Wedding RSVP
 

Okay, I know I have been MIA, I am planning and getting ready to get married 7/12/03. I am have a small/medium size wedding 125-150 people. I am wondering about RSVP's my future mother-in-law said that Black people have a tendency to not RSVP. I always RSVP, but I have not recieved that many RSVP's and they need to be returned by July 1. However I have got a HUGE amount of friends, family linesisters, etc who have emailed or called and can't wait to come. I thought it may have been a "class" issue but these are educated people who know better. I am like can you put the stamped enevelope back in the mail. We are having a reception and paying for XYZ # so I would like to have a decent estimate on the number of actual guests. What are your experiences with RSVP's for those who are married, and are there those out there who don't RSVP? If I can pay for less people than neccesary that would be awesome.
:rolleyes:

1. Congratulations, Soror! :D

2. Even though, I'm not married, I've heard your MNL's sentiments time and time again. I don't think it has to do with levels of education, but what people want or do not want to do.

Good luck and again, Congratulations! :D

I feel your pain -- or am about to, as I just ordered my invites for my November nuptials. I told my father last night if I didn't get the response card I wasn't counting the body, not even his!

Speaking of RSVPs, you may have to deal with folk who add people to the response as well ... kids (if you aren't inviting them), people's flavors of the week and other random people.

Statistically speaking, though, about 20 percent of invited guests don't make it. Best wishes to you!

I hear you, cuz I'm not about to pay for anyone who does not plan on showing up. No RSVP, no entrance to my wedding or reception!!! What people fail to realize is that most wedding receptions are catered and the couple have to pay per plate. If everyone sends in their RSVP's, then the couple can have an accurate head count and therefore, diminish the possibility of wasting money.

BTW - Congratulations!!!!!:D :D :D

Congratulations and...
 

There are a variety of reasons folks don't RSVP: some assume that "you" know they are coming because "you" know they wouldn't miss it for the world! Some remember the days of family members providing a potluck so that things like rental fees and head counts weren't a factor. Some figure that an email or phone call suffices the same as an RSVP card reply (which of course is not even required as a part of the wedding invitation etiquette-wise, but wisely and thoughtfully provided by the bride).

At any rate, couple of ways to deal with this:
1. Assume that the emails and phone calls imply an RSVP, so include all forms of affirmative communication (email, call, mail) as an affirmation of attendance. Of course if you've asked guests to provide a guest # or meal preference on the RSVP card, this way could pose a problem.

2. Maybe this is not standard etiquette, but if you have very few mailed RSVPs and you are concerned about wasting money or the embarassement of having too few meals (or declining people at the door, which you don't want to do), here's another way to handle this. After July 1 have your wedding party members (usually bridesmaids) call the guests who have "not responded" (or only those guests you would expect to be there but have not responded, which may be more manageable and realistic) and say something like: "hi Aunt Bertha. we are sending in the final count for Martha's wedding reception this week and as we didn't not receive an RSVP from you, we are assume that you will be unfortunately unable to join us on August 1? Is this correct?" Aunt Bertha will either say "blah, blah, blah I have back surgery that day..." or "oh child, you know I just plumb forget to send that card back, but I already have my dress picked out." Either way, you'll know the answer.

Hope this helps.

Re: Congratulations and...
 

You snatched the words right out of my mouth.

It is perfectly acceptable to have members of your wedding party call and confirm attendance of those who haven't RSVPed. For the situation, it is actually the proper response. It is better etiquette to call and confirm than it is to have thirty people show up at the reception and have to turn them away.

Good luck on the wedding and God Bless on the marriage.

Re: Wedding RSVP
 

Thank you! My mommy and I paid for those stamps! :mad:
And YES people are going to add people on those RSVP cards. I had one aunt write 5 extra names :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

I actually did receive a good amount of cards back and didn't have to make too many calls. Good luck to you and may the Lord bless your union.

congrats
 

Ditto to what has already been said.

Congrats Soror
 

Let me chime in here...of coure our "cousins?" (black people in general) do not RSVP and I do not think it is a class issue at all.

So like everyone else suggested, ask your wedding party to get on the phone and make the calls for you. That way you can have a more accurate number. Too, keep in mind some will say they will come and they will not. Some will say they are not coming and then will..so my suggestion is not to go over your actual count. Plus caterers, usually include in the cost a few extra plates. *A cost saving tip!

Good luck Soror! How big is your wedding party?

This thread just reminded me of the Ghetto Wedding Thread, I believe started by Nupe4LIFE WAY BACK, LIKE A FEW YEARS AGO! If you haven't read, please do, it is HILARIOUS!

Re: Congrats Soror
 

OH YES...and there are so many new folks on here who have never seen it. Think I'll go find it and ttt. :D

I just got married in March and found that RSVPs were a slight problem. However, I accepted verbal confirmations and email confirmations from out of towners or friends that I knew had just fogotten but confirmed in another manner.

The phone call strategy works, but just be sure that you get an exact count of how many people each phone call confirms. We called a few people who ended up bringing guests with them but didn't indicate it during the phone call. I guess we were suppsoed to assume that they'd have a guest. That's my only advice.

Congratulations!! Married life is wonderful!! ;)

You are absolutely correct, unfortunately. That's because some people, in my experience, do not know that the addressed envelope provides the clue as to who is invited. Some folks think that bringing a guest to a wedding is encouraged or even a requirement to attend! For example, if the invitation is addressed:
-"Ms. Aunt Bertha & Guest": Aunt Bertha may bring a date or other guest if she desires.
-"Ms. Aunt Bertha": she is invited on the solo bolo; she should not invite any other person.
-"Ms. Aunt Bertha and XYZ": Aunt Bertha is invited, along with XYZ (see below for more info)

And for the brides: these folks should be included by NAME on the invitiation (not just by adding "& guest", even if you've never actually met them.)
-Your invitee's spouse
-Your invitee's fiance' (e)
-Your invitee's live-in SO (if the two are partnered and share a household, then both should receive an invite).
-Optional: Your invitee's long term SO (if they've been dating for years) although I know some folks might not invite both: I would though.

I forgot to add: I have recommended that brides might include the option of "& guest" to a single person if you are inviting them to travel a great distance (long overnight drive, plane, train). Unless they are staying at your house and/or you have actvities planned for them to do, it's difficult to visit an unfamiliar town and be expected to navigate it alone.

You should be a wedding planner! :D

I dealt with all of the things mentioned previously: people RSVPing and not showing, people not RSVPing and showing (including a cousin who traveled about 600 miles to get there....HELLO!!! you obviously planned to be there! Why didn't you let ME know??? I forgave her though, becaus she gave us a VERY nice Check! :D) people bringing
extra folks and the kicker was the person who told another person she was coming but did not RSVP, I called her to confirm and she said no, they couldn't come. She called me back 2 days later (about 3 days before the wedding) and said yes they were coming..would that be o.k. I worked it out with the caterer (we were having a formal, sit down dinner. Who ever said that make over was right), reordered the seating chart only to have them not show up!! :mad: :mad:

For those of you who are still in the planning mode, set your RSVP date 3 - 4 days before you really need it.. You are going to have those folks who put it in the mail the day it is due!

I had a really big baby shower and I encountered the same problem with RSVP. So, I gave people many ways to RSVP. I had the cards sent, I also gave an email address to which they could rsvp, and I set up a voice mailbox (kind of like a sub-mail) where they could rsvp. On the voicemail, It just had my regular message and I also said "If you are calling to rsvp for the shower press 2...". That way, people who are not so inclined to walk to the mailbox and put an envelope in, could either pick up a phone or email it to me. It actually worked well. A lot of people emailed. Then, of course, a few days before the event I had my "hostesses" call the people who had not responded. Hope this helps.

Read my post in the Ghetto Wedding Stories thread....
 

....because I posted a true, yet somewhat sad wedding story that clearly demonstrates the need for wedding guests to RSVP their arrival.

It does happen
 

First CONGRATS!!!

And yes 'our kind of people' do it too. My friend had an elegant wedding horse and carriage and everything over 100 people and the week of people were still RSVPing and she sent the invites. 3-4 months in advance! I was the Maid of Honor and I made calls to double check on some folks since I was calling about the gifts from the bridal party (there were 20 of us) and the events for the night before.. so that's an idea! :)

OKAY.....
 

Having planned my own wedding, I can tell you that our people can be downright TRIFLING.

I had family that RSVP'd and up until the day before said they were coming, only to not show up, not send a card/gift and give a BOGUS excuse.

If you set a reasonable deadline and folks have not responded, you MUST MOVE ON. If you treat folks like a $$$ sign, it will make your life a lot easier. You or someone you designate can call if you feel comfortable and do one last check. Most reception places give up until a few days before the wedding to make adjustments to the list. But set a deadline for this, perhaps making it June 30 and the go with that number.

In my instance it was a class issue. Most of my more 'cultured' family and friends responded in a timely fashion and sent a gift and/or card before the wedding. Ultimately I just thing that people are going to be people, but let them act out on their dime, not yours.

GOOD LUCK AND WELCOME TO MARRIAGE!!!!

Fortunately for me, my husband and I did a Civil Ceremony in May 16, 2003.

Now we will be having a Religious Ceremony in Sedona, Arizona on July 2, 2003. Yes, during the week right before July 4th in the heat...

My mom and I rapidly sent out invitations to very close friends and family. Interestingly my family with whom I am the closest flaked out on me and said they will be sending me money... My mom just told HER friends and they gonna crash are the wedding. My husband is not close with his extended family so RSVP-ing for him was not an issue.

I think it was 'cuz Sedona is an out of way place--kinna like a "destination wedding" and only true to real folks would show up and that way, they RSVP... Email and phone is working for us... And both of us sent invites to at least 50 people. And we're at 40 something. The dinner we are having asked to give the final count in 2-3 days--I dunno--my mom's in charge of dat...

If my mom decides to have a Reception in my hometown, where we know there could easily be 200+ people, I told my mom to just do heavy hors d'ouvres with ice sculptures--a true Reception--not a sit down dinner. In fact the hotel in Sedona is charging us $3.00 per slice to cut our wedding cake!!! So that gets expensive for negroes to NOT RSVP for a skerious sit down dinner type reception!!! Besides, since I'm almost 35, I don't need all the fancy-smancy formal stuh that y'all youngins need... Sometimes too many of my friends have had one too many chicken dinners if you know what I mean...

What you could do is set up your seating arrangements for your guest who have RSVP'ed. Set aside your "family" area tables. Usually, the hotel cooks 10% more plates based on your final count... Make like 2-4% of those plates vegetarian on the safe side... And do not count on the hotel not charging you for extras if you need them--set up a contengency and several back up plans.

You need to have your girlfriends that are helping with the guest book be in charge of seating for non-family related guests... You need at least 4 friends to do that. Usually a cool cousin will help you or an auntie that will be ready to work...

Sometimes, your registry lists folks who have purchased items from your list... Even if they give you a number of items purchased, it can give you an idea of how many folks will be coming. And maybe deduct at least 2-3% of that from that number based on the cost of the reception dinner per item purchased.

Lastly, take a breath, get a massage and remember the real reason you are doing all of this--for you and your future husband!!!

Congratulations!!!

Thanks for all your responses. I have yet to be truly stressed but when ytou are talking bout my $$$ things change. First I am gonna email all my linesister who recieved an invite and tell them the deal. Secondly we mailed 125 invites, I am thinking that we should get somewhere between 80-130 people, the number is so broad. I have 14 people in the wedding party. I am trying to see if I should pay for 125 or 100, my mother syas 100 and if there is more clear that up with the reception hall. My best friend got married last year and the caterer told them to drop 40 people from their number for those who don't show and those you lose from the church to the reception hall. We are having an open bar so 25 people makes a nice little difference what do you all think?

I agree w/ your Mom go for 100. Most of the time the Hall will be willing to up the number even a week in advance for you...They usually get testy when they have to add tables but even then thats more $$$$ for them so they will make a way!

:)

Hopefully, everything turned out well for Soror Wonderful and her family.

:D

Congrats to Wonderful1908 on your wedding!!!!

Congratulations!!!! :D

Take deep breaths!!!
 

Breathe!!!

Honeymooning yet?

Congratulations!

Congratulations, Soror!!! Hope your day was as lovely as you dreamed! :)

Congratulations, Sorors AKA_Monet and Wonderful08.:)

Aww....
 

Congratulations! I can't wait to get married. It's such a beautiful thing ;)

I's Married!
 

THANKS!!!!! It was WONDERFUL, it was so beautiful and the reception was so much fun! Something about free liquor that gets the party started! I will post pictures, not only am I now married but I just got a brand new computer today so I am back on the scene. I tried to take it all in, it was awesome, I danced, strutted, was sernaded by sorors, ate, .....drank, and drank, and well you get the picture. I can't wait to get he pictures, Thanks for all the congrats!

Congratulations and may God bless your union of love.

congrats!:D

Re: I's Married!
 

CONGRATULATIONS GIRL!!!!!!!!!!

I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU. US MARRIED LADIES GOT TO GET TOGETHER FOR A CHAT..LOL

((HUGS))


much love to you and your hubby!!!!!!! enjoy this first year girl!!! and i pray for a hundred more!!

CONGRATULATIONS on the wedding! Enjoy your life of wedded bliss!! :D

Re: I's Married!
 

Congrats on your wedding! I wish you two a life of happiness.

Since this thread was about dealing with RSVP's and such good advice was shared- how did the head count work out in the end?

You know I can only guess...we got married at noon so which is early in the day. We probably had about 80-90 people at the wedding but the reception was 2-5 and there were way more people at the reception than the wedding. I was like what! I would never go to a reception and not a wedding but hey whatever. We had about 125 at the reception, we paid for 110 so it worked out, the caterer always cooks 10-15% more food.