Sponsoring a PNAM from the internet
 

We have previously debated about supplying PNM we only know via the internet with recommendations for recruitment. Well, what about PNAM?

If I remember correctly, the general consensus was that most women were uncomfortable providing a rec for a PNM they didn't know in real life, or at least didn't talk/email a few times. Do you feel the same way about PNAM? Does the fact that they have graduated make them more mature and therefore, easier to support without knowing the woman?

Thoughts?

I am not sure how anyone, in good conscious, could provide a recommendation or sponsorship for someone they have not met in person. I view a recommendation as giving my word that this person is suitable for whatever purpose the rec is for, and I would not want to jeopardize my reputation (or my organization's for that matter) for someone I only know online.

It's like people who say that want to get married to someone they met online before they actually have met them--how often does that REALLY work??

Oh TRUST me....just because someone has graduated, or is married with/without children for that matter does NOT mean they are mature or more mature than a traditional undergraduate student.....

I would never even consider providing sponsorship or any type of recommendation for someone pursuing AI if I have not met and gotten to know her, IN PERSON. Ever. I think that is completely inappropriate.

I've written recs for PNMs I don't know personally (usually things like, "her resume seems impressive and I know her cousin, a lovely woman, well") but those are for women who are vouched for by people I know in real life.

I would not recommend anyone for undergraduate recruitment nor would I sponsor/recommend/introduce someone for AI unless I knew them personally or were introduced to them by a close friend or family member.

If my cousin were to call me up and say "Hey, my best friend is going through recruitment at State U, she's an amazing girl, can you write her a rec?" then of course I'd call, email and IM the PNM to get to know her. Would I write a rec if some random internet person were to email or PM me out of the blue? Not a chance.

Same goes for AI -- actually more so. I guess I feel that by introducting a PNAM to your group, you are saying "I personally vouch for the character, integrity and ability of this woman to successfully integrate into this sorority." That's a huge responsibility for you to shoulder, and you look irresponsible if the PNAM turns out to be a bad fit. If I personally knew someone who exemplified the ideals of my sorority and would be willing to place my reputation on the line because this woman would contribute so much to AXO, then that would be the only situation in which I would recommend someone for AI.

Exactly....there needs to be some "in real life" vouching, somewhere down the line, and preferably closer to you, rather than further down the line.

See more of my thoughts in:
"As an alumna, how WELL should you know a PNM in order to write a RecForm/Sponsorship? "
http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ad.php?t=18519

Co-sign!

Hmmm...
 

I met one of my sponsors originally from Greekchat. We went out for lunch, just the two of us and took it from there. From there I met a slightly larger group of alums and then a lot of the rest of the chapter. Was this the ideal way to meet my sponsor? Likely not but it worked for us. I wasn't aware of it at the time but my initial contact was our alumnae chapter president at the time. However, I didn't contact anyone other than Gamma Phi and had already done a lot of research before making contact. I also didn't broadcast my AI journey until about a week before initiation although my sponsor had mentioned me.

No. If she was local to me, I would consider meeting with her in person and then decide how to proceed.

No, I feel that AI is an honor and should be used selectively. So, there's NO way I would sponsor someone from the interweb.

Just as I would never write a rec for someone whom I've never met and REALLY gotten to know (in person) I would never sponser someone I've never met and REALLY gotten to know (in person).

I may just be picky, but I don't think email counts as "talking to" a person. Yea, it's a form of communication, but just like in job interviews, anyone can look good on paper and interview well. It's the actual getting-to-know the real person that is what counts.

In my company, we had a couple of people who looked fantastic on paper and had great interviews. They got the job, and ended up being crappy employees.

The work enviornment is different because typically you don't have the luxury of waiting very long to fill the position, so you cant meet up with them on several occasions to learn who they really are.

Fortunately for recruitment/sponsership purposes, you do have the ability to do that.

I wouldn't mind putting someone in touch with a local contact, but it's up to those people from there to determine if it could work.

Ditto.

Double ditto.

I'd even say, Hey, I really like her, she's really interested in ____ etc. IF I was contacting the alum chapter myself. Of course I could also say, I know she's interested, but I kind of question ________.

So, works either way.

well, if someone contacted me regarding phi mu and they were in my area, i would consider meeting them (pending on things that have happened here). if they were not here, and i didn't know them well, i would be happy to put them in touch with the person at our hq who is responsible for the program. i would be happy to answer questions, but i really don't think i would just say, "hey, you seem great skippy123 so let me start filling out paperwork to sponsor you."

Snaps to that...

Alpha Chi Emily said:
"I personally vouch for the character, integrity and ability of this woman to successfully integrate into this sorority."

And that is exactly why it meant so much to me to be sponsored by my good friend.:)

Yes, but I never officially sponsored you......... :)

Technically, I only helped you get the ball rolling.

If the person is local, I will meet with her (example already given) and then go from there. If I don't know her, I will put her in touch with the AC in her area and make an opinion if I have one but I usually just pass on what the woman has said to me and make a point of saying that I do not personally know the woman.

I could possibly consider that, but the trouble is, once you meet them, if you don't "dig them", they could be difficult to shake. And if you know that the answer is going to be "no" by your chapter sisters, you might have a hard time getting rid of "hanger-on'ers". Some people just don't know how to take the "hint" when they are being told "NO".

SIGH.......

That's an excellent point, CutiePie.

Say you meet this woman who originally contacted you online. You realize that it probably wouldn't work out for whatever reason (which you keep to yourself - as we all know, Membership Selection is ritual). This is just you, a regular alumna, with no immediate national contacts.

Now, is it up to YOU to tell this PNAM that it's not going to work?

Or do you just not answer their calls/PMs/IMs/emails?

In an ideal world, I think the best thing to do would be to tell these women "I'm sorry but it's not going to work out, but I do wish you the best of luck" -- and she would accept this information and move on.

In practice though, some people just don't hear the word "No" and would keep persisting. And honestly, some of us aren't really all that assertive when telling someone no (I know I'm not). If you aren't explicitly clear with your rejection, they're going to hang onto hope based on some sort of ambiguous thing you've said.

I think the nice thing to do is clearly and unambiguously tell a PNAM no, and then if she keeps persisting, you're free to refrain from engaging in further correspondence.

I think you do the mature thing and tell them that the group has decided not to pursue her as an AI candidate. It's better to be honest and frank than to dread answering your cell phone and checking your email, or hiding behind displays at the grocery store! Send the person an email if you don't want to do it face to face or by phone, a la:

Dear Patty PNAM,

We enjoyed meeting you the other night at the ABC Alumnae Social. While you seem to have many impressive qualities and achievements, I regret to inform you that we have decided not to pursue AI with you at this time. Our membership selection is, of course, a private matter, and while I cannot disclose the details of selection, I do want to impart that I think you are a lovely person with much to offer your community. I wish you the best of luck in your AI search.

Respectfully,
Angie Alumna

This is a tactful way to formally say, "Don't let the door hit you in the rear on the way out."

This post should be framed!

It's much kinder to tell a PNAM that she isn't right for the group than to not say anything. Silence can mean, "We're waiting on more paperwork." or "We're waiting on a vote from national." or "We don't do AI very often, so we're inquiring on how to proceed." If the decision is no, then your letter is a perfect and tactful way to handle the situation.

The truth does hurt- although you put it in a nice way.

But it does not hurt anywhere near as much as passive aggression.

So letting a person know is the right thing to do- as long as it is done kindly.

I'd omit that last sentence, but otherwise seems like the most gracious way to do it.

I'm not a PNAM nor am I in a sorority but if I was, I'd try to get in contact with the local chapter if I can before I start contacting people online. I think face to face contact is better than online contact. That's just my small opinion.

I think this is very different. I see no problem with this at all. :) I do, however, dislike the idea of somebody sponsoring a woman they have never met in person.