depression
 

in an attempt to help my sanity by venting a little....

what does depression really mean? can someone be a really sad and then depressed? i know depression is a emotional and mental disease. but i personally feel like i am about to hit rock bottom. i dont want to get too personal, but i feel so sick right now. most of the time, the only way i can communicate with people is by being really solemn or just mean. sometimes its really hard for me to smile. i feel so dumb for saying this about me in a place as public as this. but since no one actually knows me, i feel somewhat safe. i just seriously need some sort of encouragement. this has been a battle of mine that has been building in the last two years. something happened then that totally changed me. i cannot get over it. how can i get pass this and get myself back?:(

It sounds like you might benefit from seeing a therapist or psychiatrist. Depression is a medical condition, and there is treatment available. You have been suffering on your own for far too long.

Of course, we're here for you if you want to talk. It might, however, be time to enlist the help of a professional. Good luck, and let us know how you're doing!! :)

As someone who suffers from depression, I completely understand how you feel. Talking to someone, anyone can be helpful, even if it's just to get your feelings off your chest.
However, if you've been feeling this why for a while it would probably be in the best interest to seek professional help.
I know it can be intimidating to see a professional. There is some sort of stigma attached to seeking therapy, but please be assured that there is nothing wrong with it, and you will benefit greatly from it.
But if you don't feel cofortable going, there are plenty of people here, including me, that will listen if you ever need to talk.

Talk care

Emily

I have been battling bipolar disorder for almost 7 years. I would definately suggest that you have your doctor refer you to a psychiatrist, who can then help you find a therapist, and may also help you with medication. Please seek treatment! If you need to talk, please feel free to PM me.

-Nicole

but i dont want medication!!! and i dont want to see a therapist! i just needed some encouragement. i just want to feel needed.

smiley,

i just PMed you.

Smiley-
Sometime you get to the point where encouragement isn't enough. It's always nice, but not always sufficent. If you are truly "rockbottom" you'e definitely in need of some sort of professional intervention. Otherwise, I'd just say you're in a pretty nasty rut. Only you can know that for sure. Either way, I do hope things start looking up for you. Please do everything you can to help yourself. You're welcome to PM me if you need anything.
Take care!
Heather

smiley -
let me tell you from first hand experience, encouragement and feeling needed by others doesn't fix that feeling inside that just constantly churns.

i've been dealing with depression since i was in hs, but i didn't get diagnosed until my sophmore year of college. once i was put on prozac i was fine. when i first tried to go off of my prozac about one year after i started it, i tried to committ suicide and had to get back on it. after another year i was finally able to go off of it without any problems. to this day i still have to control some of those depression sessions i get every once in a while, but now i can do it without medicine which is a great feeling.

trust me i know how it is be looked at like a freak b/c you take prozac and have a chemical imbalance. not fun, but if you can get past this part, the result is so worth it.

these feelings you have go far beyond just being feelings. this is most likely something chemical that can be balanced out by medicine.

if you really don't want to take any meds, well, they now have a weekly prozac that might be right for you. but like everyone else said, talk to your doctor. check with your school's health center to see if they offer counseling. they did at my school and it was free. also, doctors at the youth center most likely can prescribe you an anti-depressant of some sort.

take the first step and seek out help. you'll be very happy you did. pm me if you have any questions.

shelley j
sigma k

i just dont want it to get out that something is wrong with me. my mom doesnt know about this. she just looks at me weird cause she knows i am hiding something. she will get into lectures with me and start accusing me of stuff. i just dont want to tell her anything cause she makes me so mad. my head is killing me right now so i am going to cut this short. i dont want my parents knowing about this. even if i could get help without her knowing, she will find out later. she is like psychic or something. i can barely do anything on my own without her finding out something. last time i got really busted for something, she got the message in a dream. it is really strange. sometimes i wish my mom would just leave me alone.

smiley,

i just pmed you again.

I don't want to take medication or have to see a therapist either. But I do it because it keeps me alive and functioning.

how can i get pass this and get myself back?

Take the advice we've all given to you... seek some professional help. You said "this has been a battle of mine that has been building in the last two years"; maybe it's time to get someone to help you battle it.

i am confused
 

i was in a really bad mood today. then after a few hours at work, i got a little happy and was smiling. i know dont what my feelings are. were my sad feelings and anger all fake or maybe smaller then i made it? does smiling mean that i didnt really have those negative feelings. i am confused. i cry at stuff that goes on in my head. sometimes things run in my head so quickly that i cant keep up and i freak. it literally feels like i am losing my mind. sometimes my mind moves so slow that i cannot make out what i am thinking. i know..i am weird.

smiley -
everything you just said in your last post is exactly what i went through. and BSP_Nicole is right, none of us want to take pills and talk to a therapist, but it is necessary in order for us to live a normal functioning life.

the night i tried to kill myself i had zero control over my thoughts. it all started when i was at work that day and i just started getting really sad, cried a little, but had to try and hold it back. when i got home i got a phone call from one of my sisters who was really upset with something i had done. she yelled at me and made me start crying again. i got off the phone and just couldn't stop crying, thinking, or feeling like i couldn't go on. the thoughts just flew through my head faster than i could handle. then i just kept having one repetative thought go through my head. i had to stop it. i had to stop all of the pain and the thoughts and the saddness. i had enough consciousness to call my friend who ended up saving my life.

here are a few questions:
1. are you having trouble sleeping? or are you sleeping all the time?
2. do you have a loss of appetite? or do you eat all the time?
3. do you sometimes feel like you don't want to even get out of bed ?
4. do you cry at the drop of a hat? (yes, cuz you just said that in your last post)
5. is your life being controlled by your moods?
6. can you see a future to your life? do you feel there is nothing more for you?

the first two questions indicate a physical imbalance of chemicals. the rest of them indicate that you really truly are emotionally depressed and need to seek help.

i know you don't want your mom to find out, but that's even something that the therapist can help you deal with. your therapist can even mediate a session between you and your mother.

i'm scared to see what will happen if you let this go untreated. please get help, if not for you, then for your family.

shelley j
sigma k

I too would advise you to seek out a professional... but if you don't feel comfortable seeing a professional, there are other options. You can talk to a member of the clergy. If you're in college you can talk to an ombuds, or many schools have peer hotlines that you can call, usually anonymously. It's a good starting point.

Take care. :)

all except #1 describes me. but the thing is i am very obsessive about the control that i have over my life. i know i have to get up everyday. there are certain times that i have to wake up by or my whole day is shot. i leave an hour early for work even though i am fifteen minutes away. i have a fear of being late. everything has to be right. i cannot fail at things that i do at work. it contributes to my bad mood. i have to pass my classes in school or i will never forgive myself. cause i already messed up a lot in that area. i just have to stay in control even when i have no control. i have to make things happen. so i guess my mood does control my life. its the one thing that i have given up on. i just let it take over. on the outside, i try to stay on top, but inside i know that i am a failure.

Holy crap I thought I was the only person who felt this way. I feel EXACTLY the same way as you described. If I do everything right except for one little thing, like forgetting to do the dishes or something, I feel like a useless failure. Well, you're not alone. If you ever want to vent, PM me

you definately need to get help. it's not healthy to be that obsessive about your life. sounds like either a bit of obsessive compulsive disorder or anxiety or a bit of both. i'm not a doctor so i can't say for sure. just a guess.

although, it may be a helpful thing if you really want to regain control over your life. it will help you balance your life even more if you do get control over your emotions. once you regain control in that area, you will be able to relax in others.

please don't get me wrong, it's good to be slightly obsessive over major things such as school and work, but when it gets down to the small things in life it's not very good to be overly obsessive.

like the old saying goes, "don't make a mountain out of a mole hill."

shelley j
sigma k

I understand not being thrilled at seeing a doctor - but really, a mental issue like depression is no different than having a physical issue like prostate cancer or tuberculosis. Sure, no one looks forward to having chemo, but would you skip your chemo treatment just because of that?

Because depression affects the mind rather than the lungs or prostate, though, we get this idea we can control it ourselves. That's just not the case. You can't stop depression or OCD or any other disease of any kind by sheer willpower.

(No, I am fortunate enough not to have depression myself, but someone very important in my life does, and I am grateful every day there are meds and therapies available for him - and I'm scared for him every day while they try to find the right combination of meds for him.)

i have been told numerous times that i have obsessive compulsive disorder. it just hasnt been officially diagnosed. it seriously annoys the people around me. it gets right down to the smallest details like parking evenly in the spaces. even if i have to back up and do it over several times. i go through the same routine every night before i sleep. i checked the computer to make sure its off. i check the vcr/dvd player to see if its off. i will watch the front door for a full minute to convince myself it is locked. the same goes for the stove and oven- to make sure its off. i check the refridgerator and the washer/dryer. i check my car different times throughout the day to make sure the door light is out and the car is in park. at work ( i work at starbucks) when the other worker put away milk products, i will come back later to make sure they put it in order of expiration. if its wrong, i will take everything out and rearrange it. there are other stuff, but i know i seem like a freak to some of guys right now. so i will stop.

Smiley21,
I think that you should go to a doctor, get a check up, and see if you are suffering from a physical illness. If that is ruled out, ask for a referal to a psychologist or psychiatrist depending on what the doctor thinks. Depression and OCD are nothing to fool around with. There are medical treatments such as medicine and therapy out there that can help you. I strongly recommend that you utilize them. You will be glad that you did. I wish you the best. :)

i went to zoloft.com and i took some quizzes. according to it, i am suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder, post trammatic stress disorder, and depression. wow, maybe i do need to see a doctor.:(

i'm really happy to hear you took those quizzes. now just try to find a doctor in your area who can help. contact the university to see if they offer counseling. look up psychiatrist or psychologist in the yellow pages and see what you can find. good luck and keep us updated.

shelley j
sigma k

It's good that you took the initiative and took those quizes. And it's really good that you know that you need to see someone about it. I hate to see someone go through the things I've been through and not get help about it. If you go get help, I guarantee your life will turn a 180 (not instantly, but sooner than w/o help). Please keep us updated, and know that WE ARE HERE FOR YOU :) . Take care of yourself.

-Nicole

i am also glad that you are really considering a doctor. you will see an end to the tunnel when you get some help! take care of yourself!

i am in no hurry to see one. i know i need to take my time.
and i still dont want medication

Hi smiley21,


I applaud you for having the courage to tell ask someone [us] for advice. It was also courageous of you to open enough to take the online quizzes.


I can understand that you would be apprehensive in seeing a doctor and not wanting to be put on medication. However, it seems like you wouldn't be mentioning your situation to us unless it was a matter of concern for you which you wanted to change somehow.


While we are very supportive folk, we are not in a position to make everything better for you. For this I would encourage you to seek a professional's advice.


Now, while I'm not a doctor, I am currently working on a counseling qualification. I can tell you there are certain styles of one-on-one and group therapy which can help alleviate things like depression and obsessive-complusive disorders. These therapies require no medications. If your doctor suggests medication, you can explain to him or her that you do not feel comfortable with medications. You can then ask if s/he can recommend an alternative such as the counseling I just mentioned.


On the other hand, someone very close to me had such a bout with depression that caused her to end up in a hospital for a week this year. When she left, the psychiatrist advised her to begin taking a prescription. This person did so and credits the medication for helping her to regain balance and clarity in her life. The doctor advised her that she would only have to take it for a year and then she could stop. (Of course, she can stop at any time she likes).


Now, this is just one example about one individual. Things might be different for you. I've mentioned this story not to scare you, but to help you understand that there may be ways around taking meds or only having to take them for a limited time. I also wanted to show you that there IS a way out. Please consider seeing a doctor or a counselor to see what your options are.


If you are really concerned about a doctor pressuring you to take medication, you might want to start with just talking to someone at your university counseling center. It should be free and they can help you sort out your concerns about your situation.


Finally, as FuzzieAlum mentioned, seeing a doctor, psychiatrist or counselor is nothing to feel ashamed about. Good mental health is just as important as good physical health.


As you can see from the responses, people DO care about you and want to see you get healthy.

Please let us know how you are doing. We're sending good thoughts your way.


.....Kelly :)

You are free to do whatever you want, but you came to GC asking for help and advice. Now you are in no hurry to see a doctor. I really think that you need to get a physical from your family physician or another doctor with whom you feel comfortable. Discuss your situation with him or her. Perhaps your problem is easily treatable, and yet you continue to suffer. I really don't understand why especially in this day and age when there are so many possible treatments. I wish you good luck in whatever you choose to do, but doing nothing is not helping you.