Is cheating at the bachelor party ok?
 

I have been to a bunch of bachelor parties so far and at every single one of them the guy has "cheated". Whether its been sex, or merely oral sex. Usually by strippers or straight out prostitutes.

These are all nice guys that their girls would all swear up and down would never do anything like that.

So my questions are:

1. Are bachelor parties somehow exempt from the normal rules of cheating?

2. Do girls realize that cheating goes on at these parties and don't care as long as they don't know for sure?

3. If you found out later, maybe after you were married, would it matter? Would you leave him?

1. This is why a lot of women have a difficult time with bachelor parties.

2. They almost always find out eventually and it causes problems in the relationship.

3. Depends on the couple I guess.

I'm really curious whether the guys who cheat at the bachelor party would be ok with their women doing the exact same thing at HER bachelorette party?

For me, it would be over. Period. (And if it was with a prostitute, he be out that much faster)

Re: Is cheating at the bachelor party ok?
 

NO!

I echo what Dee said about this is why women have issues related to the premise behind batchelor parties.

James, what your friends are doing is just plain crappy. If I ever found out that Mr. AXiD670 had any kind of sexual contact with any females present at his batchelor party, he'd be gone. I don't care how long ago that was.

Re: Is cheating at the bachelor party ok?
 

1) NO!

2) NO! I would hope that this isn't going on at the party!

3) WHEN I found out later-and I say when, not if, because somehow, you always find out-I would be outta there. Wth the best lawyer $$ can buy, and half of my husbands stuff.

1. No

2. I realize that it happens at a lot of them, and I do care. Women know it happens, that's why we have so many issues with men going to them. Why is this such a hard concept for men to grasp? Would they want us doing it to them? At the point where the bachelor party takes place aren't you supposed to be commited to the person you are marrying?

3. I know it would matter. I want to say yes I would leave and take half his money with me, but I guess you can never really know until faced with the situation.

what about if he is totally honest about it? I mean, hes about to make a vow to not do it for the rest of his life, let him make sure he is buying the right kind of pie I say!

Shouldn't he have thought about that before he went and made the commitment to marry the woman? Most (not all) guys buy the ring and propose on their timeline, not the woman's.

Men,

Do you want your bride-to-be to put some strange man's junk in her mouth two days before you get married?

It works both ways.

"Well, I just wanted to see if there were BIGGER options!"

1. Are bachelor parties somehow exempt from the normal rules of cheating? no no no

2. Do girls realize that cheating goes on at these parties and don't care as long as they don't know for sure? ditto to what everyone has said. When I get married, I will make if very clear that if is going to happen then he should call off the wedding. They have the choice to purpose, and they do it when they are "ready". If he can't respect his future wife enough to keep it in his pants then he shouldn't get married!!

3. If you found out later, maybe after you were married, would it matter? Yes!! Would you leave him? It depends on when you find out. If you find out on your sixty year anniversy then it might not matter.

1. Are bachelor parties somehow exempt from the normal rules of cheating?
Not at all. It's even worse because he should know better what he can loose if he screws it up.

2. Do girls realize that cheating goes on at these parties and don't care as long as they don't know for sure?
I don't know of any woman who'd approved of their signifcant other or spouse allowed to have some kind of get out of jail free card for cheating since it's a bachelor party. If he needs to still sow his oats, then he's not ready for the walk down the aisle. Let alone marriage.

3. If you found out later, maybe after you were married, would it matter? Would you leave him?
Yes, because he broke a convenant he made before God and me. I would leave him and find a lawyer to sue him for everything I could get. Actually I have a very stupid male cousin who pulled this crap after he was married and his wife dropped him like a bad habit. His kids are paying the price because he "HAD" to have some. It's never worth it in the end.

And for a.e.B.O.T.. How would it feel to know that you passed your wife an std or worse because you had any form of sex stripper/hooker who lied to her agency about her test results? Have you considered the other possibility of having said stripper/hooker coming out of the woodwork years later and suing you for child support if she got pregnant?

What the hell? No.

Katharine Hepburn actually tells a story in her autobiography about her parents who were very big on "social hygiene" issues before anyone knew how these things were carried, etc. A couple went to get their blood tests, were both fine, then a couple months later the wife died. It turns out the hubby slept w/ a hooker at the bachelor party and got VD and passed it to the wife and she died of complications from it.

But at any rate, no the bachelor party is not exempt.

Re: Is cheating at the bachelor party ok?
 

1. Are bachelor parties somehow exempt from the normal rules of cheating?
Absolutely not! It sounds like you guys have been hanging out with some guys who really aren't ready to get married yet.

2. Do girls realize that cheating goes on at these parties and don't care as long as they don't know for sure?
Cheating is cheating. Period. And if she doesn't care, she's not ready to get married!

3. If you found out later, maybe after you were married, would it matter? Would you leave him?
The truth ALWAYS comes out! People think it doesn't, but it's just a matter of how the injured party decides to take it. I'm against prostitution in all forms, which any man with whom I've been involved knows - most clearly! That said, I don't know about the second part. I'm a facillitator at a divorce recovery seminar, and if I had a nickel for every woman who wishes she hadn't left her cheating husband, I could retire. Never having been in that position, I don't know how I'd react - but he'd darn straight have to have every STD test imaginable before he so much as held my hand!

Re: Re: Is cheating at the bachelor party ok?
 

I'm with you 100%.

[hijack]
Did you see that movie about John List, the wack-job who killed his mother, wife, and 3 kids? His wife had contracted VD from her first husband (who got it at his bachelor party!), but she didn't know it until 25 years later & she was in the last stages of syphilis? Somehow, your post reminded me of it!

[/hijack]

Re: Re: Is cheating at the bachelor party ok?
 

Ok, I have to ask...what would make a woman regret leaving a cheating husband?

Re: Re: Re: Is cheating at the bachelor party ok?
 

In a word, money. One of the fastest growing sectors of the population that's becoming impoverished is the divorced woman with children. I could go on & on, but that's the gist of it (without getting on a feminist soapbox!).

Re: Re: Re: Is cheating at the bachelor party ok?
 

I'll take " What did Kobe Bryantbuy for his wife after he raped a girl " for 1000 Alex

And I believe that James is greatly exaggerating the escapades of his soon to be married friends. i don't doubt that it happens on occasion, but not with the frequency to which James is alluding! It also says a lot about the character of people he chooses to associate himself with :p

Ouch lol.

But seriously. These are men with all the resume requirements that you girls proffess to love. Some of them are even quite charming. Most are attractive to some degree or another.

Of course its not absolute but its pretty frequent from my experience and the experiences of guys that I know. Like 8 out of 10 with maybe 1 out of ten doing it when we aren't looking.

Of course a lot depends on where the bachelor party is, who is organizing it and what entertainment is provided.

Often times its not initiated by the person getting married . . . Its his friends that lead him into hell. A bachelor party has the drinking of a 21st birthday party, combined with a sex show . . by the end of the night the poor groom-to-be has no sense of social inhibition and has been tantalized by some fanatsy girl(s) that his friends provided for him.

Plus, culturally the bachelor party is a place where extreme behavior is understood to be normal.

edited for spelling

James, sweetie. You know I love ya..... but NO. NO NO NO NO NO!!!!

Besides, there is a big difference between extreme behavior (getting drunk and puking in your best man's car.... dancing with some skanky girl at a club..... Or even (as happened to my friend's husband) getting spanked with a whip by a stripper) and CHEATING.

There is no excuse for it. If I was with a man who's friends actually thought that was acceptable behavior, and would throw a bachelor party to try and hook him up with someone, then I would seriously question the man himself.

And again.... I WAS DUNK AND DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING is not an excuse. :rolleyes:

James, are you trying to justify this whole scenario?

Of course he is. That's what he does. It's his entire purpose on GC.

The majority of bachelor party strippers aren't exactly what I would call "fantasy women."

Chances are about 50/50 that I'm not going to want to marry the type of guy who would have strippers at his bachelor party anyway, so I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

See, in my experiences, the people at bachelor's parties who do that stuff are the groomsmen and friends, not the groom. I haven't been to one where the groom cheated. That's not to say it doesn't happen a number of times, just not in my experience (at least that I know of).

My bachelor party, the worst thing that happened was we drank enough to kill a small village. It was more bar-hopping and drinking, going out to a big dinner, that type of thing. I didn't want strippers, and we didn't have them. I wanted us to spend our money at the places where we went; taking over Boston for a night, so to speak. We even ended up staying in a nice hotel. It was just a great weekend with my boys.

It is ok for the guy to do it but if the girl is cheating then it is wrong.

If these guys are really the groom's friends, they wouldn't be setting off his married life on such a bad foot.

If anybody ever did this to me, I'd make him eat my engagement ring, and then my daddy would let him have it. I took back a cheater once and it was the biggest mistake of my life.

Once your cheated on... it will never happen again!

If i found out that in fact my fiance cheated at his bachelor party... there would be HELL to pay! I would cancel the wedding so he could explain to all of our friends and family that he simply couldn't keep his cock in his pants...

A bachelor party is absolutly NO excuse for cheating to take place!

Thats hardly a fair generalization. I have over 7 thousand posts. A few of them have been about other things than bachelor parties.

From what I know of bachelor parties, I agree with Ksigkid.. it's usually the other guys at the party who get out of control.

My ex-husband didn't really want a stripper for his bachelor party. He's pretty much against them in general. He wanted a golf outing and a night of playing poker. His married buddies all wanted a stripper though. They were having the stripper part at his Best Man's house. His Best Man was married with kids who were 2 and 4 at the time. The plan was for his wife to leave the house with the girls from 7pm-9pm so they could do their thing. She was to return at 9 pm, when the babysitter was going to be there, drop off the girls (kids) and then meet us women folk at the bar for my bachelorette party.

She arrived at the bar around 10:30 pm, hysterical. Seems when she got there, the stripper was still there and her husband was in his boxers dancing with her in the living room. So, there she was with two little girls who needed to go to bed, a babysitter who had just arrived and her husband in that compromising position. Their marriage almost didn't survive it. She did say to me "You're marrying the right guy, he was the only one there who still had all his clothes on". You can guess how much fun my bachelorette party ended up being, with all the wives of these men who had undressed with the stripper! I was surprised their marriage survived it, because it led to a pretty intense fight between those two.

When my (now) ex-husband got home that night, after I made him shower(lol), I noticed that his legs were all bruised and he had little holes in his pants and skin. The stripper was a gymnast stripper who was doing back handsprings and landing on his legs in 5" stiletto heels. He said he was so worried about protecting his "jewels" from those heels that he wasn't even paying attention to her. Knowing him, his morals, and his strong Christian beliefs, I believe him, even now.

Why would i justify? i am just observing.

But its a more common occurrence than I think a lot of women would be comfortable with, even if its less of an occurence than many would fear.

A guy I knew went to a bachelor party for his brother held at a bar. He thought they would eat bar food, drink beer, shoot some pool, throw darts, and hang out. Then the 'entertainment' arrived. He was mortified and left as soon as the two chicks started putting eggs where eggs don't belong. He said it was pathetic watching these two chicks, who were clearly drug addicted and possibly disease infected, put on a 'show' for the guys. I got the impression that there wasn't enough latex in the world for him to touch either of them.

After a few minutes, the groom threw them out because the entire experience was disgusting.

The way you worded your response, the tone read like you were trying to justify their actions.

Your observations are limited to a very small pool- a few of your friends. You word your observations as a generalization. James, you are the GC professional shit-stirrer, so don't try to come off all innocent.

I think more and more it's becoming a less common of occurrence. A LOT of guys opting for a different sort of bachelor party- a weekend of gambling, a golf trip, etc. I know a lot of people who have gotten married lately, and only one of the grooms actually went to a strip club. Guys don't keep secrets very well, so it's not like if something happened t would stay secert. Guys like to talk, especially when it comes to naked women and/or embarassing stories about their buddies.

If my fiance did that and I found out before the wedding, I would not marry him. If I found out later, I'm not really sure what I would do....I probably wouldn't leave him, I don't know, that'd be hard.

This has been a trend I've noticed, and a lot of my older friends/cousins/etc. didn't necessarily understand it. One of my buddies went to Vegas for his bachelor party, and just did gambling and drinking. Almost every other one I've been to has been of the bar-hopping variety.

What is becoming the norm with my friends is just what I described; we buy the groom a really good dinner, then going out drinking, and end up crashing at a hotel.

In James' defense though, there are bachelor parties like that, and there are grooms who cheat on their fiancees at those parties. Luckily my fiancee (now wife) knew well enough I wasn't going to do something like that.

Naw, you make him eat a fake ring and then pawn the real one to buy yourself something nice.

The husband had a joint party weekend in NYC with another one of his fraternity brothers that was getting married two weeks after us. They did a lot of what it sounds like C did -- went out to bars, went out to eat, did a little sightseeing (not much) and basically hung with the boys. I know some guys did go to one of the strip clubs, but husband didn't (it was a rather $$$ strip club and I would know [and not be happy] if he had spent that kind of money).

Re: Is cheating at the bachelor party ok?
 

Is that like being a little bit pregnant, or just having syphilis (instead of AIDS)?

Re: Re: Is cheating at the bachelor party ok?
 

It really is more likely only being Bobbitted one inch, instead of the whole thing.