This is gonna sound so stupid... but I'm worried...
 

Ok, before I whine on, I'm gonna say that this is gonna sound crazy and superficial and barely worth talking about, but it's something I'm worried about and I figured you guys were the best people to ask, since you live it. Ok here goes...

I've always been the 'good-lookin-girl' of the group and have never had a problem attracting guys, so I guess, in a way, I've grown accustomed to getting a lot of attention. I've heard that being a part of a sorority brings out insecurities in everyone and can lead to all sorts of problems.. depression, bullimia, etc, But what's it really like... is it really like every girl is stunning and internally it's like you are fighting a battle of the beauties?

I sound materialistic and shallow, probably because deep down I am... and I know that being a part of a sorority means so much more than this, and I totally completely respect that, and there are so many amazing aspects of sorority life and what being a sister really means which draws me to future sisterhood. But this, for some reason, has been playing on my mind for the last few days and I've needed reassurance from friends and boy 'friends'.. it's pathetic really, I know. I guess it's just coming from London, England I don't really know what to expect. I'm probably just freaking out about settling in and stuff like that.

Anyway, I had to get that out of my system. Thanks for listening anyway. You guys have been really helpful since I joined this forum!! xxx

Well, to be honest with you, coming from a Home Country to a new one, intrepidation would be on your mind!

As you can see, most of the time, you will find support not only on GC, but with a Greek Organization who will surround you with love and caring!:)

Not to worry, You will find people whop will help, Aide, Abet you when you need it!:cool:

On every campus there is a chapter that is less attractive, join them. That way you will stand out and get more of the better looking guys.

I am half way serious about that, Honestly darlin' your british brogue will give you many brownie points with the boys anyway, as well as the novelty of being foreign. Thats assuming that you aren't a real dog. Even facial features and a slender body go a long way in america.

Have you looked at the barbie thread yet?

Oh, I don't think you are being that superficial, you are just being honest in a way that others are uncomfortable being.

Barbie thread:

http://greekchat.com/gcforums/showth...threadid=47155

Thanks guys! Very interesting thread!! It looks like I'll stand out simply for being a brunette barbie! haha

no offense hun but you do sound shallow;)
but that aside, I don't think being in a sorority is going to make you any more supseptable for depression than just being away from home, if any thing having a group of friends would make you better adjusted.
BTW- I am sure you'll be noticed where ever you go

Exactly HOW do you pronounce your sig??? I'd like to know prior to a serious response. I am afraid I'm not reading it correctly and therefore have the wronge image in mind.

Re: This is gonna sound so stupid... but I'm worried...
 

PLEASE..... go find whoever told you this enormous load of manure and smack them. No, of course not "every" girl is stunning anywhere, on any campus, in any sorority.

Hopefully what a sisterhood will do is help you grow up and out of these insecurities, teach you to rely on your inner strengths and develop the self confidence to look BEYOND superficial exteriors. Hopefully they will help you look beyond this weekend's party at the future you are headed for.

That's what my sisters did for me :)

I don't think this is a particularly shallow question -- it IS a legitimate concern in some chapters.

I know that last year before rush, I was frustrated with some body image issues (gaining weight from dorm food, etc.) and rush did NOT make that easier. Of course the anxiety over it is worse than the actual experience, but I didn't look forward to spending two weeks talking to size zero prom queens and ex-cheerleaders when I was already unhappy with my body.

The way I feel is basically that if you've got bad self-esteem, being in a sorority might put you in a lot of situations that emphasize that. If you're anything like most girls, you want to look good for big events -- and being in a sorority means tons of crush parties, formals, mixers, rush parties, and other stuff that you want to look good for. If you're the type of person who's constantly measuring herself against other people and always thinks she comes up short, being involved in a sorority might emphasize this. Some people might blame this on the sorority itself but I don't really think that's the case -- if you have generally decent self-esteem, a sorority is not going to make it bad.

Sororities have a reputation for encouraging eating disorders but again, this is not a problem that only sororities face. The same thing happens in high school cafeterias, ballet and gymnastics studios, and women's dorms around the country . . . Basically, it all depends on what chapter you end up in. Most of the girls in my chapter have a relatively healthy attitude towards eating and exercise -- maybe a little neurotic about the working out at times, but nothing that I would consider unhealthy. One of our past presidents was suffering from anorexia and the sorority was one of the things that actually made her get help for it. On the other hand, I'm sure there are chapters of sororities out there where the girls encourage each other to puke after dinner.

I hate to say "It all depends," but really that is what it comes down to. If you don't have the best self-esteem and you get caught up with a bunch of girls (sorority or not) who are way into the dieting/overexercise/eating disorders, you will probably get into it sooner or later . . . if you are hanging out with girls who are relatively healthy about their body image, you'll probably be "dragged up" to their level (so to speak). Like I said, this isn't a sorority thing per se -- it's something that happens whenever you get a bunch of girls together. My high school cross-country team affected my body image issues more than my sorority ever will, for example.

As for the rest of your post, I'm not going to lie -- I think that a lot of girls that end up joining sororities are girls who were the center of attention in their social circles in high school (not just in terms of looks, but a lot of other things as well). It can be really hard for girls who used to be the "alpha" to be bumped down to beta or gamma ;) . But this is definitely not the case in all sororities, and even when it is, the benefits usually outweigh the drawbacks -- you just have to keep in mind that YOU are the same girl even though the women surrounding you might be prettier, smarter, more talented, more popular or more charming than the ones that used to be there.

I'm not quite sure why the pics were necessary, unless you're looking for us to reaffirm your belief that you're hot stuff......?

well, she has a nice body....maybe i'm being shallow.

I was thinking the same thing.

Some people need that kind of validation to get by in life. :rolleyes:

I know a few girls that did this. they were the "gorgeous girls" in high school, always had the attention of men everywhere they went and couldn' stand to not have it in college especially with so many beautiful women around. So they joined a sorority with few "face" girls and felt great about themselves. Whenever pairings came for different events, the fraternity guys in the paired fraternity always wanted to hang out with these particular girls, they easily got elected to chapter offices, other girls in the house as well as oher houses wanted to hang out with them, etc... hey it worked for them and kept their self esteem high, but i thought it was pretty lame :cool:

depending on the campus you are going to, your fears may be unfounded. I can honestly say that in the beginning, I felt inadequate at times on my campus... there are some drop dead gorgeous women here. But in the end i really think you start to realize the inner beauty of yourself and the women around you and take pride in being associated with women of outer beauty.

i don't get it. why do so many women justify themselves through how much attention they get from men? or am i just crazy?

I am not even gonna touch the question above...but...

I think that part of the original question is whether sororities foster too much competition and stress appearance so much that girls develop eating disorders, self-esteem isssues, etc.

I wish I could answer that, but it really depends on the individual chapter. Different chapters pride themselves on different things. Look around during rush, you can figure out which groups are telling you about their philanthropies and which groups are telling you about their social calendars. Then you choose the one whose values are most similar to yours.

I think she was just putting them out there kind of randomly . .. no harm done. She has all the usual features so she should be fine .. two arms and legs etc. :)

Exactly. Though as an aside most people can do with that reaffirmation every now and then :shrug:.
What James said.
:)

Just to touch on this... for me, I think I actually feel better about myself when a girl pays me a compliment, rather than a guy.

A guy's appreciation on the female form is very different to that of a woman's and quite honestly I know plenty of girls who I would consider 'unatractive' who get tons of attention from... the wrong sort of.... guys!

For a woman who I consider beautiful to come up to me and pay me a compliment... that means so much more than an "Oi, you're fit, my friend wants to do you" screeched from some random guy! haha, then again, I'm not saying all guys are vulgar, but I hope you get my point! :) xxx

Eh, but there's also the possibility that that may only last for a semester or two. When I joined my chapter, there were two girls in particular in my pledge class that everyone thought were SO cute and outgoing and would do SO much for the chapter (b/c they were cute). So the sisters all fawned over them and kissed their behinds. Well, by the time I graduated, those girls would've been considered some of the "ugly" ones. House composition can change a lot in a few years. Incidentally, both of those girls ended up resigning for various reasons and were never really active sisters anyway.

I think basing a decision on a sorority on something like this is pretty silly. No matter where you go in life there's always going to be someone better looking, smarter, more talented, etc. than you. Just a fact of life.

That's more likely to happen in the Northeast, than in the South. Also, I'm not sure how stable the sororities at USC are. If its anything like the South, it can take decades to change.

i get a lot of compliments from women and a lot of attention. it doesn't faze me, i know how i look and i'm confident in myself. it's nice to hear, but it has no bearing on how i feel about myself.

OK... I'm not saying this is necessarily true so much anymore, but I think part of this has to do with the fact that back in the day a woman was only as good as the man she attracted... women couldn't really do anything for themselves (vote, sign a contract, own land, etc) so the man you attracted pretty much determined your life.... I think this attitude is kinda left over from that ...plus we're constantly receiving media messages that being single isn't the way to be and if you are (single) there is probably something wrong with you. Now I was only a psychology major for about a year until I changed...and I'm sure there are many other factors... but I think these definitely have an impact.

Back to the *real* question in the thread.. HOneymoon... I pretty much agree with Sugar and Spice... it really depends on the chapter, school etc... as long as you keep a healthy attitude about food and exercise you should be fine, maybe you can even be one of those people who help to "drag people up" if there is someone with a problem.

You are crazy, and so are we for doing it!

It doesn't happen all the time, but it makes you feel 20 time better to have someone pay attention to you and give you a compliment then for you to go totally unnoticed. Perhaps it is because sex is such an important part of a good realtionship, perhaps it is the whole media blitz thing, but it does happen! Of course, I will be the first person to say that women shouldn't do this, and I try hard not to, but who am I kidding? I feel much better about myself when I know I look good.

This is probably going to sound very offensive to the orginal poster.
You need to get a life. constantly judging people by something so arbitary as looks is only going to give you superfiscal friends. You really need to consider judging people based on things such as personality, liked interest, etc.
Now I will admit to being somewhat self consious at times, but I don't chose friends based on looks. Of course I think all my friends are beautiful, and you may not agree.
How can you expect women to ever really gain equal footing with men in the "real world" if we always hold our selfs to such unrealistic views of perfection.
sorry I just get really pissed that women constantly feel the need to judge ourselves and teach younger women these same values!! :eek:
I am done ranting.

What makes you think that would be offensive LOL?

I think for the most part there is at least some variation between the chapters on every campus. I think that if what you're most concerned about/focused on is being the center of attention with the guys and the looks of the other girls you'd be better off to join one of the chapters who are known for being superficial. Sorority life is about so much more than looks and boys. While there are lots of mixers, frat parties, etc the most important things are (or should be) sisterhood and activities with your sisters. You can always party with boys, but you can't always find a setting where you can hang out with and bond with a huge group of girls.
I agree with whoever said that sorority life can increase problems like eating disorders, etc but that only happens when the girl has self-esteem issues already. If it does happen and you have chosen to join a chapter who genuinely cares about you, I am sure they will all be right there to support you.

I hope I didn't give the impression that I pick my friends based on looks or judge people purely on outward appearance! I don't. I've never ever ever chosen friends based on looks and I never will.

The purpose of my original post was to voice my worry, and get some feedback...that's all.... and I actually don't recall my original post stating that I picked friends based on looks... I'm sorry if that's the way you reacted to it.

I'm a grounded girl. I might be concerned with my appearance and what others think of me, but I can't help that, it's just the way I am. I judge myself, but I don't judge others.

I agree with you KellyB... being a part of a sorority is SO much more than being concerned about boys and looks. It was just a teeny thing niggling at me.

I guess because I've never been on a US college campus or met a girl in a sorority.. I've only seen what they show in movies... so the real picture is still very much a mystery to me and will remain so until I get to the USA this Autumn.

Is it really necessary for you to be so hypercritical of a person who came on here to ask a legitimate question? Get a life is all you have to say? Have you never been 17 or 18 and concerned with your appearance? I deal with teen girls EVERY DAY who worry about this, and while I am a 28 year old woman, secure with who I am I remember how it felt to "not fit in" or not feel like I was pretty because of my own image issues. The only thing that I can tell these women is to start becoming secure with who they are and what they become, not to get a life. What kind of a mentor and teacher would I be if my response was like yours?

Honeymoon,
Yes, those things can be prevalent, but if you are a strong woman you can be who you are ans everything will be cool. Sororities don't "cause" bulimia, nor do they cause depression. If anything I find they are the women who will be there to help you out if a problem like that arises. Best wishes to you at USC, it's a great school and I'm sure that you will have a wonderful experience there. All of the sororities there are amazing!
Cheers!

And I guess you were the picture of composure going through rush, knowing that the first impression your 18-20 year old potential sisters saw was the warm, fuzzy person you are inside, and not the scared, insecure college freshman who is far from home and trying to fit in? Wow. wish I was you.

why do some of you feel the need to attack potential members on this board? did you ever stop to think that they came here to ask a question that they feel is legit? it may come off pompous to you "seasoned" vets, or completely uninformed, but uh... I think that is why they "googled" this web site in the first place. and it really makes them feel positive about the Greek system when someone jumps all over them for phrasing a question wrong. not everyone is hip to "Greek Speak." Why? Because contrary to popular belief, there are other things to do in life than pledge.

/hijack
 

Co-signing to the general sentiment that actually, it sounds offensive to more people than just the original poster. \hijack

Cool, cat fight!:rolleyes:

Questions are asked to be answered. Not totally critizised.



Ah A stranger coming to The Shores of America is worried as hell.
A young Femaile who is coming here as a college student I am sure has trepidations.

If I was coming from a Different country after reading some of these posts, I am sure I would want to come!:(

If you want to find the flip side of the coin, find sigmachiguys post on being in England, a foreign country for him! Paleeze!:D

Oh, ask navane, find her on Alum Thread!

dear honeymoon
 

whatever you do, please don't base your opinion of u.s. sororities on movie-versions. that would be like basing your outlook of how america really is on your visit to disney world!

each national panhellenic sorority and nphc sorority has a national website. if you don't know the names of all the sororities, you can go to the national panhellenic website-it lists the sororities, and will list their websites. you will be able to find out general information about all the national organizations, i.e., when they were founded, where they wre founded, their history, their traditions, where they have current chapters, what their philanthrophy is, etc. if you have not already done so, you might visit the usc website and find the greek council or panhellenic site and check out the sororities on your campus.

most sororities have programs that members attend on studying and making good grades, healthy lifestyles and the like. being in a sorority is no more likely to drive you to bulemia than being a brunette would, and because of the above mentioned programs, a sister would more likely notice if another sister was suffering from such a disorder.

most chapter members are friendly with and supportive of their chapter sisters. while you may not become fast friends with everyone within the chapter, you will have the opportunity to make some wonderful friendships that will last a lifetime.

I knew it would probably offend some people, sorry if it hurt your feelings. i just get so tired of young women being pushed into thinking they should be defined by how they look. just before logging on I read in Marie Clare that Brittany Spears thinks she needs to lose 10 llbs. :eek: honestly I think she could probably used to gain some weight, but regardless she is absolutely beautiful.
i worry about how I look to, but I don't want to pass that on to anyone and I don't want to define myself by it.
I actually am usually we composed... thanks to my parents constant assurance growing up.

If you need a good reference book, buy the book Pledged: Secret Lives of Sororities, it will give you an insight into what sorority life is like at a large Greek Campus.

i hear what you're saying. but i guess it's wild to me that a woman would base how she views herself on how attractive she is to men.

Joining the "hot" sorority challenges girls to be all that they can be though!

No, really - I would not worry about whether you will feel as if you are in constant competition in a sorority. Of course you will be at times, you are a woman and we thrive on it. However, bonds between woman have their good and bad side, and the good I experienced (and continue to experience) from my collegiate sorority days FAR outweigh the bad.

The alums. always told us to stick with it and not to deactivate, because once you graduate, you only remember the good. It's so true... I look back on my days in the house with a smile.

Good luck!

Society judges women on their appearance more than on anything else. Read a Sopranos bulletin board where more than half the men talk about how fat Jamie Lynn Discala's butt is! The girl is absolutely gorgeous, healthy, with shapely hips (child bearing hips is what my ex husband would call them). Ever walk past an all men's dorm as a young woman on a college campus? They hoot, holler, scream out numbers rating you. (this was my experience in the 80's anyway.. given the more open sexuality of today, I suspect it's the same, or worse). You hear your boyfriend's/husband's friends constantly rating women on their appearance on TV, at bowling alleys, everywhere! You hear them rip on the new girlfriend of one their buddies because she's a little heavy, or not Angelina Jolie beautiful, while they are balding with beer bellies. And, because of the insecurities that women have about their appearances, they also judge each other harshly, hoping that by pointing out other's flaws, theirs will be less noticeable (comments about women who shouldn't be in bikinis, low riders, etc). It starts with Barbies (or Bratz these days.. which I refer to as Hoochie Momma Barbies) and, for most women, ends with self acceptance (few women reach this during adolescent or college though). For some, it never ends.

Dee

i guess, i've dealt with those women who were highly insecure and needed reaffirmation. it wasn't for me. lately, the women i've dealt with have been of very high confidence and i'm more accustomed to that. give me a confident, strong woman and i'm cool.