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International Adoption
With all the talk of Angelina Jolie adopting an Ethiopian girl, I've decided to start a thread on international adoption.
Anyway, here's a question for all: If someone adopts a child internationally, should that person expose the child to his/her specific culture or the general culture of the country he/she is from? Let's say ten years from now, I decide to adopt a little girl from China. Let's say she's from a part of China with a unique culture different than mainstream Chinese culture. Should I expose her to that culture rather than the mainstream stuff readily available in most major cities? |
LOL. We exposed our 5 internationally adopted kids to their cultures a lot-- we took them to picnics sponsored by people from their cultures, learned to cook their food, you name it, and all went well until they became teenagers. Suddenly they wanted nothing to do with anything but American culture. We'd been warned by other international adopters that it would probably happen and sure enough....
There are about 40 families here who have adopted from overseas and I can't think of one who hasn't experienced the teenage cultural rejection thing. |
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We didn't try that--we just aimed for the overall culture. For instance, Baby Berry is from Cebu, a Southern island in the Filipino island chain, but all the Filipinos here are from Manila so we just let them guide us. Our Vietnamese daughter is from North Vietnam but the only Vietnamese here are South Vietnamese so we learned from them.
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This is a very old thread... but am wondering if anyone else on GC, besides Carnation, has adopted internationally? Would anyone who has be willing to share your hints and tips?
Our home study was just approved and after we complete the Core Training now required by the Hague Convention, my husband and I will be eligible for a referral. We are on our agency's waiting list for a baby boy from Korea. Please feel free to comment here or PM me. Thanks for all your help! |
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I'm afraid I can't give you any advice on the international process since I haven't experienced it firsthand, but I wanted to congratulate you and welcome you to the rollercoaster ride called adoption! Best of luck to you and your husband. |
We adopted a baby girl from China. We began the process, which took a year, before she was born. We actually got her when she was nine months old. She is now twelve years old, in sixth grade, tall (very!), beautiful, straight A student, and the sweetest child I have ever known. We can't imagine life without her. We have two older birth children, a girl now in college, and our son just graduated.
We are like Carnation, in that we did our best to expose her to Chinese cultures in as many ways as possible, and living outside of Atlanta, we had, and have, a great many opportunities to do so. However, she and her other Chinese friends (three girls her age, and several others here in town ages 3-8), are appreciative of the fact that we respect their heritage and want them to do so, but they are basically just American girls. Texting, music, clothes, soccer games, tennis lessons, summer camp, whatever. It's all they've ever known, and China is just a far-away country that they'll visit someday. Maybe when they are older they'll have more of an interest, but they're too busy being American preteens right now. I am sure the international process has changed greatly since we adopted. We had a huge emotional roller coater ride, to be sure, but well, well worth it. Hang in there! |
Thanks ladies! Yes- I've already experienced the emotional roller coaster and we just got started!
Anyone else with experience feel free to chime in. |
Awesome. Kudos to you all, especially the soon-to-be new parents!
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My niece is adopted from Hunan province in China and I know my brother and sister-in-law try to keep her connected. They have children's DVDs that are in the dialect spoken in Hunan (I forget the name if it). Plus they have pictures and videos from when they went to get her.
But the biggest thing they have done is stay in touch with two of the couples that were in their adoption group. They have visited them several times since they returned 4 years ago. They even have a yearly reunion with all three girls. It is neat since all three of them came from the same orphanage and in some cases may have even been crib mates! But this only works if you like the other couples... |
My sister is in the process of international adoption. She just finished her Home Study this week. I've tried to learn as much as I can about the process since she's going it alone (single mom -- yes, I know not everyone is supportive of this). She'll, hopefully, be adopting a baby girl from Russia.
She plans on taking a lot of photographs and video of the area where the baby is from as well as learning as much about the culture as possible. Knowing my sister, she'll probably buy tons of Russian things to give as gifts each year (in addition to regular presents). I've heard quite a bit about the kids rejecting the culture as teenagers. It makes sense but at least if you give them the information they can choose whether or not to identify with it. Better that, then have them wondering and idealizing an imaginary or unknown "what if." Best of luck to you, adpi*violet. I know it can be a difficult and emotionally draining process. |
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We (parents of the three girls) took them to the Chinese New Year Spectacular during Christmas break. They were very excited about going, and told all their friends about the show. I highly recommend this traveling production-the talent is amazing-singing, dancing, acrobatics, etc. |
Sorry, I wasn't directing that comment to you or anyone specific in this thread. But, you're right, "connect" is a better choice of words. :)
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How does citizenship work with international adoptions?
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Not connecting to Chinese culture as an adoptee isn't any different from not connecting as an ABC (American Born Chinese - to parents of Chinese descent). |
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My sister then had to come back to the United States for six months, to establish her daughter's citizenship. During that time, her husband had to go to a meeting in California. She called me and said, "I'm here in (small town) with Amanda, my husband is on a business trip to California, and my dog is alone on the Continent!" I do know that, days after the six months, they were able to get Amanda a passport and go back to Switzerland (until they were transferred again). |
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^^^ Yikes! Thanks for the info. I'll let her know. She's found a pediatrician who specializes in internationally adopted children. One of the things she's learned is that there can be medical conditions that go untreated in some countries, so a thorough physical is a must as soon as the baby gets to the U.S.
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There isn't a 'test' for FAS. Certain physical features can be suggestive of possible fetal alcohol exposure, but this is not true for all children with FAS, and the diagnosis is very difficult to make in infants and toddlers. Children with more severe cases of FAS can be identified in part by developmental delay and/or mental retardation, but this is still not conclusive. It's a clinical diagnosis that should be made by a qualified pediatrician or child psychiatrist.
That said, most of the kiddos up for adoption in Russia have medical records that can be daunting to prospective parents, who haven't seen many of the diagnoses before and don't realize that many of these children are arbitrarily labeled with diagnoses. Leslie Anne, see if your sister's international pediatrician is willing to review video footage sent via computer from your sister while she's in the orphanage. This can sometimes help to make a preliminary diagnosis. The internet is amazing! |
Thank you so much for the suggestion, SigKapSweetie! Reviewing footage is a brilliant idea and I'll definitely pass that along to my sister.
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Good thread. I'm just thinking outloud here, but honestly, if I adopted a child that was from a different culture/ethnicity than myself, honestly, I don't think I would make a concentrated effort to expose them to whatever their heritage is - especially if their culture is something that I normally do not associate with on a regular basis. I akin it to people telling me how much they "know black culture" because they went to a Junetheenth festival one year or something along those lines. I think the child already knows that they are visually, different from the rest of the family so why reinforce it especially when it seems "forced'?
I dunno...I say all this now but who knows lol. I'm not sure how I would find that balance between true learning of one's self versus awkward attempts? |
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Depending on the country of origin, this could be soon after arrival or, I know for Korea's case, it can take up to a year. Not sure how long it takes for other countries. |
*bump*
We (my husband & I) have been discussing adoption (domestic & international), so I'm interested to hear any and all thoughts you all might ahve to add to this thread ... |
*bump*
I'm an aunt! My sister and I just got back on Saturday from Russia. Sis is now mommy to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. It's such a relief to have the adoption over with. For some unknown reason, the process took my sister three years. It was so stressful but, of course, well worth it. |
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But congratulations to your sister! (And you the new aunt :D) |
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There are ways to educate and socialize children without it being forced; and it helps to educate the parent(s), as well. Not connecting your child to their race and ethnicity and nationality is a bad idea. I don't understand why a family/person would adopt a child from a particular race and ethnicity or nationality if the family/person does not associate with that race and ethnicity and nationality. |
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Why do people adopt interracially and internationally if they have no point of reference for that race and ethnicity or nationality, and do not plan on changing that in order to educate the child. |
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Since the majority of these adoptive parents are white Americans, those who don't know need to know that whiteness and Americanness aren't the norm, aren't generic, and aren't invisible. They are very much socialized into whiteness/as whites and into Americanness/as Americans. They can choose to challenge these constructions of race and ethnicity and nationality. But they can't do that if they are going to intentionally or unintentionally socialize the children into whiteness and Americanness. While these parents may pretend that they are generically being good parents, the kids discover early on how they have a difficult time relating to those who "look like them." |
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Adoption's complicated for a lot of reasons. I see a lot of reasons to foster and to adopt an older child through the foster system rather than to go infant hunting. (And not just because there are many older children who need homes, but that's good too.) |
I knew this thread would get pissy if I posted in it....which is why I hesitated for a few days. :rolleyes:
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I have friends who have adopted internationally, I have worked for a family who adopted all of their children from Korea, am I happy for them? Hell yes, and I babysit and support them, but I will do what I can to help kids here as well. It isn't an either or, but the system has to change somehow and I know the kids abroad will be adopted, but I want the kids here to not be victims and miss out as well. |
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I don't see how what you said about internationally adopting babies was "pissy." Isn't it true? Doesn't domestic adoption lend itself more to adopting older kids? People who are looking for a more "clean slate" would want to adopt babies and perhaps do so internationally. (Of course, my question had more to do with why some parents felt the "clean slate" can't be filled with an understanding and appreciation for race and ethnicity, culture, and nationality. :)) |
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I'm not saying stop adopting kids from overseas, I'm saying that we can do both here. A family I babysat for adopted internationally and was a foster parent to children from that same ethnicity/nationality who ended up needing a home. They eventually adopted the foster children and I know that part of what made them successful was that they were an interracial couple and the father looked like the kids and they did a lot of work with other families who adopted from that same country with both parents being white. I provided many a notarized document for this family because of how they did things. It isn't an either or, it is a both. We need systems in the USA to support the kids who are adopted internationally, and for domestic children to be fostered or adopted. Granted there's a whole huge separate issue, the elephant in the room which is tattooed on DrPhil's forehead of why we have so many kids internally who are also in need and what can be done in that arena. |
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