Dating someone with a mental illness
 

Have any of you ever dated someone with a mental illness, such as being bi-polar? What was/is your experience like? Any advice?

This is probably going to sound completely insensitive, but since you asked...

When I was in college, I dated a guy who was bi-polar. It was an extremely difficult relationship (if you could call it a relationship). We went out for only a couple of months before I realized that I simply would not be able to cope with his situation. He was on meds (some kind of lithium-type drug I believe) and, while they helped, he still had mood swings that I just couldn't handle.

I imagine there are varying degrees of this illness, and some might be more affected than others. I have no idea where he would've been on that "affected range"... it really didn't matter much. I learned that I simply am not cut out to be with someone who has to take drugs to be normal.

If you're considering dating someone who is bi-polar, you'll need to be prepared to be on the receiving end of whatever mood swings he goes through. Some days will be great; some days will be unbearable. It all just depends on how well you can handle the roller coaster.

My brother married a woman who was bipolar. When she was up she was great! But when she was down, she wouldn't take her meds and one day he came home from the base at 6 and she was still asleep and their toddlers had gotten into the freezer and were desperately trying to get some food. It went downhill after that and she returned to Korea.

Now my brother-in-law is engaged to a bipolar woman. I hope it works out better for him but apparently, some sufferers never get a hold on their disease.

Well that's the thing. We were together for almost 2 months. I was with him and then found out that he had lied about everything in our relationship, except for the fact that he liked me alot. The last week before he got diagnosed was unbearable. He was snap at me, go off on me, and just started treating me not so great. Then one night he drank and took some generic xanax and..... well he got diagnosed finally and is on his meds. Seems to be doing well. Obviously we decided that things weren't gona work out but I'm wondering if it's even worth it to still be friends with him.

I dated a bipolar girl for a few months. Eventually, she hooked up with one of my friends, no big deal, I just sort of stopped calling. I run into her at some restaurant where she's hostessing a few months later. Apparently between the time we dated, and then, she had attempted suicide four times, been diagnosed bipolar/manic depresseive, but she was better now and wanted me to call her sometime.

I didn't call.

Whoa!

It depends on if they're receiving treatment, whether it's medication or therapy.

Honestly, with so many people who are being treated for unipolar depression/bipolar disorder/anxiety disorders/schizophrenia, it might be more and more difficult to find someone who doesn't have one of these disorders or a history of them.

He's receiving treatment now, but it's only been a week or so. It's hard because I care about him so much and still want to be there as a friend, but I don't know if I should be worried about my personal safety with him or not.

It doesn't matter per se whether they are getting treatment are not.

What matters is how they act towards you and whether you like that treatment.

If someone treats you badly they treat you badly, does it suddenly make it ok if they happen to have some medical diagnosis?

Its their responsibility to control themseves, not yours to put up with them.

So in regards to how they behave towards you, judge their actions the same way you would judge anyone else.

You've never been close to someone who needed psychiatric treatment but wasn't getting it, have you?

My best friend from college was bipolar. When she was actually going to see her shrink and taking her meds, which was 75% of the time, she was AWESOME. Fun to be around and exciting, creative, but on an even keel. She was very loyal, trustworthy, and a solid person to be around.

That other 25% of the time, when she was cancelling her appointments and not taking her meds, it was hell. She would disappear for days on drunken or drug binges, and would come back disheveled and unbathed. She would spend thousands of dollars and have nothing to show for it in the end. She was still a very loyal person, but when she wasn't taking care of herself, she became very needy.

Unfortunately, I have to use the past tense because she killed herself two years ago next month. She stopped taking her meds and it just went downhill.

So, when you say it's not an issue of treatment v. not being treated, you are sadly mistaken. Every single person I've known who has had a close friend/significant other with a mental disorder that requires medicine says that being treated makes all the difference.

But, you tend to be wrong about most interpersonal relationships, so why should I expect anything more?

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Phil, I understand to some extent what you're going through. I think the best thing for both of you is to spend time apart while he starts his treatment. The first few months of psychiatric treatment tend to be very difficult on the patient. Maybe in two or three months, you can really attempt to be real friends.

I thought my post was clearer when I wrote it.

If someone is on medication and they treat you badly, they treat you badly.

If they go on and off treatment and they treat you ok when on it and they treat you badly when off it, then you have to make a judgement whether that is for you.

If they are being treated and behave wonderfully towards you this whole thread would be moot.

However, its not your responsibility to try to therapy them or make excuses for them when they are off treatment, its just your responsibility to assess how ok you are with the situation. If they are mean to you one day out of the year its no big deal, if its three days a week . . .

This applies more to a significant other situation because you are a lot more vulnerable emotionally to him/her. So if he/she is wildly unpredictable and hurtful you are in for a rough time.

I don't think anyone here likes emotional pain enough to court it.

And your last comment was unnecessasrily attacking to counter a point of view you simply disagree with.

[QUOTE=Munchkin03]

So, when you say it's not an issue of treatment v. not being treated, you are sadly mistaken. Every single person I've known who has had a close friend/significant other with a mental disorder that requires medicine says that being treated makes all the difference.

But, you tend to be wrong about most interpersonal relationships, so why should I expect anything more?

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[QUOTE]

Just an FYI but I'm pretty sure there's an old thread on this exact topic (cuz I know I've answered this question before).

I dated a bi-polar guy who refused to stay on any medication and I gave up after a month (he had other personality issues). I could deal with his manic state.

the ex mr amycat is bi polar and unmedicated. it was an extremely dramatic and difficult relationship. bi polar people do not think or behave rationally. walking on eggshells was the norm.

i suppose it might have made a difference if he were in treatment, but i don't know.

I'm OK...as long as I'm medicated. Having bipolar disorder has its challenges, and it has definitely affected my relationships, both with family and with significant others.

Thank Goddess I have an SO who understands. I've had to educate him, as well as educate members of my family, about what bipolar illness is and what it can do.

Thanks, but that's kind of an old one and asks the question of whether you would date someone with a mental illness. I was looking for more advice and experiences with the situation.

Having been through this emotional roller coaster with family members, I would not recommend it unless you are completely in love and want to subject yourself to being lover/best friend/parent/shrink/saint.

Every experience is so extremely different that unless you want to be a little more specific, I'm not really sure where anyone could begin. Mental illness is such a vast area, and every case is different.

If your person is able to manage their disease, then maybe it's not such a big deal. If not, run, far and fast. Of course, as to whether they are managing their disease or not, that can change. Be aware of that.

On one hand, I think people with mental illness deserve a chance at a relationship. On the other, I don't think I'd be the person to give such a person that chance.

I agree completely. It sounds like you're in the early stages of a relationship with this guy. And, as we all know, relationships with even the healthiest of people (mentally or otherwise) are trying enough. I know you're into the guy, and that you've developed feelings for him, but it's early enough that you can let go without being devastated. Likewise, it's probably early enough that HE won't be devastated. If you really care about him, I'd back off until you know whether meds will work for him, whether he'll actually take them like he's supposed to, whether meds will help him keep from treating you badly, and whether you feel like you can't live without him. Only once those criteria have been determined can you start to think about getting back together.

Sorry to be so blunt. I know it's hard, but seriously, staying with him through everything (at least in the beginning) will be harder. Do yourself a favor and let him fly solo for a while.

I totally get what you're saying. We lasted 2 months, and through all that he was lying. I found out what stuff he was lying to me about from someone else, and I don't blame him for lying. We broke it off cuz I couldn't take the lying anyore, and I'd call him out on the stuff that I could. He wasnted to break it off cuz he couldn't take my questions all the time.... this was def for the better. I just don't know if I should keep this friendship going or not.

Only major mental illnesses like bipolar disorder and schizophrenia have been mentioned here.

But how about lesser ones, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder and the sort? Ones that do not result in the person becoming violent, and that may not even require medication, but that still require some modifications in the person's life. Would that alone deter you from dating someone?

Those people are exhausting enough to have as friends. They always end up being the center of attention, and it's poor me, pity me, pet my head, why does everything always happen to ME, ME, ME?

Yes, I'm generalizing. But I'm also no longer a doormat for the unmedicated.

The lying may not have been because of his bipolar. It could just be character flaw. The people that i know that have bi-polar, even the unmedicated ones, don't seem especially deceptive.

There was a girl who was on the same floor as me and had the same major, so I saw her all the time (being that there was only 25 of us in the major). She was bi-polar and had the lying/deceptive thing, but again, it could be a character thing, or only certain types of bi-polar.

Not all bi-polars lie, but depending on the strength of the manic phase, they may lie to cover up their activities. If you've just bought 3 cartloads worth of "stuff" (that you don't need) or several new cars (that you can't afford), you'll usually start lying about it to the people who care. At the same time, many bi-polars are just very very sociable during their manic phase. If they're lying it's social lies and exaggerated stories.

Short answer, varies due to the person.

But that doesn't mean it's not a symptom, nor does it say anything about whether the lying will stop if he's on meds or not.

I'm manic depresive, one of the few true cases of that alive. It is the most severe form of bipolar disorder.

That's probably why I don't have a girlfriend. I figured that on my own, but glad I got to read about how undateable I am on greek chat. That really clarified it.

Co-sign. In regards to whether or not you should maintain the friendship, it really depends on how he is interacting with you now and whether or not that is acceptable. You have to take a look at this person and see if you can tolerate the 'friendship' that you will have. According to some of the other posts, it sounds like it will be wrought with ups and downs and may even end tragically. Are you prepared for that?

It's kinda mean that you are judging him when you talk constantly about taking psych meds like xanax. Some people just aren't as fortunate.

-Rudey

His "manic" state then probably wasn't truly manic. Submanic periods are usualy as worse as it gets towards the manic side, where he spends money, is up beat, etc. True manic episodes end up with things broken, and people walking through plane glass doors.

Hi y'all! Joel Osteen here! I think it's wonderful that some of ya'll are considering dating crazy people, oh pardon me, I mean the mentally ill. When I was in Pastor College back in the mid 80's, my guy friends and I used a word when we spoke about these kinds of people. Sluts. Alright ya'll! Remember to eat your vitamins, take care of your bodies and stay away from bacon! It'll keep your booty shakin!

The man knows what he's talking about. He has his own logo!

http://www.joelosteen.com/images/ema...joelosteen.gif

Who is Joel Osteen? How are we supposed to know who some random pastor in the 80's is? :confused:

He's a current pastor with a huge following-- big church in Houston.

ETA: I think if you don't live in Houston or follow the TV Evangelists you wouldn't know the name.

ETA: I don't follow TV Evangelists, so I guess you know where I live!

http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e1...ina77/dodo.jpg

dodo. :rolleyes:

I love you.

Speakin' of Osteens and crazy ...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...122600828.html

Hi ya'll! Joel Osteen here! Yes, what happened was true. My lovely wife did get into an altercation with a Continental flight attendant, and since I am a God fearing man that cannot tell a lie, I must admit that it turned me on. Alright now ya'll, remember to watch me on Sundays and buy my book!

I personally like this one:
http://i18.ebayimg.com/06/i/07/e2/69/36_1.JPG

Or this one

GIS=Pastor troll
http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e1...na77/troll.jpg

The only direct, personal experience I had with a person who is bipolar still makes me wish to bath in bleach.

Anyone here remember or hear of the student murder here in NY a few years ago?

The person who committed the crime was a chapter member/plank holder of a chapter that myself and several other almns had been around even prior to being a colony and then the way to getting charter.

Long story...we were around him at events prior to and after the murder and a few of us may have been in his car with the body in the back........

Among his many problems he is bipolar......just thinking about it where is that bleach.......