Losing my membership
 

I'm a very active alumna of the one of the top sororities (on any of the lists) and got a letter yesterday that says I'm being financially expelled from the sorority! It seems that at the last national convention, my registration check bounced. I wasn't notified about this for 7 months but as soon as I was told, I set up a payment plan. My husband handles all of our finances so I asked him to take care of this. He had me send in a couple of checks but it turns out that he never did anything else about it.

Now I'm supposed to send in a money order for almost $500 in the next two weeks or I lose my membership. I don't have that much money laying around because I'm in the process of paying off medical bills.

I am mortified. I feel like such "white trash"!!!. I'm in a panic and don't know what to do. When I don't feel like I'm going to throw up, I eat non-stop. This has just made me ill.

I tried to be rational and talk to my husband about this. He has never really cared about my org but he knows that I am devastated. I thought the bounced check a year ago was an aberration but now I'm looking at things closer and am finding a lot of problems with our finances. My husband and I both have good jobs with high income but we don't ever seem to have any money. There is NOT drinking, drugs, gambling or another woman involved because I definitely checked. I think he is just bad at managing money.

I've received national and local awards, am an advisor and alumnae chapter officer. I'm sure this will leave a big black mark against my name within the sorority. I was just passed over for a regional officer position and am wondering if this is why. I'm going to write a letter to our HQ explaining that I don't have the money right now and see if they'll grant an extension. I don't know what else to do. Any suggestions?

Well.

You have two seperate issues. The loss of membership and your husband lol.

About the membership, call the nationl office and ask to talk to the exececutive director. I am sure she will help you lol.

I would definitely agree with James on both points: that you have two separate issues, and that you need to talk to your national headquarters.

Many of the national organizations are being forced to come down hard on people who have outstanding financial obligations. I've never heard of anyone in quite the same situation as you, but I'm sure that something can be worked out. NO ONE wants to see someone lose their membership!

Good luck, and hope you can change your screen name soon!

I agree with James and Honeychile, you seriously need to check your husband. Financial problems have the potential to ruin your marriage. As a temporary solution, (in addition to talking with him about it) If I were you, I would have all of my future checks deposited into my own seperate savings or checking account, and direct a portion of the money to the joint account. The idea is to leave enough in your joint account to cover all of the expenses.

Definitely talk to the national office and emphasize that you are paying off medical bills. That is definitely an extenuating circumstance.

You are very smart to realize that your finances may not be in the best situation. Do you have any sort of personal financial advisor or some sort of advisor that your company can provide for you?

Another thought, could you take out a short-term loan for $500? My boyfriend once did that to pay his fraternity dues and to start his credit history. I don't know how bad your situation is, or if that would just make it worse, but if you can do it, don't forget it as an option.

Husband issues aside...am I the only one who finds this VERY disturbing? I understand that our organizations need money to function and that members must be financially responsible, but it seems reprehensible to me to expel a sister because of money, especially after giving her so little time to fix the problem.

I thought sisterhood was for life, through good times and bad. This woman should be cut a little slack.

Thank you. My thoughts exactly.

I agree. I know my chapter is not one of the more well-to-do Gamma Phi chapters, and when a sister is having problems paying her dues, we make every effort to accomadate her through promissary notes, payment plans, etc. I know I paid my dues horribly late this year because I had some money issues, and as long as I signed the promissary note it was fine.

I think her nationals should have offered her some type of alternative rather than expulsion, and if they are using expulsion as a threat, should have worded it more politely.

Many of our National orgs aren't very forgiving when our financials are in arrears.

As part of your repayment for what you owe, you should have an understanding with them about being re-instated. If you explain the situation fully, they should understand. You're aren't the first to be married to a guy who mishandles his finances.

The up side of this is that you've learned some critical information about your marriage and need to deal with it. If it were me, I'd (you, not him) dig through the past year's worth of checks, etc. and see exactly where the money went. Not to accuse your husband of anything, but guys get into sports betting which could be crippling. Maybe the money is just slipping away and you need to set up and FOLLOW a budget to get things back under control.

I have a neighbor who's husband was so bad (i.e., impulsive) with money that she had to take his ATM, credit cards, and check writing away from him. He literally couldn't handle it. It was either that or the marriage.

The main thing is that you KNOW you have a problem and know you have to deal with it. Good luck.

I think that you should call Headquarters, state your case, and set up a repayment plan. If you can't send them $500 in two weeks, send them $50 a month. It is good faith.

You need to take control of your own finances. I agree that you should have your own account. I don't know the details of your financial life. If you are employed and have your own salary, then it will be easier to take control. If you are a stay at home mother or are disabled or ill without your own money, it will be significantly more difficult. If this is the case, I suggest that you sit down with your husband and go over your family finances together. Do it once a week. Sometimes women choose not to be involved in this aspect of the family because it is unpleasant. I think that getting involved can be empowering for you. It might turn out that you are just better at budgeting and paying bills.

Regarding financial problems, you are not white trash. Everyone goes through rough financial times. Most people are one or two paychecks away from disaster. That means that an injury, an illness, or unemployment can push the average person or family into debt. Don't let guilt or embarrassment control your feelings about money.

I also suggest that you read or tune into Suze Orman's book or show. Hearing her made me reconsider my views about money. Maybe it can help you, too. I wish you the best.

Just one comment..............

With the HIGH percentage of alumnae who never get involved, and never pay dues (and probably never have their membership revoked), they want to revoke yours?????

Other than that, I agree with everything else that's been said. Time to control your own finances.

I agree with everyone. First things first, take a deep breath. Then write a letter to the Executive Director and to your Grand Council. I would be happy to help you, and I am sure a lot of us would, too.

You don't need to write a 10-page novel-- just be concise and to the point. Explain what happened. Point out your record of exemplary service and desire to stay involved, and that you will take the steps necessary to make good on this mistake.

I understand how very emotional this is for you, but I have faith you can work it out. Be sure to follow up your letter with a phone call to the executive headquarters.

Again, be composed and direct and track all of your communication efforts (verbal, written, electronic).

You are a good sister. Your sorority will work with you to get the numbers worked out!

Please let us know how it turns out, and again, if you need any help, you have a network of GC'ers to lean on!

Fraternally yours,
an ADPi alum

Sit down with your husband and have a long talk.
Get your own checking account-balance your own checks so you will know what has or has not cleared.
If he has control over all he finances, you better pray he never falls into a coma. Do you have a power of attorney?

My husband and I both have good jobs with high income but we don't ever seem to have any money. There is NOT drinking, drugs, gambling or another woman involved because I definitely checked. I think he is just bad at managing money.

...or he has some credit card debt that you are unaware of and it is taking a huge bite out of your discretionary income. Have you sat down and taken a good look at each and every check he has written over th past year? Money does NOT disappear into thin air, it has to go somewhere.

I wish you luck with your status.

Lost-
All this is sound advice... I hope you follow it

I think that I missed the part where you wrote that both you and your husband have high paying jobs until I read JAM's post. My suggestion is still the same. Get your own bank account and be in charge of your own money and bills. I wish you the best.

I second what everyone else has said.

Work out a payment plan for your sorority fees. You are an involved alum, which is the exception rather than the rule, and so they should be willing to come to an arrangement.

Go through the books with your husband. If I were you, I wouldn't let him handle the books alone any longer. This serves two purposes - it lets you see, and control, where the money is going, and it lets you take over your family's finances if something happens to him.

Take care.

I think everyone missed the point of your post!

Why are you as an Alum. owing your Soroity $500.00? Alum. Dues? Not!!

I dont know of any Greek Org. that requires you to pay dues!

I did not see you respond to this thread, and I for one think it is BS Post!:mad:

You had the opportunity to get a lot of free advice from very good and honest people!!

I for one want to tell you to screw off if this is BS and I think it is!:mad:

I wish it was on one of my Threads and I would delete it ASAP!

An update
 

Thank you all for the kind words, advice and support. I am truly overwhelmed and grateful.

I, too, was surprised at the harshness of the letter I received but upon further investigation, I found that another check that I had sent in recently was also insufficient. Our nationals are very slow to process things so I had not been notified yet. I'm drafting a letter to my HQ asking for an extension for repayment and am hopeful that it will be accepted.

My husband and I have talked and our financial situation is worse than I knew or had begun to suspect. For our personalities and circumstances, we had divided responsibilities within the household with some duties shared, of course. Since he made quadruple what I did, he handled our finances and I was happy to let him while I very slowly climbed my way up the corporate ladder. When things finally took off for me, we did some travelling, bought some luxury items and overextended ourselves in the process. I've had some medical issues lately and his income has gone down recently due to the soft economy. It finally caught up with us. He said he tried to get a handle on things but it spiralled downward and pride kept him from letting me know how bad it had gotten.

We're going to cash out one of our 401k's to catch up (we will still have two others) and are also going to a financial counselor to learn how to work together to manage OUR money. Fortunately, it isn't as bad as it could be but this was a real wake-up call for both of us.

For almost 15 years as an alumna, I've worked for my org freely and gladly in any capacity that was asked. I've been able to do things within my group and reach personal goals that may not have been open to me anywhere else. I had hoped to go on to a higher level but that may no longer be possible even if/when this situation is resolved. I'm still so mortified by the whole thing that I've seriously considered resigning my membership. I get nauseous just thinking about facing the national officers that know about this. Many of them are in my alumnae group or in the same state so it is hard to avoid them.

I have only heard from the one person in our main office via letter but it was supposedly copied to several others including the regional VP and the national president. If they can't see past an unfortunate set of circumstances, then it will be their loss. I'm going to do my best to pay my debts, make my apologies and hold my head high.

Thank you again.

It was not my alum dues. Those are only $30-$40 per year. This was for our national convention registration. I thought I had stated that in my original post.

Lost, I am sorry, I tried to re-edit but had a glitch in the system of GC!

If that is the case, I would contact your National not via e-mail, but on the phone!

Explain this situation, but not quite in so much detail about your personel relationship!

Explain, that you were not awae of it for that long of a period of time and would like to make restitution on a payment plan!

If what you say about your back ground is true, then I am sure that they know you and will work with you!

Good luck and keep us updated!:)

Lost,

I should hope that the "powers that be" and anyone else who has found out about your situation will be understanding - after all, they are your sisters. I'm sure some of them have had similar struggles as well. If anything, maybe this will be a wakeup call to them to get on the stick as far as processing things in a more timesly manner. For them to lose the support of a dedicated alumna due to a bookkeeping error would be most unfortunate.

I'm glad that you and your hubby were able to work things out.

Lost-
It sounds like you are doiong everything that can be done! I know if I was in your org I would want them to help you out and extend payment. To extend a loan of $500 is a small price to pay for 15 years of dedicated service.
-Michelle

Good luck, Lost! And I'm really glad that your husband sees this as a wake-up call too and is on board with working it out.

Re: An update
 

I am really disturbed by the fact that this woman is an advisor and alumnae chapter officer and all she gets is a lousy letter alerting her of this situation?!? What the hell kind of way is that to treat people who have an active role in the the orgianization and have obviously dedicated so much?!? I think the appreciatation and sensitivity of members has gone out the window and if GLOs continue to treat people like money in the bank, we won't have active alums and our greek system will go down the drain.

Re: Re: An update
 

Leslie,

I think it depends on who is working in the office - if there are non-members working on things like this, they simply might not know any better and simply send a form letter to everyone, not knowing who is who.

For example - if I was working at our HQ and saw that Sidney Allen had a problem with this or that, you can bet I would be on the horn to her ASAP to clear it up. Sidney was National NPC pres and she is very very very high up on the totem pole as far as revered members. I've been hearing her name since I pledged. But if Joe Blow was working at our office, it might not mean a thing to him.

I'm not saying non-members shouldn't work at HQ, just that there should be somewhat more of a checks & balances system in place to avoid situations like the one Lost found herself in.

Tom, that was a little harsh! You know so much about Greek life that I would have thought you would have known that every NPHC org has alumni dues. Some of the NPC groups do, too, although not paying them leads to inactive status rather than "dis-memberment."

Re: Re: Re: An update
 

Okay, I honestly don't know anything about an HQs system recoreds so I may be wrong, but wouldn't you think that if you plugged in a member's name it should pop up with some basic info that mentioned she was ABC chapter's advisor?

Also, it was a large money amount from convention...not a collegian not paying dues (not that collegians should be disregarded, but they usually have people notifiying them, ie - officers, advisors)...I would think that should have been noticed and handled accordingly.

Well, I know that w/ our convention signups you had to specify if you were an alum, collegiate or advisor delegate - if you weren't any of those, you were a non-delegate attendee and I think that was all the designation you have. Take Sidney again. She is basically "retired" from offices, so she would show up as a non-delegate - no special designation. Even if you are a chapter advisor, if you're not the advisor DELEGATE it might not say so.

Alumnae dues vary by organization; typically any international fees for individual alumnae are voluntary. Alumnae Associations and Collegiate Chapters do pay international fees yearly. These monies come from the members' individual dues. In ADPi, for example, Alumnae who are not affiliated with an Alumnae Association are not expected to pay a mandatory alumnae fee.

The issue with Lost is that a check made out for a function she attended (like a convention) did not clear, so the HQ needs to collect the money. Rather than send a collections agency out (which is a last resort for most GLO's; they prefer to give the member an opportunity to pay without it affecting their credit rating), the international organization will send out a letter. I'm sure the letter seemed a little impersonal; think of when you overdraw your checking account. Even the words, "We know these things happen" comes off cold!

I really doubt they will cancel Lost's membership if she fulfills her end by working out a payment plan, as GLO's want to retain members, especially those who remain as involved as Lost. They'll give her every opportunity to resolve the bounced check.

Good luck!

Did this bring flashbacks for anyone else...collective anti-greek voices:"at least i don't buy my friends"

Lost, don't get too bitter about your head office. I'm sure many of us have dealt with HQ bureaucracy, or inconsistency at some level. Try not to focus on the individual or theory that your organization is based on. Instead, point out the lack of structure that can lead subgroups to make mistakes like this. Hopefully, some benefit of change can be an unforseen postive of this experience.

Update - No word yet
 

Thanks again to everyone that has been so kind and PM'd me with offers of help.

I sent a letter asking for a two-week extension of the deadline to pay the full amount due. I know it got there because I sent it via overnight service and then confirmed the arrival. I'm going to call tomorrow to follow up but think it is a little odd that there has been no call, e-mail or letter yet. Of course, I'm a bit anxious so the wait is killing me.

As a side note...many people in my org have mentioned the rudeness of some of our HQ workers but I had never experienced that until now. I had never dealt with this lady before though so maybe it is just her.

Hubby and I are doing much better with communication and finances. A fight and apologies on both sides helped clear the air and get us back to where we needed to be...working together. At least one good thing has come out of this.

Fraternally,

(still) Lost

Lost, I am glad that things are so far working out between you and your hubby. I hope you hear from your HQ real soon! Don't be a stranger and keep us posted on what they have to say to you. Good luck!
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Lost, it saddens me to think that your HQ staff are not helpful, sometimes rude. I am sooo thankful that the AGD IHQ staff is always helpful and quick with a reply, either by telephone or email...even to my "kinda stupid" questions ;) :D whether I was an advisor or not.

If "many" of your sisters are getting "rude" help from your HQ staff, perhaps someone should be looking into that! Even if the "staff" member isn't a sister, that doesn't mean that she/he should be rude to whomever is calling..after all she/he is representing your organization.

Best of luck!
Lynn

Re: Update - No word yet
 

I am really glad things worked out with you and your husband. A little communication goes a long way....

Give it a little time! This i one of THE busiest weeks for many people. Loose ends, paper work, vacation, holidays, makeup piled up work... Plus, they will have to do a bit of ther own research as well. I'm crossing my fingers for you.

So glad you cleared th air with Hubby! I do it on a regular basis!:D

Any word?
 

Hey Lost, I was just wondering if you heard anything from your HQ about the payment situation. Keep us posted on what happened! Good luck!

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I too find Tom's response a bit harsh. As a relatively new poster but a long time "observer" there seems to be a huge rush to judgement of the people who have a trillion posts and therefore are experts as to who is impersonating someone, who is banned but has now resurfaced, etc.

Can't someone post a question and simply read the responses instead of posting a million follow up responses without being accused of a million different things?

I know this isn't the correct message subject to bring this up but I just feel that just because you have a million posts and I don't doesn't make you any more entitled to a post/message/non response than anyone else.

Just had to vent.

I agree, the sorority should note this woman's time and dedication to it and should definitely give her a break. If it really believes that they're "sisters for life" then it should not be telling one of its members that she's going to be kicked out if she can't pay. That makes the sorority look snobby and shallow, and gives Greek life a bad name.

Still working on it
 

HQ and I played phone tag for about a week. When we finally talked, I was told that the letter was a standard one sent as a last resort if there had been no response to a phone call. Call? What call? They thought someone in the office had already called me to discuss so it was just a misunderstanding.

They gave me an extension but it looks like I might not be able to meet that. I'll be sending HQ some money as a show of good faith and will ask them to be patient once again. No matter how long it takes or what happens with my membership, the debt will be paid. I don't think it is going to be a problem though.

I STILL have medical bills rolling in. I had what was supposed to be a minor procedure that turned into something a bit more than that and required second opinions and extra tests. Just when I think we're done, I turn around and another doctor or lab is sending me a bill! The extremely good news is that all tests have come back clear and I've been told that I do not have cancer.

Hubby and I are doing much better. It's not perfect but definitely improved. Funny how a couple of fights/discussions, done properly, can clear the air.

I'm not used to this much drama in my life at one time and it has been quite overwhelming. The cancer scare and financial mess forced me to put things in perspective though and my marriage seems to be getting stronger than before. It's true that when it rains, it pours, but I am definitely seeing some sunshine headed my way. I look forward to having all this behind me very soon.

Best wishes to you all.