Confirmation Postcards in the Rec Packets?
 

Confirmation Postcard: a postcard that a PNM puts in her rec packet which is stamped and addressed to her. The alumna is to drop it in the mail once the rec has been sent to the chapter, which lets the PNM know that she is covered for that rec.

I first heard about the confirmation postcard 2 years ago, but did not see or hear of any alumnae getting one at that time. Last year was the first time I knew of someone receiving one of these, and so the topic came up at one of my APH meetings. The response was split: some women thought they were a good idea because it let's the PNM know for certain that the rec was written and mailed. However, an equal number of alumnae were taken aback at best and some downright offended by it. They used terms like "tacky" and "rude."

What say you rec writers? How would you respond to seeing one of these in the packet? Would you advise a PNM to use these or no?

I personally always email a PNM once I have sent a rec, and would fall into the "taken aback" category. It wouldn't get me riled up to see one, but I don't think I have a positive opinion of the practice either. Given the risk of offending the rec writer I would not recommend it, unless the rec writer already knows that woman very, very well.

Oh, that's a great idea!

I would not be offended in the least, but I can see where some women would be put off. It can kind of come across as saying you don't take someone at their word.

I guess I should've expanded on this. I know of far too many situations where a crucial rec was never written because the writer "got busy" or --and this is quite common--the writer was too embarrassed to admit that she had no idea where to get the rec form or where to send it because she'd been out of the loop since graduating. (Or maybe she wasn't really a member of that group like that @#! relative of my husband's--I won't go there again.:mad:)

Anyway, many PNMs are aware that recs may or may not be sent so I can see where they need the reassurance.

Well for me...here's where it gets weird... Let's say you don't get that confirmation card back in the mail. Then what? Are you going to call the RIF writer and get all riled up at them because you didn't get the postcard back, and...?

That's what I don't like about it - the implication that you'd follow up on the "no sending of the postcard" and the implication that your RIF writer is then considered a doofus.

I think in this case you know you need to move on and find another writer for that group.

We're expressing our opinions - right?

I telephone, text, or email the PNM I've written a rec for, to let them know I submitted the rec. The confirmation card is over the top for me; while I wouldn't be offended*, I probably wouldn't mail it, either. Because I'd already notified the PNM that I did my part. Know what I mean?

*Actually I'd feel like I was being micromanaged or not trusted to do what I said I would do. But I usually discount my feelings and stick with the facts.

Total swerve: I never have received any acknowledgement (written or email) from ANY chapter for a rec I've submitted. And I know they have preprinted thank you cards that are expressly designed to send to alumnae, thanking them for writing a rec for Suzy PNM, and usually notifying them of where Suzy pledged (or if she didn't). I've seen boxes of the preprinted cards in the Ritual closet at a chapter I advised. Those are not inexpensive, either.

Yeah. THAT gets me annoyed. Big time. Based on facts.

ComradesTrue, I noticed in another thread you posted a very helpful 1-2-3 to PNMs about schools where one absolutely, positively need recs. A portion of your post is quoted above.

If a school is very competitive, and no rec received could very well mean that a PNM is cut, I can see why a PNM would desire a confirmation that the rec was sent. The women who typically post here at GC seem to be the kind of alumnae who are on top of their game. Though, sadly, there are times when people drop the ball. People are human and they make mistakes, get busy, etc. If an alumna fails to send in the rec, it could mean a cut for the young woman. Since she didn't have a head's up on the rec not being mailed, she won't have a chance to look around for another one. That's a lot of trust to place into someone's hands, especially for a university known for a cutthroat recruitment.

I can certainly see why an alumna would feel a bit put out, as the confirmation card seems to micromanage a little bit. On the other hand, I see it as a positive - an organized PNM, on top of her responsibilities, who is so motivated to join that she's doing everything she can to make my rec writing job easier and secure a solid footing for her recruitment experience. Then again, I'm from Southern California, so maybe it's a regional/cultural thing?

Navane,

I can 100% see where including the postcard benefits the PNM for the exact reasons that you (and further upthread, Carnation) state. That is why this is such a tricky question for me when I am asked by moms and girls if they should do it. You want to help the girls as much as possible without running the risk of offending any alumnae.

Our APH has requested that all alumnae do email the girls when a rec is sent. That won't help everyone but for those that do register with us there is at least that feedback.

I appreciate everyone's responses so far.

Outrageous! IIRC, there's only been one chapter which hasn't let me know that it hadn't received my rec. I will add, however, that the acknowledgement also came with a disclaimer of no guarantees, too.

We have had an issue here in Dallas where there are businesses that put together rec packets for girls. This includes writing "tweaking" the resume, selecting the proper stationary (Usually focusing on the school they are attending but some even go in for colors of some chapters and... the one thing that has the backs up of some of our chapters' Alumnae Reference Boards, includes a copy of a RIF or Reference Form or whatever they are called for each chapter. They have gone so far as having the girls ask for the name and address of where the reference should be sent here in town. Our alumna know whose porch to drop off their references. From information I have received from other sororities reference boards it is very concerning. It has been expressed by some, and I concur, that once the information packet leaves the hands of the PNM their job is done and it up to the alumna to do her job. Asking her to e-mail you or send you a postcard when it has been sent is too much. Writing a nice thank you note several weeks after she received the reference packet is more than enough!!! My rant!

Re: the confirmation postcard.
This was done by a mom and daughter team a couple of years ago for recruitment at the University of Alabama.

We have a highly organized Facebook group that the UA moms formed at that time, and it is a HUGE help to PNM mothers, especially those who are not Greek, or are unfamiliar with how important recs are in the South, and especially at UA. I wish UA Panhellenic would help monitor it, but they don't. We have been able to hold hands, show people where to look for additional info (yes, GreekChat is one of the places we recommend, with a warning of "Read first, comment after you read EVERYTHING), and quickly answer questions.
Frankly, I'm sure a lot of girls, through their moms (we don't allow students on the page) have been encouraged to find recs and have done so. We you have 2600 girls coming through recruitment, you could have a team of 20 working 24/7 to get recs on these girls and still not cover everybody.
That mother is still active and posts her suggestion every year.
While I thought at first that it was a little rude, the mothers and daughter really like getting that postcard. Sometimes they get an e-mailed acknowledgement, but often they get nothing. Since it helps ease their minds, I have no problem with it.

I figure if you don't want to use it, dump it.

My problem is this: I have met quite a few young women who ask for recommendations, especially for southern schools. I take my time to meet these women, talk to them, write a recommendation, and in return I have received not 1 thank you note or acknowledgment as to which group the young woman joined, if she joined. The majority of the recommendations I have written are for those who contact our APH or national directly. These are not women who I know personally. If you want me to send confirmations, I would like you to recognize that I have taken time out of my day to assist you in this project.

End of rant

DaffyKD

I have received one card with information regarding a PNM I'd sent a rec for. It was from our Ole Miss chapter. I thought it was very polite. Of course, I didn't receive similar cards for other PNMs rec'd to that chapter. I guess it depends who is the Rec Chair at the time.

I have to say that I really like the idea of just sending a follow-up thank you card. It's a gentle reminder in case the alumna forgot to send the rec. I have not had troubles with that as I send an email to the young woman once I submitted her rec. I think having forms online for recommendations has been helpful.

Oh I know...but it's the implication that if they don't send it then they're not getting a RIF from that person and that gets sticky.

And now that communicating via e-mail is easy and cheap, there's no excuse for not sending a quick message to say, "We got your rec on _________. Thank you for sending it."


You are so right! I think I've gotten 1 a young lady - "thanks for your recommendation for Delta Gamma. I wanted to let you know that I joined Alpha Beta Gamma at Big State University, but I really appreciate your help." That was really nice.

Same thing - easy for them to acknowledge.

I think I've gotten the gamut for both PNMs and chapters. From PNM - no thank you, thank you note included with her packet, and the thank you after Bid Day with info on where she pledged.
For chapters, - no acknowledgement at all(did they even get it?), acknowledgements l-o-n-g after Bid Day (where did they pledge???), postcards received promptly and well before Bid Day, postcards with "thanks she didn't pledge DG," up to a booklet of all the new members with facts about each one, and nicest of all, a thank-you note from a new member who didn't even give me her info - I got a request for a rec from the chapter.

For the chapters - if you have conscientious advisers and good training from previous officers, you probably will tend to those details. But that particular officer is often one that had to be talked into taking the job and is annoyed by all the paperwork and detail.

Oh, yes, those responses from PNMs and the chapters do run the gamut. The best chapter response that I have received came from our Alpha chapter. Not only was the note handwritten to let me know that she had, indeed, pledged that chapter (yay!) but it was also a personal invitation to attend her initiation! That was a definite first!

Unfortunately this was a PNM that I did not know well at the time but we had multiple, multiple mutual contacts who all raved about her and so I was more than happy to write her rec. Oh how I would have loved to attend an initiation at Alpha chapter. By her senior year I did know her quite well and I so regret that I was never able to go visit her campus/chapter for a personal tour while she was there.

On the other end of the spectrum is one chapter that sends me a pre-printed card, with blank line for PNM's name, each November-December. This is to thank me for my rec which was mailed in June for a mid-August Recruitment. The pre-printed text indicates that the chapter will "give that PNM all consideration," blah, blah, all in future tense. The best part is that the text at the bottom indicates that I should contact my area's Reference Board Chair following recruitment for a list of girls and where they pledged if I am wondering about this specific PNM. Ahem, I AM the area's Reference Board Chair and I have not once *ever* received any sort of list from this chapter!!

(That's my job, too)
Oh, that's RICH! :eek: :rolleyes:
Have you ever thrown that back to them? If so, did they respond?

Hah! And one more duty for you.

I prefer the more subtle approach - I advised my daughter to send out thank you notes to her rec writers about two weeks before recruitment began, so in case they'd forgotten about it they still had time to send it in.
For my submitted recs, I've received an acknowledgement postcard from the chapter for every rec I wrote within a week after rush, with the exception of the one I wrote for my own in-house legacy daughter, who pledged elsewhere.

I don't think the postcard is over-the-top IF you make sure you snail mail your rec writer a thank you note immediately. I understand that young women want reassurance, but like a job recommendation, I am not going to give them just because you ask.

I explain gently when I'm asked for a rec that I typically spend 1-2 hours per recs I write between research, typing and editing. If I don't receive a thank you note, I might subtly add a line in the form that she approached me after receiving my name from an alumnae board, I only have a casual connection with this young woman, and after several weeks I haven't received an acknowledgement or thanks for agreeing to write this informational recommendation. At this time you should consider this to be for your information only, and not necessarily an endorsement. And then I leave the "recommend" box blank, and tell the chapter they can check it if they like her enough to invite her back for pref.

I have gone as far to say that a young woman may appear impressive on paper, but her lack of follow-up leaves me to believe that others may be a better fit for the chapter. I don't do this out of spite, but I would rather the chapter know that if a woman can't be bothered to even say as much as thank you over e-mail (the way she originally contacted me), she might not be committed for the long haul despite all the things she says.

My chapter sends a card that says, "thank you for writing a rec for _________. She accepted a bid from ________" , which is great, as I can see where they went.

No excuse for not writing thank you notes for rec writers on the part of PNMs. I solicited recs for my god daughter in an out of state competitive recruitment and heck, I thanked them too!

Katmandu - the UCLA Chi O chapter does the same thing your chapter does to thank alumnae for writing Recs. Last year, we had a whopping total of three dozen recs for over 1000 women going through recruitment. It was a record for us! (I can hear all the gasps from advisers at other large schools in my head as I post this.) When a rec comes in the war room, our affectionate term for the work room during recruitment, we're like "Woo hoo! We got a rec!"

WOW! We were told by one of our officers that we received over 1,000 recs, legacy forms and other letters of support for just over 1,000 PNMs...and yes, that does mean that for every girl who didn't have anything another girl could have had three or four forms. What a difference campus and regional culture makes.