Big / Little Adoption
 

Hello All,
I'm exploring the idea of bring up the idea to my chapter to allow me to be adopted by another big. There are many reasons why I am suggesting this.

When I join my organization my big was given to me, the only time we hung out was right after he was given to me and one other time. He was never there as a mentor, he was never there if I needed him. I would try to text or call time and I would never get an answer, while I asked other brothers to text him and he would respond right away, and still never answer me. He always seemed to avoid me. In my organization it is custom to get matching letters from the big to the little. My big never gave me letters, he told me if I wanted them I would have to pay for them myself.(not because he didnt have money, he just didnt wanna have them), he has not graduated and is no longer in my chapter. Since then another brother has said he would adopt me into his tree. My big's big was never there for him and his big was never there for him. So my branch of my tree is lets just say worthless... So im wanting to get adopted by another brother so my littles actually have a tree to look up to. Has this ever happened in your organization? If so how has it happened?

Thanks.

There have been a few threads like this, but on the sorority side. I think much of the advice given would apply here, so do a search.

I have tried to look, but the reasoning Ive found was very selfish, and i didnt find anything about what the chapters did, i seen alot of bashing

See how others in your chapter are receptive to the idea. You are unlikely to find a definitive answer here.

You had a bad big. That sucks. If you want to give your little a tree to look up to, YOU can be a good big. Great people come out of dysfunctional families all the time.

Realize that when a family line dies it's not just about the current members, but about the alumni from 5 -10 -20 years ago who are disappointed when their line dies out.

Been there done that. Accept the offer and get the letters. Don't dwell on it just take action.

Most groups that I'm aware of don't follow the trees that closely. I couldn't even tell you who half my grand lils are, let alone their lils. So the great great grand big of your stinky big won't know.

I have no idea who my grand-big was/is nor my little's little....don't much care either 50 years down the road from it all...never did, to tell you the truth. It just wasn't that much of a deal back then...and I fail to see the point in all this ado about it anyway. We're all members in full - having a big or a little that you know/get along with/see regularly really doesn't have anything to do with the goals of the founders...

At some places, it's not a big deal. But at some places, it is. The same as participating in intramurals, attending football games in a group, living in the house, and 8 zillion other things we talk about on here that vary BY CAMPUS.

Obviously there are certain traditions in this guy's chapter regarding big and little that are important enough that he's upset they weren't fulfilled, which is why "just do it, no one cares anyway" is a really bad answer.

I see your point, but would argue "it sucks, be a better big" is also not a great answer because of the same "vary by campus" reason.

OP - You know what your chapter is like. Hopefully we've offered a balanced view with two extremes and it'll help you make a decision.

Good luck!

You know, 33, you are very good at giving your opinion about campuses where you have no experience so I really have a hard time grasping why you feel the need to castigate somone else for doing the same thing while stating it was THEIR experience.

Also, one thing to ask the position in charge of new members- can you actually officially change? I know that in Alpha Gamma Delta you can't change your Sister-Mother, but in other organisations you can!

To the OP: I'm still in contact with my Big, after (mumble mumble) years, however I can't recall what I had for breakfast, much less who my little was. Although I think I know. But I'm not sure. Which is kind of funny.

If your big is no longer in the chapter (guessing he is no longer a member? or was it a typo and you meant "now graduated" instead of "not graduated") then it seems that you have figured out a good solution for yourself already! You have someone who wants to adopt you - go for it! I wish you good luck because I think you would like to have a more positive experience, and I think you are taking steps to achieve that goal. The whole Letters thing is big in college, I hope you can get some letters to wear. And t shirts. And all that stuff. Like hats. Because honestly it looks dumb to me when old farts and fartesses wear letters. THAT IS MY OPINION.

On a sidenote, do groups actually use big/little officially? We are not allowed to, though obviously everyone still does.

I have not seen anything official on that front. Only the use of BABIES and kittens and the like.

Did your chapter use big or pledge mom? Our Illinois chapter used pledge mom but have since switched to big/little. I can't remember other chapters using big/little back then but I don't know if I just am remembering it wrong.

Our official terms are either "big brother" or "mentor." I'm not sure I've ever known of a chapter that used "mentor."

If suggesting someone think of people other than themselves is "castigating" them, just call me the Castigator!

And seeing as you had a whole herd of cows over someone suggesting housing options for a chapter - without bothering to ask (most likely because you didn't care or because it wasn't in your frame of reference) what the campus is like, all I can say is, pot, meet kettle.

Was/is pledge mom/pledge daughter a regional thing? I remember the first time I saw it in a chapter's write-up in our magazine and I was so confused.

Seeing as I served as our Fraternity Director of Housing and currently serve on the NPC Housing Committee, I think I know a little something about housing.

Oh, sillypie me. I didn't realize this was the "throw what you know part II" thread.

You are - so why can't someone else????

I guess that is my question. DBB is from the same campus as I am, and I wonder if her chapter used pledge mom, because I had never heard of big/little until I moved south. I don't care for the term "big" since that is code for "fat." I haven't heard of anybody using pledge mom anymore though. I'm sure it was hazing.

We always said Big Sister and Little Sister - never abbreviated it. Pledge Mom was the Pledge Trainer. But then this was back when dinos roamed the earth....

Big sister sounds so much better than Big!

Our official term is Carnation Sister. Both my older CS and my younger CSes are both CS. There's no big/little or older/younger distinction. I assumed other groups had gone the same way.

I don't think 33 was out of line to point out the "varies by campus" issue.


To the off topic discussion, we had a Pledge Mom and then you got a Heart Sis on Bid Day and a Big Sis a few weeks into pledging; then a Violet Sis during Initiation Week. Big Sis was shortened to "Big" in casual settings and Little Sis to Lil.

It wasn't till GC that I heard of AGDs practice of Mother/Daughter.

In my chapter, we always said Big Sis/ Lil Sis. I don't remember ever saying The entire word, sister, just sis. We signed things <3, ybs or <3, yls when making gifts or writing notes to our Big Sis/ Lil Sis.

Theta Phi Alpha uses Big Sister and Little Sister. We do not officially condone "Big" and "Little". That being said, I don't think I've ever heard anyone say the full title. I imagine it sounds too much like a biological relationship, rather than something unique to the Greek experience.

My line wouldn't die out my tree is the largest tree in our organization there are several branches left, I was just wondering if any one else chapters experienced a little getting a new big...

Thanks

My chapter of initiation did mothers and daughters until a few years ago when NHQ insisted they change to big sister and little sister which they SHOULD have done YEARS before that....

Side bar: Alpha Gam stance on what to call new members:http://www.alphagammadelta.org/alpha...nomorebabytalk. We also don't use the term "Pledge Mother" or any variation, it just is the "big sister" role. I recall us talking about how your Sister-Mom being called that because they help you learn and grow in Alpha Gam in your new member period.

What did you call the girl who was in charge of pledge education, before terms like new member educator? We called her "pledge mom" colloquially and that's one reason the mom-daughter stuff had me confused. :)

"New Member Coordinator"- haha, not terribly creative! Now it's the Alpha Coordinator :) I actually do appreciate the Mother/Daughter thing-grandmother works, " grand-big" sounds off to me (probably because it's unfamiliar).

It was Pledge Trainer for us. Now it's under Member Education.

Official term was "pledge sister educator"; everyone used "PSE". Now it's "NME" (enemy) which is... not good. So it goes.