A good woman is hard to find
 

I have been looking for a good woman for along time :( now and it seems that they are definitely out number by the whores and hoochies I mean- women are quick to say that men are dogs but I've experienced quite a few female versions of the" men are dogs "statement if you get my drift:D

I HAD to respond to your post! You are singing the same song that (most) women have been singing since the beginning of time! However, I feel that good men and women are all over the place. You just have to know how to look and where to look. The problem is that most people don't know what to look for.

(Most) men want women to look like supermodels and be a dime from the jump. Problem is, most women do not fit the supermodel mold. And some of the ones that do fall into that "whore/hoochie/golddigger" catergory that men complain about. Then, the sad part is that the men want the women to be top of the line while they look like the bottom of the barrel! On the flip side, (most) women want the knight in shining armor type brother. He has to be tall, handsome, rich, educated, etc. etc. The problem with that is some of these women do not have anything to bring to the table.

We all have to learn to look under all the superficial things and look for what is on the inside. I know that I am not a dime (yet!:D), but I'm not Garbage Pal Kid. I don't look for the brother that every woman is after because I know how to look at that is on the inside. I don't mind geting with the brother who doesn't have it all as long as I know that he has goals and is working towards them. Looks aren't a big issue. You can always work on that. Just show that you are confident about what you want and don't settle for anything else. I KNOW that I am a good woman and there are plenty more out there. Stop looking with just your eyes....

Well said sista!:D

I definitely agree with you! There are some good women out there.

More than with the eye
 

Point well taken however, the first thing that generally attracts people are the visual- granted it is noted that women are more apt to look past that than men but hey!!!!!!:D For my particular case it's not even about the visual- I mean pretty faces are all over the place,but oh when they open their mouth -you can feel like one of my boys says" just be quiet and let me look at you" mainly becaus alot of women are dense- they say one thing and then you see them dating something else- it's like women are construction works just looking for some dude they can stamp their label on and say look at what I made him:) ,but when they find someone who seems to be up front, honest, and just an all around good guy :D he's more detesting than the beat on you cheat on you, ride another female in your car type nigga:mad: and no matter how you argue it- i have one thing to say check out the pains that you and your girlfriend are going through while some good guy is chilling alone:confused:

another thing
 

what do you classify as a good woman? my list is as follows:

1. Saved
2. Attractive
3. Has a job
4. Has some type of self esteem
5. can hold a conversation
6 brings something to the table,other than her good looks :D
7.Can be classy in the board room,chill at the picnic, and freaky when necessary. :eek:
8. CAN COOK NOT MICROWAVE,BUT CAN COOK
9. Knows how to tell their girlfriends to MIND THEIR DAMN BUSINESS :mad:
10. CAN COOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :p :)

I feel everyone is looking for someone exceptional.........

If you want a good person-you have to be a good person!
If you want someone with money- You need to have some also!

ETC..........

I feel if everyone works on improving themselves, when you meet Mr. or Ms. Right - You will be ready! God is on his on time so just be patient and love will meet you head up...........

I have experienced God's relationship power!


:) :D :p

Tammy, I have to agree with you. All good things will come in time.

However, I have to respond to Aspire. You are putting the burden of proof on the shoulders of women. That is not fair at all. What is it that you have to offer? Are you as handsome as some women expect men to be? Are you big fine like Morris Chestnut? Can you surprise me with trips to Paris on a whim? Can you hold an intellectual conversation about the state of affairs in our community? (These are all rhetorical questions by the way! :D ) The point is, you get what you have to offer sometimes. You can't expect to attract dimes if you are only three pennies. Sometimes when we are unhappy with what we get, we have to evaluate ourselves. Not saying that you should expect anything but the best for yourself, but we just have to do a little "soul searching." Maybe you have to tighten up your "game," approach, conversation, etc. Also change your mindset. In your post, you stated that "a lot" of women are dense. That's not a fair statement. SOME women are dense, as are men. If you keep in mind that women are dense, gold diggers, etc., that is all you are going to meet. Give it a try.

P.S. If you can't MATCH or EXCEED the qualities that you look for in a good woman, how can you expect to be labeled as a "good man?" Think about it.

They are hard... I found one of the last remaining few...

Tammy and Redefined Divahttp://www.plauder-smilies.de/party/ylsuper.gif

Relationships are about being together helping each other. Very few people totally have it together this early in life. If you only look for women to fulfill the requirements on your list, then you will probably miss out on alot of "good women." Think about it alot of couple didn't have money before they got married. What they had was love, respect and passion for each other. I don't understand why men expect us to except that they are not saved, don't have money or education. First out of their mouth "I want a good girl!" Knowing they have been the biggest whores.
"I want a Christian woman!" Have you gotten saved? "No, that 's why I want a Christian woman. She'll bring me on in the church." Can you cook? "No, That's why I need a wife to cook for me." Why do we have to pull ya'll up? What hell are you bring to the table?:o

LOL at image! You are right but when you say that but if you have a person that can do all those things......as a lot of women say "Why do the hell do I need a man if I can do everything for myself?" WHat happens if men can do everything now and dont need women(this is not my opinion just a question)

That is a dangerous attitude to have because we ALL need one another. It also seems to be a belief that both men and women nowadays seem to have more and more often. Very few people are mentally equipped to stand alone, and I think that while you need not define yourself in terms of your romantic relationships, you have to be open to sharing yourself with another person, because that's how we grow as people.

I am all of those things
 

For those who think that I'm being unreal about all of those things on the list I,m not I am all of those things and plus a touch extra not saying I'm God's gift to any woman but it amazes me that for all of the women that I date and have as friends that I am not somewhere Damn near marriage or even feeling like they are worth marrying- I mean all a brotha wants is that one sista to Love and adore is that to much to ask for? And even though all of you ladies offer valid points- these are things I've heard before and from females I know and when I ask them the question about what I'm asking for that I don't have -the answer is nothing so that leaves me to believe that either the sistas are B.S.ing about what they really want or are more intrested in projects or rather Not an Already Made man but one they can make?:rolleyes:

And Once Again Please Define Your Opinions of A Good Woman maybe I'm missing something or just not looking for the right things:eek:

Re: I am all of those things
 

For one to answer your question, I think a good woman is one who is strong, confident, ambitious, and loyal.

Secondly, I am not trying to be rude or abrasive here, but I think you are too worried about everyone else. You may possess a certain amount of all the qualities you have mentioned. Great. But all the time you have spent worrying about other people's opinions and other people's defintions of a "good woman," could have been spent getting to know yourself. And ultimately that is what is important anyway. I know that for me I am looking for a MAN (not a BOY or a MALE) who knows himself and is comfortable with that. Everything else (the confidence, ambition, etc.) will come after that. So my advice to you is to hold off on trying to look for a good woman. Start bettering yourself as a man and perhaps you will see results.

Well this is kind of a moot point. Because if neither of us relied on each other, life would cease to exist. Procreation is not shadow boxing! But seriously, I would hope that people aren't throwing their hands up in frustration just yet. I think th people that hold that "I don't need anyone" mentality are the main ones who are insecure about their own strength. I am inclined to ask these people who bitterly say they need no one...who are you convincing, me or yourself?

I have to agree with you LibraSoul (Great Libra minds think alike! :D ) You need to stop worrying about what makes a "good" woman and start concentrating on being a "good" man. I am not trying to blow on you or put you down, but if you are such a "good" man, why can't you find a woman?:confused:

Before I continue, let me ask you a few questions.

1. Where do you meet these women that you date?
2. Is that short list of qualities all that you look for in a woman? (If so, I can name about 100 women off top that would fit that mold)
3. Do you think that those few things REALLY make a "good" woman?

As I read your posts, it seems as though you may not be finding a "good" woman because you seem to have such low regards for us. Not like I really should care, but I am slightly offended by the fact that you split us into these tired categories of not knowing what we want, wanting the thug life brothers, or trying to "create" a man, etc. Besides that, what about the fact that you and your "boys" have this theory that some women are so dense that you want them to shut up so you can just look at them? What makes them dense? Maybe they are not knowledgeable in a particular topic of conversation, but hold a wealth of knowledge about other things. What about other things? Have you ever made an effort to talk to a woman who was not so attractive, slim, etc.? Have you ever made the effort to help a woman work on the things that may not be up to your standards presently?

I can't speak for all women, or even most for that matter. I can't even speak for the women that visit this forum. However, I can speak for myself and say that maybe you need to check how you are stepping to these women, where you meet these women, and what you are really looking for. You should also check yourself. PLEASE do not take this as a personal attack because it's directed to all brothers who may read this: In MY PERSONAL opinion, a woman would (sometimes) rather put up a front (i.e. act "dense", aloof, uninterested, etc.), chill alone, or waste just one more day with her usual lowlife brotha before she wastes one MILLISECOND with a brotha with a stick up his azz. Feel me?

You can speak for me on that one!:D

No matter how good looking a man is arrogance is always a turn off.

Clarification
 

I am finding it extremely interesting that in this discussion everything is seeming to point to a short coming on my part however if the role was reversed as it has been in several topics of this type and I was a female speaking on a lack of good men then it would be as I have heard time and time again I would be given every type of encouraging word to say that there was nothing wrong with me and that I should be patient and just do my thing and live etc.etc.etc

However since I am a man probably saying what many a brother who was not attempting to be a playa,pimp. etc. it is being constantly refrenced that I am insecure, not approaching a young lady right, or just basically a "boy" and not a man :mad:

Well how about this for those of you who are responding that are good women and single - why are you alone- and no one has really answered my question about what you as a female thinks makes a good woman- it is strictly an opinion not Bible Law that I was requesting.Mainly because sometimes when we look at people we tend to look from a biased view point or some standard that we our selves do not meet. For the women who have told me to look at self I have and as a person I continue to see the growth in me as an individual- and many of my experiences come from the fact that I have out grown many of the people I am around recognizing that fact I am looking for new areas to meet and find a strong woman- and I am not as shallow as to just not want some one because of their appearance,but if you don't take the time to be concerned about how you look as far as being well kept what does that say about you as a person.

I read post where women said they liked a well kept man, intelligent, confident,nice lips etc. a man with a job/finances someone who appreciated them and all they got were praises and amens however when I as a MAN spoke along the same lines my integrity and character came into question.

And for all of those females who disdained my comment about some females being dense or just wanting them to be silent because they are sounding like complete and utter air heads. How many of you have given out the wrong phone number because a brother was sounding like a complete and utter fool, or looked at another female and said she was stupid or an air head. The basic principal is this do not slander me for being selective about the requirements I have for a female that I want in my life nor simply be nieve enough to think that the list I presented was I complete one- and also ......................

DON'T ASSUME THAT JUST BECAUSE I AM A MAN THAT I DON'T DESIRE A HEALTHY,WHOLESOME, AND SPIRITUAL RELATIONSHIP JUST ASMUCH AS ANY OF YOU WOMEN"

so with that said please look at yourselves and tell me what makes you a good woman and so worthy to speak on behalf of the good women who are not capable of responding. :eek: :rolleyes: :mad: :mad: :mad:

WHOA NELLY!
 

You seem a little abrasive in your latest post. How about you take a breather and chill out for a minute because it's not that serious. Now I will carefully respond to your post as to not cause anymore misunderstanding on your topic.

Immediately after your original post, you were given encouragement to help with your saerch and patience. HOWEVER, you retaliated with appreciation for our words, but more or less rejected what we said simply because it may not have been what you wanted to hear. You continued to downplay our advice, as well as put down women as a means to make your point as to why you could not find a "good" woman. This leads to:

When one is "insecure," they tend to put others down as a means of covering up or making up for their own shortcomings. Also, that phase of comments came about after you CONTINUOUSLY tried to convince us that all of the women that you meet are dense or not worthy of your company. If EVERYONE that you meet happens to not be up to par, then, as we suggested, you should do some introspection. IN NO WAY did anyone refer to you being less than a man. That was a conclusion that you drew on your own.

The relationship status of those who have so graciously taken the time to respond to your post is not what's really in question. However, those who choose to respond will do so. I see no point. Aside from that, I can say (for myself only) that I can not list the qualities of a good woman because I am looking for a woman. I don't roll like that. Besides, I feel that qualities to be looked for in the significant other is entirely a PERSONAL matter. Although you put up a good argument, I still can not see how another's opinion can help to influence the type of woman that you want. You are still going to have your personal taste and preference.

No one ever challenged you integrity or character. You are MORE than welcomed to have preferences/requirements for the type of woman you choose to spend time with. The "questions" arose from the fact that NO ONE meets your standards. That's why it was suggested that you evaluate yourself or think about if you were actually sure about what you were looking for. No one is "assuming" anything about you. We are just qouting what you say and responding to it.

You are entitled to wanting the best for yourself. Good luck on your search and hopefully, those who respond after me can can add on more words of encouragement.

Re: another thing
 

Let's say that you found a woman who possesses all of the qualities you listed - what would your intentions for this person be? Where would you see the two of you in the next 2-5 years? You say that the woman would have to be saved - are you saved and a member of a church? Would you attempt to build a life together with her? Do you tell your "boys" what goes on between you and the person you are dating? Some men need to be able to tell their "boys" to MIND THEIR DAMN BUSINESS as well!!! Men are just as quick to stick their nose into somebody's business as women are - some men are worse!!! If you want a woman to know how to cook - will you provide her with groceries, if necessary since you want her to feed you? Do you keep yourself well-groomed?
Just wanted to know :p

Re: Re: another thing
 

No one...and the SPHINXPOET MEANS NO ONE!!!!!!!! should expect from thier partner that which they cannot do themselves. If you want your woman to be a dime all the time then hit that Gym Brothers! If you expect her to cook then turn on the food network. You expect her to be saved then you best be saved! Do what you can do and expect no less from someone else!

Sphinxpoet

If you listen....
 

They are chanting the Sphinxpoet's name...

Sphinxpoet, Sphinxpoet, Sphinxpoet...

:eek: Well I think good men are very hard to find and so are good women. But they are out there. I also feel that you should be equal to the person you are seeking to find.A lot of people have said that you have to look inside a person, and I believe that is very true.But that first instant attraction is most likely physical. And someone I don't find attractive I just can't see myself being with. Now I have gotten to know some brothas who upon first glance,I didn't feel were attractive.But after getting to know them, what was on the inside was even better than I could imagine.:)

That's What I'm Saying!
 

It is hipocritical for one to say "I want this, this, and this in my mate", yet they are non of these things themself. Ask yourself this: If I were to meet my ideal mate right this second, and he/she possesed all the qualities that I desire, would he/she want me? If the answer is "No", then you need to focus on improving yourself (which, as we all know is a lifelong process) and getting yourself to the point where you could answer "Yes"...no one is perfect. However, I respect a person that is actively improving him/herself...

A good woman is hard to find. My latest saga ended in failure. A friend at work introduced me to one of her friends via e-mail and said she was a good woman. Who knows, she probably is. But anyway, I talked to her for a couple weeks and she was into church and everything. I thought that was cool. Then came the day we were suppose to meet. I told her I was going to stop off at Happy Hour after work to meet up with some of my partners then we could meet later on. She was cool with that. Well on my way out, I stopped to help someone change a flat tire and was 30 minutes late. She got pissed off at that and won't talk to me again. :(

Re: Re: Re: another thing
 

And let the members of the church say.... AMEN! :)

Re: Re: Re: Re: another thing
 

AMEN AMEN AMEN!!!!!

And I too am chanting Sphinxpoet, Sphinxpoet, Sphinxpoet!!!!
;)

Sphinxpoet - Thank you for your reply :D :D :D