Wedding Related: Bridesmaid Dresses
 

My sister and I are getting married about 2 1/2 months apart. When I was chosing a bridesmaid/Maid of Honor dress, she was a super...super...super picky pain, and "rejected" at least 10-15 dress choices.

Now that the shoe is on the other foot, she doesn't seem to care which dress I like, and only cares that the dress is cheap in price. I understand that she wants to keep the cost down for the other attendant, but the dress I like is not an expensive dress. I don't want to be a pain and say that I should get to choose my dress because she chose hers....but that's partially the truth.

Is there a nice way to say that I don't want to wear the dress she chose, without making it seem like I'm being picky because she was? Thanks!

Throw your wedding back in her face. Seriously. Tell her she was a raving bitch about your choice and you are now putting that back on her and her choice.

It would work well for me and my sister.

There is no nice way as far as I would be concerned.

Yes. I think it should really be up to the bride, but since you didn't get that luxury, she shouldn't either. :p

I agree. Tough sh*t... she got to pick her perfect bridesmaid dress at your expense and you should be able to do the same for her.

How close are you to your sister? Close enough to meet for lunch? If so, ask her to a nicer lunch, then tell her that, while the dress she selected was nice, it's not for you, and you're not going to wear it. Whatever she says, just repeat it, repeat it, and repeat it - until she hears it.

Then, have a photo of the dress that you want ready, and tell her that that is what you're going to wear. Repeat as necessary.

This is complete bullcrap. I read a wedding etiquette book and this is not practicing wedding etiqettecy!

Why do people still have bridesmaids dresses? I think the whole thing is silly, and if you don't have them, you can't argue about them. I mean, are people going to have happier marriages because a bunch of women wore the same dress at the wedding?

I'd tell her that since she got to choose her outfit for your wedding, you thought you would get the same luxury. If she says no, then tell her what she has to wear to yours. Honestly, it's up to the bride what the attendants wear.

let the bridesmaids choose!
 

Maybe it was because my sister was in her late 20's and more realistic about weddings when she got married, but she simply gave the bridesmaids a color and let them decide what they wanted to wear. Let me tell you, we loved our dresses!

It's one thing to buy an evening dress that you dislike and will never wear again - it good money down the drain. By getting to pick out our own evening dress, we were able to buy something that we wanted to wear and would wear again.

My Jr. bridesmaid's mom informed me that if I made her daughter wear a dress, her daughter would cry because she hates dresses...so I took her to Group USA and let her pick out the dresses and she found one she absolutly loved. It was black & white (so it went with whatever I chose), and all three bridesmaids loved them, and have used them over at least once. I think it's good to let the bridesmaids choose, as long as their choice fits into the wedding.

Re: let the bridesmaids choose!
 

Just about every wedding I've been in or to in the past few years have done this - I think it's a MUCH better idea!

Re: Re: let the bridesmaids choose!
 

It's what I plan on doing when the day comes. And the bridal stores make this so much easier. Strapless dresses do not look good on everyone when your bridal party ranges from size 2 to size 22.

I was my sister's Maid of Honor in November. We went dress shopping and tried on the dress that she loved on the computer. When I put it on, it was unflattering to say the least. So we shopped a few times. I found a few dresses that I liked that came in the color that she liked. I tried them on and bought the one that looked best with her approval. I was lucky that she was pretty reasonable about the whole dress thing.

Are you the MOH also? I wore a different style dress from the other bridesmaids. It was the same color, but a style that was more flattering on them. My sister wanted the MOH dress to be different from the other maids so she was happy with this arrangement.

Peaches & Cream - please clean out your PM box!

If you go to David's Bridal website, you'll see the section where there are matching 2-piece dresses. The bridesmaids can choose from strapless, spaghetti straps, V necks, and others all in the same material. There are so many variations and colors that it seems like she could find something there that's agreeable to both of you!

I'm doing it right now.

sorry Honeychile.


PC and I were clogging eachothers PM box with little puppy love messages :)

then it got a little rauchy. OW OW OW!

Wassup momma ;)

hahaha hey were you able to get your car out this morning or was he double parked and locked you in again? HAHAHAH

-Rudey

Re: Wedding Related: Bridesmaid Dresses
 

Well, I'm not sure what the proper wedding etiquette is, but I say that you should follow that. If it is truly up to the bride, then put on whatever she likes, walk down the aisle, and be happy for her special moment. If it is up to the bride's maids, then tell her what you would prefer and why (better cut, color, material), etc. and go forth w/that.

However, it's a little weak to say "well I let you pick, so now you have to let me pick" esp. at her wedding. If you felt that she was too picky at your wedding, then you should have addressed that then. If you wanted her to wear something different at your wedding, then you should have insisted on that. If you didn't, then too bad. It's over and done with. Even if you just wanted her to wear whatever would make her most happy on your day, then that was your choice. It has nothing to do w/her and what she has to do on her day. You cant pull it out of the closet to throw back in her face now.

I'm going to kill that cholo if he does it again!

Yes, but then you have to use David's.

Re: Re: Wedding Related: Bridesmaid Dresses
 

Yes she can... What's stopping her?

Hi all...Thank you for the replies.

My sister and I are 8 years apart, but still pretty close. When I was choosing a BM dress, she was adamant that she had to have a dress with sleeves because she has some stretch marks on her arms that she does not want to show. She wasn't being picky on purpose, but there aren't a whole lot of nice BM dress with sleeves and she wouldn't consider a sheer jacket or a shawl/wrap. I knew if I didn't find a dress she liked, I would have to hear about it for the next 6 months and beyond!!! Now that she's choosing her dresses, I feel that I should have a say in what I would like/feel comfortable in. I'm not saying I should be in control of her dress choice, but I feel my opinion should be considered.

We had dinner at my mom's house tonight and I gently reiterated that I really prefer the first dress but that I will keep an open mind until we try the dresses on. The dress that I like it actually separates, so we could have different styles if necessary...and it's very simple and could be worn again to a dinner party or dressy event.

Re: let the bridesmaids choose!
 

That's kind of how it worked for the two weddings I was in. The first one, we were given a color and a choice of about eight different dress styles to pick from. The MoH and I picked the dress with sleeves, two other girls picked a sleeveless dress with a wrap, and the last girl picked a strapless dress with a wrap. As for the shoes, the guideline was grey or silver. (I found a great pair of silver shoes at Shoe Carnival for $12.00!)

For the second one, our dresses were separates. The plan was for all of us to wear the same skirt, and then we could each choose our own top. It just so happened that everyone liked the same top. :) (with sleeves) I have worn that outfit several times since. (for Jaycee banquets etc.) It's really elegant and doesn't scream "bridesmaid." We also got to pick our shoes for this one too, and had them dyed to match our dresses.

I think this is the best way to do things, especially when the bridesmaids have a wide range of body types and sizes. I'm busty and there's no way in Hell I'd be able to wear a strapless dress. And if I had to wear high heels I'd fall on my face. (I wore flats in the first wedding and kitten heels in the second)

Re: Re: Re: Wedding Related: Bridesmaid Dresses
 

The fact that she's an adult?:confused:


LeslieAGD, it sounds like you did the right thing by gently yet honestly expressing how you feel. I'm sure that your sister is reasonable and will take your feelings into account.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Wedding Related: Bridesmaid Dresses
 

That doesn't have anything to do with it. It's matter of respect that LeslieAGD gets the same courtesy. I really hope that your sister lets you be as generous in the dress selection as you were with her.

If she tries to force you to wear something that's not flattering for you, just gently remind her that her dress order can always be cancelled. That option is always available to you as the bride. It's your and mr. leslie agd's day not hers.

It's selfish that she should try to take the focus away from you on your day. Her turn will come soon enough, just 2 months later. Did she every try to consult a makeup artist to see if the marks could be camouflaged?

Just a side note-- I had a really bad experience with David's Bridal and wouldn't recommend them.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wedding Related: Bridesmaid Dresses
 

Wrigley,

Re-read. This is her sister's wedding, not hers (unless I have just completely read this thread all wrong). She already had her day (2 months ago), so really these sentences "That option is always available to you as the bride. It's your and mr. leslie agd's day not hers. It's selfish that she should try to take the focus away from you on your day." kinda support the theory that she should not be too argumentative or picky w/her sister over what she wears on HER SISTER'S DAY.

Re: Wedding Related: Bridesmaid Dresses
 

Marie, please re-read the above paragraph. I think you're confusing her with Peaches-n- Cream who was a bridesmaid last November.

Hey LeslieAGD how did dress shopping go?

Re: Re: Wedding Related: Bridesmaid Dresses
 

Wrigley, maybe we're just reading it differently. :confused: To me it says that when she was a bride her sister rejected several of her choices for bride's maids dresses. Now that her sister is a bride, she is not giving Leslie the same option.

Also note the following paragraph"

To me that sounds like her sister really wanted to wear a bride's maid dress that covered her arms when Leslie got married. Now she isn't giving Leslie any say in what she wears to her sister's wedding.

Leslie, I do feel your pain. I just don't really think that it is worth falling out w/your sister over, esp. since it is her wedding. I would express my opinion regarding which dress I preferred to wear, but beyond that I'd do what was going to make her pleased on her day.

You can tell her that you extended her courtesies when she was a bride, and if she won't extend you the same, out of fairness and fair play, that you are excusing yourself from your MOH duties and will sit with the family at the ceremony rather than stand up next to her during her vows.

You're still supporting her and sharing in her happy day, but if she won't make the same concessions that you were required to make in the same situation for her, then you will not participate as originally planned.

Re: Re: Re: Wedding Related: Bridesmaid Dresses
 

Probably but hey it's all good. :)

Former bridesmaids, how soon did you have place an order for the lovely dress? Is it still six to eight months before the big day?

See Leslie, this is what I'm concerned about. None of us know you or your sister. We're all just random, nameless, faceless folks w/opinions. I would be very hesitant to disrupt my relationship w/my sister off of the advice of someone who doesn't even know me (assuming that you don't know adpiucf). It may seem like a big deal to you now, but in retrospect are you really going to be pleased if you create bad blood w/your sister over a bride's maid dress? Are you really going to be happy if everytime either of you remembers this day, there are ill feelings there b/c you chose to sit out?

Also consider that given that this is her wedding, she's the one who will have to reflect on the event, look at the pics, and will really care about what was worn. I mean you probably won't care anything about your bride's maid dress a year from now, but she will. She'll care about everytime that she looks at her wedding pictures. Maybe for that reason alone you should work hard to come to a happy medium mw/her. I'm not saying give in totally, just don't be as hard nosed as some people are telling you to be.

Re: Wedding Related: Bridesmaid Dresses
 

I am going to a wedding in 2 weeks and I am a bridesmaid. As the person who has the smallest income of the bridal party I really think keeping the cost down for attendants is a great idea. I went through a lot of tears before I got the courage to tell the bride that as a grad student I simply couldn't afford the dress she chose. if the other attendant can't afford the more expensive dress, offer to pay for some of it (since you don't seem to think it's expensive it shouldn't be too bad.).

Re: Re: Re: Re: Wedding Related: Bridesmaid Dresses
 

Try 6-8 weeks in some cases.


When my friend got married in March of 02, we ordered our bridesmaids dresses literally like 8 weeks before the wedding. If even that long. We got them in about 2 weeks before the big day.


Now the wedding dress on the other hand is 6-9 months before the big day.



As for the bridesmaids picking the dress, that is what happened in the wedding I was in. My friend wanted this halter style dress with a poufy skirt. Although when we tried it on it did nothing for most of us. For me the bust was waaaayyyyy to big so altering would have been a major hassle and it made us look like we were 2 sizes bigger in the hips. We finally ended up with a strapless dress that worked well on me (size 10 in David's Bridal sizes) and our friend Tania (size 14, again DB sizes) and even the bride (who tried a 22 on b/c her sister and the other MOH were around that size). For my friend, she just realized that as much as she loved the other dress it just wasn't going to work when all of her attendants were very different sizes. We needed to find something that flattered all of us.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Wedding Related: Bridesmaid Dresses
 

At least five months, and tell the shop that the wedding is two weeks prior to when you really need it!

The most loved brides I've ever seen are
-those who either chose a color and let the bridesmaids select a dress that suits them in that color, or
-those who choose a dress from a catalog. I was shocked to see some of the really beautiful bridesmaid-type dresses available for under $100!!

Our bride for the September wedding was awesome - 4/5 of us all got together with her and went to a wedding shop, the bride picked out about 25 dresses that she liked, and we decided which one we wanted.

No disrespect intended, Marie, I do see your point and it a valid concern. At the the end of the day, it is her final decision to make. I can't imagine that she would pose the question to a group of random people with the intent to take the majority rule as her final opinion.

But in any case when someone is soliciting advice from strangers, I'd hope one would make the decision that best fits her situation. If it mattered enough to me, I would be hard nosed. If it didn't, it wouldn't be an issue.

And if the OP had already decided to passively let it go, I truly don't believe the issue of how to confront the sister would have even been posted on this board.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wedding Related: Bridesmaid Dresses
 

Yeeeeahhh.... Got the dress today, and it's way too big in the waist, and a little too roomy in the bust. It really should have been a size smaller, but I got sent a big one because I guess that is how they do this business. They get your measurements and go up a size so you have to go find a seamstress. Really annoying.

Totally not worth the hassle or the product. My dress doesn't look like it cost $300, and it doesn't fit that way either. Total racket.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wedding Related: Bridesmaid Dresses
 

Dresses are ridiculous in that regard - for my bf's wedding, we ordered these strapless dresses that flare out - and the lady at the bridal shop sized us to fit our HIPS - so we're all ordering 2 sizes bigger than we really are.