Getting your last choice
 

I noticed that a lot of people always say trust the system, or you end up where you are meant to. There is also a thread that deals with not getting your first choice. Going through rush it would have been really helpful to have a thread that dealt with getting your last choice house. What do you do when you open your bid card or you have to go to one pref with that struggling chapter? No pc words here folks. I received that chapter and am currently trying to make the best of it, but sometimes I'm still really unsure. What IS keeping me there is how nice all the girls are and that they really wanted me to be there, and sometimes girls do not get any houses back. Would really love to hear your thoughts!

First off, congratulations on your bid! I think you've hit it on the head. You've said that what is keeping you there is how nice all of the girls are and the fact that they wanted you. That is exactly what you should be looking for and I'm so happy for you that you've found it. I was afraid as I began reading that you were going to say that you received a bid but the girls were not friendly or welcoming and that the chapter was struggling. From what I hear, even the "best" chapters have issues within to include not having a strong bond among sisters. So, the best thing you can do now besides enjoying getting to know your new sisters is to see where you might fit in to help that chapter become stronger. You've certainly got a good foundation with a group of really nice girls. Get involved and enjoy every minute! If it makes you feel better, there are probably some girls who ended up with their first choice and are sometimes really unsure. Hang in there! Sounds like you were willing to give this house a chance because they saw something special in you. That's great advice for all PNM's who find themselves in this situation.

I think that you have a great opportunity to be a leader and help this chapter grow. It sounds like you get along with these women and that you feel comfortable there. Being a member of a Panhellenic sorority provides you with so many opportunities, lifetime connections and real-world skills.

Why did you go through FFR? It was to be a part of a wonderful group of women, focusing on sisterhood, scholarship, leadership and social activities.

Many women...those who get their first/second/third choice...feel really unsure at first. I would give it a chance. Go to meetings, hang out with your new member class, connect with the older girls.

They are lucky to have you :)

While reading typical recruitment stories, it becomes clear that over the process of recruitment, PNMs' perspectives regarding chapter ranking evolves. As you indicated, there is probably no one thread that identifies a recruitment story in which the PNM accepts a bid from her "last choice".

Yet as you read the threads and sort through the evolving patchwork quilt/kaleidescope of the process of recruitment, you'll see that PNM's may indeed have ended up choosing what was perhaps initially their "last choice".

Those posting recruitment stories may not specifically characterize their recruitment outcomes as their 'last choice' but there is ultimately a point in which the OP concludes that "X" chapter is now her first (and perhaps only) choice.

With all due respect to the OP "Wishful" - because I don't know she specifically would have characterized her house as her last choice - here is an example of one such evolving recruitment processes.

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=129291

Indeed, there are more such stories out there - you just won't find them necessarily by the titles of the threads.

Please please please hang in there. You will NEVER regret it!

A bit of a lane swerve for me, but OP, your post reeks of entitlement. I'm not sure it was intentional, but it really seems like you think you're too good for this chapter. The reality is, those chapters you think you were born to be in, for whatever reason, did not want you. The thing to do first is dispel any notion that you are too good for the chapter you got into. You are exactly that good. The system worked, you are where you are meant to be.

Now you can choose either to have a great time and really embrace this or forever wallow in self-pity. Do you think all of the sisters in your new chapter felt like you do when they were selected? I truly doubt it.

There was a girl who rushed when I was at FSU that could have had her pick of all the chapters. She was the whole package-beautiful, smart, sweet, activities, and recommendations. At the time, several of the chapters were struggling with membership numbers, and in fact, several chapters left campus due to low numbers.

All week long she had her pick of invitations, and attended 3 pref. parties, one of which was her legacy house, which was one of the struggling chapters. She baffled everyone by joining that chapter. She told a sorority sister of mine that that chapter needed her more than her other 2 choices. What everyone thought should have been her last choice was her first, so there she differs from you.

She was a breath of fresh air for that chapter, and in the 4 years she spent on campus, their numbers improved and they became stronger and stronger. You can be that girl for your chapter.

Your chapter is so much more than itself. It is just a cog in the wheel of your national organization. I can honestly say that my alumna years have been even better than my collegiate ones. Not to say that you will not cherish your collegiate years-just that maybe while you are experiencing all the fun activities, sisterhoods, parties and rituals of your collegiate years, you remember that the best may be yet to come.

I'll be a little un-pc here myself. Try looking online at some other chapters of your sorority. I guarantee you are "top-tier" at some of the most prestigious greek systems in the country. One of the most sought-after chapters at OU struggles at OSU. Another struggles at Tulsa. One of the "lower-tier" chapters at OU is tops at UCO. Two upper-mid chapters at OSU closed at OU.

My point is, every sorority has chapters that aren't top-tier. EVERY SINGLE ONE. Maybe that doesn't help while you're in the collegiate bubble, but it is part of why so many of us on GC are more Panhellenic - we have graduated and realize that after college, most people don't care too much if you were an XYZ or an ABC.

If you truly dislike your experience, by all means, drop and move on to something more enjoyable. But since you seem to like the girls so far, remember the things that being in a sorority can offer - you will be able to participate in Sooner Scandals, Greek Week, Derby Days, gameday spreads at the chapter house, philanthropy events with your chapter and with other fraternities and sororities, going to convention, participating in recruitment as an active, etc. You'll buy a white dress for initiation like every other sorority woman at OU, you'll wear a beautiful badge, you'll have party t-shirts and favors from mixers.

What you experience will almost certainly be remarkably similar to what the girls in the top chapters experience. If hanging around with these girls is something you enjoy, don't let the tiers that other people created take that away from you. Best of luck and congratulations on your bid.

^ I agree with this 100%^ It is so hard for collegians to see the big picture sometimes.

first of all thank you to everyone to replying and giving such great advice. In reality this group has everything I was looking for and I'm becoming more and more excited each day. Can't wait for game days and things like scandals! To Kevin, sorry if my post offended you. I WILL be more careful about oversharing in the future. The process is just really fresh right now. Again thank you so much everyone, I won't give up and each kind word inspires me!

Hooray!!!

One of the great things about RFM is it allows virtually every girl to find a home and with enough girls brave enough to take the risk on "that" chapter, "that" chapter will over the course of just a few years become one of the chapters right in the mix. There are plenty of schools where there really isn't a clearly delineated bottom chapter, and yours can absolutely do the same thing because of girls like you who sucked it up about being disappointed and made the best of it. If your chapter isn't filled with entitled hos, then you have a good start.

You can improve your chapter standing by being visible in the best possible sense. Wear your letters with pride and always look your best. Be involved, and bring sisters along. Have fun in public. If you are in a situation where you will be doing ongoing COB (pledging new members outside of fall formal rush), go out of your way to make friends with all kinds of women on campus, and that means Greek-affiliated and independent. That girl in the "it" chapter may have a friend who didn't pledge. She knows her chapter doesn't have room for her, but "that" chapter has some really nice girls (you), and she might feel comfortable recommending you as an alternative. Because hell to the no about recommending her to those byatches at the "it #2" chapter.

Would it be easier to be in the chapter who has no issues with their social status or rush outside of formal? Yes. But they have their own issues to deal with, so don't spend too much time thinking how much greener the grass is.

Hilarious

Preach it DubaiSis!

I love this thread and all the wise and wonderful perspective it contains.

This is what you need to focus on. They're nice. They want you. If you were trying to make a decision about wearing letters with a bunch of "entitled hos" (to quote DubaiSis) or not being in a sorority, then it would be completely different. These women are nice. That's at least half of the battle in finding your sorority home.

There are some wise words in this thread. Don't beat yourself up about your feelings. FWIW, I don't think you sound entitled or bratty. Recruitment is a trying and tough thing to go through. For the most part you can trust the system, but it's not a perfect one. Getting cut hurts. It really does, and anyone who says otherwise is just not being realistic... but these women are nice....and they DO want you.

Best of luck to you. Hang in there!

Every one of us on this board can tell you stories about being "that girl' in "that chapter." I remember a girl who took a bid to a particular chapter and was loved all over campus for being Panhellenic president. I got to know her well; she was a great example of the type of girl who would have added much to any chapter that she was in. She chose the chapter no one else wanted, and improved it much. Importantly, not just her own sisters but girls in other chapters got to see that it was OK to see things differently.

I remember a girl who supposedly cried all through her pledge night because she got her second choice. She stayed in her chapter though, and was one of "those girls" -- the ones that somehow manage to do it all always.

My own best friend did not get her first choice. She was the type of girl that most chapters would want; but she stayed and enjoyed the full sorority experience. Congrats on your bid! You went there for preference night and ranked them, so you must have seen some potential for fitting in there. Enjoy your new chapter with girls that will love you for the person that you are. :)

Just my 2 cents 35 years after being initiated into a chapter that I just love. If I were given the same scenario in 2013, when it came time to sign off on that pref sheet, I would have put the smallest chapter as my #1 choice instead of the 2 larger ones that I actually listed. Why? Because these smaller chapters are so much easier to leave an imprint, to make a difference, etc. I know myself a lot better now and know that I function much better in smaller groups. Bigger sororities might be the desired chapters but the smaller ones aren't necessarily desperate or willing to take anyone. And it doesn't really matter how small or big the group is anyway. It's what you make of it. Trust me-some of the most miserable greek experiences were in top tier chapters. You have to be happy-no matter which house you choose. At the time, I was in the best sorority for me but everybody has different needs and goals.

This is brilliant advice. Hopefully you know your own strengths, and definitely you know what interests you. There are so many opportunities for leadership in EVERY chapter. Figure out what you will enjoy and where you can make an impact and GO FOR IT! Congratulations on your bid!

I'm going to promise you one thing. Those women who join together to a cohesive team, who do things because they are friends and not because it makes them look better than the Prissy Pis or the Rambunctious Rhos, will honestly believe they're in the best possible chapter.

No matter what others say, no matter what others think, what's in your heart and that of your sisters is what carries the day.

No problems whatsoever. I don't know of a single NPC group at OU where you're going to have a sub par experience. Yes, some of the houses are considered more selective. I have a cousin who is (if memory serves) a member of Gamma Phi Beta up there and my sister in law who graduated a few years ago is a Chi Omega.

Just be positive.

I agree with the others who say to took at the national organization. Take my organization for example...are there campuses where we struggle? Sure, but there are many more campuses where DG is top of the top. And there are some places where we are cozy in the middle. However, as an international organization, we are awesome (as are ALL NPC organizations!)! You'll spend 4(ish) years on campus with your chapter, and then 60+ years enjoying membership at a much larger level. In those years, you'll interact with women from chapters across the nation and beyond...the ties that bind you in friendship and sisterhood transcend the memories of struggling chapters and local stigmas.

Congratulations on your bid! Sounds like you're giving your new home a chance, and I bet you'll feel even better about it as more time passes and the rawness of Recruitment wears off. Your description looks like they have a tight sisterhood, which is what being in a soroity should be about. I've known pnms who got their first choice and were disappointed to find out later they didn't have true friends.

So true.

And after college, you won't only find yourself meeting and bonding with more of your own sisters, but also sisters of other NPCs. I get stupidly excited when I see a girl at the grocery store with a Tri Delta shirt on, or when I see a Phi Mu totebag being carried around at the airport, or when I'm driving behind a car with an Alpha Xi Delta license plate frame. I've met, worked with, and socialized with members of about half of the NPC sororities since I graduated, and every experience has been beyond wonderful.

Every sorority has something great to offer, and you have something great to offer the chapter that you've joined. As others have said, they're nice, and that's half the battle right there. I come from a chapter that struggled (all of the chapters on my small campus did). And when we were down to 9 members, most of us were holding at least 3 positions a piece. We had to work overtime on many things like recruitment, and the annual pageant we hosted, and trying to plan philanthropic and social events. We had days when we were frustrated, and tired, and we just wanted a break. At times, we even got tired of each other. But all the fun we had in between more than made up for all of those hard days. And I wouldn't trade my experience for anything.

It's true what they say: you really do get out of it what you put into it.

First, you didn't come across as whining, entitled or snobby to me. You came across as drained, confused and hurt. Allow yourself to feel those things, (away from your new sisters) then throw yourself into this new experience and see where it takes you. It's not easy to be a member of the smallest chapter on a big campus, but every chapter has issues, some of which are a lot uglier than size. They just aren't readily visible.

Nice, friendly and enthusiastic about wanting you as a sister goes along way in this world. Think of your membership as a lifetime experience. Read up on your chapter history and learn about your founders, ideals and creeds. if you want leadership experience, and want to make a difference, you are in exactly the right place. Wishing you all the best. Let us know how it is going.

There's only one thing I know for sure about sorority life: Regardless of how popular your chapter is, you only get as much out of it as you put into it.

If you put your heart and soul into having fun with your sisters and improving your chapter--no matter how popular it is--, you will have an amazing time (along with some hard times of course), make some of the best memories of your life, learn life lessons you couldn't learn anywhere else and have friends for life.

Hey everyone, thanks for all your support and advice. My chapter has not had as many events as other chapters for new members, and I heard that people have dropped. We will be having our first new member meeting soon so I am excited! However today I received an email that 3 chapters will be participating in COB, and one I really liked during formal. I am trying not to think about it, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't a teeny bit disappointed. I have been by the house voluntarily, but am still finding it a little difficult to connect. I suppose that will just come in time.

It doesn't matter if those chapters COB... You aren't eligible. It's water under the bridge. Keep focusing on what you have and not what could have been.

You're right. And I know. Hopefully as we start having chapter and I get to MEET my pledge class it will become easier.

Different sororities have different events and timeframes for new members. Just because one is having more events now, doesn't mean yours will/won't have more later. Take one day at a time and enjoy it!

Also, I'm not familiar with your campus, but I assume there are more than two sororities on the campus correct? If so, are you really getting your last choice? Did you "cut" anyone during recruitment or feel like you didn't fit in one of those other chapter? You did not get your last choice. Those would have been your last choice.

Sororities are cyclical. They might be good for 5 years or 10, but one or two years of new member classes that aren't as strong/lack leaders, etc will flip the "tiers." A few years of strong recruiting for a weaker chapter will also cause the flip. Be part of the flip! I was in that "bottom tier" chapter (15 years ago) and it's been amazing to see them transform over the years. I KNOW I contributed to their continuing success even now. Have FUN! Love it!

I thought I would post a little update for anyone who wanted to know and for future pnms that might be where I was during recruitment. I am IN LOVE WITH MY SORORITY. 150%. I love our philantropy. I love what we stand for. I love my sisters. And..today my chapter made our greek sing for what is the first time in 20 years. Greek life is truly what you put into it. I can't wait to make this chapter the best it can be so more girls can find their home during formal recruitment next year!

I am so glad to hear that you are loving your chapter and your sisters, and so glad you let us know how you are doing! Your story can be helpful to future PNMs who may be cut from their favorite chapters during recruitment, but go on to find a happy home.

Your enthusiasm and positive attitude will be an asset to your chapter. Have a blast! Let us know how recruitment feels on "the other side" next summer.

Great news and thank you for coming back to share your wisdom.

I knew it! You stuck it out and found that the grass is greenest where you're standing!

What great news! Please come back periodically and update us!

So glad you stuck it out to find a place you love, hithere! We are all so glad to here your update and find you doing so well. This really will help other women who find themselves in your position on bid day. I'm so happy for you. :)

So glad to hear things worked out for you!