advice needed
 

my daughter rushed (great girl by the way but shy) and was released on bid day, she attended 3 pref parties... now do i have this right? 3 pref parties but when she listed them she left one off (suicide?)... so the program boots her off the lists that she was probably on and placed all that maximized girls first. so she was not "rejected" by her top(only) 2 she actually booted herself?! i think i understand and so does she. let us know if we finally understand the program!!! thanks

Has she looked into COB? I don't know which groups might open rush, but perhaps Gamma Phi Beta, Alpha Xi Delta, and/or Delta Gamma.

I doubt she could have been "released" on Bid Day but she could have been a "mismatch." That just means the groups she listed filled up before they got to her name. It doesn't mean she was rejected. Unfortunately, that happens sometimes with so many people going thru. There are some groups at Auburn that are doing COB (didn't take quota or are not at total). Would she be interested in one of them?

I can't imagine how difficult it is to be a mom, with a daughter who has to be feeling rejected and unwanted. There are so many different things to enjoy about college; I would just encourage her to find her niche. Encourage her to get involved in her dorm and in campus life. Greek life isn't for everyone. That being said, I'm not sure about Auburn, but there may be a chance for COB or snap bidding if she's interested.

Give her lots of love and encouragement, and she'll find where she's supposed to fit. It may include Greek life, but it may not. There are many, many opportunities to get involved and to meet a lot of friends. It doesn't mean that the girls she met in the various houses aren't new friends, as well. It doesn't mean they didn't like her a lot. It just didn't work out this time.

Hugs going out to you both!

One of my best friends in college experienced something similar. When the option of looking into COB was brought up, she really felt like she wouldn't want to be in a group if they didn't want her to begin with. It was difficult for her at first, but she eventually moved on. She then became very involved with other campus organizations (Student Government, choir, newspaper, etc.). While I know she would have made a fantastic addition to any sorority on campus, she never looked back with disappointment.

I'm sorry about your daughter. But there are other opportunities, and she would do well to look into them. Who knows, she might be the next SGA President.

Did she attend preference round? If so, then she was on a bid list, somewhere. Who knows why she didn't get matched, but she should not take it personally. It's hard, I know, but maybe the less competitive atmosphere of COB would be better for her. If she really decides that Greek life is not for her, then she should immediately get involved in an organization or cause on campus to which she can dedicate her time and energy.

I don't have knowledge of what chapter totals are, but DG pledged 63 girls at Auburn with a quota of 58.

I only mentioned DG because they are a fairly new chapter and open rushed in recent years. They may be over total now.

it sounds trite to say, but sometimes pnms really do fall thru the cracks. sorority members can forget a girls name, or get the name wrong-the sorority may have a huge amount of legacies going thru...so many things can happen. it doesn't necessarily mean that no sorority wanted her. sometimes some of the chapters the pnms decline invitations from would have loved to have them as members.

if she would like to be greek, i urge her to contact the panhellenic office and get her name on the cob list. even if there are no sororities participating in cob activities this fall, some spots may open up spring semester.

I am an Auburn sorority Alum
 

They did rush a little different this year, allowing girls to be asked back to sororities they had already "cut" if they were "cut" by ones they listed. By doing that, it is my understanding that most filled quota, and some traditionally smaller ones, were able to accept more girls than the larger ones. I would agree that maybe you could call panhellenic and see if Alpha Xi Delta, Delta Gamma or Gamma Phi Beta is doing COB. I know Kappa this year was allowed to pledge 70 girls, while Alpha Gam was only "allowed" to pledge 55. I know about 2 years ago they did, and some great girls were able to join. they did wait about 2 weeks to see if anyone "depledged" and spots opened up. My heart hurts for your daughter, and for you. My advice is to help your daughter determine if she would like to pursue COB, and then help her find her way. she will need your help in contacting panhellenic, cause it can be overwhelming for a freshman who is feeling left out. Good Luck!

And as far as I know, we pledge at least quota every year.

Tell your daughter that rush, like life, is not always fair. We'd love to have a better system that allows sororities and PNMs to better understand each other before making these kinds of decisions, but no one has come up with a better solution. Yes...wonderful, accomplished, beautiful, brilliant women are passed over every single year, not because they have anything wrong with them but because the system is imperfect and set up to fail frequently. Some fault lies with the sororities who often pick out their new member class prior to rush even starting, but some lies with the PNMs who also frequently refuse to consider any group other than their preconceived top choices. The problem is, no one on either side really knows how sincere the other is, so assumptions are made. At big recruitments like Alabama and Auburn, women are cut without the chapter even knowing if they did or did not like the PNM because they have to cut a large number of women every night. It can't be personal if that's the case. If she really wants to be a part of greek life, she needs to lift her head up, realize she has a lot to offer and try her best to show the groups what she can do. If there are no opportunities to COB, then turning her energies toward other extracurricular activities can be just as rewarding. That being said, I know it hurts. When I was a Rho Chi, I think it hurt me almost as bad as it hurt my released PNMs. I know very few women that don't deserve sorority membership.

I post this a lot, but I will do so again.

I was president of a chapter that participated in a very large formal rush. Sometimes, we just plain made mistakes. With PNM's in the four digits, we occasionally mixed girls up or made data entry typos. It can happen.

thank you for this information i will relay it to my daughter, she did mention a form for panhellenic but she wants to mail it rather than take it by. any suggestions are appreciated, her roomate is in kappa and is a highschool friend but the roomate had a rec letter for kappa and my daughter didnt have rec letters at all.

From what I've read on our International Website's message board, Gamma Phi at Auburn is "way above" house total after this fall's rush. So, I doubt that they'd be doing COB.

Sorry, just have to ask.....
 

....and you mentioned Gamma Phi because?:confused::confused::confused:

I was wondering the same thing. From what I've read, our Auburn chapter seems pretty strong...I recall they got quota + last year as well as this year, don't know the numbers for the years prior.

GPhiB pledged a great girl from my hometown in COB two years ago under similar circumstances.....they got a top rushee that year who had otherwise fallen through the cracks during rush.

I **think** that a few years ago, our Auburn chapter was struggling. Somewhere I saw the numbers, and it looks like they may have been the "small" chapter. (Not that there is necessarily anything WRONG with smaller chapters-- sometimes I think they are a real bonus.) Anyway, I don't think it was meant as offensive, although that was my first reaction too.

Correct me if I'm wrong on this! I now think our Auburn chapter is thriving. :D I personally think it's because we are colonizing like CRAZY and we're building a stronger presence in the south. :)

Just reiterating what FSU Zeta and DeltaBetaBay said. It's so difficult to adequately assess a PNM is the brief moment which they are in your chapter house. For example, if a PNM enters my chapter house during the first round, she only meets 2-3 of my sisters. She bases her opinion on the house on these 3 actives, while our entire chapter bases our opinion of the PNM on the opinion of the 3 actives. It's the most efficient system, but not necessarily the best. Both sides must use the best judgment and discretion in making decisions. That said, your daughter could find a wonderful home through COB- perhaps in a chapter she might otherwise not have considered once she meets more actives in that house.

Best of luck to her, whichever path she chooses to take.

In all honesty, we had women with identical names at least twice when I was in school, and more afterwards. We would invite both women back to parties, even though we only liked the one. Finally, we arbitrarily selected one of each "set" and put a . at the end of her name on our database. As it was, we had so many Heathers and Amys, it was almost impossible to keep them straight!

So, yes, the best of the best can slip through the cracks!

Too bad she didn't go through Alabama rush. If a Alabama PNM goes through and attends every round and maximizes her options she is guaranteed a bid. I am really surprised Auburn does not do this for their PNMs

This is a very good point.

I must also clarify what I said previously by saying that, just because a PNM doesn't receive a bid, that doesn't mean that no one wanted her to begin with. That's just how my friend saw it. And, since she obviously never had a Greek experience, she was never aware of just how many chapters probably DID want her. To echo what others have said before, mistakes can happen, PNMs can be mistaken for one another, all kinds of things can (and unfortunately do) go wrong.

I hope your daughter finds what she's looking for. If that's Greek life, then there are probably still options available. If it's not, then there are definitely other options available.

Sorry for the double post, but I just saw this.

Did Auburn's Panhellenic indicate that recs aren't necessary? This is one of my biggest pet peeves. If your school has a competitive recruitment (like Auburn does), it does PNMs a huge disservice to tell them that recs aren't necessary when, in actuality, they are.

Anyone here know what PNMs were told regarding recs?

Yes, but it might be a bid to a sorority she'd rather cut her face off than join.

When you have a group or two that's way under total, it's easy to "guarantee bids."

A few years ago when my D went thru, the website and literature said "Recs are not necessary, if a sorority requires a rec, it is their job to secure one for you if they want your student as a member" (or something to that effect.) What a bunch of baloney. Since we were from out of state we didn't know any better and actually believed them!!

I know that right now your daughter probably doesn't even want to entertain the thought of going through the whole process again but when I went through rush at Auburn, I had three friends from my high school that were either cut out of rush on pref day or bid day. They all three went through rush again the next year and all ended up pledging their first choice (which ended up not being their first choice from their freshmen year).

No maximizing your options guarantees a bid to one of the three she went to pref night.

but doesn't "maximizing your options" entail having to go back to all the invites she gets throughout the week? I mean, if she hates ABC but they keep asking her back, even though she tries to cut them, if she doesn't have enough other groups above them that ask her back, she has to keep going there. So even though she's at their pref, she might not want to be a member.

Sorry Bamarox....they can promise all they want, but they can't guarantee. My daughter did this and was still dropped.

on the website it said recs were not necessary, if the sorority needed them they would get them for the rushee I am now thinking this was a huge mistake on our part not knowing how important this was if there was such limited space with 1200 girls rushing

If she went back to the maximum number of parties at every round and attended 3 parties on pref she should have been placed

Not if her order for them differed from theirs.

Bamarox, are you saying that Bama will use quota additions to place all girls who maximized options on her bid card?

Is this on their website? I was looking for it earlier, and I don't think I saw it.

Do they do it for girls who only get invited to one or two prefs too?

Auburn Mom 2007,

My daughter rushed at Auburn this fall also, so I know how tough the process can be. Auburn's literature does read "recs are not necessary; we'll find them if we need them for your daughter" but at Auburn if your daughter is average (and I mean no disrespect by this as the average Auburn rushee has a 3.8 GPA, 10 different high school activities and is beautiful), it is hard to rush without them.

I am sorry your daughter was dropped from rush. My heart goes out to you and to her. I know how tough that can be, especially when you enter Rush not realizing how tough it can be.

However, and I realize that this may not be a consolation for you or your daughter, if your daughter entered Auburn Rush with no recs and made it as far as having a full party invite list on pref day (3 parties on Pref day), she (and you) should be proud! Making it all the way through to 3 parties on pref with no recs is something to be proud of in the extremely competitive world of Auburn Rush!

Whatever your daughter decides to do (and like the others, I wish her all the best), I guess the message I am trying to pass along is the same as the other women, "it wasn't her, it is the system"...

Good luck and WAR EAGLE!

At Auburn, PNM's are told to have at least one recommendation from each sorority, and the addresses of where to mail them are posted on the website.

that unfortunatly is not how Auburn does it. The PNM's rank their preferences 1,2,3 and they must match up with the lists that the sororities have. Some sororities invite triple quota to pref day(ie three lists) and some invite double to pref day(ie 2 lists) if a sorority matches every rushee on their first list, and that PNM was on everyones second list, she gets "cut" out of rush.

You are exactly right, Gamma Phi Beta at Auburn has had strong rushes in the recent years! They were able to snap up some girls who were "cut" and they were great girls, who have really helped the chapter thrive. It only takes one pledge class to turn around a chapter, either up or down!

I am so glad to hear that, ladies! We too, have re-colonized at Auburn after a try in the 70's that did not go as well as National hoped, and now we have a great group of girls. I think that Auburn has grown, and more girls from all around the country are finding out that it's a nice place to go to school - and that the opportunities there are growing as well!