Dorm Shower...is that a thing now?
 

So, since it's been a very long time since I was college aged, I wanted to check in with people who are a little more hooked in.

I received a Facebook invitation for a Dorm Shower - a young cousin's Mom is throwing her a going away party/shower before she leaves for college.

I'm on board with the going away, but the attached 'dorm room wishlist' leaves me a little cold.

Etiquette aside, are Dorm Showers something that people are doing these days, and I just didn't get the memo?

Back in my day, I got a few checks at graduation, and bought sheets, towels and the assorted crap needed to get a dorm room outfitted with that.

I did get some dorm stuff as graduation presents (in 1984) but having a party specifically to rake in presents for the dorm just smacks of weird. It also smacks of a kid who is so precious that she has to start over with 100% new stuff just because she's going off to college. I personally would put this in the same category as getting invited to a graduation party for a child I don't personally know. Gift Haul!

I have never, EVER, heard of this. Please do not think this is something that we (meaning my generation--because I think I still share a generation with today's 18 year olds?) all think we're entitled to.

I'm so sick of hearing how spoiled and entitled we are. We are not all that bad. :( Kind of a tangent from your question, sorry, lol

ETA: Is it bad that when I read the thread title I was concerned because I thought "um, what dorms DON'T have showers?". :o Hey, it's Monday...

No, no - this was not about being spoiled/entitled...I don't mean to generalize.

She's a good kid, but the only child of two very well-meaning but overprotective parents - who are no doubt freaking out about their precious girl going away for the first time.

I just didn't know if this was a new trend and I hadn't gotten the memo.

Sorry!! I realized after I hit submit that it sounded like that was directed at you. I did not feel like you were generalizing, at all! :) I was just pre-emptively defending myself as a part of this generation in case anyone did make a generalizing statement, lol

I think I'm also sensitive after just hearing overhearing a new client request not to have some "snot-nosed, fresh out of college" kid working on his account. As someone who is fresh-ish out of college, I was quite offended. I work hard at what I have do and learned a lot about my industry in 3 years. I still have lots to learn and I am always actively trying to learn from my superiors but I would have been able to manage this guys account just fine. :mad:

/rant

Anywho, yes, I think dorm showers are weird. I had a graduation party after high school. People were kind enough to give monetary and a few actual fun dorm things (i.e. picture frames, whiteboard, etc). I used the money to help furnish my dorm.

Did this young woman have a graduation party as well?

I have not heard of a dorm shower before - did the graduate in question also have a graduation party?

When I graduated from high school in 2007 I did receive a good deal of dorm stuff at my graduation party. If you're planning on giving dorm stuff a wish list could be really convenient for the gift-giver. I feel like a wish list for a graduation party might be helpful. Calling a graduation party a dorm shower, or (help us all) having both would be off-putting to me.

In a similar vein, I was invited to a going away party/cook out for one of my favorite former students. The family is not well off, but does ok because they are smart with their finances. On the facebook page for the event, there was a note about bringing something that you couldn't live without your first year of college as a gesture to show *students' name* what dorm life was like. It was tastefully done and she got very practical things like Tide stain pens, a roll of quarters, winter hat & gloves, herbal tea, bounce dryer sheets, etc. No gift was terribly expensive but all of them were things she needed. Also, many of the gifts were things the family had not thought to purchase.

And of course we all had a good time at the cookout because her mother is a fabulous cook and a great hostess. The young lady also sent out handwritten thank you notes for all of the gifts!

Puh-lease. That's just a tacky present grab, and kind of even tackier that the mom is hosting it.

Oh, I don't know.
If Snowflake did not have a graduation party or send out graduation invitations, I think it would be OK. But if people gave her grad presents, it's take to turn around a few weeks later and ask for more stuff.

If Snowflake and Snow Queen Mama are as particular as we speculate, I'm surprised Mama isn't coordinating everything to match...or hiring an interior designer to do that.

No tackier than a baby shower or a bridal shower.

Agreed...definitely not both. I've never heard of this kind of party, though. Sounds like one of those "invented" events cooked up by a commercial vendor who stands to profit (like Bed, Bath and Beyond. Just like Hallmark and the floral industry promoting Sweetest Day, Grandparents Day, etc., etc.)

I think it's understood that the graduation party money is *theoretically* supposed to go to college start-up costs: laptop, dorm needs, etc. Many view it as a gift grab, if the invitations are spread too wide, but at least there's the "right of passage" celebration aspect. This feels tacky to me.

Also, Facebook invitation?? They couldn't even spring for a stamp?

I was invited to a housewarming/"stock the bar" party recently. I also felt this was tacky. I think any time people "expect" gifts it is tacky, but in our society, gifts are expected when you go through a rite of passage. It's also become acceptable for the recipient to dictate what gifts they will accept.

As a single (clearly that makes me bitter, right? LOL) woman, I am broke from all of these various "showers" and I'm not looking to graduate from anywhere, buy a home, get married, or have a baby any time soon. Nor can I simply ignore these gift-seeking invitations because then I'm the rude one!

I'm afraid we'll have to agree to disagree on that one. My daughter is starting kindergarten this fall. She needs a bunch of school supplies and school clothes, for that matter. Should I host a back to school shower for her?

LOL...I dare you to do this!

I'm sorry. I should have been more clear. I'm agreeing with you. I think that all of these "showers" are ridiculous gift-grubbing shows, and your example is spot-on because it points out: why should we outfit your baby and not your kindergartener? The showers need to stop.

I get what you're saying now. Sorry!

Sciencewoman: it would be funny, but I kind of need to maintain the shreds of dignity that I have remaining.

So, we got an invitation to her Graduation, but they didn't have a party - which is fine - her ceremony was at 7PM the Friday of Memorial Day weekend, and we couldn't make that work.

That said, we sent her a nice card with a check (also nice, actually).

I'd love to go the party. As I said, she's a good kid and I like her and her folks. And since it's on the husband's side, I don't want to rock the boat and raise an eyebrow. I know her parents work hard and don't make tons of money, and the things on her list are definitely more "needs" than "wants".

So we'll see. I wanted to feel it out here and I appreciate the feedback.

I think calling it a "dorm shower" is what's giving off the tacky vibes. If it were called a "going away/belated graduation party" all the same things would be happening but it wouldn't be so off-putting.

At my graduation party, my favorite, most useful gift was sent from some friends of the family and was a "dorm kit" in a personalized, decorated toolbox with a glue gun, some office supplies, basic tools, batteries, a flashlight, etc inside. It came in really handy and I still use it as my actual toolbox now. It couldn't have been very expensive but it was so thoughtful and helpful.

I also love the idea of "bring something you wish you'd had freshman year"!

//swerve//

I was just ranting about this to a sorority sister on Saturday night. I received a baby shower invitation from a distant relative who is having her third child in less than 6 years. She has one of each already, so she does not need gender specific items nor infant most infant needs other than diapers. I am tired of this entitlement of "I am having a baby buy me things". Showers were intended to help first time parents out by giving them a head start on setting up the nursery.

And while I am ranting, full blown bridal showers for third time brides. Really? You didn't get enough items during the first two marriages? I have no problem with an engagement party to celebrate the couple or a bachelorette party to give the bride one last wild night out, but having a bridal shower? Again, bridal showers were designed to help newly married couples set up households with essentials. If you have been married multiple times, and your spouse to be has too, then you both already have households to merge.

//back into the lane

I totally agree with you. I dont mind showers for first babies or first weddings. I'm not cool with second, third or whatever of either variety. My only exception is perhaps a late in life oopsie baby. Because at that point, you probably really don't have any hand me downs available.

I also think the idea of bringing something you couldn't do without in the dorm is cute. Calling something a shower is just flat out a request for gifts.

The "items you couldn't do without" was a clever idea, much better worded than a dorm shower. I didn't mention earlier that she got quite a few $5 gift cards to Starbucks since there was one a block from her dorm. She said those were golden during finals week! :) I think everyone who came brought her a little something ranging from the $5 gift cards all the way up to a foldable laundry basket filled with a Tide, Downy and Bounce.

I have never heard of a dorm shower before.

Most of the students I know are not from well-off families. In fact, there was a graduating senior from my high school that I connected with last year who had been homeless as a middle schooler. I didn't really have graduation money to give him, but I would have thrown a dorm shower had I known they were a thing.

I will also say that in my community, it is not a given that graduation gifts are for college. I have never heard that before.

I think that is a really creative idea (the items you couldn't live without) and is a world apart from the issues being complained about otherwise. By the nature of the invitation they're asking that you not spend a lot, unless the thing you can't live without is a replacement fancy dancy bed to replace the university-issued one. The thing I couldn't live without (but did) was a humidifier. That room was an oven. But rolls of quarters would have been manna from heaven.

Unfortunately, worded differently there would be NO problem with this party. And delaying the graduation party until later in the summer is a good idea. There are so many clustered at once that a lot of people who would like to help her celebrate wouldn't have been able to.

Teas.
You throw a luncheon or a tea for 2nd or 3rd babies, marriages, etc. Do people bring gifts? Of course. But the guest of honour is then able to act pleasantly surprised. This is also a way to get around the tackiness of a family member throwing a shower. A lovely event celebrating a milestone? Yes. SHOWERS? No.

(Going back to clutching my pearls over all and sundry gift grabs)

I've never heard of a dorm shower. Gifts aren't necessarily given at grad parties either and the gifts that are given were gift cards and smaller checks. I wrinkle my nose at the idea of dorm showers.

Somewhat on subject, does one bring a gift to a bachelorette party? I'm going to one next weekend and then a shower for the couple the weekend after.

On a side note: I also thought this was about showers in a dorm and was a little worried by what I might find in this thread. Something about parties in dorm showers or something similar.

There should be two showers in your life and two showers only: baby showers and wedding showers.

Anything else is excessive. If you're a proud parent, throw a reception. Many of my wife's students' parents throw receptions when they graduate HS. I never have seen a dorm shower and wouldn't go to one if invited. It seems tacky.

Something off-color and tongue-in-cheek...wedding night gag gifts.

Heh, tongue. Heh.


And sorry for the misleading "Shower" title. Couldn't think of a better way to put it.

Makes perfect sense if you think about it. Since I had never heard of it, my mind went to a more familiar idea.

Gift grab. I don't care how "nice" someone is, it is an odd scenario. I have also noticed lately that moms, sisters and grandmas are hosting showers for the Bride/Mama to be. I thought that was tacky too, but some friends have made no bones about it..."giving a shower for darling , hope you can make it!"

In one of my more embarrassing moments, at my pledge daughter's bachelorette party, I showed up with a box full of naughties, stuff I considered de rigueur for a bachelorette, and everyone else showed up with gifts more appropriately given at a Sunday afternoon tea. So me, the prude of the universe looked like a complete perv. AWESOME. KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE!!!

The first thing that popped into my mind when I saw the title of this thread was my school's "Freshman Shower Night" tradition. On the night before the first freshman physics exam, the sophomores and up in each living group would seek out the freshmen on the floor and toss them, fully clothed, into the shower. (I planned ahead and wore a bathing suit. As a result, I was tossed into a COLD shower. LOL!)

Anyway - a "dorm shower", to me, is just a gift grab. AFAIC, the tradition of a bridal shower for a first-time bride and a baby shower for a first-time mom is fine - you need stuff to set up your new household and you need things for the baby, respectively. But bridal showers for second-time brides, and baby showers for second and subsequent babies, are tacky IMO. A little get-together is plenty - and if people want to bring gifts, that's their choice. Same for a dorm shower - have a graduation party, and if people want to bring gifts that will be useful in dorm life (like, say, a shower caddy or memo board), that's their choice.

I have a friend who has six children... all girls... and a shower for each one. The "daughters" throw them for her now.
I stopped attending after number 3.

If I had been invited to a "dorm shower" I think I would have printed out the thread where Titchou, me and some others talk about how to drink in college, handed it to the guest of honor with a box of Alka-Seltzer, and walked out. Seriously, if you have already blown your graduation $$$ that's your own stupid fault. It makes it seem like someone going away to college is deserving of more than someone who's staying at home and commuting, or someone who's immediately starting work.

This topic brings a tear to my eye, making me think of my mom and I sitting and picking out my sheets and towels in the Sears catalog. I miss my mom.

What about the Good Stuff boxes in the dorms? Do they still have those?

Re housewarmings, well-bred people usually bring food or booze without it having to be stated. That's a given.

As far as showers for non-first time brides or moms, it really depends on the situation. My old roommate is getting married again next fall and the other bridesmaids and I probably will throw her a shower, simply because 1) she pretty much got nothing in the divorce, not that there was a lot there in the first place 2) she never had any shower or big wedding the first time around. I can't think of anything that makes me smile more than the thought of getting her nice matching towels and a gravy boat.

This is what I'm worried about. I know the groom better than the bride. In fact I've never hung out with the bride outside of our group/without the groom. I don't know any of the other people attending. I was actually surprised that I was invited in the first place.

There's a really funny, cute book called "Porn for Women" that would be perfect. It's a picture book with a photo of a cute guy on each page and a speech bubble, with the guys saying things like, "I think we better leave early for the craft fair this Sunday. It might be extra busy with the Super Bowl on."

It's cute because it's classy, yet fits with the theme. I saw on Barnes and Noble that there's also a Porn for Brides, by the same publisher. It looks cute, too.

http://data.uncommongoods.com.edgesu...6503_zoom1.jpg

If you do attend, nothing says that you have to bring a gift off the approved list. When my youngest
sister went to school, I bought her a pretty pink tool box. I filled it with sample sizes of Tylenol,
Benedryl, Neosporin, Alka Seltzer, alcohol swabs, Q Tips, condoms, Band Aids, Vit C, toothpaste, etc.
All the stuff you used to raid from your parent's medicine cabinet when you were't feeling good,
except maybe for the condoms! Decorated it with silly medical stickers :)

I was thinking something dirty, for some reason. I don't know what.. but yea.. :p

A baby shower, I can understand. There is SO much to buy, and the entire ordeal is very expensive and overwhelming. Plus, the expenses obviously don't stop once the baby is born. It's nice to help out a family member or friend in that case. I say this, and I don't even want anything to do with kids!

IMO, bridal showers are dumb. I hate the idea that I have to buy someone a wedding gift at the shower, and then another gift for the wedding. To me, you should only get one gift from me. That's why I try to avoid bridal showers like the plague!


Yes! My stepdad's nephew has been married 3 times! The last woman he married comes from money, but it was her first time getting married, so she wanted the whole big production. My mom, of course, was pissed because now they had to spend another few hundred dollars on another shower gift and another wedding gift.. not to mention all the other added expenses that come with attending a wedding.


Two other gift/money grabs that I discovered when I went to school in PA that I absolutely hate: Stag 'n drags and dollar dances.

For those who don't know, a stag 'n drag (which I originally thought was a party that you go to alone and drag someone home with you.. :o ) is a party prior to the wedding. The couple invites anyone and everyone they know (sometimes even people who aren't invited to the wedding), there's a cover - usually $15-25 - and you get to play games, drink, eat, and socialize. The point is to raise money for the wedding.

Dollar dances occur at the wedding. At what seems like the most imopportune time, the fun music stops, slow music is played, and people line up to pay a dollar to dance with either the bride or the groom. Again, the money is used toward the wedding or the honeymoon.

I was once at a wedding where the dollar dance lasted 45 minutes. It was terrible.

I think dollar dances are horrifying. I had one at my own wedding, but the money raised was not worth the embarrassment of the grubbing for money.

I hate dollar dances. They were common in my first husband's family but my family didn't do them. I wouldn't do it.

I think people getting married later in life is changing the face of the whole situation but I don't have a problem with both shower and wedding gifts. I don't see a dorm shower being a thing- that's just a graduation party. Call it that and be done.