wedding costs? :(
 

well, i am formally announcing it, I suppose...

I'm engaged!!!!! :)

starting to plan the wedding, i have created this intricate budget for all of our expenses (according to estimates at www.weddingplanner.com). I have included EVERY possible detail, and i'm trying to make sure everything is going to go perfectly as planned..

**for all you married folk, how much did your wedding actualyl cost?? was it a big or small wedding (how many guests)? traditional/modern/your own style? DJ or Band? dinner served??****

overall, i am just so lost in this whole wedding cost thing... help!! !:)

i just got married this summer and everything included we (well my dad!) spent about $4500.

I had a fairly traditional, medium sized wedding (about 100 guests). We had a DJ and a buffett style dinner. I really went to town with flowers though.

Advice - plan as much as possible now - save yourself the headache later!

Marissa

Congratulations, KappaTarzan!!!

I could tell you what my wedding cost, but it was so long ago that the prices would have to be adjusted for inflation! ;)

My piece of advice to you is to decide as soon as possible what one element of the wedding is most important to you (i.e. open bar, flowers, band, etc) and plan to spend the most money on that. Then work the other things into your budget.

I LOVE flowers and, like squirrely girl, I really went to town with them and it still makes me happy every time I look at the wedding pictures and see them :)

Congratulations!

Okay, I'm in the thick of wedding planning right now, so here goes:

Church: $1350 (1K for the church, 150 for the organist, 200 for the coordinator - my church is very expensive because I'm not a parishoner and its in the most exclusive neighborhood in New Orleans. But, it was worth it to me)

http://www.hnjchurch.org

Reception site rental: $1200

http://www.neworleansopera.org/guild.html

Caterer: $5000

We're doing a buffet-style dinner, because that's the norm down here. There's also going to be an open bar, because in new orleans, you just don't have a wedding without an open bar. The reception is going to be for about 150-200 people.

Dress: $1100 (It retails for much more, yay for internet dress shops!)

Band: $700 for 4-piece jazz band

This is what I've got so far. And I've done a lot of shopping to find the best quality at the best price. I'm not going to need a ton of flowers because both the church and reception site are very decorated in their own right.

I've got 5 bridesmaids and they'll be buying their own dresses/shoes etc. Keep in mind those "wedding budget calculators" include things like that which you might not be paying for.

Our wedding is going to be very traditional, very formal, and I'm a big pain in the ass. I could do this wedding in my parish church and the local country club for much much less than the ordeal I'm putting myself through, but hey, you only get married once! :)

OK, I've officially reached the "I guess it's just me" stage of life...I've seen dresses I want for my future, not-even-on-the-horizon wedding, and the MOST expensive one was $400! *oof* $1100???:eek: Well, that pales in comparison to my cousin who spent $6000...on a dress you wear once...That's a downpayment on a car!

Wow....I hope you really LOVE your dress!!

Congrats hon!
Rule #1: Never assume. Unless your family "Shows you da money", plan on paying for it yourself.

One of the best books I highly recommend is "Bridal Bargains"

It helped me out SO much!

SO much of wedding costs depend on where you are getting married (a wedding is say Boston --since I see you are in Mass, will be much more $$ than a wedding in say, Dothan Alabama), what kind of reception you want to to have, and how many people you are inviting to the wedding/reception.

Rule of thumb that I heard from someone that was pretty accurate when I got married 7 years ago: When you make the guest list and the list from his parents and your parents, assign percentages to each person based on their likelihood of coming. For instance, you KNOW your grandmother will be there. She would be 1. Great Aunt Maybelle, however, is bedridden and across the country so you know she is not coming; the invitation is more of a courtesy. Assign her 0. If there is some one you are reasonable sure of (but not 100%) assign them .75. Others would be .50 and .25 based on their changes of coming. THis is just to give you an early count (before the RSVPs come in) of what kinda numbers you are working with.

Think about your personality (and the personality of your groom to be!) and what you are looking for. Night time party with the booze flowing? Afternoon garden wedding with tea sandwiches? Tons of flowers?

Good luck with your planning!!

I spent $2000 and planned it in 2 weeks - still came off beautifully!

I spent most of my money on flowers - had to have red and buff roses :D

I saved $ by having it in a friend's backyard, I wore my Initiation gown that was fixed up a little by a friend, had BBQ (its Texas ok!), and only had my Sis Mom as a Maid of Honor

Congrats BTW!

THAT kicks a$$!! LOL

Great planning!

Wow! That is all I have to stay for people who had a medium to large sized wedding for only a couple thousand dollars. I have had several friends get married recently. The cheapest wedding (in terms of cost) was $20,000+. I guess thats the downside of dealing with DC weddings. I'd probably say the average cost among people I know was around $25,000. And keep in mind these aren't necessarily huge elaborate affairs. The first one I mentioned was beautiful, by NO means showy, and for about 75-100 people.

by estimate, ours will cost between $14,000- $18,0000.


DAMN IT. weddings are expensive.

any ideas on things that could help keep the cost relatively reasonable? certain dates that would be less, or flowers that are in season? we're just spring chickens, we'll be just shy of 22 at our wedding!

Weddings are far too commercialized so you shouldn't do it!

Just fly down to Vegas and get hitched!

Some of the my tips, based on both personal and professional experience:

*Buy a wedding dress from Ebay/consignment shop

* Make your own bouquets from flowers you buy at the grocery store

*If you choose to hold the reception at a commercial site (anywhere other than a private home), DO NOT tell the event planner that it's a wedding. Wedding costs are jacked up to gouge couples...You get the same food for a lower cost if you just call it a "party"

* You could hold the reception in someone's private home and have relatives cook the food. I know my relatives kick a$$ in the kitchen, so I want them cooking!

* Save your bridesmaids $$$ by not forcing to buy the SAME dress, the SAME shoes, etc. Ask them to dress nicely (well, according to the level of formality) and thank them for coming! Oh, and you don't need 50 witnesses...just those closest to you...2 or 3 at the most....

* Print the invitations from your PC. There are some great programs out there that can be installed in a snap. You can buy the stock, nice paper in bulk at a local Kinko's, etc

* Party favors can be the centerpieces...Think creatively. Maybe not everyone will get one to take home, but be honest, do you treasure the favors for life? I know I still have no idea what happened to the one I got from my cousin, but she gave us all the centerpieces, beautiful peace lilies and Birds of Paradise flowers. I still have those tied with a ribbon, hanging on my wall...

* DO NOT SKIMP ON THE PHOTOGRAPHER! This cannot be stressed enough. Don't hire cousin Skippy to take the photos because he's looking for his "big break" or cuz he wants to start his portfolio! If he wants to do it that bad, let him be the "backup" photographer (candids, etc)

* Do you REALLY need a videographer? First off, I hate when the cameraman shoves that muthafriggin' microphone in your face and says "Say something to the couple!"...Um, first, I have salad in my mouth, second, I want another roll, third, I would have written something down, fourth, some people freeze on camera while others will try to audition for "American Idol"...Skip this please. Besides, you will lose more friends by trying to invite them over to "see the wedding video" (that, c'mon let's be honest, no one besides the couple cares about) than you would if you talked about them behind their backs!

* Don't hire a makeup artist. You want to look like your natural, beautiful self on your wedding day, not like a drag queen! But, spend the money on your hair if you want a complicated do. But, the best advice I've ever heard and witnessed is to do your hair in a similar fashion to something you've done before so that you don't look unnatural or feel uncomfortable and fidgety.

* Spend money on pre-marital counseling!!! You'll be glad you did!!

* Breakfasts and weeknight weddings are usually less expensive

* You don't need 500 limos! One or two is fine...Here's where having the 2-3 bridesmaids and groomsmen comes in handy!

* Spend the money on the honeymoon!!

Sister & MisterMadly's Wedding
 

We spent approximately $6,100

Here's how we saved money:
[list=1][*]Got married in the off season (winter, but not during the holidays)[*]Had a very small guest list (less than 50 people)[*]Got married on an unusual day of the week (Friday night)[*]Had the wedding and reception in the same place (a private club)[*]Spent most of the money on food and booze (open bar) to thank the guests for coming[*]Bought my dress from an Internet wholesaler and saved $300[*]Bought my shoes at Payless - I never wear white shoes anyway, so why would I pay $200+ for something I'm only going to wear once?[*]Bought my tiara and veil on eBay[*]Had a friend serve as wedding coordinator[*]Used talented friends for DJs, decorations, etc - those were their gifts to me[*]Had a small wedding party (just a best man and maid of honour)[*]Home made wedding favours and cake topper
[/list=1]

The greatest expenses of our wedding was the food/booze venue rental ($3800) the cake ($160), and the flowers (bride's bouquet, maid of honor's bouquet, bouquets for the moms, boutionniers for the men - about $250). Everything else was done on the cheap. Choose a beautiful location, and decorations will take care of themselves. We had a full moon overlooking a city skyline from 30 stories up - you can't beat that for decorations! I think I spent about $60 on some candles (for the guests to hold during the cermony) and some white lights and tulle - and that's all I used.

For the reception, we had everyone go into the bar (free drinks!) while they set up, and we used glass bowls (we rented them from the venue) filled with floating candles and tossed some freeze-dried white rose petals all over the tables. We took everyone's white taper candle, put them in candelabras, and placed them on the tables. We used the club's white linens, and it was so elegant. I think I spent about $20-30 on the rose petals for a HUGE bag.

Congratulations, and good luck!

Everyone has such great advice! I am definately coming back to this thread when my time comes ;)

Congrats KappaTarzan!

I agree. I'm from Michigan too and have had TWO weddings. The first, in 1989, cost $20,000 (350 guests.. big Italian family) and was very formal. My second wedding was the first for my husband and he wanted a wedding with all his friends there. I only had my immediate family and aunts and uncles (no cousins!) as well as a few co-workers and friends. It was only 120 people and he had a good friend who catered it. It was at a small hall and very scaled down from the first. That was 1993 and it only cost $5000. His buddy gave us a very good deal on the catering though.

In retrospect (since I'm divorced twice too), the money could have been better spent on other things than the wedding. If someone ever convinced me to get married again, it would be a small service (me, him, two witnesses) in some exotic place like Hawaii or Vegas.

I must say, my sister-daughter (AGD's version of little sister) is a gem. She was my maid of honor twice. There aren't too many women in this world who would buy a bridesmaid's dress for you TWICE. Gotta love her!

Dee

My cousin was married last Summer in San Diego. I know my Aunt and Uncle spent over $20,000. I have no idea what the actual cost breakdowns may be except for the dress. Her dress was $2,500. I also don't know how much if anything her husband and his family may have spent. To me, $20,000 is a bit out of line, but it was a beautiful day.

KappaTarzan, I'm not sure if you've looked at dresses yet, but if you haven't, I'd suggest you check out VOWS in Newton Centre. It's one of those sample stores. my sister got a beautiful dress there at a great price.

My cousin has a perfect country club wedding for $40,000 in 1990. In 1991, she filed for divorce. :( The price of the wedding has nothing to do with the quality of the relationship.

Re: wedding costs? :(
 

Sent you a PM:D

I know so many people getting married these days and $20,000+ seems to be the standard, no matter how many guests there are. My parents recently attended my cousin's wedding in Wisconsin and they think it must have been $20k+ but there were about 300 guests.

My dad used to tell me that when I get married he'll give my finace $5k to get eloped. After my cousin's wedding he's thinking $10-15K. I don't want a big wedding though.

congrats to you kappatarzan!!! best of luck!

thank you again, everyone, for all the sweet congrats.. :) :)

i'm planning on spending a bit of money on the wedding, definitely not cutting all costs, i want to try to keep it around $12,000... i want it formal, and of average size (125-150 people)...

THANK YOU for the hint about the bridal shop, mu_agd!!!

and a HUGE HUGE HUGE thank you to NinjaPoodle... tons of appreciation. :) thanks again...

<3 you all!

clean out your pm box please! :)

More reason to NOT get married... if I do succumb to the temptation of married life, I'm hauling ass to Vegas to get hitched! :) ;) :D

That's not a bad attitude, AlphaSigOU. If I wasn't so caught up in planning the dream wedding the first time around, I don't think I'd have married the abusive jerk! In fact, I was in my apartment, crying, 3 days before the wedding because I did NOT want to spend the rest of my life with this guy but how do you stop a $20,000 wedding machine at that point???

I did have my dream wedding.. the marriage was awful though!

Dee

Congratulations!

AlphaSig, the idea of Vegas (or another destination wedding) doesn't seem so bad to me. I know that we can't get around not spending a lot for a wedding...once I asked my mother the number of people we would have to invite, and she said around 350-400 (we have a HUGE family, and the boy's family isn't much smaller). We could save ourselves a lot of money and stress just by inviting parents, siblings, and a close friend or two somewhere nice.

Congratulations!! :)

Hmm... we spent around $20K including the honeymoon. We had 85 guests.

We had a Sunday morning wedding with a lunchtime reception. This is very common for Jewish couples, because you can't get married on the Sabbath. Wouldn't work too well for Christians though :)

We splurged on the location (just outside Boston), the meal (chicken breast and filet mignon; pasta option for the veggies; "upgraded" hors d'oeuvres), and the band. Our package from the catering hall included a 1-hour open bar (after that we only served beer and wine), and the cake.

We got the flowers and photography relatively inexpensively (they did good work too), and a relative (who isn't very well off financially) did the videography as his wedding gift (ceremony only - we didn't want anyone shoving a video camera in our guests' face at the reception ;) ).

Wedding dress from David's Bridal. I made my own veil, more because I wanted to and because I didn't like anything I saw being sold. Shoes from Payless - no one was gonna see 'em anyway.

The important thing, of course, is that at the end of the day I was married to a wonderful man. :)

Good luck with all the wedding planning!

Las Vegas weddings have an air of trashiness about them based on past(and, in some way, current) reputation as a slap-dash wedding. But, Las Vegas has really worked hard to change that reputation and many hotel properties have gone all out to create new wedding packages...Have you ever looked at the ones that Bellagio offers??

Here is the wedding brochure from Bellagio!!

Congratulations! :)

My sister got married two years ago. I think it ended up being around $16,000. Her dress was awesome. But it was around $1300 after alterations and accessories. And we could have cut some cost with better planning, but it was a hectic time.

If I ever get married I think I want to go back east for my wedding. I would love to get married in one of the mansions in Newport. Newport Mansions/Weddings

I know that there is a website http://www.newportweddings.com and that site has links to the Massachussetts version. I think the site covers all of southern new england.

Not that I'm averse to committing myself to marriage, it's just that I've seen many people I know get married for all the wrong reasons (including my parents) and then get divorced within a couple of years. Maybe I'm just afraid of not 'measuring up' to my future wife's expectations, considering my own feelings that marriage should be a lifetime commitment. If it doesn't happen in my lifetime, so be it.

Weddings can be quite expensive and costs can easily spiral out of control if you're not careful. Resist the temptation of going over your set budget; just that "for $100 more I can get a better(whatever it is)" -- $100 here, $200, there has a nasty habit of sneaking up on you when you least expect it.

Actually, Vegas has the most wedding chapels and churches per capita in the US. You can plan your wedding there depending on what you're willing to spend. From tacky drive-through weddings to a full church wedding is no problem.

In response to the topic of the thread, I think our parents are spending about $10,000. We're fortunate enough to have them really want to pay for it! I'm my parents' only daughter, so they really wanted to do it. Our reception for 120 people is only about $5,000. We found a reasonably priced photographer who still does great work for $1100. We're getting married in a church so our fees there are minimal. We just have to give a donation to the church and the priest. Our limo is going to be under $400 for 3 hours. Our cake will be under $500. We haven't booked a DJ yet, but the ones we're considering are about $500 for 4 hours. Invitations were $150. My mom is making all the floral arrangements (she does an awesome job with silk flowers), a coworker and friend of my parents is doing the video... and all they have to pay for is his hotel stay (plus he will be a guest so he gets dinner and everything). I bought the dress myself and even though the price tag said $599, I ended up spending almost $1000 on it (alterations and special order fees). So definitely watch out for that.

Ever since I got engaged, The Knot has been my best friend. Along the lines of different areas of the country being very different, it's great because you can go to the message boards and get advice from other brides in your area.

Planning a wedding is stressful, I've found, but it can also be a lot of fun. :)

I think that's a very healty attitude. Women tend to get more pressure to get married! I had an old Italian cousin of my dad's ask me, at my highschool graduation party, "So, you're graduated now, when are you getting married?". I felt a lot of familial pressure to find a husband.

As for measuring up to someone's expectations, be sure to talk to that special lady, if/when you meet her and be sure you both know the expectations! Dr. Phil (I'm a big fan of his) always says that people spend so much time planning the wedding but very little time planning the marriage!

Dee

Wedding fun
 

Yesterday was my big day, so this is still fresh in my mind.

We wanted a smallish wedding, so we could keep it nice. Grand total, between us, my parents, and my husband (God, that sounds weird)'s dad, we spent around $4500, including honeymoon. Here are some tips for saving $$:

-smaller guest list. *Most* people understand that you want to keep it intimate, and a couple starting out can't afford a huge affair. We limited our list to immediate family, godparents, and close friends. We invited about 55 people, and had about 50 there.

-Look at your resources. Think of anyone you know who can provide a service cheap or at cost. We got a full buffet catered (appetizers, 2 main dishes, 2 salads, 2 veg, potatoes, bread, and dessert) for $10 a person through the resturant where I work. My mom's friend owns a flower shop, and did our flowers (I, too, went crazy with my flowers!) for cost as a gift. I bought a pair of flip flops (I hate heels) and a friend decorated them for me with lace and flowers. I paid $8 for my shoes, and got SO many compliments. My now BIL is a music major and concert pianist, so he played during the ceremony.

-Ask people who were recently married for tips. That's how we found our cake (which ended up being 1/2 the price of the one we were planning on getting).

-DJ. What we did probably wouldn't work for everyone, but it did save a bundle. We borrowed a sound system and lap top, and burned CDs (one for "dinner" music, and another for dancing). A friend was in charge of making announcements and starting certain songs for the dances and such. It worked out well, and saved probably $400.

-Have your reception (and ceremony, if that's your thing) someplace unusual. You don't have to do a church and country club or whatever. We had the ceremony and reception at a mansion/museum owned by the historical society. The cost was a lot less than renting a banquet hall, and it oozed ambience.

-Make your own program. There are plenty of templates online that you can customize. We printed them off at Kinkos on nice stock paper and tied ribbons through them.

-Invitations. www.invitations4sale.com is FABULOUS. Tons of selection, highly professional, and fast. We would have paid $100 more for the exact same invite through a printer.

-If possible, buy your own booze. Some caterers will allow you to provide your own and they'll provide the bartender.

Do pick a few things on which you refuse to skimp on. Mine were flowers (kinda-we got them at cost, but we had them EVERYWHERE and they were gorgeous), my attire, the tuxes, and gifts for people who helped us.

This is entirely too long, and I must go nap!

As you can tell from this thread wedding prices can run the whole gammet(sp?). I've been to three weddings in the past two years and the last two that I went to were the most lavish weddings I have ever been to bar none....and in reality while they were beautiful and the food was good, etc...was it really necessary to spend that much money on ONE day? The one wedding was easily in excess of 40-50K, and the other was easily 35K.

While I understand that this is the day a lot of people have dreamed of since they were little girls in the backyard playing with Wedding Barbie, wouldn't all that money be better spent on the down payment for a home to live in and start your life together? I have discussed this with the man, and we've decided when we get married, that it's more important to own a house than it is to spend a huge amount of money on ONE day. Why not do a destination wedding?

OMG, I would LOVE to do a destination wedding, that would probably be my dream wedding! But... we never even considered it because it would be impossible to have all of our friends and family there. :(

Do one for the two of you and your close friends and immediate family(if they can come great, if not, that's ok too...it's YOUR wedding, not THEIRS), and have a big housewarming when you get back! Your wedding day is for the two of you, not all of your friends. You two are celebrating your wedding, your ceremony, the idea doesn't have to be to throw the biggest party ever and be paying it off the first 5 years of your marriage.

I know too many people that have spent too much money on a their wedding only to rush through their day and not really get to appreciate the ceremony and each other because they were entertaining other people all day. It's not about how much you spend, or how great the dress is, or even how great the food is, it's about pledging yourself to one another for the rest of your lives. Enjoy that aspect, plan a great ceremony, enjoy each other. Yes you should have the support of your family and friends, but they also need to understand that it's not their day.

ETA ** KappaTarzan: My best advice to you is set your budget before you start planning, then you won't go overboard. If you have to adhere to a budget you will be less likely to go out and do something silly like spend 1000 on favors when you only have 350 budgeted.