question for sororities
 

Okay this is not a personal situation question, but a question that I've been wanting to know the answer for awhile. Plus I have a friend who got pregnant in high school, kept her baby and has been thinking about rushing, so I was curious.

Does your sorority have policies about pregnant sisters or sisters with children?

When I say pregnant, I mean a sisters whose active and gets pregnant.

When I say a sister with children, I'm really asking about a woman who rushes and she has a child.

Thanks girls

Brianna
Alpha Delta Pi

here are some threads...
 

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...light=pregnant

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...light=pregnant

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...light=pregnant

In one of the other sororities on my campus, a girl just had twins a few months ago. It's not my chapter so I don't know what their policy is but I know I'm personally really excited abt that and to meet her babies, I think her sisters are totally accepting of that as well and I don't see it being a problem with those women and I don't really see it as being something their chapter would hide at all.

according to our rules if you get pregnant you go alum. im not sure if that is just a suggestion or mandatory.

however, i think that is appropriate.

as for girls with kids already, i have no idea.

AOcutiePi,
Is that in our IHQs guidelines or are those your chapters bylaws?

we have member who found out she is pregnant over the summer and was automatically made an alum. But i believe that it's the members choice. This is the third time since I've been a Sigma Kappa that a member got pregnant and each time they go alum.

My comments are concerning either current collegians and young mothers considering NPC collegiate recruitment. They are not applicable to those women considering AI into a NPC group. All comments are my own opinions, and mine only:


The responsibilities of parenting are just so incredible. It can be next to impossible to balance school, sorority, a job (if applicable) and parenthood. You and your child simply must be first, then prioritize school and work for yourself. Sorority life is a committment, and there are many evening and weekend functions that you as a sister are required to attend. If you are a sister who is pregnant, or a young mother considering recruitment--what will you do with your child when you are required to be at a sorority function? Most, if not all, official sorority functions are not designed to have children in attendance. If there are children in attendance, most likely they are the infant child of an adviser.

I don't believe any sorority or fraternity could discriminate against a person who is married or who has children. I just don't think a GLO would be as inclined to take a new member with such all-encompassing responsibility as their own child. It's a lifetime committment to join a sorority, just as it is a lifetime committment to raise a child.

No, I do not recommend a return to the days of "you are kicked out forever if you got pregnant" (and trust me folks, it happened and probably still does happen in 2003.) These women (speaking for sororities here) should be allowed to elect alumna status without penalty against their membership, provided they are in good-standing at the time of request.

Christin
(repeat--this was my own opinion only and does not necessarily reflect any official or unofficial stance by my Fraternity.)

i know of a certain member from a sorority who got pregnant and had to go alum

A girl at my school, in another sorority, just recently had her child. She just graduated in May, and I think had the baby in June. She was not forced to go alumnae (sp?) status, in fact, she was pregnant during formal recruitment and it did not affect anyone's reaction of her. She and her boyfriend got married a few days before the baby was born, but i think he is just going into his senior year now... I'm friends with some of his fraternity brothers and they all have different stories as to where they're going to live. However, the story is concerning her (sorry for getting off track). She was able to stay in her sorority until the end, so I have a feeling that (at least for some sororities) it is up to the individual chapter.

last year, our sorority's panhell delegate was a mom
she was still active in sorority
but that's because a lot of our alum have kids
and if we want them to come, we have to go to kid friendly places
in case a babysitter falls through
so, i think she was comfortable staying active

I can think of two girls in my chapter who got pregnant while active. One got married and went alum and the other stayed active. I know of one girl who came through recruitment and she had a 2 year old and she did become our sister.

I think y'all are right it's up to the individual chapter. I say this because one of the chapters here I noticed a girl who looked visibly pregnant. Probably about 4-5 months along. I mean it's pretty easy to tell the difference between someone whose pregnant and someones whose (I hate to say this) overweight. She was still an active collegian. So I have feeling the offer of going alumna is made but it's not enforced. I mean how can they force a girl who has done above and beyond what's required of her but she's makes one mistake and ends up pregnant. I mean we as her sisters should support her instead of punishing her. Do y'all understand what I mean?

Thanks for all the information. I appreciate it.

Brianna
Alpha Delta Pi

As far as I know my national doesn't have policy on this. My personal opinion though is if we had a rush who had children I wouldn't be inclined to give her bid because I don't think someone really can have enough time to go to school, pledge a sorority and raise a child properly. Pledging takes a lot of time which includes a lot of last minute meetings and events and I don't know how any responsible mother would really be able to fully participate. Maybe its unfair of me to make that decision for them but we have not given bids to women in other situations when we didn't believe they could handle the time committment involved in pledging. Especially during formal rush, I would be hesitant to take that risk and lose someone who we are more certain could make the time committment.

I really don't think that any NPC group has a national rule (and shouldn't have a local rule) that pregnant women must go alum or cannot join. That would VERY easily open them up to a lawsuit (not sure if it would be successful or not). Pregnancy discrimination occurs all the time in the workplace, and there's been more and more cases about it (only recently because of the change of women's status in the workplace over the past several decades).

I think a lot of it is the culture and attitude of the local chapter.

Bottom line is- if it's someone who's already your sister, I'd sure as all heck hope you'd continue to love and support her- she probably needs it more than most!
My personal feelings on the subject are like many of yours- your child should come first in your life, and sororities take a heck of a lot of time. BUT, it's also important for anyone to have a little bit of a life outside the child- it's good for you. There's arguements for each side.

Honestly- it could happen to any of you. The pill isn't 100%, condoms break, etc. Would you prefer the member to have an abortion (NOTE- this is not supporting nor going against abortion, just a note)? So it's easy to say you wouldn't want a pregnant woman in your chapter or someone who has kids, but you may change your tune if it happened to you. How would you feel if your sisters "kicked you out"? Many of us all aren't quite "pure as the driven snow"- it could easily happen to you or any of your sisters.

Just some general food for thought for everyone.

Good comments Danielle, thanks :)

Two girls I know of became pregnant while in their GLO. One dropped I think because of financial reasons and time issues as well. I believe she graduated on time go her! The other I think remained active and was still wearing her letters till the very last possible day it didn't fit anymore. Both girls were very well supported by their chapters, even the one who dropped her group. Which I think is how it should be....sisters are supposed to be there through everything, even a surprise pregnancy in college!

So I'm 'one of those' pregnant sisters. At least I was, my son is now 3 years old. I found out I was pregnant in Nov of my junior year (actually the morning of my 21st birthday). My sisters were some of the first people to know that I was pregnant (my boyfriend had just left the week before for flight school). Before even telling most of the chapter (I had the 4 girls who knew sworn that they wouldn't tell-everyone just thought that I was very very sick b/c of my morning sickness). At Thanksgiving I discussed my options with my parents. I decided that I was going to transfer to a college closer to home, and live with my parents-to save money for the baby (kids are EXPENSIVE!). I decided that I would go Alumna, in order to remain a Kappa Delta. My sisters were amazingly supportive. I announced my pregnancy to the chapter in a pinning circle type ceremony (you should have seen the looks on their faces) and I had the best baby shower (how many of you had a stripper at yours?).
As far as remaining active- I never even considered it. I would not be fair to my child, myself or my sisters. Financially- it would be impossible, time management-wise-again impossible. However, as an alumna I promptly joined an Alumnae Association and as soon as I was eligible I became a chapter advisor. My son has 125 adoring babysitters from the chapter I advise, a ton of 'aunts' from my chapter, and knows the Greek letters Kappa Delta on sight!
I love my sorority, but I love my son more. As a parent you must learn to prioritize, and putting anything before your child, means that your priorities are out of whack. That said, forcing a member to resign or go alumna is not very 'sisterly' that decision should be left up to the woman-however I would hope that she would choose wisely with her child's best interest at heart. By forcing a member to resign or go alum, an org may alienate taht member, thus loosing a potentially great alumna member/advisor/national officer.

edited to add: I transferred colleges, and lived with my parents. Had I transferred to a college with a greek system, and KD-I woulud not have affiliated with that chapter. I would still help the chapter out with recruitment and attend ritual events, but not date parties/socials/formals.

I really don't think any NPC org has a national rule about pregnancy, excpet for a provision that you can receive alum status IF YOU WANT IT.. I mean really having a child and dealing with school AND the commitment being an active member requires would take A LOT of time management skills... if someone wants to do that they can... but I think most orgs. offer taking alum status as a courtesy so these women don't have to deactivate for not being able to attend and can have the privleges of alum membership and not worry about getting in trouble all the time for not being able to participate.

My chapter has a diverse group of a few sisters who have children, are married and such. If the sister is pregnant or gets married, then she has the choice to go alum. I really don't think their change in life status should affect whether or not they should be accepted into the sorority.

As I have said before (but will say again) a lot of whether you can remain active depends on the type of chapter you are at. If it's a smaller group where much of the activity is very informal and there's no house or a small house, you can probably do it without compromising the amount of attention you give to your child.

However, if you are at a larger chapter where there is a live-in requirement and the activities are more regimented, you're probably not going to be able to stay active.

Here's my thoughts. :)

SAI has no rule concerning this. We currently have a member who has a baby, and we had one who was married. They are great sisters and members.

However, the thing is, SAI is quite different from NPC sororities. We do a lot, but not like the NPC's. And because our groups are always smaller than NPC sororities, it's easy to scedule events around everyones lives...in fact, my chapter manages to scedule around one girl for her baby, me and 2 others for church, another for her Delta Zeta commitments, and others for jobs.

My advice to someone who wants to be Greek but is married and/or has a child...consider rushing a Non-NPC org...perhaps a professional like SAI, or a service org like APO. These groups are usually smaller and more willing to scedule around commitments you may have. :)