Girl in my letters - New situation!
 

There is this girl that works with me that apparantly pledged my sorority in the fall and didn't end up being initiated. (I was studying abroad in London and am not aware of all the details...) Well, she obtained a few Kappa shirts during her pledge period and wears them to work. I'm not totally OK with her doing this, and to make it even worse, she is rude to people (including me) while wearing MY letters! I really hate that she behaves this way while representing a sorority that she isn't even a part of. Is there anything I can do? Should I ask Chapter Council to intervene?

And I don't even understand why she still wears the shirts! She's NOT a Kappa!!! Arg! I guess they're just a shirt to throw on to go to work, but it really frustrates me that she does this. It's kind of a moot point at the moment, as I'm home for the summer and couldn't do anything anyways... but when I get back in the fall, is it appropriate for me to ask her to not wear my letters??

Help!!

Maybe its just me...but if I were you id just confront her...

casually ask her...hey are you planning on coming back or rushing again cause you have been wearing letter...
if she seems offended BS your way out of it and be like oh cause it would be cool to see you out there again..bla bla bla..say some older sisters mentioned her...or if she rushed when you werent around ask her what happened..why she left..kinda get the convo going...

if that fails..be like hey you know i love that shirt...do you think i can buy it from you since i dont have many shirts of my own, ( we all know anyone in an org. for longer than a semester has about enough shirts to clothe an entire chapter...BUT she doesnt have to know that ;)

anyways that is what i would do... communication is the key :D

If we have any girls who depledge we ask for their shirts back. If they paid for them then we reimburse them. We do not want anyone other than sisters and pledges wearing our shirts.

MoonStar has a good idea. After all you, were in London when all the drama happened. It could be that she decided to switch schools and will get initiated there. Get the scoop before going medieval. :)

If I was in your situation I would have ripped those puppies right off her, so congrats for showing restraint. :p

Try asking if she is going to go through pledging again and initiate(since she is still bound to Kappa for the next semester). If her response is something along the lines of "are you bleeping nuts?" I would definitely let your exec board know about it.

git er
 

Every time you see her in your letters, accidentally bump into her with a cup of koolaid.

When we depledge someone or they are expelled we buy their badge, letters and other paraphenalia back at a reasonable price.

Or at least we try to...

Perhaps if you made an offer to buy those shirts from her... She may understand if you tell her how important it is to you. Hope they're in your size:D

We've been through a situation like yours.

There was a girl in my pledge class who was never initiated. After she depledged, she would still wear Zeta letters and tell the people in her classes that she was a Zeta.
A little bit later, she became employed at a local strip joint. So, not only would she tell people that she was a Zeta but she would tell them where she worked too. :eek:
I think some of my sisters spoke to her about the little "problem" and she stopped wearing the letters....well, at least when she knew other Zetas were in her classes. :rolleyes:

Re: git er
 

LOL!!!!!! :D :D :D Go for the red kind, it stains the best!

Re: Re: git er
 

Grape is probably a good choice too! ;)

On the serious side, as many suggested, I would play the "I was out of town" card and talk her up about it. If she is not re-pledging, you might want to try to buy it off her or at least explain why it makes you uncomfortable to see her in your letters.

I posted once about some Mexican guys wearing AKA shirts to ESL class at school and how we had to hide the men from this one wonderful, elderly AKA who teaches there because we knew she'd freak. Last week, several of us profs (including her) were driving down the main drag and there stood a bunch of (probably) Guatemalan guys in AKA shirts! This lady was like, "Rarrarrarrrar!Lemme at 'em!" and we had to physically restrain her from leaping out of the car!

We agreed to drive back to the men and I would speak with them, since she doesn't speak Spanish. They, like the first group a few years ago, had gotten theirs at some thrift shop in metro Atlanta. The AKA wanted to get those shirts off them right there but they refused to part with their "peenk shorts". I finally asked them if they could please just wear them at home since people in public would laugh because they knew it was a ladies' club. Maybe that worked...they looked a little shocked at that...

A different viewpoint....
 

I wanted to ask, why was she not initiated? Did she depledge or was she asked to leave the chapter? If you discover that she left under negative'ish terms, I would request to her that she NOT wear the Kappa shirts.

On the other hand, did she have to leave school (family situation) or maybe she was not initiated due to marks? In that case, we all have to remember that Kappa saw something in her to extend her a bid in the first place. Why not set the wheels in motion to get her properly initiated instead of "bumping into her with Kool-Aid"?

I would talk to her, find out more about her circumstances and whether she is still interested in Kappa. If she is, then I would do the sisterly thing and help her to re-activate her affiliation. If she is wearing the shirts, presumably she wants people to think she is a Kappa, so I would think that to mean that she still has an interest in being initiated into full-fledged membership. (If she didn't, I would imagine she would use those t-shirts to wash her car with)


If you are done school, I know that Kappa will initiate alumnae women, providing that they meet certain criteria.

I hope that this helps. It seemed like everyone was so eager to get after this girl that I was compelled to offer a dissenting opinion.

The same thing happened to us last semester! I'm not sure if Kappa Kappa Gamma has the same policy as Delta Zeta, but we had to have National HQ's permission to de-pledge her. So, they had to investigate and everything...it wasn't a "we don't like her anymore so we're going to kick her out" kind of decision. And, as far as "we saw something in her to extend her a bid", she fooled us all, let me tell you! She is a seriously disturbed young lady...and I am glad she is no longer a DZ!

I hope everything works out for you! Spill that kool-aid girl! :p

Greek love,
Blaire

So proud to be a DELTA ZEE!

I agree with Blaire -- rushees can definitely fool chapters, and it sometimes takes a while to figure out that a new member isn't everything that you thought she was. Just as some good girls fall through the cracks during Rush, some not-so-good girls somehow creep in. And figuring out how to handle the problems they create is never easy or fun. I feel for any chapter that has had to deal with that type of scenario.

We had a similar situation in my house. A girl depledged, but her roommate had also pledged Alpha Phi. Her roommate said that the girl who depledged still wore the backpack, the shirts, kept all the stuff she was given by her Big Sis, and etc. She hadn't yet been initiated when she depledged (Thank Goodness) but was still getting stuff from the house. Anyway, she wore her backpack all around with our letters, as well as t-shirts. A couple of us mentioned it to each other, but never really did anything, as the topic just sort of got dropped. But reading the post above, I think that if we see this girl wearing stuff around we'll approach her about it. One doesn't have any right to present themselves as being a part of a sisterhood, if they aren't contributing to it. Furthermore, we are a very reputable house, and the girl who was her roommate said she turned out to be kind of weird. (BTW, also proving the above point that sometimes, not often, but every once in a while girls can completely change after they've been given a bid, no matter what house they pledge) But anyway, we don't want any girl pretending to be a Popular Phi if she doesn't respect the sisterhood and good standing our house has. We'll definitely appraoch her kindly about the situation, if she continues to wear letters.

You guys think you have it bad, listen to this. A couple of us were in the student center just hanging out and eating lunch when a homeless person wearing a PIKE SHIRT!! walked in and started going thru the garbage cans. One of my bro's also reported a bum wearing a pike hat once too. I dont know how they got these things, but I dont like the idea of our letters being represented that way.

Re the homeless guy...

Did you talk to him? How do you know he wasn't a brother?

There but for the grace of God go I...

we had a situation like that with a girl in my pledge class...she ended up not getting initiated due to her 0.0 (literally) :rolleyes: GPA...she kept wearing our letters even after admitting the drugs she does now, the fact that she failed out of school, and the people she's slept with...it was ridiculous...someone other than a sister said something not very tactful to her about wearing our letters and she quit...

This sort of situation may easily arise if you donate old t-shirts or other clothing items to charity. If you donate clothing, it will be given to someone who needs clothing - regardless of what may be printed on it - and you have no control over who gets it.

Fortunately, those who have disaffiliated from my chapter have always returned their badges and given t-shirts, letters, etc. away to sisters who remain affiliated.

The bum certainly wasnt a brother. Car break-ins are very common on campus( mostly committed by bums). It is not uncommon to be approaced by these individuals selling everything from cd's to calculators to textbooks. So i'm assuming that the pike items were stolen.

homesless wearing GLO shirts
 

Whoa, are you quick to accuse or what!

As aephi alum said, when we donate shirts to charity, anyone can get them. I have been seeing many non-greeks wearing our shirts. In fact, when I was a high school teacher, there was a kid who wore a GLO jacket (zipper kind with the hood). He had no idea what the letters were - his mom gave it to him.

The solution? Don't donate your GLO t-shirts. Use them as car rags, etc. Or, give them to someone who will reuse them.

I had been storing all my KD shirts that I got when I was in college in the 80s up until a few months ago. I didn't want to use them as rags, so I posted about them on our Yahoogroup. A few KDs were making t-shirt quilts, so I divided up my 10 or so t-shirts among 3 of them...and now I know they will be appreciated by another sister -- not a homeless person (who I have plenty of other clothes to donate to!) :D

I seem to recall an old thread from way back where the situation was that a homeless MAN was wearing a Phi Mu t-shirt!

Echoing what aephialum said, if you give that stuff away to GoodWill, it can and will get be put to use.

aaahhhhhrrrrggggg! Enough of this goodwill talk!! I have a new story, I was driving to work a couple of months ago and I seen this dude wearing an AGD letter shirt. It was all grungy and it looked like it was from the late eighties. I got a good chuckle out of it cuz we're real tight with the AGD chapter here.

Oh, and by the way it wasnt a homeless person, it was a construction worker wearing the AGD letters.

This whole thread makes me want to run out to the nearest Goodwill and buy any GLO shirts that may be there - and return them to an appropriate source!

I can't imagine what I'd do if I saw someone in my letters who didn't have the right to wear them!

To elaborate on the Kappa alum initiation thing, it is my understanding that they are only initiating a few right now, mostly in upstate New York. It's a long process, no need to get into it now.

But anyway, here's one for you CP2K: I was in Disneyland on the 4th of July and I walked by a guy, probably 30 or so wearing a DG shirt. Not a Panhel/IFC event shirt or anything, just straight DG letters.

>The bum certainly wasnt a brother.

You spoke to him about it?

If you didn't, I don't know how you can be so sure. Maybe the items were stolen. Maybe they were donated. Maybe he found them in a Dumpster. And maybe, years ago, before he had a mental breakdown or started using drugs and ended up on the street, he went to college...and joined your fraternity.

Things happen to people, even privileged people, and they end up in places we can't imagine ending up. Are Greeks immune from the kind of tragedies that ruin independents' lives?

Ivy

listen Ivy, I know without a doubt he wasnt a bro. I am not going to mention how I know, for it will prolly cause a good uproar. And yes, he very likely could have fished it out of a dumpster, but at our chapter here, our house is in the city. We have had many probs with people breaking into cars and stealing items, as well as people breaking into the house.

Regarding the homeless guy in PIKE letters. I also doubt he was a brother. I know the area of Wayne State U, because I passed by there once a couple of years ago when I was dancing with American Ballet Theater. They had a satellite program in the dance studios of WSU for the summer. Anyway, I'll bet it was just someone from the area who picked up the shirt somehow. There are a lot of goodwill stores in that area, because I wouldn't exactly say its the most affluent area. Of course though no matter what 'hood a school is in, it doesn't mean it's bad. I.E. USC, YALE, COLUMBIA, and obviously WSU now.

On another note, I was down in Charleston last summer, and we were in some random area one day that wasn't the best neighborhood, and I saw some drugged up girlie with a DG Mom sweatshirt. Haha, I laughed a lot. Nothing against DG at all though. I would have laughed even if it said A Phi. I mean seriously, after you graduate you can't say that letters are going to mean THAT much to you. My sisterhood and the bonds will last forever, but I'm not going to give a damn about the Greek system. That's for college.

Oh my. Reading this brought me back to that first post. I'm more shocked and irritated that my sorority's 'nalia ended up in a thrift shop. It just speaks to the importance of making sure that nalia stays in the family. If you can't use it, pass it on to another member of your org.
:)

As an alum advisor to a collegiate chapter and a serious Kappa for life, I can't agree at all with that statement. I still wear my letters on a regular basis and would be rather displeased if I saw anyone who wasn't a Kappa wearing them. They mean a lot to me, they connect me to Kappas everywhere and I've met some interesting and wonderful people because I wear my letters out in public. As for sisterhood and the bonds of friendship...where are they going to come from if there's no one there to support the Greek system? Kappa is very dependent on alumnae involvement, chapters with no advisors or nearby alums really suffer. What you do with your Greek experience is your choice after college, but personally I feel that my need to be involved in Kappa is greater as an alum than it was when I was in college. If Kappa is going to continue to be the organization that it is, undergraduates need the advice and support of those who have been there, done that, gotten the t-shirt, shrunk it in the wash, and used it to wash the car.

I didn't mean to say that I want people wearing my letters, and that I won't care if someone who isn't supposed to be wearing them does. However, I did put in as a side note, that I feel the Greek system is a great way to enhance the college experience. I love ALL my sisters (Really, ALL of them) and I'll be more than overjoyed to stay in touch with them after I graduate, and of course my very best friends in the house will always be a part of my life. However, I think it's silly to be VERY involved in the Greek system after one graduates. I feel like it's time to move on. There is no way I would ever want to be as involved in the system as I am now as an active member, when I graduate. It's like people who say, "HS was the best years of my life" and never get over it. Everything has its place and time. I will always be a proponent of the Greek system and Alpha Phi, ALWAYS. But that's only if someone asks me, or I feel like sharing. I think it looks pathetic for an adult to go around singing sorority songs and stuff after they have graduated. I'm all for alumnae (?) chapters, and meeting up with sisters in a certain region and staying in contact, and donating money to my fraternity, but I'm not going to be a thrity something going to rush school. Forget it. That's pathetic. It's like move on, college is just one stage of your life.

If it wasn't for those "thirty somethings going to rush school" how on earth do you think your sorority or any other one would expand and grow? Who do you think runs the national headquarters, makes national policy and helps to get younger women excited about Greek life?

I guess it's those "pathetic" adults that are so grateful for what they received in their sorority, that they want to give something back. If your sorority means that little to you, maybe you should just quit now and avoid the rush.

Attitudes like that are why a lot of people think we are just blowing smoke when we say our organizations are for life!

This is a very common misconception of life as an alumna member and advisor. Let me tell you, there is no way in he** I would ever want to go through college again. It was fun while it lasted, and advising at Chapter Council meetings makes me think "Oh yeah, that was a good time, but I'm glad I'm done with it and can now step back and offer advice without having to deal with the nitty-gritty details and the stress." During Recruitment, alums spend most of the time in the kitchen :) It's offering support and showing that Kappa is for life, without getting in the way of the chapter's individuality. At pref parties while I was an undergrad, we had a member in her seventies speak about her life experience as a Kappa, and it really made an impression on the PNM's (even those who didn't go Kappa). Advisors do not go to Recruitment school, except on the last day so the actives can practice their conversation skills. I feel that it's my way of giving back to Kappa, which was by far my most positive college experience. I just feel that without alum involvement a lot of Kappa chapters wouldn't be as strong as they are. Being an advisor is not reliving your college years, it's making someone else's years better and easier.

Sorry for getting so far off the topic, but I really feel strongly about this issue, and the number of chapters that lack alumnae guidance is a big part of the reason that Kappa is now provisionally taking alumna initiates. I don't have any money to give Kappa, I'm on a very tight budget and am paying for a wedding, and this is my way of giving back and keeping Kappa strong so that other women can have the same enjoyable experience that I did.

what can happen when you don't get back letters...
 

Back to the real subject at hand, I have a horror story!

There was a girl who pledged Sigma Kappa 2 or 3 years ago, and a couple days after bid day depledged. At our school we have Sigma Alpha, (a national ag sorority and member of our panhellenic, but not a member of npc) and she joined them during their recruitment that was a couple weeks after NPC. She just decided Sigma Alpha was more her style-no bigge, right?....

Fast forward to Greek Week this year, more specifically Greek Sing.

So the Sigma Alphas are on stage doing their song routine, and the lyrics towards everyone are a little meaner than in years past. We were thinking dang what's up with them, and also realized that they hadn't got to us yet. Then it happened. They started their little part about Sigma Kappa and that girl who pledged 2 or 3 years ago starts prancing around stage in our bid day shirt from when she pledged!!!!!!!! :mad: :eek: :mad: :eek: :mad: We were all so mad and shocked that we didn't even really hear what they were saying at the time (and I still don't remember, but I don't think it was good...) Needless to say we were all very pissed, especially since we were nice and had been helping them out with recrutiment workshops because they are going to take part in panhellenic recruitment for the first time this year!! And we weren't mean to them in our song (actually we only had a couple not nice lines in the whole routine, but they were to the fraternity we did homecoming with and were totally deserved)! We think classy is better than cheap, and it was totally cheap that they wore our letters on stage!!! :mad: So learn from our mistake of not taking back that girl's bid day shirt....you never know what people might do with them!!!!!

sidenote- Their little antics didn't help them out on winning. They probably got last place or close to it (it was low enough that they weren't mentioned when placings were announced). But we ended up getting second...goes to show that classy IS better than cheap!

I guess it's those "pathetic" adults that are so grateful for what they received in their sorority, that they want to give something back. If your sorority means that little to you, maybe you should just quit now and avoid the rush.

Maybe you didn't understand me the first time when I said how much I love my sorority and my sisters, especially my best friends. I never said it meant little to me, and if it did then I wouldn't be a part of it. You don't know me, so you don't know how I don't waste my time doing things that I think are stupid. I LOVE my chapter. I love what being a Phi has brought me...an internship, meeting my boyfriend, experiencing leadership, and more, BESIDES just the general aspect of sisterhood. But what I don't want to do is go around visiting chapters and woohooing about Alpha Phi when I'm a mother, married, having a full time job and etc. I respect those that run the organization at the top level. And there are jobs such as marketing, PR, com, and others that are of great value to the organization, but at the base level I am not going to be one of those people hung up on sorority life. I'm not saying that's what chapter advisers are ALL like (though I have met a few that are, and not from my chapter) and I'm not even aiming this AT chapter advisers but I'm saying what I feel. You don't have to like my opinion, but you're not going to keep me from having it. Additionally putting words in mouth saying "my sisterhood means nothing, that I should quit rush and etc" is really a rather false attempt at proving an indignant attitude on my part. Get some class...

34, grad student, and active sister
 

Sorry about getting back on to this subject in a thread about someone wearing your letters after disassociating but I feel the need to respond.

As one of what you would consider "pathetic" - thirty something, a graduate student and an active sister of Phi Sigma Sigma - I just have to respond. In fact as a 32 year old (34 now) graduate student I was a founding sister of my chapter. I didn't have the opportunity to join a sorority as an undergrad since the only ones at CSUDH were NPHC and Latina based. Within my group of founding sisters were more graduate students, a married sister, two single moms, other 30 somethings, a few late 20s and the traditional 18-20 year olds. We are all proud to say we are Phi Sigs and no one has ever made us fell pathetic to be signing sorority songs and stuff. We truly believe the adage "once a Phi Sig, always a Phi Sig." And even better we have made friends (sometimes new best friends) with people we may never have met because of limiting ourselves.

After reading some of the posts I am so glad that Phi Sigma Sigma was the NPC sorority that won the bid to colonize my school. They are truly inclusive in a way that it seems some other sororities may not or are not able to be. If it wasn't for them I may have missed out on the awesome experience of the Greek system. I will definitely be an active alumna when the time comes.

Now on to the thread subject. My chapter hasn't dealt with this issue but I am going to bring it up at our next meeting. We allow New Members to wear letters from the bid day. One of our bid day activities is to make letters. Looks like we'll have to come up with a contigency plan in case someone disassociates and still wears letters.

Carolyn

P.S. Hi to KappaStarGirl - when are the So Cal GCr's meeting at Downtown Disney again. Also, pm me your email address I have pictures back from Rainforest Cafe

OK, I think I see what APhiDarling is trying to say. What she means is, she doesn't necessarily want to be involved with her sorority to the extent she is now when she's out of school, but she will always consider herself a sister. (Is that anywhere near right, APhiDarling??) And I don't feel that there's anything wrong with that. I'm not saying I myself won't stay involved as an alum, but there are other things that I would like to move on to after I graduate and it depends on how everything fits in. No matter what, though, I will always be a DZ.

As a side note, though, I admire all those who remain active after college--we couldn't do it without you all!

That's fine, and I completely understand that. Not everyone has the time or inclination. It was her reference(s) to those who do stay very involved as "hung up on sorority life" and "pathetic" that pissed me off. National volunteers are not trying to relive their college days - believe me - the ones who only want to do that are usually the last ones to get involved since everything in the Greek world has changed so much.

oh and APhi, I said that you should "quit now and avoid the rush" not quit rush. :rolleyes:

OK, I think I see what APhiDarling is trying to say. What she means is, she doesn't necessarily want to be involved with her sorority to the extent she is now when she's out of school, but she will always consider herself a sister. (Is that anywhere near right, APhiDarling??) And I don't feel that there's anything wrong with that. I'm not saying I myself won't stay involved as an alum, but there are other things that I would like to move on to after I graduate and it depends on how everything fits in. No matter what, though, I will always be a DZ.

Yes, Thank You. That is Exactly what I am trying to say. I never specifically aimed my post at chapter advisers or those who run the organizations. My comment was a general reference to those who can't get over it, if any of you want to and reread it. Thanks achtungbaby80!