Depledging a "loser" sorority?
 

First of all, I am new to this board so I'd like to say hi to everyone.

Some background info. I am a sophomore at a competitive school in Texas and, though I never thought I would, I ended up rushing this year and accepting a bid to a sorority. I didn't know a whole lot about the Greek system here or rush or reputations when I was rushing (I was involved in completely different things last year). Anyway, I went into rush thinking I was doing all this to meet some new people, make some friends, and that I'd be happy wherever I woudl end up. I didn't know the sororities' repuations, and I didn't think I cared. It's been several weeks now since I've pledged and apparenlty the sorority I joined is known as the fat, loser one around campus. A lot of my fellow pledges have already quit becuase of this, in particular a lot of the girls I really liked and thought I could be great friends wiht. Our pledge class has like 10 people left, when quota was supposed to be in the thirties. Now, I would not depledge based on reputation alone (I am not that shallow and realize in the end, it's about the popele you meet- and I do like a lot of them) but I do not see the point of paying dues if association with the sorority will only give me a bad repuation around campus. (People in other greek organizations stop talking to you when they realize you are in this sorority, none of the frats will mix wiht us, etc). Also, so far it hasn't felt like we've been doing much. There has been one crush party, but it was really really lame, and one new member retreat that only about 4 people attended. I go for weeks w/o seeing any of the older members. My point is, it doens't seem like being in this sorority will even accomplish a fuller social life or more friends. So I want ot depledge, but am afraid I'll make a huge mistake, buecase the idea of life-long sisterhood and all that other good stuff really appeals to me, and I know I will probably not re-rush.

Any help would be really really appreciated.

(Carnation settles into beanbag chair with a huge Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper and a monster bowl of popcorn)

Did you get any bids to the "winner" sororities with the bright, slender, pretty girls? If not, maybe this is your best fit?

If so, maybe you can make the best of it? You said you liked a lot of the people in the sorority.

Ultimately, friendship is really important to a lot of people.

I am sure the other girls on here will tell you how you kind of screwed yourself for a year because of wierd PanHell rules.

But . . . if you are bright, vivacious, slender and pretty and were just overlooked by all the other sororities on campus with superior looks and reputation . . . well you should have no trouble being picked up by one after a year.

pass the popcorn.............

I'll have snickerdoodles once I go back downstairs and bake some.:D

I think the reason I didn't get into any of the better sororities was beucase, since rushing was kind of a last minute idea for me, I didn't bohter wiht such silly thigns as refs ( am truly not fat or ugly). As a sophomore at a competitive rush w/o refs I realize now that I was pretty much screwed. Which brings me to anohter question that's been lingering in the back of my mind. Does anyone here think re-rushing can ever be a good idea junior year?

I loves me some Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. Right now I'm on a Diet Cherry Coke/Pepsi kick.

University of Texas? Just be thankful you even got a bid. IMO sitting out for year is not a good idea at UT. You will find it very difficult to get a bid as an upperclassman especially if you’re viewed as a cast off from a “loser chapter.”

I hope you brought enough Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper to share b/c that stuff is gooooood! lol.



Ok, my two cents---I wouldn't depledge. You said you really like the girls, so what's the big deal? If you aren't shallow (and you say you aren't) then reputations really shouldn't matter. So your part of the "fat, loser" sorority, why don't you continue and work towards getting that reputation changed. I always thought that being a sorority was about the friendship, the community service---not about which frat will mix with you. If you TRULY feel in your heart (putting aside all the hearsay and the rumors) that this is NOT where you belong, then go ahead and drop.

But really think about it this way.....50 years down the road what are you going to remember---the friendships and the bonding you did, or the reputation of being a "fat loser" sorority? That is what should really matter, because if you like the group of girls and the sorority in general, reputations shouldn't matter. When your old and gray and telling stories to your grandchildren are you going to tell them how people considered ya'll the "fat loser" sorority? Or are you going to tell them about the time when Betty Sue locked her keys in the car, in the pouring rain at Midnight after the last showing of the movie y'all were dying to watch, and how y'all had to walk 2 miles down the road to the nearest gas station dripping wet when all of a sudden these really hot guys come out of the store and see y'all? I don't know about you, but I'd take the memory over Betty Sue anyday...that is what's going to stick with u down the road. Don't be so preoccupied with stereotypes because as we all know, many stereotypes aren't true. I hope you just go with your heart and do what it really tells you to do. Don't let outside forces influence your decision or you will truly regret it!!


***Ok now pass the popcorn please. I have some Raisinettes if y'all want some!!!*****

I've got gummi worms/bears if anybody wants them. Carnation, can I please have some Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper? That stuff's the best!

I've got a Hershey Bar I'll share.

And yes, if it's UT, you are probably SOL if you re-rush next year. This is likely true at any Texas university that is considered "competitive."

Rushing junior year at a large, competitive Texas school, especially after depledging, is not a good idea.

If all you care about is the social aspect (and for some, that's what's really important and that's fine) and you feel your social life would be better as a non-Greek than as a member of this chapter, then depledge, but in the end we can't make this decision for you.

Keep in mind, sorority membership is for life. After you graduate and move away, if you decide to join an alumnae association, noone is going to know or care what reputation your chapter had when you were an active.

Sorry, but I doubt that recs were the sole reason for you not making into what you classify as a better sorority. If you want to make the best of your situation, go in with an open mind and flip a big ole' bird to everyone who says negative things about your group.

You accepted a bid. Why, if you were only doing so half-assed?

You know what? Either go into this whole-heartedly ready to give your new sisters a chance, as they have done for you. OR, quit. If you are only going to be looking down your nose at them, I am sure they'd be better off without your negative presence thinking you're better than them.

You should know that on a competitive campus, you will be looked at as left-overs. No one truly respects someone who accepted a bid and then de-pledged hoping to get in somewhere else. So, no... I think that if you rushed again, even with recs, you'd actually end up with NO bids.

Snicker doodles are done......

(but don't feel like you have to take any, they're my favorite)...:D

You have a choice to make. You seem to like the sisters, and evidently they like you, otherwise you wouldn't have been offered a bid. So you have to decide what's more important to you: your sisters - both in your chapter and elsewhere - and the lifelong bonds you'll form with them, or the sorority's reputation as "the fat, loser one".

Reputations change. It takes time and effort, but reputations do change.

Frankly, if you are at a school with a competitive rush, and you depledge and re-rush next year, you are unlikely to get any bid at all.



Carnation, I've never had Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper, but it sounds delish - got some for me? And I'm baking chocolate chip cookies, if anyone wants ;)

I love cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper from Sonic. Too bad NYC doesn't have one. (I have to drive all the way to Yonkers I think...bummer)

(grabs the one pound bucket of RAW chocolate chip cookie dough)

If you like the girls, then why not stay? If you don't want to be in the "loser" sorority, then run for office, get in a leadership position and start working hard to change it. My best friend rushed as a sophmore and didn't get in the "super duper best chapter ever" at her school. But she got to do all sorts of great things (rush chairman, etc) that she probably wouldn't have gotten to do if she joined one of the bigger sororities.

There's a Sonic in Yonkers????????????? And, I cosign on this advice even though I'm not NPC.

And, I do think all of you are being exceedingly nice, comparatively!

"Loser" Sorority
 

"Competitive" schools in Texas don't have quotas in the 30's.

If you truly go to a competitive school, don't depledge. Work to make your sorority better. And like others have said, membership is for life and there are probably 100,000+ other women across the country in the same sorority who are wonderful people.

My fraternity experience was great as an undergrad. It's even better as an alumnus. My guess is any Greek who's involved as an alum will tell you the same thing. Don't quit simply because your chapter is in the tank. These things tend to run in cycles.

Never mind Yonkers - there's a Sonic in the Northeast???????????????

Re: "Loser" Sorority
 

Well said. http://forums.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/icons/icon14.gif

Why not be the person who turns this group around?

Also, think of it this way...people in other chapters and on campus are so insecure that they feel the need to comment on the weight and strength of a chapter that is not their own...is that something you would really want to be part of and waste your time on?

People talk shit on my chapter all the time because we are the smallest in members and in housing...but guess what? We are waaaaaaaaaay in the black, never been on probation for anything, have the highest GPA, almost won greek week (won lip sync, for the first time in our history!) and in general have a great time as sisters. My enjoyment of greek life comes from the crazy broads I have as sisters, and I have never ever been ashamed to wear my letters, on campus or off. And honestly, these girls cannot be *All* rotten apples. I think that the influence of other people may color judgement, to where you're only seeing the "bad" things that everyone else picks on. But think about the good things...Suzy is always there for a trip to the grocery story, Anne has great grades and is a great tutor, Amy will make a kick ass lawyer some day, etc. And the other stuff can change. Sometimes a positive outlook is all that is needed.

i will not be shy, i will not be shy
 

i have been on gc for quite some time but find myself getting shy about what i have said and then I delete my post. i am telling myself that "i will not be shy", "i will not be shy"! so, here i go.

i am sorry but you already have the wrong attitude for you, personally, and for your sorority. to start your post about pledging the "loser sorority" it is patently obvious that you have already made up your mind that you have "settled" for something lesser than who and what you are. with that attitude your sorority experience will never change but your attitude might change the experience of many other wonderful ladies who genuinely love their "loser sorority". do the sorority, their members and yourself a huge favor and depledge, immediately. you will always feel as though "you settled for less" and that sorority, their members and the entire greek system deserve better. perhaps with some maturity, after you have graduated from college and experienced life, you may want to consider ai (alumnae initiation). however, should you try the ai, please do not "settle" again.

good, better and best are only an impression and a state of mind. your mindset is not in the right place. depledge. you had already made up your mind and you made it up before you ever posted on greekchat. "loser sorority", how terribly sad for everyone involved.

oh, i almost forgot!! dr. pepper makes ~cherry vanilla dr. pepper~ in regular and diet, so you do not have go to the closest sonic (you will miss the crushed ice!!) - all you have to do is go to a store that carries it and buy yourself several 2 liter bottles of ~cherry vanilla dr. pepper~ and settle in for a lovely evening while we all share!! i am having diet ~cherry vanilla dr. pepper~ and trying to be good!! however, all of the "goodies" sound great!! i might drink two full bottles tonight!!

~kaikey~
a golden key unlocked my heart

First off, the reuputation is NOT the only thing that matters to me. In fact, it didn't matter at ALL until some quitters brought to my attention that i'd be "paying to be associated wiht "losers."" (notice the quotes- not my words.) I have just been questioning being in the sorority because almost all the ohter pledges have quit, for one reason or anohter. And as I mentioned before, so far I haven't gotten to know the older members that well- they just haven't been very involved wiht the few pledges we have left. Maybe this will change after initiation- I don't know, having never been through something like this before. I DO like the girls I met during rush and thereafter, even though we havne't hung out that much, but since almost everyone else in my pledge class (including the girls I've gotten to know the best) has quit or is serioulsy considering it, I'm having doubts. Especially since there is money involved, for which I will have to find a job.

Thanks a lot for all the replies but try to keep an open mind. I can't be as loyal to my sorority as you all are to yours because so far it's been only a couple weeks, morale is low, and I barely know my sisters.

And this is University of Texas at Ausitn.

Don't assume that we don't know what you're dealing with...

Consider yourself damn lucky that you did get a bid as a sophomore at UTA.

Stop complaining. Stop trying to justify calling your own sorority the "fat" sorority.

You need to decide if it's something you want to do. You seem to care VERY MUCH what other people think. Otherwise, you would not be ON A MESSAGE BOARD ASKING ADVICE ABOUT YOUR DECISION! It's time to start thinking for yourself. YOU NEED TO MAKE THIS DECISION.

Let me repeat what I said earlier. IF YOU ARE NOT 100% ABOUT YOUR DECISION THEN QUIT. NO ONE NEEDS SOMEONE IN THEIR OWN SORORITY DRAGGING THEM DOWN. I am sure they would be better off than to have one of their own LOOKING DOWN THEIR NOSE AT THEM. Make no mistake, that IS what you are doing.

And, don't come here asking advice if you only want people to kiss your ass and tell you that you should quit b/c you deserved to be first tier.

There was money involved when you accepted their bid! Don;t act like it's just a factor NOW.

I think it's really shitty that you have the nerve to tell us you can't be as loyal b/c it's only been a few weeks. Do you think that loyalty just happens naturally? Loyalty starts when you make a decision to stick with your sisters. That means that you stick with them IN GOOD TIMES AND IN BAD TIMES.

Suck it up and try to start acting like you have a brain of your own.

BTW, quota was NOT in the thirties for UTA.

Ok? Ok.

When I pledged my fraternity (way back when dinosaurs roamed the earth) I was already 'damaged goods' - depledged another fraternity in fall rush. My chapter already had a reputation among the rest of OU's Greek community as being losers and 'apartment dwellers' (our house was built like an apartment complex, and to make up for the shortage of members, we rented out any vacant space to outsiders); few sororities mixed with us. (But hey, the outsiders usually had some primo weed! ;))

I don't regret my decision to pledge, and for the most part I got along well with my pledge brothers and the members, though there were times where I was about to throw in the towel and give up on Greek life altogether. I could give a rat's ass about belonging to the best house on campus; to use that often hackneyed term here on GC, 'I found my home'.

oooh, I just discovered diet cherry 7-up. It's awesome! Does anyone have any molly mcbutter for the popcorn???

Oh, and not to be a nitpicker, but the University of Texas, which is located in Austin, is referred to as UT. UTA = University of Texas at Arlington....

Ahem... locally, it's just simply referred to as UT, UTA refers to the University of Texas at Arlington. :D

ETA: Never mind - dzandiloo beat me to the post! (And almost exactly the same verbiage!) :D

you know. the fat girl sorority usually take in fat girls

Hey, I'm just tellin you the truth.


ETA: Hey Tippie. Reread that PM I sent you. And do what I told you to do in those other threads in here. You will get 50 bonus points.

Well, I am from Tennessee. The only UT I acknowledge is ours in Knoxville. ;)

I'll take pity on you, sweetheart, because god knows nobody else around here will. I have no idea whether you're legit or not and don't particularly care, and I know that a lot of people on GC are going to give you really stupid advice like, "Work to change your chapter's reputation!" which is idiotic given that on many competitive campuses, the "fat ugly sorority" doesn't even contain that many girls who are fat and ugly to start with. And uhh, wouldn't it be hard to get other Greeks to see you in a new light when they apparently don't even talk to you in the first place?

People can be as Pollyanna as they want about it, but when it comes right down to it, I'm sure it's very difficult to be in a situation where most non-Greeks are prejudiced against you because they assume you're a snob/bitch, while most Greeks are prejudiced against you because they assume you're an ugly loser. That's stressful and rotten and can be a constant blow to the self-esteem, and IMO that is no way to spend college.

You might as well stick it out until you're completely 100 percent convinced you don't want to be there. If this is where you ended up as a sophomore, you will not end up in a better house as a junior, so you shouldn't be worrying about quitting before initiation so you can re-rush next year. So stay where you are and, if things don't improve, then quit -- but know that rushing again is pretty pointless.

That's what I was thinking too.

Seemed to be worth emphasis. Seriously, my first thought (well, after the Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper) was that the only house you'd have a chance of pledging at a junior at UT would be the same place you're at.

So, your decision will affect the rest of your life:
are you the chosen people in life who are able to change a bad situation or
are you someone who, when the going gets tough, you quit?

The way a "loser sorority" becomes a loser sorority is when people whine about "it's too hard!", "nobody will mix with us", "we have a bad reputation." If it was as bad as you say, it would have been obvious before you signed your bid card.

You saw something in this group. Look for it again. Be a mover or move out - don't pull the rest of the group down.


Now, I have some cheese popcorn, and pass that Dr. Pepper!

PLease pass the popcorn, cherry vanilla dr. pepper and the raw cookie dough. I am amazed at how civil we are right now.


Maybe you should transfer to a different school and try rush there for a 3rd year. or Maybe AI can always be an alternative too.


:)

Obviously this house is where you fit in best. They gave you a bid, you accepted it. Those other houses didn't give you a bid. Either make the best of it and do your part, or get out. Sitting around complaining about your house's rep isn't going to do a damn thing for the house, it's rep, or you.

You say you like the girls and all that, but as you're showing here, reputation sure seems to mean more to you than friendship.

The chances of you getting a bid anywhere else as a junior in a competitive rush, when you've already depledged the "loser" sorority is slim to nonexistant.

You did not just go there.

Quota at the University of Texas was 43.

Re: "Loser" Sorority
 

LOL...........and none of us caught THAT part of the story.

I was going to ask if any school in Texas had quotas in the 30's but yes at least one does....silly me :D

Ouch. I think she did.


I need more Dr. Pepper...

Not true (as a member of one of those that had that rep). We had a lot of skinny girls and a lot of really pretty ones too.

Yes, the chapter I pledged had that same rep (well add ugly and dull to it as well). It was the smallest house on campus and I didn't really care. I had a wonderful time with all of the women in the chapter. And we didn't have anyone who fit the rep that we had.

You say that you don't care about what others are saying, but you obviously do. You have to decide what will make you happy, we can't do that for you.