Be careful what you wish for
 

As many of you know, I was feeling very disconnected with my house last year, so I decided to go on national exchange. AT first it was great. I loved going to the beach and I met a few great people. It is now Oct and I am unhappy. It is impossible to find jobs on campus. I finally got a job, but it only lasts from Oct to Nov. I will only be making enough to buy food, I won't be able to afford Christmas gifts. I joined the Criminal justice society, but they are very disorganized, panhellenic was very nice to let me come at this school, but with my job, I can't make meetings-- plus it'a little weird since they don't have my chapter. Every other org cost money and I have none. The other activities I want I can't find any info on so i don't think they exist anymore. I don't have a car so that is a big problem as well-- I can't work off campus. I have a group of 4 guy friends and 2 gf(one is my roomie). So whenever my roomie goes to hang out with our guy friends and I go I feel like a follower. also i have had my lap top stolen and my laundry basket. last week someone took the magnet i had with my pic on my door and put it on my neighbor's door--my pic was defaced. . My other friend is always hanging out with her. I'm used to gf's! I am so lonely. I feel like such a baby. My question is should i stick out my exchange for the year or go back home? I know that some girls have deactivated and moved out of the sorority house so i would have a place to live. but i still don't feel like I have friends in my house. My little sis has 2 adopted bigs now, so she never emails me, but she will call me when she isdown, but never to see what is new with me or how i am doing. i would call her and I did, but she was always busy or uninterested in talking, but i no longer have a cell phone, so i don't call her.

This sounds soo horrible. I am very sorry for you. I think you should stay though. It is good for us to go through rough experiences while we are young because we are more able to cope with them.

I suggest getting lost in books. Summer Sisters by Judy Blume is a good place to start. No wait, The Stars Shine Down is even better it is by Sidney Sheldon.

Also keep a journal. Make a decision to write in it at least once a week.

Keep inspirational music handy for a quick pick me up. If you have access to a computer then download Ginny Owens If you want me to ..... the song is about Jesus' love for us. It is a really beautiful song.

Please keep your chin up!

Lana...

I'm sorry you are not making friends :( You sound like a really sweet girl. I would be your friend :) I say find new friends from class. If you eat her food then don't be anal. If not then stand up for yourself!!

I'm sorry you are not making friends You sound like a really sweet girl. I would be your friend I've noticed your posts are so sweet and encouraging of late. So nice of you!

Honey, may I suggest a book too. The Magic of Believing by Bristol. If you read and digest it, it can help you understand some concepts that influence different aspect of our lives. I am a firm believer in the ideas and approaches it presents.

You have an inCREDIBLE amount of bad luck and negative things come into your life. Sometimes our own way of thinking draws them to us and we don't even realize it. Stay where you are. three2tango-I think you should stay though. It is good for us to go through rough experiences while we are young because we are more able to cope with them.

You wrote-My little sis has 2 adopted bigs now, so she never emails me, but she will call me when she isdown, but never to see what is new with me or how i am doing. i would call her and I did, but she was always busy or uninterested in talking, but i no longer have a cell phone, so i don't call her. Your world is a thousand miles from hers. She is doing her thing as you are doing yours. Yet it's YOU she turns to when she needs to talk. That says a lot about her trust in you. Apartment buddies are great, but you DO need to expand your circle. Everyone needs their own friends as well as space. Living with someone can become uncomfortable if ALL your social activities are intertwined as well. Take heart and use this time to discover who YOU really are and learn how to bring out the best in the people you come in contact with. (Another good book-Bringing Out the Best in People.)

JAM - wise words as always. :)

Lana - hang in there. Get out there and socialize. Drop a line to some of your sisters just to say hi. And good luck finding a new job. :)

I don't eat her food unless I buy something to go with it. She doesn't like a lot of stuff that i like anyway.
People at this school are older and many are married, so it is hard to meet people.

JAM -- golly, sometimes I wish you were MY mom. :)

Lana -- Maybe you should consider going home. I'm all about learning experiences -- but there's also something to be said for cutting your losses and fixing what you can.

I'll keep you in my prayers.
~ Jacquelyn.

OK Lana, suck it up!

You are in a Sh#t Mode!

Get over your Problems!

You have to many Friends that you may you not know about, espc. on GC.

You know you can PM any of us at anytime!

PM your Phone # and I will be more than happy to talk one on one!

I also go through states of depression but I have people I can vent with!

My Fraternity Brothers, not all, of course. GCers, Alums and other Pals for what it is worth!

Hang In ASAL We All Love you and wish the very best for you!

Get It?

Please PM Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OKAY!:)

There are many of use with you!

I'm lonely that's all. I love Pensacola-- it's beautiful. I did meet a fellow Greek chatter-- at Panhellenic- it was awkward, but cool. I only saw her once. The classes are great. I am just homesick for my sorority. I miss retreat, Dad's day, sisterhoods, homecoming etc. One of my sisters emailed me and said that she loves ASA more now that she doesn't live in the house. We both lived in the house last year. she told me if I come back to not move back into the house bc it is more fun not living in the house bc you avoid all the drama and cat fights. I wasn't happy living in the sorority house bc of that stuff. i miss my nephew too. Plus i am really poor! I looked at I would have a better shot of getting a job in Greeley. More money= more fun!

Sweety, it may not beeeee the same as living with a great group of Sisters, but YOU have a Great Bunch Here! to Help You Along for the moment!

Hell Dont worry, I find out I am a total jerk and asswhole on GC!

BUT, guess what?, I have many very good friends here and am damn proud to call them that that!

You are an ASA and a Member Of GC which is Very Important to Me and The Rest Of US!:)

DIG IT? Woe Baby Woe Baby Get Down and Get Funky!:D

U have my PM, Anytime, I am yours!:)

Lana -

Try and stick it out. There are a lot of people who wanted to do what you are doing, and YOU were chosen instead of them. You are special!! So make the most of it!

If you don't have a car, try to get used to mass transit - I swear it's not that horrible. Take a day or so just to get used to the town by yourself - you won't feel at home till you do.

Everyone sometime in their life is going to have to learn to do things on their own. You are luckier than you know to get to do it at this age. Some women go from their parents' house, to their sorority house, to their husband's house, and are never alone. Then they find themselves 40, divorced and completely clueless as to how to function. If you learn how to be with yourself and not hate it, it does a lot for you in terms of not putting up with crappy friendships or relationships. You have you - and you are great - so why would you deal with crap just to not be alone?

Give nationals a call and see if they can put you in touch with any alums in the area. The nearest alum chapter is in Tampa Bay but there HAVE to be some ASA's in the northern part. :)

Take care sis :) . You can do this - trust me!!

Ok time to get excited baby.

I have no idea what kind of person you are like. You seem sweet in your posts although you do complain a lot.

That could be a girl-vent thing though. Why they girl-vent is beyond me but whatever . . . LOL

Ok here is your unique opportunity to develop two new skills.

One is superior networking . . . which just means meeting more people.

The other is learning not to make the best of things, but to learn how to make things better!

PEople that learn to like the hand they are dealt with are just boring.

PEople that learn how to get more or new cards, or even how to change the game, they are worth knowing.

Ok ready now?

Ok someone up above mentioned keeping a journal . . .

Make it a success journal.

Tip one: smile a lot and make eye contact.

Cheeful people attract others. Unhappy people, repel people, I hate them personally and hope they die. Fricking annoying.

Tip 2: Keep Track!!!!

In your journal write down that you will make eye contact and smile at least 10 new people daily.

And you will talk to at least 3 new people daily, if only a wide eyed smile and a hi how are you.

People are your mission!

If you don't already love and adore people . . fake it until you do.

Tip 3: Thens set up some social goals . . . You will go places by yourself or with others that are not your roomies friends that other people hang out at.

Tip 4: Wear your Damn letters a lot! ITs an awesome conversation piece!!!!

Tip 5: Have at least 5 different interesting conversation pieces to talk about . . . make them up if you have to.

Author's note: Good dialougue is key. People with bad dialouge are fricking tedious.

I have actually had some friends say: I met this person or I am friends with this person but they never say anything clever or interesting *puke*.

Well that is enough for now.

James said "If you don't all ready love and adore people... fake it untill you do."

Ha, Ha that is funny stuff. I want that on a t-shirt.

James-- not many sororities down here seem to wear their letters. Plus I gave all my letters away to my little sisters. I had/have 2 sorority little sisters.
I do keep a journal.
I would like to think I have good dialogue considering the fact that I was public relations chair for my house, worked with victims of sexual assualt and am a PR/Cj major. I do have friends here. :rolleyes:

Why :rolleyes:??

You spend too much time whining and not enough time trying to fix what's wrong. Sorry if it's harsh...tough love.

Wow, finally something APPROACHING a positive statement.

You need to either

A. Get some serious help. You kinda SOUND like you are in the midst of depression. Every campus has a mental health facility for students. You should take advantage- I have in the past and benefited from it.

If you are NOT depressed (which I suspect to be the case here, depression has some serious marks such as extreme withdrawal, etc that I am not hearing from you and would recognize from my OWN experience), and just like to bitch and moan then proceed to -

B. Get a freakin grip- your life is NOT THAT BAD, there are WAY more folks that have it tougher but since they complain WAY LESS get a lot more sympathy and support from people. Folks can smell needy a mile away and run like hell- no one wants someone who is co-dependent in their life.

I am sorry if this seems harsh, but EVERY TIME I see you post it's another lame whine- men don't like my sorority (like you join one for men?), someone stole my laptop, I hate being big, I'm poor, I don't have a car, blah, blah, whine, moan.

Snap out of it! You will NEVER get your life together or in a good direction with that attitude. I have sympathy, I really do but at SOME point enough is really enough.

No one is saying she has to be Susie freakin Sunshine here, but I mean damn when has whining and moaning ever gotten people anywhere in life?

I hope you feel better Lana.

Lana, I am SO sorry that things are not going well for you. I never got the opportunity to study abroad (or even just at another school), but my friends who did go to Florida, Europe, etc... all said it was the most amazing experience of their lives.

I encourage you to take action and make this time in your life amazing... you have an opportunity that many people do not get and you should experience it to its fullest and make the most of it.

I am going to agree with a lot of what people have said here -- make an effort to go out and meet new people, even if you aren't happy all the time, fake it (yes, you can be down and confide in close friends, but new people do not usually want to get to know people who are not happy and do not make them feel good about themselves). Join organizations, volunteer, go to church, go to the gym -- anyplace where you can make new friends is a place you should be.

Also, make an effort to maintain your friendships with girls at home so that you do have someone to confide in when things are rough. It doesn't make you feel good that your little sis only contacts you when she is down, so don't do that to your friends either. Send them cheery little cards or e-mails often, call them to see how they are doing. I am sure that if you are persistent, they will return the favor.

If nothing else, this time in your life will show you how much you do value your sorority and you will return to Colorado (UNC, right?) with a fresh new outlook on your life there.

I am a firm believer in the theory that situations are not good or bad unless we make them so... Choose to make this one GREAT!

I'm going to go against everyone else and say "Get the Hell out of Dodge!" It's obvious you aren't happy. So why make yourself miserable just so you can say, "Well, I survived it...even though it was crummy!"? Life is too short to spend it doing something you're not happy doing. Yes, I know we've heard the whole when-life-hands-you-a-lemon cliche, but seriously, I only take that to heart about stuff I can't change. You CAN change this! If you've been there a while and still don't like it, just know you gave it a shot and you'd be happier elsewhere. So go! :)

And one more thing--everyone whines at some point. Some people more than others. But we don't know this girl, so how can we say she whines all the time? For all we know, she might be smiling her head off when she's not online.

While I totally understand your point, that no one should stay in a situation where they are unhappy, Lana said that she was unhappy before she left school also. Don't you think there comes a point in each person's life where they have to quit counting on others to make them happy, and learn to make themselves happy? Throughout your life, you are constantly faced with various dificult situations... you can not run away every time something is difficult.

Unfortunately, all we know of her is what she posts on GC. So we are saying...BASED ON HER POSTS...that she whines an awful lot. Yes, times get bad. Yes, we all whine. But not perpetually. No, I don't have to read these threads, nor do I have to post to them. But sometimes it is time to stop coddling people and time to let them know what is up. If AlphaSigLana smiles all the time, I would like to hear about that too, not just the negative stuff.

As far as the situation at hand, here is what I say, take it for what it's worth:

If you act anything in real life like you do on GC, then you are INDIRECTLY asking for what you get. People probably don't want to listen to what you have to say because it gets a little tiresome to hear someone constantly drone on about how bad they have it. And no one forces you to listen to them either. If you get tired of listening to them drone on, just don't listen anymore. Simple.

As far as your laptop getting stolen, vandalism, yadda, yadda, yadda, well sorry. But if you play the role of the victim, you will get victimized. I don't want anyone on this thread using any weird rape analogies about that statement either. I am saying that if you project to people that you are vulnerable and needy (as you do on GC), people are going to treat you as such.

Again, I am just as sympathetic as the next person. But if I notice someone wallowing in their own self-pity, it really makes me wanna tell them to suck it up and move on. If you want to get over it, you are going to have to stop making excuses and just do it.

I see your point, librasoul. I really don't like it when people play the victim all the time, simply because I've dealt with people like that and I can only be so supportive before I want to smack them, you know? But I don't think I've read many of AlphaSigLana's posts before, so I don't have any background on this one.

I still give you the same advice as before, AlphaSigLana--if you don't like it, get out!

I would like to think that some positive statements did come from my post. I did say I love Pensacola. I am just bored. You say find something to do-- that is what I have been doing! As I said many groups don't meet very often or they cost money. I tried finding some of the groups such as debate, but there is no longer an acitve link regarding the debate teamAll i asked is if I should stay here or go back to my sorority bc I missed. Yeah I hated living in the sorority house, but I wasn't the only one. One of my sorority sisters told me that if I did come back she'd help me find somewhere else to live bc she said I shouldn't live in the house again bc of all the drama(she lived in it last yr. as well and hated it). The purpose of my post was to see if I should stay or go back to my comfort zone not have people tell me what kind of person they think that I am.
Also librasoul22-- you say I bitch-- well don't read my posts. Excuse me --don't call me a victim-- I am sure that I lived through more stuff than you(I had a miscarriage at age 15), but I don't think you would understand. I am pissed that my lap top was stolen my parents don't have a lot of money, but they knew that I really could use my own computer and so theythought it would be a good 21st bday present. Also since ihave been in pensacola I have had my picture torn off my door of my apt and defaced, I've had my laundry basket stolen(which isn't a bid deal). YEAH I did complain in a post about being big-I may not be big to some people, but since I used to be an athlete in highschool I feel big by going up some sizes. I am lucky that I am my size. The time I recalled writing about being big was in thread titled complaints or something. The purpose of the post was to complain about something bothering us- not to have other people give their opinion on whether or not they liked your complaint. And yes I should go work out. i admit it is my own fault for increasing in size.
I didn't join a sorority for guys. But, I am not the only girl in my house that feels that we often get ditched by certain fraternities. We would like to do mixers, and we do have some fraternities we hang out with, buy their numbers are not as big. They have around 17 guys-- we have 60 some girls. the thread where i complained about no cute girls for my house, was not written correctly. I wish I could have gotten my point across clearer. I saw the pics from bid day and we did have cute girls. Our house is known to have bigger girls and I think some girls are afraid of this image so they don't want to join our house, that doesn't mean we don't like the girls we get. They are awesome assets. We just wish that we could make quota. I am now a grand big bc my little took a little sis. I was just upset that I am not there for my little. I like one of her adopted bigs. Anyway, I think I am just going to avoid writing anymore in this chatroom. :mad:

Okay, well I am not gonna beg you to stay on GC.

I DO read your posts, although I acknowledge that I don't have to. Believe it or not, I am trying to help you too. My way of helping is to not beat around the bush, or walk on eggshells. If you don't like that, it's cool. But the way that you defend all of your actions, rather than trying to improve on cetain aspects of them, it shows that you would rather be defensive than open to suggestions. Whatever. Some people don't take well to the abrasive way. I think it kind of speaks to your personality that you would let one harsh post prevent you from posting on GC ever again.

Also? Do NOT presume that you have been through more than I have. Trust me sweetheart, you don't want to go there. This is not a competition of who has had the most gut-wrenching childhood so I will spare you the details. In the future though, understand that my point of view is more about CHOICES than CIRCUMSTANCES in regards to individual experiences. I have little sympathy for things that can be controlled through choice.

I think Lana would be hot in real life. Not posting this to offend

Lana,

I was trying to balance it out- I am not the best at giving folks the benefit of the doubt. You sound like you have some underlying issues is all. Maybe you just use GC to vent, I do not know, but I can only judge by what I see here and it is overwhelmingly negative. If you're not coming back to GC then I waste my time writing this, but I do wish you good luck, and gave my opinion with the best of intentions.

I still think that complaining and being so down on yourself and your life 24/7 is not a healthy way to live, and doesn't facilitate any kind of real hapiness. In your posts that I have seen, I always read about your problems, never about your attempts to address or solve them, and you just always have a hopeless air. I truly hope you can overcome that.

Lana, here's the best advice, do what makes you happy.

1.Sit down and write what it is that you want to do in the short term and in the long term.
2.Then write down what it is that this present situation could provide you with in these goals.
3.Then write down what makes you unhappy in that situation.

You now have an overall picture of what's going on in your life. Take the facts given to you and make a plan because once you have everything in front of you, it'll be much easier. And once oyu have your plan, you will feel less anxiety and at least have given some major thought to all this.

-Rudey
--Remember, in the end it's your life and you have control.