Dating Greek Men
 

For those of you that have dated greek men, do you find them to be any different than men who are non-greek? Is it different to date a greek man if you are greek yourself versus being a non greek dating a greek man? What are the pros and cons? I am just asking because generally I have found greek men to be very immature...and then there have been those that do a 360 on you after becoming greek and discovering that there are fraternity groupies out there...they are a completely different person after they cross!

WOW this is a great conversation. My replies will all be related to my experiences in dating two Greeks.

I never dated Greek men before I became a Delta. I truly believe that dating a Greek man is no different than dating a non Greek. The only difference is that they now have 3 letters across their chest. Both Greeks and non Greeks (the ones I know and have affiliated myself with) have problems with commitment especially while still in college or immediately after crossing.

I think that dating Black Greek men can be fun but it depends on that person's maturity and level of commitment to another person especially if groupies begin to come out of the woodwork.

I think that it is hard today to date and enter into a quality relationship, be they Greek, non Greek, educated, etc.


Carla

From my experience, (duh, who else's experience would I be talking about) yes, it is different being greek and dating a man/woman who is greek as opposed to being a non-greek dating a greek. There are a lot of responsibilities that come with being greek that a non-greek may not understand or even like.

I remember one of the boyfriends I had who was not greek. We used to fight constantly about why I was doing so much with my Sorors, and I'm not talking about general hanging out and partying. He was trippin over the committe meetings and chapter meetings that I had to go to. Either he didn't understand or he was flat out jealous (he wanted to be greek but didn't have the grades). I also found it interesting that when I wasn't doing anything with the Sorors, he was always out with his friends and they would come to me saying how he was complaining that we didn't spend enough time together. It wasn't like he didn't know well in advance that I'd be in a meeting.

As for the groupies, it's up to the member to keep them in check. If you know you have a boyfriend or girlfriend (yes, sororities have groupies too) it's your responsibility to control yourself around them and make them aware the you're in a relationship and you're not going to have any foolishness.

------------------
Kelli
12-DN-94
SSU c/o 1997

I've dated both Greek and Non-Greek, however my current boyfriend is a Sigma Chi. I don't think there's a huge difference, if the guy is nice and treats you well then thats all that really matters. The GDI's I've dated were always supportive of my involvement with Delta Phi Epsilon and greek life in general. I guess the disadvantage to dating someone not in the Greek system is if they have a negative view of greeks and refuse to change their mind even after dating you. I do prefer to date Greek men because of my huge commitment to my sorority. The cool thing about my current boyfriend is that we were both rush chair at the same time and both chapter presidents at the same time. I suppose if you date someone in the Greek system there is that advantage that he will understand your reasons for being in a sorority, etc. However I have met some real slimey fraternity boys in my day and pass them over for a GDI no prob http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif. I guess it's one of those things were you have to weigh the pros and cons of the situation... they both have there advantages and disadvantages.

Siobhan

I am non-greek, but my last boyfriend was a member of Kappa Alpha Psi and to be honest I couldn't handle it. If It wasn't women hanging all over him it was parties, if it wasn't the parties, it was his job. He is a stripper and that leads back to the women. I was always upset or jealous.I *had* to keep in mind that *HE WAS A NUPE BEFORE ME AND HE WILL BE A NUPE AFTER ME* so, I tried to chill. But... a female can only take so much. I didn't want him to chose between 2 things he loves so I decided for him; I left him. To this day I am not sure if I made the wrong or right choice. So All I have to say is Differnt strokes for Different Folks. It might be easier for people who are both greek but to me when u are ME PHI ME like I am and involved with someone who is greek, Is Very Hard. Thats just my 5 dollors!!

Personally, I don't find greek men any different from non-greek men. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

However, I can say that I feel that it is a little bit easier to date a greek men as far as his understanding my commitment to my sorority goes.I've dated a greek man before and I know that he understood why I won't just blow off a sorority meeting and how it's not just a 'college thing' because he has the same commitments. My last boyfriend was non-greek and never seemed to understand these concepts.

ZetaAce

I can't speak for all "greek men" but MINE, and he is (like tony the tiger says)grrrreat!!! He wasn't immature before he became a Kappa but there is a big difference in his persona now than then. He is VERY mature and carries himself like the proper gentlemen he is. He is smart, takes care of himself inside and out, and always is willing to go the extra mile to help someone else.

I feel as if some men are going to act immature regardless if he is in a FRAT or not. The attitude of one should not down play the entire FRAT.

I don't think it will make a difference, it's the relative maturity of the two people in the relationship that can make or break it. And yes, often times affiliations can make a person more mature (or vice versa!). My personal experience is an (im)perfect example: a relationship with a greek guy did not work well (among other things, he looked down on my own greek involvement...does that make sense???). The guy I'm dating now is not greek (though he has just as serious committments to an Order he belongs to), but a delightful, supportive young man. Go figure! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

I have never dated a greek man, before or after I became greek. My current boyfriend has never had issues with the time commitment (I'm speaking mostly from when I was still in school and most of my free time was with my GLO), he's always been supportive + mostly understanding. He is a few years older than I am, so I don't know if that has anything to do with it or not? Occassionally he has made an (unknowingly) innappropriate comment or joke about a/my GLO, and I've had to correct him, but that's about it.

Incidentally, I can't think of any fraternity men I would have wanted to date at my school (out of those I knew personally). I guess they're just not my type http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

------------------
SilverTurtle@greekchat.com
Phi Beta Fraternity
Phi chapter

Let's see.... I am a non greek and I had a guy that I was interested in and who was interested in me...well I met this guy while he was on line for a fraternity that will remain unnamed. While he was on line he used to call me and when we would talk, he would always swear up and down that he would not change when he crossed! While he was online he seemed to be so sweet...and I really believed that he wouldn't change after he got his letters...boy was I wrong! It seemed like overnight when this boy finally crossed he became Mr. Party all the time...his conversations changed from "how are you today" to "how can i get in them panties?" He was a groupie magnet and loved it, needless to say I got tired and bored with his fake ass and I stopped dealing with him....so that's one of my experiences...fortunately it didn't turn me off to greek men because later on down the line I met another greek and he is the sweetest, most considerate, sensitive, and loving person I have ever met and we are engaged to be married. So I guess there are two sides to every coin...greek or not..men are men and they can be good or bad.

Eh, the only thing I can see it totally impacting is what you do as a couple. I've casually dated some Greek guys, and it seems like all we do is go to frat parties, etc., which I don't mind. I am, however, seriously involved with a NON-Greek who really doesn't like (but is learning to tolerate) the Greek system--it's hard because I try to keep him away from Greek events, I really don't want him to be uncomfortable (he's really not anything like any fraternity member I've ever met). So, I guess it has to do with individual comfort levels. I do know people who date ENTIRELY within NPHC groups, which is just hard for me to comprehend.

WHILE IN COLLEGE I DID DATE AN ALPHA AND A KAPPA. THE ALPHA RELATIONSHIP WAS GOOD AND I UNDERSTOOD THAT HE WAS VERY INVOLVED IN HIS FRAT AND THAT WAS JUST SOMETHING I HAD TO DEAL WITH. ON THE OTHER HAND, THE KAPPA SITUATION WAS RIDICULOUS. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO BE AN ACTIVE MEMBER OF YOUR ORGANIZATION, BUT HE TOOK IT TO THE EXTREME. I HAD TO CUT THAT RELATIONSHIP SHORT, BUT IT WAS GOOD WHILE IT LASTED. ANYWAY, I THINK THAT THE RELATIONSHIPS WOULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERNT IF WE WOULD HAVE BEEN OUT OF COLLEGE. THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN ALL RELATIONSHIPS. I DO NOT THINK IT MATTERS IF THEY ARE GREEK OR NOT.

Seems like it might also depend on how long he has been greek. Neo's are dealing with their newfound on-campus fame -- they seem to be a bit more immature and all that is bad about greek men.

But those that have worn their letters for a little while seemed to have calmed down a bit.

I've never seriously dated a greek man. However, 2 of my girl friends who do told me that they both have this policy of "she can suck your *&#@, just don't have sex with her." They both said they understand how it is if a girl is brought to him and his frat brothers are all around -- what else is he going to do? I don't know if that is for me.

I have dated both. I actually prefer Greek men cause GDI's usually don't have any concept of how much time we spend doing the work of our organizations and are more prone to get jealous or argue about your time committement with your org. Of course that is not to say that Greek men won't either...cause I have had that happen too...but in the end it shouldn't be about what letters that person wears or doesn't wear but about how they make you feel and how much you care about them.

I've dated both gdi and greek. I prefer greek. As mentioned earlier, the level of understanding regarding time commitment, etc.. is there. When he has a meeting, I understand, when I have to prep for rush, he understands. Also, when I got engaged to my frat guy http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif , not only did I get a candle passing from my sisters, but I was serenaded by my guy and his boys. (I think it's an added bonus)

The gdi guys I dated didn't like the greek thing. Also, when I met these guys, I didn't tell them I was in a sorority at first. I found out later with one guy that had he known that I was greek, he would not have dated me. Whatever. One greek guy I dated wanted to know some house secrets. He wanted to 'compare notes' as he put it. Yeah right! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/rolleyes.gif

I did date a guy that was on line before I became greek. He was nice before and after he crossed. It was annoying when we went to parties and he had his little fan club around. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/mad.gif once I became greek though, i understood where this was comming from. (I had my own little fan club) http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif


[This message has been edited by theXgirl (edited June 14, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by theXgirl (edited June 14, 2000).]

I've dated both. To be honest, I prefer a non Greek relationship. That's just my opinion. My husband isn't greek. When I did date a Greek, it seemed like the sorority and the fraternity he was in knew about our little spats and knew a little more that I cared to share about our personal life. Whatever you choose. Good luck to you! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

I dated a greek man (Omega man) before he pledge and after(6yrs) http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif. I had no issues because I was very secure in our relationship especially since he was in Missouri and I was in New York. I loved him dearly and found it to be the 2nd best relaionship I have ever had. For those dating greek men who aren't part of GLO's or BGLO's, if you have issues with him, talk about it and also look within yourself. I was always of the opinion that xyz chick may flirt with him but he comes home with me http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif. Just be honest and don't live with blinders. Regardless of the letters across their chest they are men, human beings nonetheless.

------------------
Never cast your pearls before swine Matthew 7:6

Interesting topic indeed... I used to date a Sigma (we both started out non-greek) and there was an understanding because of similar commitments. The gentleman I now date is not greek and frankly it doesn't matter. What he does know about my involvement with Zeta Phi Beta, he respects, and supports. PLUS he's intelligent which matters much more than being greek. I'm happy! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

------------------
Sweet Deliverance's PHI-losophy:
"What you do or do not do today determines what you can or cannot do tomorrow."

Can I post my frustration here????

I have been a Tri Delta for two years now, and let me tell you about the ******* frat boys (and I do mean boys) that I have dated. Of course it is my own fault for dating these jerks...but they can be sooo convincing and man do they look good in khakis and button downs!! Anyway, I have dated guys in Alpha Delta Phi, Delta Upsilon, Delta Tau Delta, Sigma Alpha Epsilon, and Acacia, with all the same results. They all were complete players. Now, I am not one to rip on the Greek system, I love it to death, and I probably will end up dating more frat boys and eventually marrying one...but man right now, they need to grow up.

HipChick: Some day you'll meet the right man for you. I can honestly say that I wasnt one of those players in school for what its worth and there are alot of Greek Men out there that aren't. From my experience it kind of went both ways too. Between some Greek Men and some Greek Women being players.

Kevin Mullinix
Beta Theta Pi

[This message has been edited by kmullini (edited June 21, 2000).]

Kmullini,

I agree with your comment. Currently I am dating a Sigma Chi, but I have come across some pretty immature fratenity boys. I know a lot of people who say fraternity boys are really players and sleezballs, but there are just as many sleezy GDI's as there are fraternity men.

PS. My cousin is a Beta alum (UBC)

Siobhan, thats very true too. Not every Greek Man or GDI is the same...I mean I have yet to date a greek girl myself...I had alot of greek friends that I partied with and hung out with that were girls...Most of my brothers had gfs who were either AOpi and Alpha Phi. Some had GDI girlfriends as well and we often hung out with many GDIs at the house too. I guess I was just a quiet guy at parties/bars so I just didnt connect with the other greek girls(in terms of a relationship) on campus like many of my brothers did. I just didnt get into trying to be something I wasnt. so I guess with my luck in school I wont ever marry a Greek girl anyway I guess.

Kevin Mullinix
Beta Theta Pi

P.S. thats cool about your cousin. I saw a link once to their chapter online and it looked pretty cool. It had some cool pictures.

We greek men are not all bad. What we all fail to realize is that men go bad because of stupid a** women, Women go bad because of stupid a** men. If your greek affiliation shouldn't be a reason for f*cked relationships, its just the people in those relationships.
Keep everything in your life in order,
Because (K.R.E.A.M) K,appa
R,egulates
E,verything
A,round
M,e
Get the Wisdom,
Dollar Bill Y'all!!!!!

Personally, I don't care about GL or NON GL as long as he's a Christian !!! HELLO!!

But if I had a choice here's the line up and in this order:

Alpha Phi Alpha
Phi Beta Sigma
GDI
Kappa Alpha Psi
Omega Psi Phi


------------------
Director #2
LMAC
Spr 99

Personally the man that I was dating was non-greek and then he became a member of a BGLO. The frat in which he pledged made him a more responsible person. He started to perform better on an academic level and our relationship grew tighter as well. I can truly say that greekdom either changes you for the best or the worse, but it definatly changes you. The person you were before you became greek will determine the change.

Little Note.

GOD BLESS!

Pinkice9

Well I am a member of Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority Inc. at Cheyney University and I feel most men are the same whether Greek/Non-Greek. A lot of people down the brothers in Fraternities on this subject all the time. Yes it's true. We have those who get their letters(just like females)and lose their mind. The girls who never gave them a second thought now all of a sudden feel the need to boost up their heads. And then they bring that to women such as myself who won't deal with the crap they feel they have the right to dish out. Some of these brothers let the "groupies" cloud their judgement and fall for that all the time. Then you have the stereo types some bruhs in the frats feel they must emulate. For example, my bruhs the Kappa's who are known for that nasty nupe style of loving and getting all the women or the Omegas known for being the nasty dawgs also getting all the women or the Sexy Sigma's who perform in step shows licking whipped cream off chairs which definitely appeals to the women or the Alpha's who are cute and women gotta have them 06 brothers. In some cases they were like that before the frat in other cases they weren't. But, I tell you what I've been in relationships with GDI's and Greeks. IT DOESN'T MATTER! A man is going to be a man whether he has letters on or not just like a female. It's true you do get more attention when you join an organization. I was getting it before so I don't trip. Everybody isn't like that. But trust 9 times out of 10 if you pay that man no mind and let his groupies surround him he'll come around eventually. You just might change that Greek man. you know men love a challenge whether they are GREEK/NON-GREEK!

i dated a gdi(immediately) after i crossed and she just didn't understand the sheer amount of responsibility i had. there just weren't enough hours in the day to study, prepare for a stepshow, and work on our various community service projects while trying to cater to her needs. i don't need to say what i chose, but incidentally, i'm now dating a woman from a mainstream sorority(Alpha Phi) and she's just as busy as i am. so far so good. i guess women in glo's tend to have a better understanding of your responsibilities, cuz they have so many of their own.( this is not a slant against the independent women who work their tails off during school, it's just that greek women are more likely to understand and appreciate the bond us greek men have with our brothers, while gdi's are more likely to write us off as followers or slaves as my ex did. just my opinion, no harm intended)

I had to get into this discussion... . personally I LOVE my GDI'S and wouldn't want it any other way!!!!

Unless, of course????????

while every young male and female are dumb, it seems that while they are Greeks, they learn from experience of the offices and responseability that they have, they all mature. Of course this is not always the case, it is in the majority. All young go to adulthood , it is just some quicker that others. Life does come from training, and the greek Community tends to train their members more than not.

------------------
Tom Earp LX Z#1

Hello all, my boyfriend of a year and a half is greek. I must say that this has been one of the longest most fulfilling relationships I have ever been in. Note, that he was already greek when I met him. It was hard at first, I found it hard to trust him. But, as time went on I began to trust him. Dont get me wrong, I dont put anything past anybody, but I trust that when he goes to frat parties,etc he will remember that I am watiing for him when he gets home. I am now seeking membership in a greek organization and he is being very supportive of me. I dont think that a non-greek man would understand allof the time and effort it takes to do this. So I am thankful for that. I really cant compare him to a non-greek becuase who is to say that his membership in this organization has an effect on his behavior? I may meet a mature, dedicated greek today and an immature, cheating greek tomorrow. I would never generalize all members of an organization like that. I must say this, I was greatly surprised about how respectful the members are to me. The organization has a bad reputationf or being womanizers. As a freshman I was warned about these guys. But I have learned that, if you carry yourself like a woman of dignity and respect, they will treat you no other way.

hmmm... greek or non-greek... thats a hard question to answer. i have been with my current (greek) boyfriend for 3 years. he is no longer in school, i am. i feel more comfortable with greek guys just because they are the ones i know best. i have also found that non-greeks can have a bad perception of greek life and are uncomfortable with the time commitment. on the other hand, dating a greek guy can be like dating their entire fraternity because they all seem to know EVERYTHING about the relationship!! just don't date a pledge because they will spend more time worrying about what the brothers think, then what you think!! good luck!

Hello all,
Personally, there hasn't been a difference for me. I have been fortunate that the non-greek men that I have dated understood that I'm a member of a Sorority. Specifically because, because I belong to the ONLY CONSTITUTIONALLY BOUND BROTHERHOOD & SISTERHOOD--ZETA PHI BETA & PHI BETA SIGMA.
So, of course, My frat is always number one in my heart. But, I have no preference as to whether or not the man that I'm with is affiliated or not, as long has he respects me.
SapphireSensation
Zeta Phi Beta Sigma--One Love...One Dove

Hey,
personally, I feel that there is no real difference between greeks and non-greeks. The difference on the guys depends on how greeks are viewed on campus. My campus views greeks as very popular. Therefore, the guys have the attitude as if they are just the best. It just depends on what you like in a person. The letters don't make the person, it's the person that makes the letters.

Well, let me see if I can sum all of this up quickly....

I think there are advantages and disadvantages to dating either. As far as dating a greek is concerned, the pros are that he might be responsible, mature, etc. On the flip side, he might have become conceited because of his 'elevated' status. A non-greek might be an escape from greekdom, but sometimes might come down very hard on greeks b/c he doesn't understand/like it.

When my boyfriend and I started out, he was greek, and I wasn't. He constantly told me how much he learned and grew as a result of joining his organization. Now that I have joined an illustrious organization myself, I am starting to see for myself what he meant. Additionally, he was encouraging and understanding when I was pledging. Above all, he was patient and knew how much time and effort goes into the whole thing. After all, he was there once. I don't know if a non-greek might have understood so well.

However, one issue I do have to deal with that I don't have to when I date non-greeks is groupies who sort of make greek guys into celebrities.

So, you see, they have their advantages and disadvantages.

Well, let me see if I can sum all of this up quickly....

I think there are advantages and disadvantages to dating either. As far as dating a greek is concerned, the pros are that he might be responsible, mature, etc. On the flip side, he might have become conceited because of his 'elevated' status. A non-greek might be an escape from greekdom, but sometimes might come down very hard on greeks b/c he doesn't understand/like it.

When my boyfriend and I started out, he was greek, and I wasn't. He constantly told me how much he learned and grew as a result of joining his organization. Now that I have joined an illustrious organization myself, I am starting to see for myself what he meant. Additionally, he was encouraging and understanding when I was pledging. Above all, he was patient and knew how much time and effort goes into the whole thing. After all, he was there once. I don't know if a non-greek might have understood so well.

However, one issue I do have to deal with that I don't have to when I date non-greeks is groupies who sort of make greek guys into celebrities.

So, you see, they have their advantages and disadvantages.

YES. And not to be trusted. Very romantic, but not realistic.

This has been an interesting topic and must confer that whether or not a man is greek doesn't change how they are. If they were an a**hole before they became greek then they will continue to be that a**hole after. It all depends on the individual. Change for the better or the worse. Who the hell knows!!!

Crimson Tail


[This message has been edited by CrimsonTail (edited July 15, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by CrimsonTail (edited July 15, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by CrimsonTail (edited July 15, 2000).]

I will say that it really doesn't matter either way. I agree with Crimson Tail...once an a**hole, always one.
I will say that there is an "understanding" among members of Greek organizations. If I have meetings, it is understood and vice versa. My boyfriend is in a BGLO, he also attended Morehouse College. In the South and East Coast EVERYBODY is in BGLOs. Point Blank.. He lives in Cali now and can't believe he meets people who never pledged and don't seem to be interested. At his high school, they had the fraternity like groups and sororities which "prepared" them for what it "may" be like in college when they pledge. It is sucha a part of life, to be with someone who is not "Greek" is like a mystery. That was one of the first questions he asked me when I met him. I don't think that had anything to do with his decision to date me (a wise one I might add http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif) but it is definitely a topic of discussion for him. Just as "Did you go to college" is for him. He doesn't understand how a college educated woman could date a man who has never been to college. I get on his a** all the time about it, but he is dead serious. There is like a lack of frame of reference if that is not ONE of the connections two people have with one another. Part of me agrees in a sense. I mean his frat brothers ask. "What Sorority are you in." When I sat DST, it's like "Okay, she's all good." Although I am not in his "sister" organization, it's like okay, there is still a "common" bond between us.

Okay, I'm done...I tend to ramble...sorry http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/frown.gif

That's my $1913.00 worth, not just $19.13.

I'm am currently the President of my organization and I am dating the presdient of a fraternity. We were both Greek when we began dating, however not in the offices we currently hold. I have found that he is much more understanding than past guys I have dated in regards to my having to cancel plans etc due to a "crisis" in the chapter.

He is also much more grown-up and resposible than other guys I have dated (nongreeks). He has had to take responsibilites and he takes these seriously.

However the greek community is very similar to a small town. The gossip mill works overtime. Everyone will know the smallest details of your relationship. Everyone will also feel it is their right to know the inner workings of your relationship and if you are haiving relationship problems the entire greek system seems to know about it.

I think in the end it just depends on the person.