Question from someone I intitiated in 1974
 

My chapter was a struggling chapter when I pledged. It was a struggling chapter when I initiated. It closed within two years. I've served my fraternity, Alpha Gamma Delta, for many years. My four daughters are Alpha Gams...they learned the songs, chants, colors and how important squirrels were, their entire life. They watched me work with chapters and we even went to a convention as a family.

Yesterday, I met up with a sister from my chapter and it was wonderful! The years melted as we talked.

Now, my question. Why are there so many posts here about resigning? I get transferring schools. I get that your chapter closed. Been there, done that. Why are collegiates jumping ship so quickly? Why are there even big/little questions? I just don't get it. I made promises at initiation. They meant something. Can anyone answer?

I think it's because collegians think of sorority membership as being a college thing. Especially freshmen/sophomores who haven't been exposed to alumnae life at all.

People have more choices and more options than ever before. 30 years ago, it was common to work for the same employer for life. Now, the average shelf life of an employee is about 2 years. People are more mobile, have more opportunities, and quite honestly, don't feel the need to "stick it out" if they're not interested in doing something. Because there's plenty of other things for them to try.

Greek Chat seems very critical of someone who resigns from a GLO. There's a lot of talk about honoring your commitments. I disagree to a certain extent. You should try to make it work, but I'd rather someone who isn't interested or who is not cut for it leave the organization to pursue something that will make them truly happy. Leave the GLO with members who really want to be there and who will work hard, rather than poisoning the membership from within and who honestly won't be contributing anything but complaints anyway.

So, maybe it's just kids today don't have the grit their parents did. Or they just don't see the point in sticking it out with something they're not interested in. There are more opportunities to become a Greek than there were in the 70s. You're going to attract a large pool of candidates who gradually whittle down to a select few who stick it out all 4 years. People resign because they realize they signed on for something they're really not into once the excitement of being a new member has ended, or they have financial issues, or academic issues, or they don't like all the rules associated with membership, or they don't like the leadership or offerings their chapter can provide.

I'm sure plenty of people dropped out of their GLOs in the 1970s. There were just fewer chapters and members didn't have the internet to ask for opinions. Human nature hasn't changed that much. There's just a lot more ways to air dirty laundry. Today there are more Greeks than ever before, recruitment is a highly oiled and regimented machine, dues are expensive, and there are tons of rules and risk management hazards that someone in the 70s would not be able to comprehend.

I know at least at my alma mater, the housing options looked really different for women in the 1970's. If you left your chapter, you could...move back into the dorm? Get an apartment way off campus?

I think that just about everything is viewed as disposable by a lot of people in today's society. Had a bad fight with a spouse? Divorce is the answer. Tired of the pet that isn't a cute little puppy anymore & just peed on the carpet again? Dump it at the shelter. Products aren't even made to last more than a year or two. Too many people just walk away from what doesn't suit them anymore or what requires WORK and dedication from them.

I don't mean to sound like I am throwing collegians under the bus. I think this attitude pervades our entire society. Certainly does NOT apply to everyone or everything!!

Those of us who have been married for more than a minute can appreciate that when you make a commitment, regardless of how happy you are at the time, it can suck every once in awhile. The difference is, with divorce, you really have to want out because it's a huge pain in the arse. To dump your sorority membership, in a lot of cases all you have to do more or less is just stop showing up.

I do think, as some pledge classes are growing to ridiculous numbers, there should be an effort made to modify the commitments of that 4th year member who is ready to go postal if she has to serenade one more fraternity or sit through one more meeting about whether the rush shirts should be pink or blue. Maybe it varies by chapter/size/campus culture but I could see an alumna-transitional year where they have less say AND less obligation to the collegiate chapter. I could also see that as a big ole carrot to incentivize getting the chapter to total or whatever number would be required in order to relax the rules for some.

But I also wish there was more consideration for - it's 4 years of your life. Suck it up!

THIS! There was a period of time before my senior year that my SAI chapter did a bunch of stuff I didn't agree with. I was thisclose to resigning but I sucked it up because I knew I didn't want to loose the lifetime benefits.

My alumnae chapter has been more rewarding than anything I did as a collegian.

I don't think this is true. Do people who say "I've been a sister for 2 weeks and don't have any close friends yet, I want to resign" get piled on? Yes. Do people who say "my dad lost his job and I have no money, I hate living with 20 people, the whole Greek thing isn't for me, I want to resign" get piled on? I don't think so. They get counseled to be sure before they make an unchangeable decision, but that goes with any big decision like transferring or changing majors. The problem is that people come on here saying "I want to resign because of A" and it sounds like a stupid reason, and then after 4 pages of dragging the rest of the story out of the poster, it turns out it's not just A, but A, B, C, D, E, F, and G.

I also have a short temper, personally, with women who want to resign as seniors. I think it sucks to be like "oh, I went to all these mixers, made all these friends, loved my chapter for three years, and now that I am a senior, well, what's in it for me?"

You can only get the benefits from what you put into it. I did an ANOVA on involvement with between groups studying campus living vs commuting. The results, showed greek members who only participated in that organization had no degree of satisfaction difference from commuters. My mom doesn't think girls who quit should join alum chapters but many do so that is another annoyance to add to the debate.

Who quit school or who quit the sorority? If the latter, well duh.

We had one of those a few years back, and now I have to sit by her mother at work.....what a joy.

As an advisor, and a mother of two active members, I am concerned with the time demands placed on the current greek communities. The amount of money expected to be raised for charity is getting to be outrageous. Add to that the need to support all your fellow greeks' fund raisers. Then there are the community service hours, and we want you all to be leaders on campus, but don't forget your GPA! Have you had enough sisterhood events, and non-alcs?

Then there are the money woes. Although starting salaries are about 3x higher between my years and my son's, tuition is 10X, but when can a student work any hours between all the commitments?

And am proud that my two have never had any questions about resigning, but I do worry about the women I advise.

As for women in the early '70's not resigning.....instead many dropped out of college to get married based on an alumnae newsletter from our archives I recall reading when I was in school.

IMO we should jettison national philanthropies and go back to letting chapters pick their own. Not onliy could they pick things where they actually give time instead of endlessly trying to figure out how to raise money, in the event they DID have to raise money, it's a lot easier to get people in the community to support a local effort. This is why the Penn State Dance Marathon does so well - everyone local knows where the money is going and has no problem donating. Our chapter always got the "why are you raising money for some school in Lancaster? Our schools HERE need money."

Interesting replies. To an extent, it seems to me that it is the result of societal changes. Just like you are not a "special snowflake" during recruitment, you, as an individual will not make or break a chapter. I don't see the loyalty to jobs, to employers, to employees, etc; so why should I expect to see loyalty to one's fraternity. My girls were raised with Alpha Gamma Delta.. I was very involved. They all are my sisters, too. Hopefully this legacy will continue.

A Kappa can correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that KKG allows chapters and alumni associations to choose their own philanthropies along with having a national philanthropy (Reading is Fundamental) that lends itself well to local planning and involvement.

As for philanthopies that involve giving time instead of raising money, that's how we do it. Our national philanthropy, the Mills Music Mission*, focuses on giving time and talent in the local community and involves little if any fundraising -- perhaps enough to buy flowers or gifts for nursing home or hospital residents.


* The Mills Music Mission is named for Sinfonia's founder, Ossian Everett Mills. By the 1880s, Mills had begun visiting the residents of the Boston hospitals on Easter and Christmas, and continued doing so for nearly thirty years (near his death in 1920). Mills was always accompanied by students from the New England Conservatory, some of whom would sing or play instruments and some of whom would have gathered flowers from churches after Christmas or Easter services to give to those in the hospitals. These visits became known as Mills' "Flower Missions." A report in the Conservatory's Quarterly the spring before Sinfonia was founded said:

Easter Sunday witnessed again the beautiful charity that a favored few of the Conservatory students are privileged to dispense, in the annual visit to the city hospitals with flowers and music. About 50,000 flowers were given away, or some fifteen bushels, - enough to supply each patient with a generous cluster. There were pathetic scenes as the flower girls went from cot to cot, for many of the patients were from the streets, poor and discouraged as well as sick, and a kind word, except from their attendants, or a gift of anything so suggestive of beautiful sentiment as a flower, was almost a faded memory with them.

So, our national philanthropy is to go -- as chapter brothers, alumni associations or other gatherings of Sinfonians -- to hospitals, nursing homes, retirement homes or the like -- to give the gifts of music and of flowers, stuffed animals or other tangible tokens of caring to the residents.

/tangent_about_us

I think there is a lot of confusion between "philanthropy" and "service" I would rather see more of an emphasis on the latter, but hey, why hang out in a nursing home when you could have a really fun softball tournament instead?

That's part of my point. It would be nice to be able to choose something where college students really could give time instead of just writing checks and having events that have zero to do with the actual goal of the philanthropy.

I'm a little surprised this wasn't brought up already, but I'd guess that the length of the new member process also has some sort of affect on loyalty/retention. These days the new member program is a standard 6-8 weeks for most national groups. It's very structured (for example, week 2 is history: discuss pages 3-6 in the pledge manual, do XYZ ritual to honor founders, play "history jeopardy") and has the potential to really seem impersonal.

I'm TOTALLY not saying the going back to hazing is the right thing to do...but I think if a new member has a longer new member period and has more time to really learn about the sisterhood (both ideologically and socially) - and if she feels that she earned a place in the sisterhood (by putting time and effort into the pledging process), it would encourage long-term loyalty.

I have to agree!
It's hard to absorb enough of the history, policies and procedures, in addition to getting used to college, studying etc. in 6 or 8 weeks.

Yes, please.

But to be clear, "going back to hazing" may not be the best description. I wouldn't consider a thing I went through in the 70s to be hazing in any way, shape, or form.

I would actually wager that it has less to do with "earning a place in the sorority", and more about the time that it actually takes to form real friendships. Sorry, but six weeks of cheesy ice breakers and then a one-night retreat is not going to build real friendships.

YES. I think this (and what Tess said above) is exactly what I was trying to get across. Thanks ladies.

Yes. But I was a spring pledge, so did not have a long pledge period. I still took initiation seriously. I will also say that those hours spent at the dining room table polishing silver made strong bonds.

Either or, I do know a few girls who became pregnant and dropped out of school so they becam alum. They get invited back to events as alumna but it's totally pointless if you didn't graduate. I guess it's just to represent the "forever" bond even in certain circumstances. also, I know a xyz vp of her chapter, she was mad and quit the chapter but joined alum groups Bc she didn't officially retract her membership from the national office.

Why is it pointless?

I really can't explain it. It just seems weird, I guess. If you don't graduate as a member then you shouldn't be involved after college, it's all or nothing. If you don't graduate school logically, you shouldn't want to be around people that represent what you don't have.

This makes no sense to me at all. You're saying if you don't graduate from college that you don't want to be around college graduates? Does that mean if you don't have children, you don't want to hang out with people who have them? Or if you don't get married that you don't want to hang out with friends who are married? Or if you are a stay at home mom, you are no longer friends with women who work? I don't understand.

I was a spring pledge too and my pledge period was 8 weeks. I don't feel like I missed anything or had a different experience. The time between when they do Initiation for the fall class and when they used to do it is pretty much finals and winter break. The actual weeks on campus being involved hasn't really changed at all.

Sorry, but I just don't see it this way at all. Neither does any national GLO of which I'm aware.

Pretty sure she's her own special snowflake with this point of view.

Ok well, I bet the girls who did quit your chapter aren't who you want at alum events! They technically can come because they are sisters for life. If joining takes time then you shouldn't be allowed to participate in things as part of the chapter if you quit, drop out of college, or go alum sophomore year. I don't want others to agree with me , it's how I feel. Sorority life is correlated with college, you quit college and the correlation is negated.

I would think that a sophomore going alum would be extremely - extremely - rare. It would have to be due to some extraordinary circumstances.
Now, a fifth-year senior with 3 to 4 years of membership under her belt - that's entirely different.

I know many, many alumnae (often older ladies) who went alum when they got married, or transferred to a different college, who are active alumnae members. I even know some who were busy with family matters for years, and returned to active alumnae membership after one or two decades' absence.
Overall though, I've observed that out of any group of alumnae in a geographic area, you're lucky to have 5% respond to a request for dues or a Founders Day invitation.

Clearly, we all need to do a better job of emphasizing the "membership for life" aspect to our new members AND members during their college years.

By the time one reaches her senior year, it is not unusual to be involved in work, research, applying for grad school, etc. I would support transition toward alum status for those who need it.

The problem is that sometimes that goes too far and it turns into "anyone active as a senior = loser." IMO you really need to ascertain that the person is going to be that swamped, not just that they want to save their senior year dues money to spend at the bar.

For example, in my major, a lot of our really tough classes could be taken junior year. If someone would have said "I have to go alum as a senior because it's sooooo hard" we would have known they were full of poo. A special ed/eled major who has to do multiple student teachings and can't do them till senior year, that's different.

I think a lot of us were just bored of mixers and stuff by senior year, so we did stuff like have senior mixers and go to the bars that were actually 21+. I have a picture of the vast majority of my pledge class at formal, though.