Greek life virgin! Would this be weird? Desperate for help!
 

So here's my whole situation:

My brother and sister are both huge nerds who went to Ivy League schools (nothing against smart people, but it's just they had perfect grades, but almost no social life) and parents are both doctors who also studied constantly. Therefore, none of my family members were ever involved in sororities or fraternities (not even my relatives were involved in Greek life!). And because of this, I have absolutely nobody to talk to about the whole frat process.

Anyway, after I finish my senior year of high school, I hope to go to Auburn University. And at such a southern school, you pretty much have to be involved in the Greek scene (don't even try to deny that). But as stated before, I have so many questions, but nobody is able to answer them!

This leads me to my main question... While going through the different AU fraternities, this one specific frat attracted me (and of course it is considered to be one of the "top 5" frats). I decided to go through the officers, and noticed one guy that looked really familiar. I looked him up on Facebook, and it turns out that he went to my same prep school and graduated about 4 years ago.

Do you think it'd be weird if I Facebook messaged this dude just explaining how I found him and then just ask him the questions I had? What do ya'll think? Also, keep in mind that this is a pretty popular guy at the University and we do NOT know each other at ALL (he probably wouldn't even recognize me). I'm just worried that he'll be like, "What the hell is this kid doing?" Is there really anything I could lose from messaging him?

Help me out, guys!

Okay, I am a girl, so this is out of my lane, but I am just curious about a few things for clarification.

So, you are a rising senior in high school and have just finished your junior year?

And the guy you want to contact won't even be in college anymore once you get there?

Not in a frat either as I am a woman, but I am from Alabama. So, I think it would be OK to message him and say something like: Joe: Am sure you don't remember me but I'm at Prep School A and will be attending Auburn in 201?. Was so surprised to see anyone from here who has gone to Auburn. Any suggestions for transitioning from Prep School A to Auburn? I realize it will be very different. TIA.

And leave it at that. See what you get back and go from there.
Do not do anything that smacks of stalking. Follow his lead and if he blows you off, leave it at that. If he's still there when you go thru recruitment, just be the polite young man you know how to be.

If I was speaking to you, my tone of voice would be very kind, so don't take this wrong -- but please don't use the word "frat" when communicating with this guy (or any for that matter.) Fraternity is the correct way to refer to a guy's Greek organization and many are offended by the term "frat." Might be more of a southern thing; I'm not sure but it is something to be aware of. Just a heads up! Best wishes with your pursuit!

Many groups are not offended by the use of the word frat. I know we've discussed this 4.2 million times on this site.

At least she did say "many are offended," and more importantly, she didn't invoke the Idiotic-Analogy-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named.

But it is good advice, especially somewhere like Auburn, I'd think. No one is going to be offended by "fraternity," so why risk it by using "frat" unless you're sure it won't cause offense?

Also a girl, but IMO, contacting this guy would be very weird.

Get into Auburn first. Then start thinking about rush, but don't start ruling out or deciding on fraternities before you actually meet the guys that are currently in them.

True, and I wouldn't have said anything if it weren't for:

Quote:

Originally Posted by greekdee (Post 2066845) (or any for that matter.) Fraternity is the correct way to refer to a guy's Greek organization

Very valid point. It's also worth reminding people (again) that the idea of "frat" being offensive is a fairly recent thing.

But back to the OP's original question, if I were the guy you're talking about, I'd find it very weird, to say the least. I wouldn't do it, at least not out of the blue.

The only thing I'll add is to slow down on picking which fraternities you might be interested in, and don't place too much emphasis on who's considered "Top 5." Sure, the websites can be helpful in getting a feel for the groups, and rankings may be more important to some than to others, but the bottom line is whether you mesh with the other guys, and you won't know that until you meet them.

Your top fraternity is the one where you fit best.

You're right -- not all are offended but I have no idea which ones are and which ones aren't. At a competitive SEC school in Alabama, I'd say play it safe. As MysticCat said, nobody will be offended by fraternity. They might be by frat...and as for the well known analogy, I know several young men heading into recruitment this fall and they have been given that little tid bit of "wisdom" more times than they can count. Ugh. If people insist on giving an analogy, I wish they'd at least come up with a new one. My husband says that one has been around at least as long as when he pledged back in the 70's.

what if you spoke with the college placement officer, the dean or the guidance officer(which ever one would be the most appropriate) at your prep school and ask them if any students from your prep school went to auburn that you could contact?(okay, i know that you found this guy already, but if you contact him on your own it very well might appear stalkerish and ruin any chances you might have with that fraternity). if the prep school alum. has kept in touch, the person you speak to at your school will most likely encourage you to contact him, at which point you no longer appear stalkerish. your initial contact could go something like this:

you: hey prep school alum. my name is ______ and i will be a senior at prep school this upcoming school year. i am very interested in auburn university and college placement officer at prep school recommended that i contact you to learn more about the university. what was your experience at auburn like? did you feel that prep school prepared you well for the auburn curriculum? what activities were you involved in at auburn?

him: hello _____. i loved auburn. yes i did feel that i was well prepared for college. auburn is a great school that offers a lot of activities for students to get involved in. I was in ______, ______ and ABC fraternity. i could highly recommend greek life. have you thought about going greek?

if he answers you in anyway like the conversation above, you can then ask him more detailed questions about greek life in general and his fraternity in particular.

hopefully he will feel the old school ties, and will answer you back. if he does not, just drop it and plan on going to any preview activities that auburn might hold. have you contacted or visited at auburn yet? if not, get on their list, so that you get info. from them.

Are you a dude? You're awfully bubbly.

Exactly. Basing so much on the appeal of the website is not the way to go. They might have a brilliant website designer, but you're not selecting a lifetime affiliation to a website. The OP needs to actually meet the brothers to know whether he feels comfortable with them.

At the bolded. Some chapters at Auburn – as well as other chapters at other colleges – often begin “rushing” men during their senior year of high school. Often there may be official and unofficial parties and or events lined up where high school seniors may be invited. As such, “getting your name out there” as interested may be important to receiving an invite to a party. And potentially receiving a bid to more formal rush events down the line. And hopefully, a bid.

Like.

I would also suggest that even during rush (recruitment), if a member uses “frat”, the rushee should continue to use “fraternity”. Sometimes, the member may be “testing” the rushee about his usage. Same may apply to shortening the fraternity name. Unless you know for sure the person you are speaking with will not be offended by it, don’t shorten the fraternity's name.

As such, perhaps at the start of next spring semester (i.e. end of your senior year in high school) you might want to contact the Auburn Greek Life office and sign up for rush. Unless things changes, many Auburn fraternities have Summer Rush events. And often, pledge classes may be decided before the Fall term even starts. So be sure to get your name out there as interested.

Simply put, it can be hard to be invited to rush events – where you meet the members - if a chapter does not know you are interested. Or have any contact information.

ok, so i know in theory my original post sounds kind of "stalkerish," but all I really wanna do is ask this guy some questions specifically about the fraternity he was in. that's it.

would is really be that weird if i did that? i mean, from what I know about him, he seems like a pretty cool guy.. i dunno i feel like he may respond nicely to my email.

either way, give me some more opinions! hah

Since we've brought up the whole Frat Vs. Fraternity thing again.

Just use fraternity as the default, especially if you're interested in rushing an IFC social fraternity. It's not that difficult to make a habit out of it. Once you're in and the other members seem fine with referring to their fraternity as a frat than use it yourself, but not as a prospective member/rushee.

This is slightly off topic from the OP, but I would second this, even though I am neither a fraternity man nor someone who has attended Auburn. Personally though, I absolutely HATE it when a non member calls my sorority "Tri Sig". You don't have to say my sorority's name that often, why are you shortening it like you are familiar with it? It's like nails on a chalkboard to me. It's Tri Sigma or simply, Sigma. That is also stated on our website. When in doubt, always use the full name until somebody tells you not to. The last thing you want to do is offend someone by calling their organization by a name they don't use or like. /end slightly off topic rant.

Yes, it would be weird. The part I bolded is especially verging on stalkerish. You know NOTHING about this man other than you went to the same prep school. If you knew his relatives or something, that would be fine, but you don't. Unless he's a very involved alumnus, there's no reason for you to know him. Do as TSteven advised and sign up with the Auburn Greek Life office WHEN and IF you get in.

^ hahaha ok yea that is verging on stalkerish. it's just that i have some older friends that know him

**bangs head on desk**

IN THAT CASE, if/when you get into Auburn, ask your older friends to contact him and say they have a friend interested in fraternity rush there.

We can't bake a cake without the eggs, people. Sheeesh.

I think he could contact him nowish if he couched it as "I'm thinking about Auburn" as opposed to "I'm going to Auburn and thinking about Greek Life".

Snap, snap. I dislike it when people say Tri Delt. Especially when people hyphenate it when they write it (as in Tri-Delt). Double wrong. :eek:

Hey man, the issue here is that if I'm reading between the lines correctly, it's going to come off as weird because you want it too much. You want to go to Auburn and belong to a competitive fraternity, but you have no connection to the school and those particular groups. Realistically, you are viewing this guy as your hope to getting a shot at such a chapter, not just a source of advice in general. At most what is going to happen is that he is going to be like, "Huh, I've never heard of this guy", and he'll give you some bland advice about "looking at every chapter" and MAYBE scroll through your pictures and your profile to get a quick opinion of you. He's not going to suddenly make you a priority to getting you into any pledge class, especially since you mention he'll be an alumnus. Even if he was still an active, he'll already have a guy he knows personally and really likes to focus on, and if he doesn't he'll instead be working on getting the friends of his friends to join. At worst, he might find a message like that creepy and contact somebody about it, which could essentially ruin your chances.

That's not to say don't contact him about Auburn in general IF, like somebody else said, he's registered as an alumnus of your high school. But to solicit him about fraternity life when you just found him on Facebook? Not the best plan.

Maybe this would work at a less competitive chapter where they are interested in learning (read: not bidding, just learning) about every possible PNM they can. But guess what man, this chapter probably already got a list of target guys they want and if this is your only connection, you won't be on it. At even the most competitive schools I'm sure somebody can come through and "Wow" the whole fraternity with their personality, but those are statistical outliers.

That being said, there may be other appropriate people in the fraternity to contact IF you get into Auburn and want to attend summer rush events. Maybe the rush chair? But I'm not from an SEC school so I'll defer to those who actually have that knowledge.

Also, I cannot recommend enough looking at every chapter. This isn't just a "PC" thing, it's because certain chapters attract a certain type of guy. The chapter won't make you into "one of them", if you suck at sports and join the jock fraternity you'll still suck, if you are high strung and join the laid back fraternity you'll still be high strung, etc. When you get to whatever school you're going to, really take a look around and think about who you ARE rather than who you want to be. As you get older you'll realize the value of this more, but even by some miracle if you end up in a chapter that is "not you", you'll have four years of stressful posturing and "catching up" and won't make the deeper bonds that many people enjoyed about their fraternity experience.

I hope this advice didn't sound rude, I wish you the best of luck but it's also important to have the right mindset.

I was just about to say that exact same thing! It drives me even more insane when I see my own sisters saying it and wearing it on shirts. We're Deltas, or Tri Deltas, not Delts.

This. Some universities use different nicknames than others. For instance, at my campus the Lambda Chi Alphas are known as the Lambdas, not Lambda Chis. Pi Kappa Alphas are PIKAs not Pikes. Pi Kappa Phis are Pi Phis (Guy Phis, sometimes, to distinguish them from the sorority) not Pi Kapps.

No. It wouldn't. If anything, it would be even MORE creepy.

If chapters in that situation are open to truly random people that they have zero connection with, they usually make a group on Facebook or something. At least, now in the days when you can't have open parties, that's what they do.

As far as the nicknames, it is different at every school, and at some places it would be easier to drag an elephant through the eye of a needle than to change what people call things. You have to be kind of careful sometimes how you correct people on it. The last thing you want is for them to associate you with negativity or pickiness.

I don't know, at least based on my experience I disagree. When I was in college my group had moderate rushing strength, we weren't the best and we weren't the worst. We were prepared that we had to do more digging to find a pledge class we were really happy with more so than my best friend's chapter, which was arguably the top. They pretty much knew who they wanted to pledge and were only moderately interested in looking at guys they hadn't considered. We were more open to looking at guys we didn't know, and also more open to utilizing connections that were less tenuous. We had to do more work but always ended up finding 20-30 guys we were extremely excited about.

So if somebody had contacted me with such a tentative connection (and IF it wasn't completely creepy), I'd have at least invited him out to a couple things right before rush and see how it went. We'd make a decision pretty naturally on if we'd want him or not. If it went badly, we'd cut him, and if it went well we'd keep him. This happened several times where we'd have said, "Hey, this guy is from my high school, let's see how he is and if he fits in we can use that connection to our advantage." My friend's group, which like I said was probably the most competitive on campus, would only care if the connection was extremely strong because they knew they could get 20-30 great guys from that alone.

Perhaps this only applies to fraternity rush 33girl, but in my experience since you aren't just competing to get the guys you actively rush but are also competing to get guys in the door in the first place, you definitely try to make the most of any connection you can get to make sure those guys come through the door. Then it's about picking the ones you want. The truly competitive chapters didn't do that because they could rest on their laurels and only focus on 30-40 top guys and then get a pledge class of 25-30. Of course, at times that laissez faire attitude backfired for them.

So I stand by my statement, and I think most guys who have gone through fraternity rush would echo it.

This isn't what the OP originally proposed.

He was going to contact a dude he said he had NO connection with, other than having gone to the same prep school several years apart, apparently had no friends in common with, and ask him about fraternity rush. That's creepy and stalkery, regardless of where your fraternity falls in the social pecking order and regardless of how desperate they are for guys. Not until well in the thread did he mention he had some mutual friends with the guy in question.

The thing that scares me most is that he didn't think of asking the mutual friends to talk to their friend FIRST. The first thing he thought of was random contact on facebook. Is this generation really that socially inept?

ok 33girl, i don't see why you now feel the need to bash me. the friends i have that know him aren't even THAT good of friends with him. therefore, it'd be weird if i told them to contact this guy for me.

i just had a simple question. i don't see why you're telling me i'm socially inept. no need for criticism

I'm not bashing you personally, I'm bashing your whole generation. You just happen to be the representative of it today.

I fail to see how it would be "weird" if you asked friends to contact one of their friends to pave the way for an introduction, and "not weird" to start up a conversation with a guy who you found through his fraternity's FB page. Which kind of proves my point, I guess.

I think this shows the difference between "friends" and "facebook friends in common." I'll be honest, I'm FB friends with people who I haven't talked with in real life or on FB for years, and in a lot of cases it would be weird for me to suddenly contact them...so why am I friends with them on FB? No idea! I periodically go through and delete people, a fair number of whom request me back shortly after.

Short version: facebook and other means of electronic communication and social networking have effed up my generation's social norms...yes, it is a bit weird. I still think the OP would be out of line to contact this gentleman directly, but I think it's important to clarify the whole facebook social interaction thing.

Here. \/\/

Excellent choice of quotes there, AlphaFrog. :)

There are a few people around here that you can ALWAYS count on for great sig material. I'm proud to call one of them my sister!:D

Heeeeey, I made it into a siggy Lol

I thought AF was making a pair of boobies there.

Hannah, I totally agree with you...but since he didn't specify, I surmised he meant actually real-life friends, not FB friends. Of course as Eric Cartman said girl friends are 3x better than boy friends.

Heres what you do. Go to one of their rush events, introduce yourself, ask questions and find the guy that went to your school and introduce yourself.
Or just mention to him that you found his "Fraternity" to be one of your first choices. No need to tell him about yourself, just ask questions and if hes not a douche, you'll receive a good reply.

BEST BOOBIES EVER!!!!!!!!!!