deactivate?
 

Lately I've been unhappy with my chapter and thinking about deactivating. However being a part of the national organization is really important to me and I want to stay a part of it. Is there any way I can get alumni status?

I don't really want to participate in our campus activities (mixing with freshman/soph boys isnt fun, im sick of the binge drinking scene, I'm only close with like 10 girls out of the 100 in our chapter) and for the few events I go to, its really not worth the $1000/year I'm paying. So I haven't had any fights/problems with my chapter and I don't want to leave on bad terms... is it possible to ask for alumni status?

It absolutely depends on what organization you're a member of (but don't go posting it on the open board). I would try to stick it out, though.

You could stick around and change things. If you're tired of the drinking and frat scene, maybe you could help pledge girls who share you're way of thinking. It might be good for your whole chapter to get some new blood. Maybe you could take and officer position.

Some organizations can grant early/emergency alum status, but your situation would probably not fall into that category. If you're a freshman, sophomore, or even junior, you're probably going to have to quit or stick it out. I would stick it out...you really have the possibility to change things for your chapter.

AGD is right on, it all depends on your GLO. Each group is different when it comes to alum and deactive status. My advice would me to review your sorority and chapter policies regarding this issue.

I had a friend in college who was a member of a different GLO. She deactivated and gave up her pin during her senior year because of similar reasons. She is now an alum and is regretting that decision.

I would agree that you should stick with it. You can only change things from the inside, not the outside.

do you know where I would find this information? Is it something I should contact nationals about, or our chapter exec board? There is nothing about it in our chapter bylaws, just a short paragraph on deactivating with nothing mentioning "emergency alum status" or anything like that.

I would feel bad about deactivating completely, maybe not next year but after i graduate. I don't want to give up my pin! At the same time the "greek scene" doesn't interest me very much anymore, esp since most of my closest friends aren't greek (except the few girls in my chapter I am very close to).. and its soooo expensive.

this is such a hard choice :(

I would speak with an officer first, like your VP of Chapter Relatoins or VP of Standards. Then if they are not helpful, contact an advisor. Using the chain of command is the first key to communication success. Also, what about getting involved more with philanthropic events and things like that?

I hate to say it, but I hardly consider "not being interested in the greek scene anymore" a valid reason to go on emergency alum status.

Joining a GLO, whether it's NPC, IFC, NPHC, local, whatever shouldn't be treated like a club that you can choose to come and go as you please because something doesn't interest you now, but you might like being an alum later.

If you don't want to spend the money, and you don't feel it's "worth it" just deactivate and open up the slot for your chapter to find someone who really is.

I find it hard to believe that in a chapter of 100+ women you can't find anyone there who is interested in things that you are that have nothing to do with the "binge drinking scene".

And for $1000+ per semester, I would assume, or at least HOPE that your chapter has more than a couple activities per year. Or was that you only chose to attend a couple of events per year? If it's that your chapter only holds a couple events per year, you might want to have a talk with your exec board to see where all the chapter's dues go to.

Most sororities have a section on deactivating in their national bylaws if it is not in the chapter ones. I do agree with the other posters, please make sure you follow the chain of command.

If you have any specific questions for me just send me a PM.

I mean, no there are events every week.. usually mixers with a fraternity. And I loved them freshman and sophomore year, but I've gotten bored with them. And we also have sisterhood events every week or every other week but I don't usually have time for them. I usually go to chapter every Sunday. We have a crush party coming up next weekend and I will probably go to that!

As for the girls, I have one best friend in it.. we roomed together when we lived in the House and we are getting an apartment together next year. I also have a group of 5 girls in it who I am pretty good friends with, we travel and meet up outside of school and stuff. Other girls in it I am friendly with on a surface level. There are some I don't like, but no major conflicts. Our new pledge class (from January) is fine but I haven't gotten to know them yet and I really don't care about getting to know them.

Another thing is, my 5 close friends in it aren't SUPER active, well 2 are active but abroad, 1 is decently active and 2 are not very active. So I hate going to events and not having my close group there which makes me not want to go to anything, so now I feel like I might as well not pay for going to nothing.

And getting more involved... idk if I want to meet NEW people.. I already have a large-enough social network, mainly outside of the Greek system, so that's another reason I don't want to go to events at times, leaving my friends to go to events where there are people I don't know as well?

And i dont really have soo much money to throw around u kno? I have loans and stuff so its a lot of money I could save.

At the same time, the rituals and meanings and idea of sisterhood is important to me and I like our ceremonies and having a pin and wearing letters.

I guess typing this out was just for me to get my thoughts out.

A few Questions -

if you don't want to meet new people, why did you join a sorority in the first place?

If you don't want to go to events because the few sisters you are close with don't go, why not encourage them to go to more events?

Getting to know people is a 2-way street no matter who you're talking about - and that is the same for your sorority sisters. You can't just join and then magically you will be best friends with everyone.

Lots of people have student loans. I know I did when I was in college, but it all worked out.

It sounds to me you just like wearing your letter sweatshirts and having a pin in your jewlery box.

Being in a sorority is more than just an "idea" of sisterhood. You get out of it what you put into it. It's as simple as that.

If you don't want to put anything into it, there's the door.

I doubt you'd be able to get early alum status. Early alum status is generally reserved for members who (including, but not limited to):
transfer
leave the school for any reason, even if just a semester
get married
are working on their bachelor's degree for longer than 8 semesters

Your sorority might have different policies regarding different membership status, so check with your chapter president or someone on the chapter's advisory board, but I'd be REALLY surprised if there is an NPC that allows a member to go early alum (i.e. not pay dues, not have the obligations for more than one semester yet still remain a sister) just because she "is bored" or "doesn't feel close with sisters" or "doesn't want to meet people".

I'd give suggestions to an active who "feels bored" and "not close with sisters" but you sound like you don't even want to TRY to make it work. I honestly think that if you wanted and tried to get closer to sisters in the chapter, you could, and you'd really enjoy yourself.

There have been members in my chapter who became less active as time went on and decided to quit. Usually, they felt distant from most of the chapter because they hadn't been active in much, and therefore didn't feel it was "worth it". However, I can guarantee you that if those members had decided "Hey, I am going to start being active in the chapter" that the chapter would have been very happy to have them "back" so to speak.

You basically want the benefits without the responsibilities, and that's not what membership in a sorority is all about. You need to reexamine what it is that makes you want to stay and evaluate if that is important enough to pay the dues, attend the events, etc.

Very well put.

I appreciate you being honest with me about this. I suppose I just have a lot to think about.

I did join to meet more people...When I pledged, I met so many new people and loved it, and when the first new pledge class after me came, I got to know them very very well and am close to people there.

I love my friends in and out of the sorority. For the sisters I'm close to I don't think I need the sorority events to maintain our friendships.

I guess there's no way to be close to 100 girls, but I think this is what I hoped for, even though it is unrealistic. So when I see a girl I don't know well wearing my letters I just feel like the whole thing isn't important. Our chapter also almost doubled in size in the last 3 years, which is part of the problem (for me).

I guess the overall problem is that I don't feel very close to the chapter as a whole and don't really have the time(or energy) to invest in it to have a big position or to become good friends with everyone. And this makes me feel like I'm not putting enough in or getting enough out of it, so I might as well not be in it.

thanks for your thoughts.

what suggestions would you give to someone who feels bored/not v.close to sisters?

You have to want to be more active in your chapter and feel close to your sisters. Go to events. Invite your non-Greek friends to events where guests are appropriate, like crush parties, philanthropy events, Greek Week events, etc. to show them that you don't have to "choose" between them and your sisters. Talk to 2-3 sisters you don't know well each week. Hang out with them, not necessarily at sorority events, just like lunch, ice cream, movies, shopping, stuff that friends do. Friendship is a 2 way street, but usually when someone extends a hand, the other party will respond well.

ETA: Do you have a little, btw? You mentioned that your chapter has nearly doubled in size since you joined, so do you feel like the character has changed? If you do have a little, do you connect with her? She might be your "bridge" to the younger members.

ETA again: I think that another good way to get re-involved would be to hang out with some of the new members. If there's any drama or hard feelings about you being MIA with the older members, the younger members won't know that, and will likely be receptive to your attention.

Are you required to attend mixers? Or is there a point system for ativities? The good thing about social events is that they're rarely required. On the other hand, the less time you spend with the chapter, the less you're going to like them. And every chapter is different, but in mine, if you can show up for a party you can show up for chapter. Work before play and all of that.

You aren't going to be friends with everyone in your chapter. That's a lot of girls, and you can't possibly click with ALL of them. In fact, you're VERY lucky that you have no major conflicts at all. Just looking at it from a common sense standpoint, usually a group of over 100 girls is going to have a few issues. My best friends aren't even in my sorority. But I still love my sisters. Just because you aren't best friends with most of the girls in your chapter doesn't mean you aren't going to get sisterhood. I feel like a sister and know I can depend on my sisters and that they can call me if they need me without being BFF-4EVER and all of that with them.
Another thing is, my 5 close friends in it aren't SUPER active, well 2 are active but abroad, 1 is decently active and 2 are not very active. So I hate going to events and not having my close group there which makes me not want to go to anything, so now I feel like I might as well not pay for going to nothing. The older you get the harder it is to get close to the incoming pledge classes, but that's ok too.

It sounds like you just don't try very hard. Making friends requires effort. If you put more in you'd get more out.

It sounds like you've already made up your mind and want people to reassure you. Most people here aren't going to encourage you to quit. I think it's a bad idea, myself. A little more effort could make a huge difference, and if you're a junior or senior, what's the point in quitting now? I'm not as "into" my chapter as I was as a freshman and sophomore, but I'd never be able to quit, personally. Sisterhood is sisterhood, and I've put too much into the chapter to want to leave it. It's a small thing to pay dues and go to chapter meetings.

Maybe put the same effort you put into your other friends into this new pledge class. You'll be amazed at how more included you'll feel. The freshmen always want older sisters to like them, and they'll really appreciate the attention you'll give them.

Our chapter went from 13 to 50 in 2 years. A lot of the older sisters had a real problem adjusting to it.

If 100 member chapters are the norm at your school, then be happy - you guys are finally on keel w/ everyone else. Are you going to know every single sister inside out like you used to? No. That doesn't mean that the "new" people aren't as good as the "old" people. Try getting to know them, you might be surprised.

As far as mixers are concerned - why aren't there any upperclassmen there? If fraternities are consistently letting their juniors and seniors blow off mixers, I would say that's very disrespectful and ask them why it's occurring.

"I mean, no there are events every week.. usually mixers with a fraternity. And I loved them freshman and sophomore year, but I've gotten bored with them. And we also have sisterhood events every week or every other week but I don't usually have time for them. I usually go to chapter every Sunday. We have a crush party coming up next weekend and I will probably go to that! "


OK, here is your problem in a nut shell. You go to parties and meetings. No wonder all you feel like it is about is parties. And let's face it, most meetings are not exactly the funnest of events.

I highly encourage you to go to other events. In fact, you'll probably enjoy the parties more if you do. Sisterhood is not about what just happens at parties. It is much, much more-but you can't find that out if you are not attending events. Unless you are in class, study on Friday and Saturday and attend the sisterhood events if you have to choose. The old saying "You get out of it what you put into it" is REALLY true.

Forgive me as this will probably come across as harsh, but frankly I'm a little tired of hearing similar complaints. You are bored and too busy to do the same old things. You've got enough friends now and don't need any more. You want to quit and are wondering if there's anyway to do so without losing your alum status.

My question is what have you done to make things more fun and worthwhile? Ask not what your sisters can do for you, but what can you do for your sisters? You made a lifelong commitment when you joined your sorority. Now is the time to ask yourself a hard question. Are you the sort of person who lives up to her commitments or walks away if it isn't easy or fun all the time without making any effort to change things? Whatever you decide make sure you can live with it for the rest of your life.

To answer your question, like others have said it depends on your GLO's policy as well as any additional policies your chapter may have. For my chapter we only grant inactivity for unforeseen financial difficulties or medical reasons.

Stop being a letter girl. If you're in a sorority because you like the way greek letters look on a sweatshirt, then do your chapter a favor and deactivate.

What helped me feel more connected to my chapter was getting involved. I decided to attend all events, took a position, and forced myself to do things because I thought it might help me. And it really did. While I never had the same connection to the other sisters that they seemed to have for each other, I still became much closer to the other sisters. I also developed a wonderful connection to my organization as a whole. I really feel like it was worth sticking through it. I love being an alum and am very active now and have made a ton of close friendships with sisters not from my chapter.

I didn't say you needed those events to maintain your friendships. What I said was to encourage them to go to more events since you cited them not going as a reason that you didn't go to more events IN THIS POST

Other people have come on here and tried to be supportive saying "get to meet the new member class" or "get involved" but you've said you don't care to meet anyone else...and you don't "have time" for anything.

So quit.

Seriously.

Members who only want the letter sweatshirts and the pin in their jewelry box are deadweight on chapters if they aren't going to contribute anything.

I beleive you said it all.

One only gets out of what they put into any group whether now or after graduation.

One may be board or does not get along with certain members but there is the real world out there that will be the same way.

For the original poster, You and only You can make the decission.

Be a bigger part of something or not. Graduation is a major part of life, would you like to have Sisters from all over that you could talk with or a friend or two or none?

It sounds like you may be lonely, and forgive me for saying this, maybe a bit depressed. If your best friends are abroad, have money angst, etc that is enough to be a bit depressed I'd say.

As a old broad here is my perspective. It sounds like you are an upperclassman. I say stick it out. If nothing else for the time you may want to fall back on it. You never know if you move, change cities, etc you have an automatic link to women who have something in common with you.

As for the money, in the scheme of things, it's not *that* money, especially if you're graduating soon.

Yes, becoming more involved too is great.

But I'll tell you, when I was a senior, I was burnt out. I didn't know any of the pledges, etc. I wasn't a letter wearer only, I was just done. Kinda like living at the beach for the summer. I loved it until the day before I left and then I wanted to get the heck home!

If you aren't an involved alumnae that's ok too. But you don't have that option if you quit.

Don't let your angst/mood/friends being away make you end/sever/permentantely end something that perhaps would do you some good in the future.

You will be out of college way more years than you are in so who knows having your sorority to fall back on may be a great thing.

Don't quit is my two cents.

It sounds like you have already made up your mind, and are looking for validation that it's the right decision. I am not trying to be harsh.

I am not sure of your org's rules, but if they say that you cannot take early alumnae status, then perhaps you should leave. From what I can see, you are not showing any allegiance to your sisterhood, nor any friendship to the individual sisters outside your little circle.

Let me tell you that if you do deactivate, you will likely not be traveling in the same daily/weekly paths that your sisters will. It will be very difficult to keep the intensity of your friendships with a group of sisters, once you are out of the loop.

I am going to disagree with many here and not encourage you to stay, if what you enjoy most are the external ornaments of membership. Open up the space for a girl who really wants the whole shebang.

It's no fun - for you or anyone else - having someone play if they aren't a willing participant. Time to make a grown up decision, and be able to live with it.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

Thank you everyone for your responses (even the harsh ones :)..I need to hear it ). All the comments have given me something to think about. Not sure what I will do yet but I think I will try in the next few weeks to be more active and reach out to sisters im not as close to, and see if that changes my perspective. Feeling this way is a relatively new thing since the end of last semester.. for the last 1.5 years I lived and breathed and loved my sorority and some of the replies made me feel bad about leaving it. I'm not just a letterwearer, or at least I didnt used to be. I'll just need to figure out for myself if being active in my sor is right for me right now.

Thanks all <3.

I also think this is a difficult time of year while in college. You've been going full force since September. The end of the semester is near but it seems so far away yet. And all those papers and tests between now and the end of the year! It can be overwhelming. I'm not sure what part of the country you're in, but if you're anywhere north, the rough weather is affecting people's moods too. You might as well stick it out this semester and see how you feel in the fall after you've been rejuvenated. It almost sounds like senioritis, early.

It's also a difficult transition when you don't live in the house and you don't feel connected to the sisters who live in the house. When you make the choice to affiliate with a sorority, you really are making a lifetime commitment to your sisterhood. I agree with the post that suggested you get more involved with the philanthropic endeavours of your chapter and international organization. Becoming disinterested in the "party" atmosphere happens a lot of juniors and seniors and you need to shift your focus in the sorority to other activities to keep building on the foundation you started in your first couple of semesters as an active.

Part of what you are experiencing is a natural pulling away and changing--after all, if you are maturing, you should have different priorities and interests as a 21 year old, than you did as an 18 year old.

As a junior and especially as a senior, my interests were not primarily fraternity mixers, pomping homecoming floats and rush skits--although I had truly loved all of those activities. By second semester of Jr. year, I was more focused on my major, campus activities and grad school applications. I began to spend more time with professors and students in my major, and a bit less time with my sorority sisters. My best friends from the chapter were married, student teaching, or had already graduated, and I didn't know many of the newer members well.

However, my last two years of sorority life were two of my most rewarding, and I would have missed a big chunk of what it meant to be in a sorority if I had ended it there.

Just as I looked up to the older girls in the house as a pledge and new initiate, I was shocked to realize that some of the new members were looking up to me. I began to spend time with a handful of them, serving as an informal "big sis" (you can never have too many!). They would drag me to a party when they thought I was becoming too serious, and I nagged them about making grades. Their excitement about initiation, fraternity guys, and "greek stuff" was contagious and fun. I ended up rooming with three of them when they moved into the house their sophomore year and my senior year, because it was more fun to be with them than on the quieter Senior Wing.

After college, I was not involved as an alum until about 30 years later, but now serve as a chapter advisor. I would NEVER have predicted that, but you never know what life is going to bring you.

If you are truly not interested, then turn in your pin.

But if you are feeling lonely and like a "stranger in a strange land" because your friends are gone and you are growing in different ways, then know that it is a natural feeling that you can help heal by adopting some new members and letting new people into your life, even if you think you already have enough friends. The new members need older members to support them, and you need them to remind you of why you joined in the first place.

Good luck with the rest of the semester!

I just wanted to say how much I agree with this post. I graduated from college a few years ago and have many friends who are married and or have kids. I kind of get tired of hearing them talk about things I have no idea how to relate to. i love my friends, but get sooooo tired of talking about these things. This is, in part, why I volunteer with the teens at the Library. it is really great to have a group of 16-19 year old (close to adults than kids) that I can go and hang out with and goof off and not talk about margaged and having problems with kids and kids teachers, ect. It reminds me of how much fun the little things in life are and at the same time i really enjoy talking to them about college and school ect.

Also, I would have to agree that it might sound like the OP is a little depressed. This can easily happen and maybe it might help to do something new. I can get depressed eaily if I am constantly doing the same routine day after day.

Good luck

I am guessing that you'll have to pay for full dues for the semester regardless of whether you withdraw tomorrow or withdraw and the end of the semester. I don't know when your chapter's "deadline" for withdrawl is, but financially, it's all the same. If you don't even want to try (which sounds possible), that's one thing, but since you'll have to pay this semester's dues anyway, if you feel up to trying, put more effort to get involved and close to sisters. If you still feel this way at the end of the semester, then you should probably withdraw.

I may be a little late to this thread, but I just read it all. I happen to think that "aabby757" said it best. Her response was very mature and seemingly true to heart.

As you age, many of these friends may no longer be in your life. (both your sorority sisters and your non-Greek friends) Life takes many turns and people go on various paths and at different paces. Trust me when I tell you so much will happen to you in your 20's and 30's. As you hit your 40's, you will see things so differently.

You can take as much as you want or as little as you want from your sorority now and later. That is your choice. The good thing is if you remain, the option is always there for you. If you depledge, it is gone forever! Think about it.

The money is not that large of an amount. It may seem like it now, but it really isn't. It is a small price to pay.

Think about trying to initiate a new program/idea in your sorority if you stay. Something that can help you or others with the feelings you have now. Maybe you can be a liaison to others who may be having the same issues that you are. You can create a group that meets to talk etc. Why not? This is "life" and not everything is perfect, including being a sorority sister. It is perfectly normal to have the feelings you are having and I am sure some other people have them or have had them. It is actually silly to be afraid to talk about it or admit it. This is life.

You could also consider creating an event that allows a sister to be paired with a non-member of her choice. Maybe it could be a competition type event at the house or a cookie party or even a study hall each week with a dessert after. It doesn't really matter what it is. Give something a chance and put out some effort. At least in your heart you will know you did something positive for yourself and others.

One hundred women are alot of women to get to know and enjoy being around.
It is perfectly fine if you don't know them all. Take the extra time to say hello and ask someone you don't know how they are doing. Just try and make someone smile. It may make you feel good inside as well. You are almost finished at your university. It goes so fast and so does your time in your sorority. Think hard and if you follow your heart you will make the best decision.

Good Luck.

I'm sure that if you dig far enough you will find out the particulars of how to deactivate, get alum status, whatever you choose to do. But i would suggest trying to stick it out or doing something to improve the way you feel about the situation at hand.