Has there been anyone who has never been in a relationship?
 

I'm one of them. :( I haven't dated in almost 3 years. The last (and only) guy that I have been out was too quiet for my speed. My friend got me to meet a guy last week, but the guy was not my type. He's not a party person, and he doesn't drink at all. You see, I'm picky about guys. For example, I like older guys and a guy who is a little wild. So there.

Also, I'm full figured, so that explained why I'm not having any luck in the love department. I feel left out because all of my friends have boyfriends. When I started college, I was like guys are not a big deal to me. But in my sophomore year, I started to get interested in dating guys. I wanted to date my childhood friend, but he has a girlfriend. I know that school is my priority, but it doesn't hurt to look for a guy.

Ashley,

I'm 25 and I haven't had an official date in over a year. These days, I'm just going with my normal routine. I get up, do some homework, look for jobs, go to parties, just like everything's normal. If you act like you want a boyfriend badly, you're not going to get one. It works that way with anything. Best of luck!

-Cynthia

Ashley,

I know where you're coming from. I'm a 24 (and a half :D) year old who has YET to go on a date, let alone be in a relationship...the right time will come along for you, though I know it's hard to wait until that time occurs. There are times I question why I haven't been blessed with someone to even just "hang out with", but then I figure that he just isn't ready for me yet :)

It doesn't "hurt" to look for a guy, but at the same time, I don't think you're going to college to get your degree in a relationship, are you? Enjoy this time of getting to meet so many people that may not be relationship-material (in a "romantic" sense), but may become the people who mean more to you than any short-term relationship!

I've casually dated several guys, but I have never been in a serious relationship. I guess I'm too picky, none of the guys seemed to be serious relationship material.

All of you are loosers. :p

No they aren't. It's good not to be boy crazy like me.

Relationships are really not all they are cracked up to be. If you've never been in one, I can understand where the grass seems greener on the other side, but I think that until you grow to know yourself more fully-- be it through travel, learning, being around other people and trying new things-- you really don't know what you're looking for in a partner. It's ok to have casual dates and relationships.... life is a banquet, so eat up!

And for the record, I'm taking a break from relationships. I'm a little tired of it all... not quite jaded, not at all bitter... but if a guy wants to be with me... he's going to have make a considerable effort to show he's interested.

Only losers don't know how to spell the word correctly. ;) :D

You can't blame your figure for your lack of boyfriend. Plenty of overweight girls have boyfriends, husbands, girlfriends, whatever floats their boat.

Try not being so picky. In my ideal GP world, I'd only date ice Irish Catholic boys. I never end up doing it but that doesn't prevent me from being in a relationship.

Happiness doesn't revolve around a man. Some of the happiest times of my life were when I was single and didn't have anybody else to care about besides myself.

I was in the same boat for a long time. My last real long term relationship ended almost 3 years ago. After that I dated guys that wanted something casual when I wanted something serious. I did this multiple times. It was unnecessary stress.

Up until now, I hadn't had a date in almost a year. But I also didn't care. I just went on with my life and enjoyed being single. And suddenly this great guy showed up in my life.

My secret? I stopped looking.

I figure at 23, I have my whole life to be married/in a serious relationship. Why spend my single years tied down? It's not me anymore. I may be dating now, but whether or not anything serious comes out of it, I'm not pushing now.

HAHA, oddly enough, the only guy I've ever dated (and am still dating) is a nice Irish Catholic boy. I'm talking red hair, born on St. Patrick's day. He was also my sponsor when I decided to beocome catholic. Just goes to show kids...you CAN find a decent man on the internet!

Also, coming from a girl who is size 14+, you can't pidgeonhole yourself as "full figured". Pidgeonhole yourself as a confident college woman with plenty to offer anyone who is smart enough to take interest in you. When you walk into a room, walk in there like someone just played the Miss America victory song. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like your percieved size is unnatractive, that's how people hold power over others, by making them feel inadequate/separate/unequal because of some percieved flaw.

It's a desert out there...
 

Hey nothin' wrong with having a dry spell every now and then...

Also the male "Seasonal Affective Disorder" starts about this time--from Thanksgiving in November to Valentine's Day in February... All the Holidays are coming up and they have to have "family time"... They only want to be with the serious girls around that time. And if they don't have a serious girl, most men will NOT be bringing what they think is a stank ho in front of their mommas'... Besides, playerz don't buy their women any real gifts--which means that Christmas and Valentine's Day knocked outta the box...

However, men do want a "funky time" on New Year's Eve, so they be hookin' it up with freakiest, then dump her by MLK Day weekend--just before VD...

The time to have the ultimate serious boyfriend connection was in May or June...

So ladies, if you do hook up with a man during this time, just know that your odds of being with that boy beyond fling stage could be minimal... Unless your boy is a "nice guy" and wants a woman around this time...

And if you think I am wrong in my thinking, just as all the jewelry stores what products are sold in the highest amounts during the "season" and I am willing to guarentee they are engagement rings or diamond containing products...

:D

Re: Has there been anyone who has never been in a relationship?
 

being full figured shouldn't have anything to do with boyfriends. there are MANY guys who will only date plus-sized women.

although i had boyfriends through high school and college, the relationship that i'm in now (i'm 26) is really my only "true" relationship where i love him dearly and can't wait to see him every day. every other relationship i never really cared about.

my suggestion----go on match.com. allow men to see your picture and read about you and then THEY can approach you safely by writing. you don't even have to write to anyone if you're afraid of rejection. i know so many people who have had success with it, me included. i know 2 people who are engaged to the boyfriend they met on it.

i think you'll have success because YOU'LL be in control. you can search for your older, wilder man. and you don't have to tell anyone where you met. it can be your little secret;) good luck to you.

Re: Re: Has there been anyone who has never been in a relationship?
 

AMEN!!! I can not echo this statment enough. I know it sounds so cheesy and stupid but it's so incredibly true. Seriously my relationship happened when I wasn't looking for one, wanting one, or interested in having one. Then all of the sudden this guy just kind of fell in to my lap out of nowhere and stuff just happened.

Also, being in a lot of relationships isn't as great as it might sound. It just means a lot of heartbreak for you, the other person, or both of you if the relationship doesn't work out and that's never fun.

Re: Re: Re: Has there been anyone who has never been in a relationship?
 

who said i wasn't in that position? as a matter of fact, i am! don't be so quick to judge.

i, too, always had many good guy friends. none of them ever liked me either. but not because i wasn't a size 2, it was because i was their friend! i wasn't attracted to them and they weren't attracted to me. but i did meet a few good guys who were attracted to me. i've also met plenty of guys who WEREN'T attracted to me--whether because of my size, personality, hair color, religion, etc.

i still say, don't blame weight on not finding a guy. yes, it MAY be a deterrent for some guys, but definitely not all! go about finding a guy in a different way--maybe the bar scene isn't right for all people. it sure as hell wasn't right for me.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Has there been anyone who has never been in a relationship?
 

Politcal Correctness aside, I think Pm_mama is correct.

Generally, the closer you are to average the more attention you are going to get. The more attention you get the more likely someone is going to like you or you are going to like someone.

To a certain degree that applieseven if you are not-average in the direction of exceptional beauty . . the amount of attention begins to drop off.

The sooner people realize that the better. We can spend years agonizing over people not liking us because we are out of shape, or have abrasive personalities, or we can do something about it.

However, most people would rather say "it shouldn't be that way." rather than do anything about it.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Has there been anyone who has never been in a relationship?
 

James, I wish you were a motivational speaker. ;)

I think you have to be hugely obese for it to really be a problem. I haven't been skinny since I started college because I value vodka tonics and ice cream more than running 5 miles a day like I did in high school. I've spent 75% of college in a relationship. I think that blaming your weight or size is a crutch for you not being willing to try.

GP is right! There are plenty of full figured women who have wonderful, meaningful relationships. I haven't had a date in over a year, and I've never had a serious relationship. I used to blame my weight, but now I know that it's not so much my weight as it is my insecurity in myself.

It's taking time but I'm getting better. You have to love yourself before anyone can love you back. You also have to change the way you look and feel on the inside before you can truely change the outside.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Has there been anyone who has never been in a relationship?
 

I have been overweight all my life. At times (college) I was only about 15 pounds overweight, but I've also been 140 pounds overweight (when I met my second husband, in fact). I'm a total yo-yo weight wise. The bottom line is, I have a beautiful face and I'm a beautiful person inside. My smile lights up a room and I'm confident (and sounding very conceited right now!). I'm a great catch because I'm independent, financially and emotionally and intelligent with a great sense of humor and a warm caring heart. My problem is that I'm completely intolerant of men's flaws so they get on my nerves and I reject them.

The true irony is, when I was in college and was just a little overweight, I had no confidence and stuck to one serious boyfriend. When I was at my heaviest, I had reached a point that I liked who I was and felt confident about myself in spite of my weight, and I had more dates than I had time for.

It's more about your self confidence and belief in yourself than it is about your weight. Were there men who didn't date me because of my weight? Probably. But, would those be the men who would stick with you through a pregnancy, a mastectomy, a 90 year old wrinkled body, or a colostomy? Probably not. If you don't love yourself the way you are, then why would somebody else?

Dee

great post

At least those who haven't ever been in a serious relationship aren't like those girls who ALWAYS have to have a boyfriend. I hate girls like that. I know girls who have dated guys that they don't even like and guys that all their friends hated just to have a boyfriend. I think sometimes it comes from insecurities.

As usual, Dee speaks the gospel.

I'm a fat girl. There, I admitted it, so all you guys who think that's an insult, feel free to hurl it my way. I spent a long, long time clinging to men who were awful b/c they paid attention to me. I thought a bad relationship was better than being alone. I was convinced that no one would love me, and I settled for what I could get. I was miserable, and it was evident in everything I did. I truly believe that certain types of men can sense that out, figure out when a woman's confidence is low, and sweep in to call her pretty a few times, then treat her like shit.

Then, a few years ago, I chucked them all. I decided to take time FOR ME. I got in touch with who I am. I realized, yes, I'm plus sized, but I'm also intelligent, kind hearted, and, frankly, I have a great ass ;). I learned to look in the mirror and pick out good things, not to sigh b/c my boobs were too big or that my hips are wide. I realized that people were right-I DO have a beautiful smile, I DO have a pretty face, I DO have good hair, etc. Before too long, that confidence came radiating through. Yes, I did lose a few pounds along the way, but I knew I did it FOR ME. A few months later, I met my now-husband, who is the kindest, sweetest human being on this world. My friends and family are insanely jealous of me, he treats me so well.

Phyllis-Good guys are out there, I promise. You're a beautiful, wonderful person-believe in yourself, and you'll find someone who will make you happy. You can lose weight, you can gain weight, it doesn't matter. Whatever you do DO IT FOR YOU.

Is it bad that someone's never been in a serious relationship? You always hear girls saying, "He's afraid of committment." But what if that's not it? Is it ever too late for a relationship?

No, I don't believe it's ever too late for a meaningful relationship. For some people it just takes time to find that special someone. It's only too late if you tell yourself it's too late.