please help
 

yesterday some really bad stuff went down. one of my best friends and fraternity brother left our party almost in tears, he is african american and some girl that he is crushin on told him that her parents wouldnt approve of them. he said that he never let the race thing bother him before but for some reason it just got to him that night. he was really hurting and it was killing me. i came from a very closed minded town where interracial things didnt happen, now i see that as totally stupid. i would be honored if i guy like him was dating my sister, because i know he would treat her like a queen and always be good to her. it just opened my eyes and made me a little angry at the world. he didnt understand and i couldnt tell him anything, because it was stupid, there is no reason why they should be upset at a thing like that. if they halfway knew him they would love him, he is one of the greatest friends anyone could ever ask for. what do i say to him to make him feel better. and what do yall think of that.:(

well... i feel awful for your brother and that is a hard thing to go through. He doesn't feel any different so why do people treat him differently? it is an age old problem unfortunately. It seems like the girl was trying to be honest but could have used it as a sad excuse... :( If i were you- i would just try to boost his confidence in other ways and tell him all the things you just wrote about- that you would be honored to have him date your own sister- and taht he is a great guy- if the girl doesn't see that (or her parents don't) then he should feel sorry for them instead of feeling bad about himself. Obviously, he has great people that care a lot about him and thats all that matters. He should try to pick himself up and know that he is an amazing person no matter what.... good luck :)

You got to tell him the truth: That she is nothing more than a dime store hooker and if she had any clue at all she would be more open minded and would adore him . . you should rant about her and that for a while, if you are real angry about it you can probably break him out of it. ITs actually a mirroring technique.. .

But seriously, what a two bit little tramp with the social skills of leprous whore . .. I mean yeah issues like that exist, but what a trailer park white trash thing to say. She could have just said: hey dude I think you are cool and all but I don't dig you that way.

OR she could have said I don't like you, leave me alone. But noooo . . . . this little winner (a sorority girl?) had to basically say that he belongs to an entire caste of people that she doesn't even consider human enough to consider dating.

Anyway. . rant a bit and really work the stupid little ho-bag angle . . . Maybe you guys can publicly himiliate her also since she did it to him .. something really messed up.

She wasn't being honest, she's just a twisted little straggly hair, knockneed, pizza faced, Jerry Springer, excorist slut with a smelly ass. Don't make excuses for her ;)

Tell him that there will always be bigots, and that he should never let anyone rain on his parade. This won't make him feel better, only the time needed to heal his wound will.

What he said :)

Not everyone in this world is as open-minded as you and I. Even so, if she didn't want to date him because of race, she could have found a more tactful way to put it. :rolleyes:

He's better off without her.

ok ok- you guys are right- i was trying to be diplomatic! lol but it probably would help to "bash" her but also- make sure not to make him feel bad that he would like this girl- as if you don't approve of his taste (say a girl turned you down and all your boys were like she's a slut blah blah.... then what do they think about the other girls you like?) maybe thats jsut a girl thing.... hmmmmm :confused: lol (it most likely is)

I disagree. Creating further bad karma is not good. He simply has to realize that he is who he is, and that other people's opinions and prejudices don't change that. He must learn to like himself, not raise his self esteem at the expense of others.

Yuppers. Thats just a girl thing ;)

She's a dime store hooker, always was, always will be. Weren't you reading my post?

Calling her a hooker would be a compliment.

thanks
 

i really appriciate your responces. i knew i could count on you guys for some good feedback. i agree with everything yall said. she definitly is a skeezy hooker. and once again thank you so much.

Re: please help
 

She is allowed her own opinions and values. Calling her a slut and talking crap just makes you all look like assholes. Just because she doesn't want to date him do to his race doesn't make her a bad person.

I'm prolly going to get flamed for this, BUT,
She said her family wouldn't approve, not that she wasn't interested. Is it possible that this is valid?
Maybe she's not the racist but her family is, I believe that your location said Oklahoma?
I mean if her parents are paying for her schooling, maybe she doesn't need to be disowned by them. And yes, for some families thats what it comes down to. I know several families that have made it very clear to their daughters in no uncertain terms, you bring ANY OTHER race home, your cut off. This sounds like BS and an excuse but trust me it does happen.
So cut the girl some slack, it could very well be some BS and she could be a dime store hooker. But theres always two sides to every story. Just because everyone on this board is in the 21 st century and open minded, doesn't mean everyone is.

Thanks for stereotyping people in my state... Racism is the norm, right?

I'm not trying to start something with you. Its just BS when a bunch of people jump down some girls back and call her a whore without knowing the situation. Thats all I was trying to say. Maybe just maybe, not that those reason are right or correct or acceptable, but just maybe...she had reasons.

Sent in the ninjas, they'll take care of the problem.

But seriously, just tell him that it's just part of the experience that he has taken. The next question is how he is going to react to it. Is he going to let this be an experience that is going to weaken him or make him into a stronger man. I've experience racism too, but I just let it slide because racism is really insecurity. Tell him, that he should be secure of who he is and move on. In the long run, it's really nothing. Just a sentence in his life.

I am not sure calling her a whore directly would be useful . . but probbaly ranting about it to the guy that is injured might make him feel better for a little while.

That's exactly what I was going to say. She said her family wouldn't like it if she dated him...but did she say she didn't want to? I think her only mistake was that she was a little too honest. I understand not wanting to piss family off, since they can make things real hard, but she should have just told him she wouldn't go out with him. Period. No explanation. I know that my family would feel the same way hers does, but would I ever tell a guy that? Nooooooooooooo. I would simply say, "You'd be a nice friend, but I'm not interested in dating." Although, at this point in my life, I doubt I would discount a great guy like that because my family never approves anyway, but I realize that some people do feel the need to take into account what their family would do/say.

Kevin I know I told you about the Oklahomans that had words with a bigoted person...racism, discrimination, and hatred is EVERYWHERE.

It is that girl's loss and her problem. Let's hope that she becomes as strong as the rest of us someday to be able to follow what she wants and not her parents way of thinking. Not everyone is lucky enough to come from liberal openminded tolerant families. Yes she is an adult, and attending college, but if you grew up with attitudes like that at home, some are hard to break out of.

Calling her those names is breeding more negativity, you obviously love your brother, and we need more of that than calling women hookers and whores.

Re: please help
 

Matt-

I feel ya on this one bro. In my second sophmore year I had a roomate that was black, he was a random roomate. Eventually we became close friends, I found out we were a lot a like. Seriously, I never knew black could act the way he did. The only black people I knew before him were ghetto a$$ thugs who had nothing going for them and always looked at white people as the cause of their problems. I never knew any smart or intelligent black people. Originally, my friend is from New Jersey. One year he didnt go home for Thanksgiving and wasn't doing anything. I wanted to invite him but something told me to hold off. I called up my dad and asked him if it'd be alright, he knew my roomate since my dad is crazy about gator football. My dad told me it shouldn't be a problem and that he was going to ask his mother ( my grandmother) if it was alright with him being black and all. Well, my dad called me up the next day and told me he can't come. I was like WTF!?! I found out that it wasnt my mom or dad, but it was my grandmother not wanting to offend the other family members, mainly her sisters and brothers along with their families. That shit hit me hard when I realized that people didnt want him around solely because he was black, they didnt even want to give him a chance to get to know him....once they found out he was black it was out of the question. That day I realized how tough black people have it sometimes and how close minded many people in this world are, some of my family members included. I didnt tell him immediately why he couldn't come....I just let it drop.

One night my friend and i got drunk and I brought it up, he said he had a feeling things would end up like that but I shouldn't feel bad about it. He said his family is just as racist, his mom and dad won't even meet any of his girlfriends solely because they're all white and none are black.

To this day he is still one of my best friends.

-Cash

heres more on the deal. they "hooked up" one night and he fell for her. but the deal is she has hooked up with a lot of other guys. she isnt a moral person at all. she uses guys alot. it is mean to name call like that but they are not far from the truth. i would not have let him date her. i would have talked him out of it but the bad thing is, she broke his heart. thank you for the feed back its nice to see that there is other people out there that feel the way that i do.