Not invited
 

O.K. I have a cousin who is getting married next month. The wedding invitations went out & my mother received one as well as one of my older sisters. We found out that my cousin did not want to pay $100 a plate per person so she excluded those she did not there & that included all children, an most of her side of the family including one of her brothers but not the grooms. His family will all be there unless they have kids. We were justifiably insulted and pretty upset that she would choose to do this. My mom already said she would not be attending the wedding but my sister is.
The rest of my family is upset with her for going b/c of the way all the rest of us were insulted & excluded. I feel that it's her right to go if she chooses to do so.
What do you think? Should she go or not?

F.Y.I. The other reason we were excluded was b/c she told us point blank that his well-to-do family is not used to being around people like us. We're not sure what this means but I'm afraid it's a reference to the fact that we're Latino & not white like his family.

His well-to-do family can't afford extra guests?

-Rudey
--And Ricky Lake can eat all she wants and it won't show.

That's bullshit. What an obnoxious group of people, and no offense but your cousin isn't really any better.

However, it is your mom's perogative...I can understand how everyone would be kind of pissy if she went. What about this? Tell her to go and be the wonderful person she is and show them exactly what "you people" are like.

-Jules
--Unless she sucks. Then she shouldn't go.

Your sister and mother were invited, but you weren't. That's pretty rude. I can understand inviting only the aunts and uncles and not the cousins. Your mother is the bride's aunt, correct? To invite your sister and not you is just flat out rude.

We have had situations like this in my family over the years. I don't take it personally anymore.

Nice way to insult the family. :rolleyes: You should either invite all the cousins, or none of them (except for situations like "cousin #1 is like a sister to me, cousin #2 won't give me the time of day").

As for your sister, it's really up to her whether she goes or not. In her shoes, I probably wouldn't go, but that's just me.

Next Thanksgiving, invite everyone in the family except her. Tell her you didn't invite her because you only wanted one turkey at the table. :p

CTFU! It is up to your mom and sister if they want to go but personally if I were them, I would NOT go.

(My mother in law is going thru a similar situation now with her grand niece getting married) :rolleyes:

You should tell your sister not to go to the ceremony but show up at the reception and not bring a gift!

HA! (j/k...or am I)

That's very classless of your cousin.
I'm a little confused. You said that your family is Hispanic. Is your cousin not?

My mom will NOT be attending b/c she was insulted that the rest of us were not invited.
My sister is undecided b/c she too is insulted but my cousin & her grew up together and were really close as kids & teens though they are both now in their 30's.

The couple is paying for the wedding themselves b/c they said that if they allowed family to help pay, they would have had to invite everyone including children. They do not like kids at all.

Finally, we were invited to her bridal shower. I was shocked b/c it is my understanding that you only invite wedding guests to your showers. You do not invite people who are not welcome to your wedding and expect them to bring gifts. However, we did receive e-mails telling us where she was registered. I am not giving her any gift except to tell her she sucks!

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Holy crap!!!

Seriously, you cousin needs a smack upside the head.

I can understand not inviting kids. Many people do not invite children to their wedding.
But you are hardly a child.
She's aalready insulted your family by inviting only some and not the others. She has already told you she didn't want you at her wedding because of your Hispanic heritage.
She's over the top. I honestly think you should send her email telling how completely insulted that you were not invited to the wedding yet she expects a gift and tell her how offensive it is.

**Round of applause for Lady Pi Phi**

Wow your cousin is def. something else! lol

I'm appalled that she would not invite members of your family to the wedding, but then invite them to the bridal shower, and on top of all that, directs you to their wedding registry so you can buy them gifts.

Whatever. Tell them to buy their own crap.. since they're saving all this money by not inviting you and other members of your family!!! hahaha

On a more serious note, Maybe she doesn't realize what she's doing here.. maybe she needs to be let in on how her actions are affecting other people...

That's just really not nice :(

I just thought of something. Maybe you are on the B list. I was on the B list and received an invitation a couple of weeks before my cousin's wedding. I guess too many A list guests declined so there was room for me and my sisters. :rolleyes:

Maybe you should call or email your cousin and tell her that you think your invitation was lost in the mail since both your mother and sister received theirs.

That could be... but it is tacky even to have a B list for a wedding. Either you want someone there, or you don't. It will be blatantly obvious (as in Cream's case) that you were on the B list when you get your invitation 2 weeks before the wedding rather than 6 weeks before like everyone else... and that's an insult, maybe more of an insult than not being invited at all.

And you were invited to the shower??? Can you say "fishing for gifts" ??? :rolleyes:

WOW!!!

Ok I know that it is her wedding and her day and she can do what she wants but that is just offensive. You don't invite someone to a shower and not to the wedding. To me that is just petty and saying "you can come to give me gifts but not the event" UMMMMM NOOOOO!!!!

There were people that I invited to my shower that I wouldn't have normally, because they had already informed me that they couldn't come to the wedding and would like to come to the shower.

My cousin didn't invite anyone to his wedding except his own parents. Not his two sisters or their families or even our grandmother. He said it was because her family couldn't afford to have a big wedding. I didn't mind not going 'cause I don't really know/like him anyway, but he broke my grandmother's heart by not inviting her!

your cousin is just being totally classless. you dont do that to family members - especially when you said your sister and her were thisclose growing up.... that means you were at least SOMEWHAT close with her .... she is just being childish using the "you people" excuse. you are exactly that - PEOPLE. there is no need for her snotty remarks. in my eyes - you dont need to go to her wedding, because you'd just be overpaying for a dinner that you and your family could go out and have some where else -- and without the hassle !! :rolleyes:

Sounds like the bride may have a low turn out at her bridal shower. Hmmm wonder why?:rolleyes:

The hispanic comment (if made) was totally out of bounds. I can see your cousin inviting your mom and your sister because they are the relatives she is close to, and I can understand you sister wanting to go because they were close growing up. However, wedding ettiquite is strict, and they should have read some books that told them how to handle this situation.

It's their prerogative who they want to invite and not invite. It's their wedding day, and they're paying for it with their own pockets, so I don't think it's up to you or anyone on GC to call them classless and tacky.

Your cousin should not be having a $100 plate dinner wedding reception if she cannot afford to invite ALL her family to her wedding... Her money would be better spent for another purpose rather than a huge shindig. The more costly the wedding, the quicker the divorce...

Besides, she is really not starting off on the right foot by picking and choosing family members to attend her wedding--no matter how distant they are to her--I don't care how expensive any plate for a reception is, you just DO NOT selectively invite family members that you know about--except those who are the penitentiary...

As far as the jacked up Latino comment, you outta have a full on, stereotypical Latino action going to both the bridal shower and wedding with full on Marachi (sp?) band and the variety of bright colors and only speak Spanish to they asses... Full sterotypical... Just to piss her off and embarass her for such a sorry comment... 'Cuz that was foul to say some chit like--his bullisht assed "well to do" family is uncomfortable with hers... WTF? She thinks she's marrying into his "richness"? I don't think so!!!

Totally starting off on the wrong foot...

Marry me now.

Ain't that the truth? :o

Only if you promise that we'll have an open marriage so we can marry each member of the H&A. ;)

Regarding the "A" list & the "B" list, I don't think they have one b/c I didn't mention one fact. I have 6 sisters & 1 brother. Only one of my sisters were invited. The 7 other siblings were excluded. My aunt (my cousins godmother) was not invited either nor her 3 grown children. It's obvious to me that she is just a biatch.

Also, I think it would be funny to show up anyway & be the stereotypical Mexicans. I won't do it though b/c as annoying & rude as she is, I love her parents. My aunt & uncle had nothing to do with this & are both heartbroken over it but she is their only daughter & have been waiting for 40 years to walk her down the aisle. I have respect for them & that is why I have not made waves. Yet.

Oh come on! Anyone here will admit that it is their wedding therefore they can invite anyone they want to, but you've got to admit that its pretty tacky to invite only 1 sibling of 7. If you don't want all of them you don't invite any of them.

Even though I'm appalled at my own cousin for not inviting any of us to his wedding (even my grandmother!!!) at least he didn't invite just one of us and leave the rest of us out!

Tomorrow two of my co-workers are getting married and they wanted nothing but a small wedding with only their close family there. Because they knew this could hurt many of their close friends and extended family they held a reception of sorts last weekend for anyone that wanted to come. The only gift they asked for was our presence there and they did it in such a classy manner that everyone showed up and had a great time. I'm not saying everyone has to try to have something else for those they aren't inviting to their wedding but that is what I consider class.

An open marriage is fine with me, but an OPEN BAR is much more important. :D

I hate to admit it, but I can see me where your cousin is about 2 years from now. Weddings are expensive. I really don't know if I'll be able to invite my cousins. But... the mistakes as I see them is consistancy. I will be consistant with my invitations. If I invite a cousin - I invite all cousins. If I invite an aunt - I invite all aunts. I mean, you have to give yourselfs blankets to hide under.

If it weren't for the remark about you "not fitting in" I'd really believe it was just a cost of money, and that, maybe I could understand. But if she's going to blanket her inconsistency with remarks that smell of racism - that's just unacceptable.

Yes. It's tacky to have a B-list, but people should invite whomever they want to the wedding.

Re: Not invited
 

That just seems to reek of self-hatred and being ashamed of one's family.

She can do what she wants and all, but karma's a bitch.

If you want some of them, you should invite some of them. It's their wedding, so they should have whomever they want. Whoever thinks that's tacky simply shouldn't show up. Accept the fact that you weren't wanted there and suck it up. Harsh, I know...but shit happens.

It's not worth losing any sleep.

well - weddings are expensive - honestly - i wonder why she didnt invite you guys for the church ceremony and for you to come after the food if she is worried about costs of food. I had some mexican friends that did that - they understood that they want to invite family and close friends cuz they are poor and dont have enough food adn many people showed up after the food for the dancing part and everyone was happy. :) But on the other hand- I went to a traditional mexican wedding ( a different one) I was maid of honor but I almost fell asleep it was soooo long 2 hours and ON a sunday - i was like come on...... lol hurry up lol. by the way she married a gringo (white guy) and his family was clueless by some of the stuff they did (traditional mexican things) and i could see a big question mark above their heads. Sometimes its hard cuz of culture clash. I am worried whenever I date someone from a big family cuz i wont be able to invite EVERYONE. Maybe its not your cousin - it could be the guy speaking through her ya know??? `

BabyP has a point. It sounds like the in-laws have more than enough input for a wedding they supposedly aren't helping with. I can only imagine what hoops she had to jump through for them.
Or what lies she's told them or the future groom for that matter.

As for his relatives not being comfortable, at most weddings I've gone to usually you hang out with people you know. Are they planning forced party games between guests you don't know each other at the reception?

There are others who've said it better than I on this thread. Yes it is her day. And her reasons to the relatives as to why they weren't on the the guest list could have been said differently.

For her sake the marriage had better last.