advice pls
 

One of our rushee is in her mid-thirties! I know we cant discriminate base on age, but how can i tell her she is wasting her time by rushing?

Why is she wasting her time?? If she likes your GLO, why don't you kindly offer her the option to pursue AI (if it's an option)?;) Maybe she'd have more incommon and more to offer an org as an AI....IMO.

Actually, you can discriminate based on age. Many organizations have bylaws that disallow people above a certain age to join.

I think my fraternity requires new members to be under 25. Otherwise, they must pursue alumni initiation which requires a vote of our High Council.

If she's still in college, she won't be able to do AI with most orgs.

If she's in college, and going to be there for a few years, understands that she's older than the average collegian, and still wants to be a productive member of the group, what's the problem?

No offense, but she's probably more mature than most of the NM's and could probably off quite a bit to the chapter. And just because she's in her 30's doesn't mean she can't get along and have fun with women in their 20's (I should know, I'm in my 30's).

Personally, I think it would be discriminatory (whether it's right or wrong).

For everyone suggesting AI - it's ALUMNAE intiation. Not "if you're over a certain age or had a crappy rush" initiation. She's not an alum, she's a college student. I don't mean this as harsh as it sounds, but it seems like everyone offers AI up as a solution for "problem" rushees and that's not what it's supposed to be for.

I have no idea what your school is like, so it's hard to say if she could receive a bid - there are more and more nontrad students out there every day - but even if every other rushee is an 18 year old freshman, it's her decision. If she wants to "waste her time" as you put it, it's HER time to waste.

If she isn't a good fit for your chapter, cut her. It is that simple. Ignore her age for a moment:

1) Does this woman meet your GPA requirements?
2) Does she have sufficient previous campus involvement, either in HS or previous college?
3) Does she have sufficient community service background?
4) DOES SHE FIT IN WITH THE OTHER WOMEN IN YOUR CHAPTER? Could you imagine taking road trips together, studying together, hanging out in the TV room gossiping about the upcoming socials and date parties? Is she someone you would want as your friend?

Number 4 is critical... regardless of age, don't select a PNM for your chapter unless she fits with the other members. No she doesn't have to be a clone, but if everyone gets along well with her and likes her, then invite her back. If you can't see her as a sister, then cut her. Age is irrevlevant there.

Every once in a while, we hear about fraternities bidding non-trad students...it usually works out pretty well for them, but so goes the fact that sororities and fraternities are different animals when it comes to recruitment.

What's been said above is all good info. Bottom line, you shouldn't recruit someone who simply isn't a good fit.

Bearing that in mind, here' s a related story:
Several years ago, a woman in her 40's went through formal recruitment at my alma mater. She was a returning student, I can't remember if she was just finishing up what little she lacked from her first time in college b/f she had kids, or if she was getting a second degree. Anyway, everyone ADORED her, and she very clearly loved DZ. She was invited to Pref, but did not match before we filled quota...I'm sure there were reservations on the chapter's part to having someone who was their mother's age in their pledge class, but they still loved her.

We extended an invitation to her to join by AI-and it worked out great b/c she was a non-traditional student who probably would not have enjoyed some of the activities geared to the younger/traditional students, but since she was a permanent resident of the community, we knew she would be able to contribute alot to the organization by just being there. She was able to attend New Member meetings (her choice, but not required), learn all the history & was initiated at the same time as the new member class. She is still an active alum in the community, from what I hear.

Let the lady finish recruitment, and let the cards fall where they may. If she does not receive a bid, but is interested in pursuing AI eventually, she can seek it out like anyone else who meets the specific guidelines of the organizations.

I remember my first year as Recruitment Chair there was a married woman in her late twenties/thirties that came through Rush. I do not remember why she started so late or whatever, but I know her husband was an active TKE and she thought it would be fun! Kappa Kappa Gamma gave her a bid and as far as I know she was a wonnnnnnderful member! So don't judge a book by its cover! ;)

But it may matter if the school is the type that only really takes Freshman-- you know what I mean?! What school is it or what type is it? Big greek school?

My first thought was, "How can you be sure that's not Alexandra Robbins in disguise?" ;)

edited to fix some formatting

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Seriously though...we've had some older people come through rush, er recruitment. A women in her mid to late 20's came to our info sessions. She was nice and all, but the fact that she kept talking about her kids bugged us out. One of the frats had "Blue" a year ago, who was like 32 or something. He ended up getting married last fall...and having the reception at the house. Let me add that the house is not one of these gorgeous greek revival houses or something. Its a POS. And if I were the bride, I would have divorced him on the spot.

33, co-sign to you!! As for the woman's age, etc., I can't imagine an over 30 year old woman believing she will mesh with a group of 18-22 year olds. I go to chapters sometimes to do visits and what not, and at 30, I can honestly say I'd NEVER be able to be a collegiate member again! Too much drama :) Alum initiation is an option after she's out of school, and if your chapter likes her a lot, sponsor her when she's graduated. Otherwise, go with how the chapter votes and let the chips fall where they may!

Thanks for the reply everyone!

To answer some of your questions:
Our school is not big on greek life nor is our chapter a traditional one. For one thing, our rush period is a lot longer than other GLOs. We have 10 events. The rushees are required to attend at least 4 in order to be considered for a bid. So 4 days out of 2 weeks can be considered time-consuming for her. We dont want her to go through that and be told she didn't make it. which is very likely because most of the girls are uncomfortable around her because of her age. We dont want to waste money on her too cuz our events (dinner,drinks, entertainment and such) are quite expensive.If she's using us for all the freebies, we dont want her anyways!

Is this formal rush? Can you cut her from your parties? Are you an NPC?

Unless you have parties where people can only come if they're invited, there's really nothing you can do about it. I'm sure there will be younger students you'll be "wasting money" on when they don't choose to pledge.

As someone slowly approaching 30, I can understand the reservations of your chapter. I find it difficult to see how someone in their 30's can mesh well with girls 18-22. I think 18-22 year-olds are great but we are also at 2 different places in our lives for the most part. That may sound discrimnatory if you are 18-22 reading this post, but when you get to be my age (28) and away from the daily happenings that go on in a lot of sororities, you would understand. What is her schedule and family responsibilities like? Does she work? Someone else posted it here and this is the bottom line I think: DO YOU LIKE HER AND WANT TO HANG OUT WITH THIS WOMAN? Is she going to be around for traditional college "stuff" like parties, overnights, roadtrips, random shopping trips to the mall and anything that traditionally goes on in a sorority that helps bond everyone together? On the other hand, there are many people in their late 20's and early 30's who don't even look or act their "age" and I don't mean that in a negative way. Knowing what I know now at my age that I didn't know back then (or want to know LOL) I feel too that any "older" student could also be a great asset to any sorority. Overall, again, I think it comes down to if you girls like her and want her as a friend and sister, and does she feel the same way? Or is she just trying to do a bunch of things she didn't do when she was "younger" if you know what I am saying?

Back when I was in school, there was a woman in my Occupational Therapy program who was in her early 30's. She had goofed around a lot right after high school, got married and divorced very young and figured out that it was time to get herself to college. She wasn't in a sorority, but she would have fit into one easily. Our OT program was kind of like another sorority because there were 50 of us who had all the same classes together for two years straight. We became close friends, partied together, studied together, etc. Faye fit right in with us totally and I ended up forgetting that she was 30. She wasn't in a "different place" because she lived in an off campus apartment, just like the rest of us, was struggling by living on financial aid, just like the rest of us, was fun-loving and liked to go out dancing, just like the rest of us. She was living the full college student experience and would have been GREAT in a sorority. I think this just depends on the person.

My $.02

Dee

I totally agree with ADGee, I my alpha class there was a 32 year old. She was a senior and had been in college for a long time. She had an amazing personality and being that she had been around longer than us she had alot of college and life stories to tell. She ended up going alum after one semester. She wanted to be part of ADPi for the organization itself. She had good experiences with sisters in the past at her old school so when she transfered to Sac State she decided to finally rush. Some people along the line forget that sororites aren't just "4 years, for life." Granted the "typical" sorority activites of mixers, roadtrips, greek sing etc...might not apply to the older generation, the dedication to your sorority and the oaths are universal, regaurdless of age.

30 something collegiate
 

Just because she's in her 30's doesn't mean that she won't be an asset to your chapter. I've told this story before as there are many other threads about older PNMs and/or grad students so you might want to do a search on it.

I was 32 (and a grad student) when Phi Sigma Sigma colonized at CSUDH. I work on campus and had stopped by their information booth to get information for girls that were in my program. The woman at the booth asked "what about you", I responded that I was 32 and her response was "so" same response when I said i was a grad student. After talking to her more I thought I'll just go to the informational meetings to see if they really mean it. They did mean it. Next thing I knew I was being offered a bid card and became a founding member and the sisterhood development chair for the sorority. The next year I was the president of my chapter. I don't regret it for a moment - I believe in what we say - Once A Phi Sigma Sigma, Always a Phi Sigma Sigma. In fact, I just became an alum this past May and now am on the National Programming Team and am working on getting an Alum chapter started for Los Angeles. As someone else posted, we tend to forget that a sorority isn't just 4 years of college but is for life!!

The age difference didn't matter to me or the younger women - heck most of them were closer in age to me then my blood sister is - their the age of my nephew. I didnt go to any of the parties, but there are 18 year old sisters who don't go to parties so what is the difference. I did go to the official socials there and the guys didn't seem to mind either and seemed to like the fact that fraternities aren't the Greeks who will take "older" new members. I was an active participant in the chapter and also have made some lifelong friends among the "young" crowd. Some of us go shopping together, movies, dinners, etc. We don't really notice the difference in our ages

As for worrying about her not having the time to do the recruitment, let her be the judge of that. Only she knows what her time commitments are - that is one advantage of being "older" we have really learned how to juggle our life so that we have time to do what we really want. If she didn't have the time to commit to the sorority I'm fairly certain she wouldn't have put herself through all of the process to try to join.

I hope you will really give her a chance and not cut her just because of her age. you might just be surprised by what a great sister she will make. let us know what happens please.

Carolyn

p.s. This past year in my chapter there were 3 of us that were around 36, a sister was 40, and we initiated a 48 year old woman in the Spring. The "Rocking Chair Club" as we called ourselves were all very active with the chapter and have developed great friendships with sisters of all ages in the chapter.

I don't know this just seems weird. We had a 26yo in our pledge class and she just joined to get it on her resume. She didn't mesh with us at all. And even at 22 I feel strange around 18 yo in the chapter because I am at a completely different place in my life. I guess it all depend on past expierences and where you are in your life.

If you had an 18 year old who just joined to put it on her resume, I wager she wouldn't have meshed with y'all either. Look at the motivation, not the person.

never thought of it that way ... so true