North vs South
 

this is a slight spinoff from the girl beer etiquette but that thread brought this to mind...my co-worker turned close friend is from Syracuse, I'm from NC...(we are the same age different races) and her "manners" in general are horrible IMO...from belching/farting out loud in public, to allowing her children (3 girls) to answer an adult with a "what", and allowing them to think announcing their farts is funny...she will drink beer from a bottle/can and is just crass all the way around...she claims its regional and feels that I'm way too hard on my daughter, but I feel I'm raising a young "lady" and although I love her kids she's raising ummm not young "ladies"...she claims life up north is different and she and her husband both say I'm too damn proper..

my question..for those of you who are transplanted either from the north to the south or vice versa do find a difference in "manners" or is my friend the exception from most northern women???

I grew up in Mississippi and right now I'm in Kansas. There is a DEFINITE difference in hospitality and manners! Now granted, I went to what is basically known as "etiquette school" so while I don't expect 100% good manners from everyone, I do expect people to exercise some basic decorum in public and in front of others. That's just simply being nice and polite - two traits you don't have to learn in etiquette school if you're raised right.

An dont get me started on kids answering their parents with "what". Growing up if i answered my parents or any old person for that matter with "what", I would gotten snatched up real quick. But I think that's just a parenting thing and not just a southern thing.....least I hope not.

What's wrong with answering "what?" I never heard of this.

Maybe she was just drinking from a bottle because her chalice was dirty. :rolleyes:

There's no regional difference. Rude people with no home training are everywhere.

It is extremely rude IMO. "Yes?", sounds much better. My mother nipped that one in the bud really early with my sister and I.

Same here. If my mother calls me or something am I supposed to respond with "oh yes, mother dearest?"

We didn't get the option of saying "what" or "yes". It was "yes ma'am' or "yes sir". LOL

In general, the polite way to answer is "Yes" or something to that effect. "What" is perceived as rude/defensive to many people.

I grew up in the south and moved up to the midwest when I was an adolescent. I also went to college down south my first couple years and transferred back to the midwest. I think in general, there is a difference in politeness with strangers between the north and south. When we moved to Ohio, my family was surprised when we went to grocery stores and the clerks didn't greet us and such.

Midwesterners can be very friendly/polite people, but more so with people we know, in my experience.

It's rude. A child should respond "yes?" and if they don't hear what an adult says, say something like "excuse me?"

My mother never let us say "nevermind" to an adult either because it's dismissive. Children should always have respect and deference for adults.

To this day I speak to my elders in a respectful manner.

I'm in STL, I hear people belch in public all the time - all ages and both genders. I used to be really grossed out by it, but I hear it so often, it doesn't bother me anymore. Fortunately, people are more discreet about farting in public, but when it happens, I crack up at them. I don't get offended though.

Judging from internet posts, and not just from GC, I think the difference/importance of manners is definately a location thing. Some of the stuff I read is unheard of and I wasn't raised by wolves, nor many of the people I interact with. Chewing gum in public rude? Eating spaghetti with a fork tacky? Drinking beer from the bottle/can tacky? WTF?

Sure, if your mom is Joan Crawford.:rolleyes:

NO...WIRE...HANGERS!!!!!!!!

LOL!

hahaha!

No that would be Mommie Dearest.

Literally? Not just parents or other family members? That idea has always made me uncomfortable. I know as many fucked up old people as young people. I believe that everyone should earn respect, regardless of age. You shouldn't be rude either, but going out your way to be polite and respectful just because someone is older than you doesn't make a lot of sense. According to this kind of thinking, we all should be extra polite to Tom Earp.

It sounds like the OP's co-worker is just kind of vulgar and is raising kids to be the same way where the OP knows that she wants children who are well mannered and well behaved.

I'm afraid some people are tedious and enforce rules more about corrections and "proper" behavior as a way of looking down on people.

In spite of the church lady-type manners police, for most people good manners are a way of making sure you treat other people well and are about offering direction for situations in which being unsure could lead to bad feelings or uncertainty about how to act.

In the OP's case, her children will have the comfort and confidence of knowing how to interact with people and will know not to offend other people. The OP's co-worker's kids will unfortunately learn that they aren't so lucky. A good segment of society doesn't want to be around people belching and farting and announcing their belches and farts. I don't think it's limited to the South.

What is considered rude coming from a child to an adult..I said(was required to say) "yes ma'am/sir"..coming up...at the very least "yes"...."what" would get you popped in the mouth...its a respect thing, respect your elders...maybe its regional maybe its cultural...but I can't stand it when I hear a child speak that way to an adult...my daughter is always like :eek: around them because she can't believe how they act...she tells them I would be in BIG trouble for that...

ETA: I asked the original question from a regional standpoint because my friends says that "everyone" or all her friends in Syracuse acts the same way...she calls me prissy and I believe I'm far from that..

Not bow down to people, just default to being respectful. There's no reason that kids shouldn't also be respectful to their friends. Respect doesn't equal worship.


What does one gain waiting to see if someone is worthy of being addressed most politely?

Yes.

Children are not equipped to distinguish "real adult" from "fake adult." Unless an adult is being abusive, children should always show respect even if the adult appears to be an idiot. Some children are taught to be respectful as long as the adult is catering to them because the world obviously revolves around them. However, children should not be allowed to be disrespectful because they are not getting their way.

We know.

Somebody who thinks there is something wrong from drinking beer out of the bottle is a priss.

I live in Brooklyn. I was raised to be polite but as a child, I answered "what" to adults. It does not seem like such a big deal to me. Also, if you take the train every morning at 8AM, you tend to see people forgetting their manners. I've seen everything on the train, from people burping to letting out body fluids. (Not too fun!) Aside from train horror stories, we are not all without manners.

I've been to New York several times.......and I can't think of one trip when I was not floored at how rude and dickheadish those people are. Its almost comical.

We're tough, it may be mistaken as rude.

If I answered "excuse me" to someone I didn't hear, that would be considered being sarcastic or being a bitch.

If I answered "yes ma'am/sir" to my parents, that would be considered as being sarcastic or bitchy.

I"ve found that if you call someone ma'am, sir, miss, etc they take it as someone being condescending towards them. There were these two girls in a restaurant the other day and they were calling the cooks (Mongolian BBQ) sweety and honey. It made me cringe until I realized they had southern accents.

I like being able to be myself around people and not having to worry if I used the wrong fork or if I should have called someone ma'am or miss or Ms.

Yes, I've experienced the same reaction from calling people "sir" or "maam." They get offended because it implies that they are old. Also, I've had many occassions where I would let an elderly woman ahead of me on the bathroom line or offer her my seat and she would get offended from this.

New York does not equal the entire North.

My personal pet theory about this it that in big cities we come to treat other people as invisible because we'd be driven a little crazy by having to interact with everyone.

So I tend to think rural and suburban people are more casually affectionate and careful about being polite, and urban people have to be a little tougher and guarded.

New York is a great city, but you have to accept that what's normal for New York is unlikely to be normal anywhere else. That can be both good and bad.

Weirdly, I think Ms. Manners ruled that "what" is the correct response when you need something repeated because you didn't hear it. "Excuse me" didn't apply, if I remember correctly. I'd probably say, "will you repeat that; I didn't hear you." But as you can tell, I use a lot of words.

I wish I had room in the siggy for this little gem - LOVE IT!! :)


guilty :o

I can't help it - when I call someone "honey" it isn't meant to be the least bit condescending. Of course I live in the south where everyone practically is a "honey" "sweety" or "darlin" -- to me, when I have gotten good service at a restaurant, or good customer service at a store, I always say "thank you, honey" to the employee. To me, I'm saying "I really appreciate you taking care of me in your store/restaurant/whatever" -- and if people think I'm being rude, then they are reading too much into it.

Now there *ARE* people (and gee, you can find them right here on GC probably post stalking as we speak) who say "dear" and "honey" and "baby" in a very condescending tone. I am not one of those people :)

As to the issue of "what" to a parent - my son (4yo) has been taught when I call him to say "what mommy?" - of course it isn't rude when he says it. I taught him this when he was younger & liked to hide without telling mommy he was hiding. After I realized that he didn't know mommy was scared when he "disappeared" I taught him that whenever mommy calls him (or daddy, grandparents, etc.) to say "what mommy/daddy/whatever". Now if he's in trouble and I ask him a question, he knows that yes/no ma'am better come out of his mouth :D

Just because there are rude people everywhere doesn't mean there isn't a regional difference.

Though I'm a born and bred Southerner, my midwestern mom didn't have me call people ma'am and sir. She did teach me to be respectful, though without the extra verbiage. And important things like "do not walk and eat at the same time, it's rude."

Now that I'll be raising a child in New England, I find I'm already adding "Miss" to my friends' names. As in "Say hello to Miss Laurie!" Not that he can say much more than "Ah DAH!" and "Deesh" right now. I hope this won't make his friends think he's weird.

Several years ago when we were visiting my family, my dear Yankee husband said "I wish we could move South when we have kids. Everyone, even children, are so much more polite, and that's kinda nice."

Just Amazing isn't it about manners?;)

It makes no difference where people are from if they are civil to others!

"Hi I maybe visiting, but you people are Idiots!"

Interesting fact to be true!:eek:

Well, that explains your pretentious bullshit...

Thats seems like a bit of a . . . uhm . . . strong reaction to her post.

Well, James... Seeing as how you don't live in TN and have never met the snotty prisses that Harpeth Hall tends to turn out, I understand how you'd think this was a strong reaction.

Just wondering how you know that He does not live where you think He lives?

Are You physic?

Nothhng supprises Me anymore for from those in the know.:)