move in with the boyfriend?
 

Y'all, I could use some impartial advice.

The boyfriend suggested getting a one-bedroom together next year. We'll both be 22 and have been together a little over a year and a half.

Good idea? Or bad? My biggest thing has been what if we end up not wanting to be together -- while I don't anticipate things getting ugly, judging from the conflict resolution I've seen in the last 6 months, it'd still be rough.

Go for two bedrooms, that way you have separate space if things don't work out. (Even if it is unpleasant, you wouldn't totally be invading each others space)

Personally after my experience, I would search for a place with 2 bathrooms instead!!!

I'm not for girlfriends and boyfriends living together, because they will have NOTHING to look forward to...if they marry. Save the best for last.

You mentioned there's been some conflict lately. While you have been together a long time and don't forsee any problems, maybe at this point it's best to have separate living areas so you can get away from each other if you need to.

I totally agree with this post. I, personally, wouldn't share living space with a boyfriend. Been there, done that. Things were good at first, but it turned ugly pretty fast. I'm not saying that will happen to you, but if it's rocky now, moving in together will not make it any easier.

Sage advice, these last two. If there are problems or potential problems now, moving in together may only make them worse.

In some ways it's like having a baby to try to save a failing marriage. Extra stress is not the best medicine.

I think that you should not live together. I have seen situations that have ended very badly. I think that at your age you should take things one step at a time. You each should build a life and identity for yourself before you try to live together. You are in no rush.
Good luck whatever you decide to do. :)

Re: move in with the boyfriend?
 

Hey duder, you seem like a really cool girl, but even then I wouldn't want to live with you . . . PS you answered your question in the original post





it's a great idea, if you want to be dicked out of any options for a living arrangement - think about it dude, you're still relatively young . . .

Re: move in with the boyfriend?
 

Living together magnifies the good things and the bad things about the relationship...so if you see small problems now, they could turn into large ones after a while. It's a good way to figure out whether you actually should be with each other, but it could be a hell of a painful way to find out.

I basically lived with my girlfriend for most of last summer do to a few issues at my summer sublet (there was a huge infestation problem and i needed to get my stuff the hell out of there), and it ended up working out well, our relationship turned out better in the end than it had been before the situation

However, I know that in 9 times out of 10 at our age (I'm 21), those situations blow up in people's faces.

i think living together is a crutch. why don't you do what i do. . .make the boyfriend get an apartment and you just go over when you feel like it. sooner or later, all of your stuff will be there but you still have the freedom to leave whenever you get ready.

so many of my friends live with their boyfriends and then marry them. . .and now they say that they wish that they wouldn't have done that because they missed out on a lot of 'me' time.




When it comes to sorority life, there is no other way. . .PHI SIGMA SIGMA

Just say NO!!!!! I'm waaaay older than you, have been w/ Mr. 33 for 6 years and we still don't live together, and won't unless we are married.

One of my sisters went through a really ugly breakup with her live-in boyfriend - and they had to keep living together cause they were both on the lease & neither of them had the $$$ to get out of it. Talk about hell.

Unless you are engaged, I would say living together can wait.

Re: move in with the boyfriend?
 

Bad idea. Hold out for the rock. ;)

Just thought I'd throw in a few encouraging words for you from someone for whom it has worked :)

I'm 23 and live with my 25 year old boyfriend, and we couldn't be happier. If anything, it has caused us to realize that we DO want to spend the rest of our lives together, and it's hard for either of us to imagine living apart again. We are talking of getting engaged in the near future (as soon as his work situation permits).

Also, two of our friends who are slightly younger (25 and 21) have lived together for quite sometime, and their wedding is coming up in just a few months :)

Only the two of you can really decide whether it's right for you. I know I was nervous when I moved in, wondering if he would never want to get married if I lived there, or what would happen if we break up. I suggest that if you do do it, have a second bedroom, even if you don't use it. I have "my own room" in our house, and it's great for when I need to get away and have my own little girly space.

Good luck to you, and let us know what you decide!

Thanks Ginger :-)

We're not fighting, guys! Just that, yes, in the last 6 months, *occasionally* there have been arguments, and I noted with pleasure that the arguments didn't get nasty, didn't escalate to name calling or bringing up stuff from way before or involve the throwing of food.

This would actually be mainly a financial decision (well, partly.) I need a roommate for next year, he needs a roommate, we get along well. His MOM even (shock registering for anyone here?) suggested we get a 2 bedroom together.

I had the same misgivings -- I won't have enough room to myself if we have a 1 bedroom, and if things get bad I can't get away.

Good to hear what everyone thinks!

I'd go for a two-bedroom - that way, you have some space.

If there's been some conflict in your relationship - well, every relationship has some conflict. Only you can judge if things fall into that category or if there are some deeper issues. If there are deeper issues, resolve them first - but it sounds like this is just normal friction.

I have another "living together at a young age" success story to contribute - I moved in with my now-husband when I was 21 and he was 22 - and if I had it to do over, I would in a second. I should note, though, that we were engaged.

Here's my thoughts...If you can't make the commitment to get married, then don't live like you are. I recently watched a good friend get stuck with an apartment he couldn't afford and a whole stack of bills because he and his girlfriend tried the living together thing. It was really messy when she decided to move out because he wouldn't marry her. (Why should he? He has his cake and is eating it, too.) Living together doesn't solve any problems you may be already having.

If either one of you are high maintainance do not do it.

On the other hand its a safe time to play house because its only for a year.

But still I would say no.

My one experience living with a chick:

She was a DZ and living at home with her parents and she offered to kick me dinner.

So I arrive just in time to watch her Father bodily throwing her out the door.

She ends up living with me for a month. She did try, but honestly I just wasn't into it and I was glad to see her back.

LOL, maybe I am just mean.

If you think that the relationship is on balance good, I would say go for it, but definitely in a 2 bedroom apartment. I look at it this way: I'd rather live with a guy I'm dating and in love with than a random roommate. So why not? As long as you go into it knowing that it is a risk (and what in life isn't?) I don't see what the harm is. I do not think that it is necessary to be engaged before moving in -- and I wouldn't assume that you are even thinking about getting engaged yet, let alone married. The one thing you might want to consider (if you haven't already) are your cleanliness standards -- I mean, if you can agree on cleaning the place and dividing chores, that would be awesome, because when living with someone, that can be a big deal.

But then, take what I say with a grain of salt -- I've moved in with several people, one after knowing him for less than a week. Of course, they didn't all work out, but I really don't regret doing any of it. Keep us posted, and good luck!

My advice is to not do it.

If your reason for wanting to move in together is TRULY financial (and that's not just what you're telling the parents), then you can each find a different roommate and save just as much money.

i'm back :)
 

hi ya'll! Been a while huh? Kinda funny, but this situation is pretty much why I haven't had time to play on here.

My boyfriend and I started living together a few months ago. Not a conscious decision, we were just together all the time, and didn't really want to be apart, further, I just can't justify having two places just to say we each have our own area. Monitarily it's just crazy. At least for us. But long story short, it's worked out great for us. And we're talking about getting engaged in the (near) future. I think it really helps to live with someone for at least a little bit because let's face it, marriage is putting up with someone daily, dealing with bills and finances, and working through little situations EVERYDAY. It's not like dating where you can run off and pout for a while and then come to an understanding later. And if you can't live with this person on a day to day basis and still love them for who they are, then maybe things wouldn't work out after you're married.

Now, I'm not saying that living together is the right decision for everyone, but if you feel like you're gonna marry this person, then I don't feel like it would hurt to make sure you're on the same wavelength regarding day to day living. And if you have your place and he has his, you're probably going to be together all the time anyway, so why not consolidate and not waste money, and make sure your relationship will work while you're smushed together in an apartment.

Though I do recommend having an extra room of your own and DEFINITELY your own bathroom. I have a room with all my clothes and "getting ready stuff" in it and my own bathroom, which really works out great. Plus, I can keep it as messy or clean as I like and it's still mine. So while we're living together, we each have our own little areas.

And lemme just close with I'm probably the LAST person who would ever dream of myself writing all this about the wonders of living together. I always said firmly that I wouldn't live with someone till I got married, but somehow, this situation came together and it's worked out great for me. Though it's MY place and if things ever do get nasty, then I know I have somewhere to live. Make sure you have separate leases or that it's your name on there. Gives you a little extra comfort incase we don't make the BEST decision at a young age. We learn from experience...;)

Tara

and ps. it's great to be back :)

I have a Phi Mu castle...

Take it from me...and I was engaged when I moved to TX to live with my man...DON'T DO IT!

WHY? I'll list my reasons!

1) Space. There is little or no space. If you have an argument then you'd better get over it quickly because chances are you'll be sleeping together in the same bed that same night...unless he takes the couch.
2) DRAMA! There's so much drama. I tunred into Suzie Home Maker. He didn't appreciate what I did around the house and we'd start having petty aruments over housework stuff.
3) JUST IN CASE~ If you two split up remember that if you jointly signed the lease you'll jointly be held responsible. I had to make sure my name was taken OFF our lease after I left so I couldn't be held responsible for anything that happened.
4) Privacy~ or lack of it. There will be little to no privacy. Or space to do what you feel. So if you're the type that needs some space remember this. Cuz living together means seeing that person 24/7

It depends where you are in the relationship. If you think you might marry this guy one day it's good to find out if you can handle living togther first. If you find that out when your married that you can't stand living togther then you know how it will end up.

Inspite of What ZNTEKE says, he and N havd a great relationship>


In My words, NO NO NO NO NO!

Lived with a lady for 2 years and was going to ask her to marry me!

Going to sell a business and go to Tenn. with her!

She then told me if she did not have a ring on her fingure then I would not be living with her!

Well., I am not living with her!

Said it all!

i say.. if you have a committed relationship, then move in together.. if you BOTH want to that is.. sharing the space.. sharing everything.. but i would highly think of maybe getting a 2-bedroom apartment.. much more convinient.. more closet space for the shoes!!;) :D

I say go for it :D