Jesus Christ is not all too happy either with you for deflecting the holiday focus away from him...the true meaning of Christmas. His letter is forthcoming.

Now see, I told you my list was short and to the point. It could be
much longer but there will be many more Christmases, ergo many more Christmas lists to come. Besides, I want to allow you to start off slow...making sure there is room for a complete and thorough job. Next year we'll deal with, including yet not limited
to Black male/female relationships, the African-American economic
infrastructure, racially biased educational testing, role models, etc.

I understand how you can be a little apprehensive given the tone in which I've approached you. But keep in mind that you exist or will continue to exist only through the love of the children, including the little African Kings and Queens you have been remiss with as of late.

At least one little girl still thinks you're "da' shiznit" (read: a
really swell person). I ask that you help bring back some of the
innocence for our children so they can truly be children. Or, better equip them for becoming productive adults in this society. Our children still look up to you, so you still have a responsibility.

By the way, did I mention that I could use a new suit or two? Since I have your attention, I might as well put in for me personally too. Besides, you never gave me my Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots I asked for back in '74. I'm sure you remember.

If you can't get the suit(s), how about a date (or two) with
actresses Victoria Dillard and/or Joy Bryant? Can you do requests
like that? That would be pimpalicious of you if you could.

Thank you for your time. Say hello to the Mrs. for me. Tell her
to "drop it like it's hot" for you sometime. Trust me, you'll owe me
one if/when she does. Wait...nevermind, don't say that. Just tell her I said hello.

Respectfully,

Morris W. O'Kelly

(Kay and Morris' son from Harbor City, CA)


Morris W. O'Kelly is a freelance entertainment writer who
writes content for entertainment personality websites and national media. You can always reach him at: dark.gable@sbcglobal.net. He welcomes all comments.

To MeezDiscreet:

What's a link sandwich?

To You: THAT SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME in 2002. The bama azz cop pulled me over claiming I was doing 45. He was a lie I was barely doing 30. The street I was on was too short to go that fast. All because of my 1913 front plate -- illegal in Ohio. He told me to have a nice day. I was on my way to get my nails done. I went and got them done but it just was not the same. :( :mad:

To the BUNK AZZ BAMA blocking the gate to my apt. complex today: DON'T PULL UP TO THE FFFFing gate if you are not ready to go through. :mad: Then you want to wave at me for me to go around you. You made me curse during my duet with Lionel Richie's Jesus is Love. :o BAMA!!!!!:mad:

TO : AH
Imma need for you to stop using my computer when I am not at work. Stay at your own desk...have management fix it and install UPS Online on YOUR computer. I was really irritated when I came back from lunch only to find your narrow azz warming up MY chair, using MY computer; then you tell to WAIT, when I want to sit in MY chair, so you can finish what you were doing.....No I don't want my UPS updated so I can have a profile in UPS....know why....because I should be the only one using it!

To the ABC Powers that be: Thanks to all of your dang blasted commercials tonight, I fell asleep on I want a dog for Christmas Charlie Brown. :( I know I saw it last year, but I wanted to see it again. I was just powerful wore out. Thanks, however, for showing Charlie Brown's Christmas again this Thursday.


To Popeyes Chicken in Cleveland: Next Thursday when I land in Cleveland, please be good!!

To my mom: Hey!! Make sure there is at least HALF of a 2 piece with biscuit when I hop in SNOOPY next Thursday otherwise I might be taking your present back.

To Teresa McClain Watson: Thanks for your book, Surviving Mr. Right, especially the scene that had me CTFU tonight on the treadmill. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH @ the weanie. :p

To my bed: I truly love you. We'll be back together again REAL SOON!! :D :p

To little btb87:

Wow! Has it been 10 years already? It's true what they say - enjoy them while they're little because they grow up so fast.

You came into this world some 8 days before you were "scheduled" - you were due on Christmas day - but it didn't work out that way. I loved holding you, feeding you, remember that first smile, watching you pull yourself up with a little help from the table, watching you crawl around. Of course, I thought you were the most gorgeous baby ever born (still do!).

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...nths-again.jpg

I remember the first time you saw daddy's "tail" and asked me if his underwear were "Pull-ups" like yours! Your curiosity about his truck ("Mommie, is daddy's truck a boy truck?") and just about life in general. Your hugs, your smiles, your "I love you mommy" just makes my life worthwhile. Those memories of making up silly songs with your name, playing games, learning the alphabet, and baking cookies are wonderful memories. It's funny how sometimes it's hard to remember what life was like prior to your entry into the world.

Now you're a big girl, an old lady of 10!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...ashionShow.jpg

You have that ability to make me laugh at any time. You have a wonderful sense of humor (just like your mom). And it won't be long before you're saying "Mom, I'm going to the mall with my friends!" or going out on your 1st date (no time soon, thankfully!) or leaving for college. But no matter what, you'll always be your mommie's "big girl".

I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes, amazed at the person you've become, even in your young age, and thankful to God of how much of a blessing you are. Your mommie loves you dearly, and that will never, ever stop.

Happy birthday, big girl!