is there any hope?
 

I don't want to reveal my sorority or my school, you'll understand why.

Mods, if this would be more appropriate in another forum, please move as you see fit.

My campus has six sororities. Two of them are very strong (they always make total, they are invited by fraternities to participate in socials, etc.). Two are somewhat strong, but their reputation has been diminishing for several years. The remaining two constantly seem to struggle (they never make total, even with COB; they are rarely invited to mix with fraternities; etc.).

I am in one of the latter mentioned sororities. While we have an incredible sisterhood, we really don't have much respect on campus. I know one of the reasons behind this is that we're seen as the "dumpy" girls. We have women who wear size 14 or larger, women who don't wear much make-up, etc.

We have struggled for years. My older sister went to school here, and was a member of another sorority, but remembers how bad my sorority's reputation was 10 years ago. Unfortunately, it hasn't gotten any better.

She was so disappointed that I chose to sign my bid card when she found out which sorority I had chosen. I ranked it 2nd (out of 3) after pref. She thinks I might have even been offered a bid from my top choice (which is in the first category I mentioned), but was extended a bid from this group because I actually ranked it 2nd. There were two people, including me, in my pledge class.

I guess where I'm going with this is, at what point does the school reconsider how many groups it will continue to recognize? How long will it let these two struggling chapters continue to struggle? Or, are the sororities themselves the ones who decide whether or not to continue?

I love my sisters, but we really do have a pathetic reputation here. As awful as it sounds, I'm looking forward to graduation so I can become alum and affiliate with an alumnae group and not my chapter specifically.

I know this sounds bad. I also realize that part of it has to be my fault for not finding SOME way to improve our campus image. But, can you really say to sisters, "You really should lose 50 pounds," or, "Why don't you brush your hair and put on some make-up."?

Please, any help you can provide will be appreciated. I think my chapter's future looks pretty dismal. I'd like to find some kind of way to keep us around, but with a much better image.


:(

What makes you a sock puppet?

I have another username, but didn't want to post from it in order to protect the identity of my sorority (nationally and my chapter specifically).

I believe chapter reputation and "saving dying chapters" have both been discussed numerous times on GC.

More detailed answers to your questions would come from your chapter discussing its future with administration. Schedule a chapter meeting in which you all have an all-out honest discussion with one another. Then go to administration after you all decide that you really want to save your chapter.

You probably should have picked something else to distinguish you from the assiness that is SockPuppet2.

The school's not going to do anything, as long as you continue to meet requirements for a student org. And when there are RSOs with 2 people, they're not going to care if a sorority is on equal footing with other sororities or not.

You CAN help people to improve their appearance - if you word it correctly. Have you thought about starting an aerobics class or having someone from Mary Kay or Avon come to do makeovers? Have you brought up the topic, in a constructive way? Is there anyone else who feels the same way?

The other possibility, of course, is that everyone else in the sorority is happy with where they are, and could care less about socials with fraternities or campus image. In that case, you should probably go inactive or terminate, because you're banging your head against a wall and you'll be miserable for the rest of your college career. Plus, you can't pull someone up if you're being negative.

The girls in the "top" sororities have their own set of problems, too - don't think that they don't.

When I signed my card, I didn't have as low an opinion of the group as I do now. Frankly, during recruitment, they looked much more presentable than they do the rest of the year. And, I still like the girls. They're all nice, genuine, caring, etc. But, for the most part, the image our group projects is what I'm most frustrated with.

Do you think you are being superficial?

Is it that they aren't portraying the stereotypically "girly and obsessed with looks" sorority image that you think they should?

If you want to focus on physical and mental health, do that. That's a productive venture. If you just want them to fit into some type of mold and fulfill what YOU think a sorority girl looks and acts like, that's petty and you're missing out on what that sorority probably stands for.

I agree with Chaos that you need to have a group meeting about the subject.

But also, you have to realize that what you can do with the members you already have is limited. Recruitment is how you'll turn it all around. You will need to convince your chapter to strategically choose members who will IMPROVE your reputation. Formal recruitment will likely not help you in this regard, but you can do wonders with COB. Particularly focus on getting those cute, normal girls who slipped through the cracks in FR (perhaps victims of bid promising or dirty rushing from those top sororities?). They want to be in sororities- how will you convince them that being a member of your chapter is better than being independent?

Then get their friends to join. Cute girls have cute friends. DO NOT sacrifice acceptability in all other areas just because a girl is cute- this will set you back. Go after freshmen girls who may not realize the reputation your chapter has.

You have to systematically improve your chapter pledge class by pledge class. But first, everyone has to be on board... and there's probably plenty of girls in your chapter who like things just the way they are. This will be your problem. They'll say that they don't WANT to be members of the "cookie-cutter" chapters, that they prefer to focus on the relationships, that they don't care about mixers with fraternities and campus reputations. This is a lie. This sounds harsh, but a lot of ugly girls are afraid of cute girls. You'll have to figure out a way to show them that a girl can be beautiful and popular with men AND still be a good sister and chapter member.

So......... basically they're not pretty enough?

I think they need to lose weight and some grooming. :(

I wonder if SockPuppet3 needs the same but is also in denial.

I would say that you all should be more careful who you all recruit next semester. Your sorority should try to rush girls who are different from the "undesirable" girls. This will pose another problem though...the more desirable girls probably will not want to join your sorority. But, there should be some exceptions. Focus on those exceptions, keep them happy. And those more desirable girls MIGHT attract even more desirable girls in the future. This won't happen overnight and it might not even work at all, but this is one of the few options you all have.

*edited*Ahhh nevermind, CarolinaCutie said the same thing I said, but she said it better.

This is SO FRUSTRATING to me. Just because a chapter is filled with beautiful women does NOT mean that that's all they have going for them. There are tons of successful chapters all over the country who have gorgeous girls that are doing GREAT things. They are not the top chapters because of looks alone. Sorority chapters made up of beautiful girls who have nothing else going for them fail. It's insulting to refer to a chapter as a Barbie doll sorority when you know nothing about them. The other chapter is clearly more successful at recruiting well-rounded members- appearance is a part of that.

:confused:

Let's be honest and admit that there are campuses and chapters that are completely obsessed with looks. They judge the top organizations by who the beautiful and popular kids are, as well as how social these people are. Kind of like high school cliques.

I know georgeous and handsome chapters who just so happen to be that way. The members are campus and community leaders whose beautiful looks come second. But, when threads like THIS one come up, it highlights how much some people allow looks to supercede more important factors.

Dear God no. Then you'll have a bunch of overweight women with bad makeup. You'll become the Mimi Bobeck sorority.

I agree on the makeovers thing, becaues it can be fun, but how about going to a department store and scheduling them, or you might be able to have a representative or two from the Clinique counter come to an event and give demonstrations, etc. They do do stuff like that.

I can see why people think I'm being petty and superficial. Maybe I am to an extent. But, like it or not, image is not just something that can be ignored.

I've tried to start an aerobics class, but after a month of meeting 3 times a week, there have been only 3 girls come. And, those 3 were ones who don't need to shed weight. The rest of the sisters were busy watching TV and passing a bowl of cheetos.

I invited a MK representative to a retreat once... most of the girls were just turned off by the sales tactics. They almost seemed to resent the fact that she asked if anyone wanted to purchase anything.

It just seems unfair that those of us who would like to participate in things greek life generally offers can't. I don't want to disaffiliate because I know, in the grand scheme of things, the collegiate aspect of sorority life is much shorter than alum.

Were the members you're talking about part of your "new member class?"

I am trying to understand how you were unaware of the image that the sorority had on the campus. Had you never met any of the current members before accepting the bid? Or did they gain weight and stop wearing makeup right after you accepted the bid? Conspiracy.

Point taken. I have not personally encountered a campus/chapter where this obsession with looks has occurred. In my experience, chapters that are popular with rushees and men also have the grades, community involvement, and campus recognition to back it up. I just think that the UNPOPULAR chapters tend to adopt a "woe is me" attitude, calling chapters with good-looking women "Barbie doll" chapters, assuming that they don't share the same level of sisterhood, or accusing them of recruiting only for looks. When I encounter that chapter that puts a priority on looks above all other membership criteria, then I will agree that is sad and completely counter to the ideals of our organizations. So I suppose I can only imagine a campus culture like the one you mention, since I've yet to experience it.

I went through recruitment as a freshman. I had met the girls only through recruitment.

They fixed their hair and wore make-up during recruitment. Once recruitment ended, so did the grooming.

I wasn't so shallow as to let that stop me from initiating. I love my sorority, what it represents, etc. I also love the women in it. But, and trust me, I know how bad it sounds, we would be a much stronger chapter if people took better care of themselves.

I realize that there are problems in the "barbie doll" sororities. I also realize that there are great things those groups do besides looking good. My point behind bringing them up was simply to indicate that there is enough interest in greek life at my school to turn out sororities who meet quota. I never once made reference to any groups appearance other than my own.

I'm not trying to stir up the pot. I'm really just trying to get ideas for improving my chapter.

I agree with you. I have experience with more than one college campus so I can relate to both perspectives.

You implied it.

The other girls are happy with the way they are. Unfortunately, they probably had a national officer or advisor telling them to be fake and put on a show during rush, and as a result, took women like yourself who thought they were something they weren't.

If you can somehow go early alum or take an inactive status, I would advise it. This isn't the chapter for you.

And, I hope that the girls can stand up for themselves next time and show who they really are during rush. I'm betting the fakiness turned off as many rushees as their weight or anything else.

Why so hateful, DSTCHAOS?

So far, you've said I'm in denial, that I'm superficial, that I think there's some kind of conspiracy. And now, you're even condemning the fact that I IMPLIED that the successful groups' physical appearance is better than ours. By not mentioning their appearance at all, I'm trying to be PC; I'm pointing out only OUR shortcomings.

Really, I'm just looking for some help. If you don't want to offer helpful suggestions, then don't reply. There's enough negativity around here without your meanness.

Do chapters who "show who they really are" recruit competitively? I find it very hard to believe that a chapter could do formal recruitment successfully without the fakeness.

And yes, I realize maybe success in formal recruitment is not a determinant of success in any other area of chapter operations. But quota, as per our national organizations, is a goal we want to achieve. I would be surprised if chapters were achieving quota without a healthy, balanced measure of "fake".

Thank you 33girl for your suggestions.

I'll look into early alum. I don't know if that's an option or not, but I'll see.

I hate to just give up, though...

:(

:confused:

Please do me a favor and put me on ignore.

It doesn't sound bad and don't let anyone convince you otherwise. I know GC tends to be all happy happy joy every chapter is a beautiful flower of loveliness and delight even if the members haven't showered for a week and don't comb their hair. People also like to point out that other chapters have problems too. That's irrelevant.

If you're not happy with the fact that your sisters aren't taking what you consider good care of themselves, you're awesome for trying to make it better. Unfortunately, I'm not full of suggestions. Maybe you could try to do something that combines fitness with philanthropy -- like get a group of sisters to participate in one of those Avon breast cancer walks or something like that. Maybe your motives are somewhat superficial (and to that I say WHO CARES -- we're all superficial in one way or another) but seriously, helping women start taking care of themselves is a good thing that could benefit them as they get older.

Then don't. ;)

We are giving you nothing more than our opinions.

I wouldn't recommend giving up or taking alum status. I would recommend running for office. Wear letters a lot, but on days when you know you look nice. I know that our chapter frowned upon wearing letters on days that you rolled out of bed for a test or an early class. Letters were to be worn when you looked nice - even if it was a letter sweatshirt and jeans.

You really can't expect to get people to lose weight. That just isn't going to happen. If they lose it, it will be for reasons way beyond wanting to look good for their sorority.

Good luck!

There's fake as in rush/job interview fake, and then there's fake as in acting ways that you would NEVER act if you weren't told to - like wearing makeup when you never wear it otherwise, or feigning interest in things you could care less about.

I'm not condemning fixing yourself up and turning on the charm for rush - on either side - like I said, it's like a job interview. But it seems from the vehemence of the OP's posts that during rush this group looked and behaved in a way that had ZERO to do with who they really are.

It just seems to me - again, solely from the OP's posts - that this chapter likes things the way they are. So what? Not everyone has to be or wants to be the biggest, most popular chapter on campus. If the national is fine with it and won't pull their charter, there's really nothing that can be done about it. I'm sorry that she's stuck in a chapter that isn't what was "advertised," but if she's the lone dissenter she's not going to get anywhere.

This is a great point. It is what I think of when chapters bring in other chapters to help them recruit if they are having a hard time.

Doesn't every chapter have members that you meet and wonder, "why is SHE in that chapter?" I mean that on both sides of the coin. Maybe the OP is one of those?

To be honest, maybe the OP isn't one of those. The OP has an issue with her chapter's appearance but she may, in actuality, fit in perfectly with that chapter. I'm not trying to be funny or mean. Her issue with the chapter does not necessarily mean that people will think her membership sticks out like a sore thumb, even if she doesn't "wear a size 14."

The reason your work out class failed was because you did too much all at once. If you are going to be sucessful working out and loosing weight it has to be a progress. Start out with one day a week. When you have a steady one day a week pattern move it up to two, then three and so on. Also remember to not push hour long sessions down their throats. Short and sweet will keep them coming. People make the mistake of over working out all the time when they first start. Maybe you should get a nutritionist to come do an educational presentation at your meeting.

One way to try is at an informal meeting, have a hairdresser come in and demonstrate on a few sisters (pick them out!). Changing a hairstyle isn't as confrontational as working out or changing makeup. Once these sisters see how great they look with the new hairstyle, they may decide to progress to some makeup.

The secret is to sneak these things up, one by one. Ask your alumnae to help. In fact, if one of your alums is a hairdresser or a cosmetologist, have her ASK if she can demonstate, as a favor to HER.

Eventually, you can sneak in a fashion show (and won't they look better in a smaller size?), then comes the exercise/dieting.

It will not work with every sister - but should work with enough to start the great image change!

I think your goals are nobel and valid... but do other chapter members share these same goals? If you are in the extreme minority, it may not be worth it.

I think you're in for a lot of hard work that may not pay off. You'll get heavily involved in trying to change the sorority's local culture, an uphill battle that will probably involve taking on a major exec board role, alienating some members, losing sleep and worst of all -- missing out on the fun of college or losing sight of your academic goals to miss that internship opportunity, slack on grades or fail to turn something around that will become a positive in your life.

If it is worth sacrificing 3 years of your time and life, just in time to graduate and see the work partially done, then go for it. I don't know your specific situation or the other chapter members.

Otherwise, you can do one of two things-- be the cute girl in XYZ letters or cancel your membership. Few sororities are compelled to offer early alum status just because you don't like your chapter.

And, on the rare occasions when I've seen a woman who didn't necessarily seem to "fit" into her chapter, it's been a matter of "how did she ever get a bid from them?" as opposed to "how in the world were they able to get HER to join?"

ETA: Ok, I've seen that exactly once.

On one hand this is true. On the other, it's hard to hide the fact that some of the sisters are overweight.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not the next Miss America, but I am healthy (size 8) and I put effort into how I look. Based on the way the sisterhood presented themselves during recruitment, they did too. I can't help but wonder why they stopped.

I don't mean to suggest that ALL the sisters are overweight and in need of a hairstyle/make-up pick-me-up. But, when 1/3 of them are, well... then you're in the situation I'm in.

I guess I just wish that the rest of the sisters were as frustrated as I am about being the joke sorority. I can't stand it. It doesn't mean I love my sisters less, just that I hate the reputation we have.

Have you tried nationals? They could help you with rush ideas or programming.

I can see why people are saying some of the things they're saying about me. But put yourself in the situation.

If you were part of a group who was looked down upon, you'd want to do something to change it.

I've said it several times and I'll say it again. I love my sisters. I joined this group because I love what it stands for and because I felt a connection with the girls. If I didn't care about either of those two things, I wouldn't care how the sorority is perceived because I wouldn't be part of it.

I'm not trying to say that all sisters need to be size x or smaller, be dressed to the nines and wear flawless make-up at all times. I'm trying to say that our image on our campus is poor. And that matters to me. I think it would matter to our founders. They wouldn't've wanted girls walking around in a way that makes the sorority, nationally, look bad.

I really do understand why some of you say that it sounds like I don't care about my sisters. But, honestly, if I didn't care about my sisters, I'd just quit. I'm trying to fix it, not abandon it.