Nice guys finish last....
 

I know this topic has been BRIEFLY touched on in the past, but I wanna discuss it further;

Why is it women say they want a "nice guy" but only respect the guys that treat them like $hit? (dont play dumb, we've all seen it and it seems to work - cause they get interested and stick around)

Seriously, all the ladies I know whine about wanting a "nice guy" but only fall for the jerks and a$$ holes. Those guys will treat them like crap and they stick around for it. Makes me believe that if I wanna snag this filly I have my eye on I gotta act un-interested, be distant, hook up and leave, not call her when I say I will, ditch her to hang out with my brothers, tell her shes unactractive and generally act like a schmo.

The problem is thats not me. Just not how I am built. But if thats what I have to do.... Seems to work for a lot of guys I know. I dunno.....:confused:

Maybe not so ...
 

I am not trying to say that girls don't go for a$sholes -- but all of my close friends who are in long term relationships are with "nice guys," not schmos. And when my friends started dating thier sig others - those guys were at first "nice guys" and not schmos.

I haven't seen a a$$hole-guy-and-girl relationship work out much more than a one-night or one-week fling. I have been guilty, while not thinking anything will amount to a relationship, of the above and then whining about it. Who hasn't?

Often times those guys are very attractive, but little else. And I admit attraction is vital for me in a relationship, often times when attraction is coupled with cockiness or a$$holeness I don't forsee a relationship with that type of guy. On the same token, I have dated "nice guys," who are only that nice - without a personality and opinions. Its also hard to find a guy like that, but with who you have no attraction with. I have been in that boat too.

My advice is if your interested in someone, be yourself. Be who you are if you want a relationship with this person. Don't try to be something your not, whether it be an a$$hole or overly nice.

oh my gosh
 

lifesaver, never change. I don't buy that whole "Nice Guys Finish Last " theory at all. If a guy is nice he finishes first in my book. I mean true some girls are just drawn to those guys who treat them like crap and they never learn or they learn to late,but not every female is like that.
Alot of times, guys start out being nice and then they turn into total jerks, so either we didn't get to see their "true" sides in the beginning or we were blinded by umm "love". ( This isn't just guys, us girls are like this too)
I think the whole being upfront, honest, sincere and forgetting all the games and nonsense "snags the filly", because A. She knows your there, B. She knows your thoughts on the situation C. It's more comfortable to get involed with someone who can be expressive and upfront in the beginnig, then playing the guessing game and trying to figure out whether they will be cool or turn into a jerk later on.
Be yourself, don't change your ways to suit the stereotype, be the suave nice guy we all know here on GC and I am sure things will work out .
Good Luck " Snagging the Filly"
(sorry had to borrow your phrase, it is funny ;) )

DGPhoney~

STAY NICE!!!!!!!
 

Please please please stay nice! The world has enough a**holes, trust me!

I will admit that there are girls that love the "challenge" of a jerk, or maybe think that they can "help" him somehow - they will be the ONE who can truly see in his heart and help him be the wonderful sweetie she just knows that he really wants to be. WHATEVER! :rolleyes:

Most girls get smart and tire of the jerks. You just have to catch one at that point. It's tricky, because usually what happens is this...

1. Girl dates Jerk
2. Girl breaks up with Jerk
3. Girl dates Jerk #2
4. Girl breaks up with Jerk #2
5. Etc. etc. etc. for awhile
6. Girl realizes Jerks are no fun
7. Girl starts looking for Nice Guy
8. Girl meets Nice Guy (or, more commonly, starts dating Nice Guy that was there all along)
9. Girl ends up in Long Term Relationship with Nice Guy
10. Usually, Girl marries Nice Guy

You know it's true - how often have you seen people you know never really seem to find someone that suits them, then all of a sudden they meet someone new and BANG! they get married.

You gotta catch them at Step #7! That's your window of opportunity. Have faith, my friend, you can do it!

One final warning though...
The main reason that nice guys get a bad rap is that many of them are WIMPS. It gets really annoying if a guy is like, "whatever you want to do is great with me sweetie" all the freakin' time. Especially when you know that it's not fine with him - he's just saying so because he's so desperate to keep you happy.

So be nice, be sweet, give sincere compliments, heck, buy flowers. Just make sure that you always keep your own personality and opinions. If you try to lose your personality to keep her, you'll lose yourself in the process, and eventually you'll lose her too. The magic of a relationship is getting to know the inner essence of another person and if they just agree with you all the time, then you never get to know them.

Good luck!

Caution, this is post is brutally honest: ;)

Just like guys, girls LOVE a challenge. I don't have enough fingers and toes to count how many jerks I have dated. The guy who called me everyday, right on time....got kinda sick of him. Now, the guy, who didn't call me for a week straight, I was head over heels for (until I caught him making out with my 'best friend' but that's a whole other story.........). I'm not at all saying for you to pretend like you like a girl to get her into bed just so that you can get your sausage wet (sorry, had to go there :D ) or to be outright mean to every girl you date or cheat on your girlfriend with her best friend (grrrrrrrrrrrr) but create a little challenge. The guy I'm with now is a "nice guy". He opens my car door for me (I had NEVER had a guy who had done that for me), won't let me pay when we go out for dinner unless I throw a fit about it (I feel bad when he won't let me pay...I'm too nice), and who opens doors for me. Although he was a "nice guy", he did present a challenge. He'd tell me that he'd call at 7pm. I'd get a call at 9pm. He didn't let me know whether or not he was dating anyone else (he wasn't but he kept that a secret....for the challenge effect ;) ). And, on one of our first dates, while we were at the movies, he ran into this girl that he was friends with and gave her this HUGE hug. I cringed. But, it made me want him more. Although he was so sweet to me, he created this whole mystery about him. And I loved it. Almost a year later, we are still together!

I am not buying it ...
 

Not too make anyone mad or anything, I dont agree with a guy going out of his way to be nice or creating a challenge for mystery if thats not who you are as a person.

In a relationship, whether its a friend or a guy your dating, being truthful and honesty is key, in my opinion. If a guy likes to buy flowers for girls he dates by all means he should - but it shouldn't be done if that is not who that person is. On the same token, if a guy puts up a facade that he is a challenge but that is not who he really is, a relationship will be flimsy.

I guess I am just an advocate for being yourself in a relationship and being honest and level with who you are dating. I understand that its harder in reality than it sounds on paper(or a computer screen).

If you try to be something you are not , that appearence won't hold up for long. And then where will you be left?

Personally, I prefer a guy who is HONEST. And I do actually like nice guys-one who will call me just to say hi-That one thing means the most to me, because I can never find a guy who does that. Lifesaver!! You need to get to Ft Worth!!LOL

But really-I don't go for the whole macho jerk thing. I have before, but believe me, it doesnt last long(mostly because they weren't like that at first) But please, just be a nice guy-eventually you will find a lady who likes you for the nice guy you are. And if you don't-its her loss sweetie!:)

I'm at a loss really what to think. I hear women prefer nice guys all the time but I only see quite the opposite. Its either that or theres just something that you cant live up to no matter what. It might sound pessimistic but thats what I've found. I've often thought sometimes some people just get sick of getting burned and then when they see someone that is nice and has it together they come around. I was never the player type unlike a lot of my brothers were when I was an active. I always have just been myself. What you see is what you get. I give up. LOL I'll probably always be stuck on step 1.

Kevin

Ok, can I just tell you that G8 told the story of my life? I was always attracted to the pretty-boy player types and it always ended up bad. In my case, it boiled down to two things.....looks and ego. I had a very narrow view of what was attractive, and unfortunately the guys I was attracted to tended to think they were even more attractive than I did!!!! Plus, it was an ego thing for me to try and nail the players. In fact, I had a nickname for a while...."Buffy the Player Slayer...." I had a game going where I would play the players, ie get them to pursue me and go out with me, and I knew how to play their game to keep them interested, and then just as they started thinking that they had me and I was going to fall under their spell, I'd dump them. Naturally I won some and I lost some....I was in the process of trying to burn the worst one of all at the same time that he had made it his mission in life to burn me when a very nice, sweet guy I was acquainted with asked me out. He had tried to pick up on me before but at the time I was like "yeah whatEVER!!" and pretty much blew him off. We did become friends after that but I never really thought of him as dating material for me. I did notice that he seemed to be in pretty hot demand, but it never got to me. But when he asked me out, I was so sick of the games and he seemed so sweet that I said to myself "what the heck, it will be nice to have a guy really work at it!" and I said yes. We had the BEST time. I wasn't nervous or trying to impress him, and although he was pretty nervous at first and trying VERY hard he could tell that he was winning major brownie points with me. He relaxed and the convo flowed all night, and all of a sudden I was like "why did I never notice how great-looking he is??" To make a long story short, after that night (Halloween 1992) we never looked back. We celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary in September and have two beautiful children.

The "players?" Well, the two worst ones I ever encountered are now 34 and 31 years old, still single, and total LOSERS....(in fact I saw the one recently and he has gained a ton of weight and looks like crap.)

Nice guys may have to work at it for awhile, but they usually win when it counts....I came to find out that my husband had a major crush on me (almost psycho-like) for two years before he asked me out....and I know for a fact one of his closest fraternity brothers (another nice guy) married his dream girl too, a girl he thought was totally out of his league.

girls always want the nice guys in the end, which is causes them to be waiting around, missing on having women thru all of the fun parts of life so that they can date assholes then come back bitching, this wears on the nice guys like blakes clod of clay, so in the end, when women are like, okay, i guess i can deal with the nice guys now that I've had MY fun, then the nice guys are starting to turn assholish.

You've been given great advice. Though some of it SEEMS to conflict, it really doesn't. So many things in life can be compared to "foreplay". Rushing ANYTHING diminishes the end result. That's why ZTAngel's post is so accurate-keep a little mystery in the relationship. G8Ralphaxi made another excellent point-You have to "catch" them at the right time. Don't forget that women are seeing a smorgasbord just like the guys are. They also see all the PNR (Potential New Relationships HA!) college and graduate life has to offer. Don't change your life at the start of any new relationship. Let her be as eager to see you as you are to see her. Allow her to make some of those first moves as well. Most of all-Be confident. If YOU don't think a lot of yourself, why should anyone else?(MY Mom's advice) Lifesaver-NEVER settle you are WAY too wonderful for that!

Here's a little exercise to try. You see her, flash a charming smile but don't hold it too long. TURN AWAY FIRST and go talk warmly to a girl friend. Repeat this after a LONG wait-NO OVERKILL-and see if "the look" holds longer each time. Let her know you SEE her, but make sure she really SEES you. You may be surprised at the results. This barometer ALWAYS worked for me and let me know what level of interest existed.

Yeah, SigmaChiCard, you are right that some nice guys do get sick of it and turn jerk.....and then they end up flying through a number of meaningless flings, often getting fried themselves....(any "PLAYA" who tries to claim he never gets dicked around or dumped and he does all the dicking around and dumping is a total liar!!!!) and eventually go back to their nice guy ways when they find the right girl.

Something else to think about.....guys have the mistaken notion that all girls, especially college-age girls, are looking for a relationship. Believe it or not an increasing number of young women are just out there trying to "get some" or just "have fun/hang out" for awhile without any strings attached. Long gone are the days of the majority of girls going to school to get their "M.R.S." Since they know that they are going to be heading out into the career arena after school and possibly moving somewhere else for the job market, they don't want to get tied down. There's no need. I know a lot of people still get married young, but it is now just as acceptable (and some would have you believe better) to wait until you are like 30 to even hook up, and don't worry about babies because women are having them into their 50s. Women don't NEED a husband anymore, and that has changed EVERYTHING. Guys are so used to being the ones on that side of the coin that they don't know how to handle it when a young lady acts that way. The irony is, a lot of these desirable young women have been conditioned by the "players" to act uninterested, uncommitted, and play games themselves just to keep them around. Players seem to the outsider like they want a submissive female who lets them do whatever they want and falls madly "in love"....but THAT'S when they get dumped. The girls who keep these guys coming back are the ones who know how to play the game themselves. But then, they start to feel like all guys are like that and then when they meet a nice guy, they keep playing the game and seem impossible to pin down. It's a vicious cycle.

Girls (and women) have gotten so sick of being saddled with the new definition of "psycho." It used to be that a psycho was someone, particularly an ex, who couldn't let go, who basically stalked you and did all sorts of crazy things to get you and keep you even when you don't want them. Now, by guys' definition, any girl who wants a relationship is a psycho. It makes it hard. Girls got so confused by the messages they were receiving from these dickhead types that they have altered their behavior and their attitudes, and now it is making life just that much harder to the nice, honest guys.

If you really want something to make you go :eek: try picking up a copy of Cosmo.....I can barely even stand to read it anymore. It would have you believe that all young women are these lioness predator-types who start bed-hopping at about 14 and keep it going (often with more than one guy at a time) until they are 35 or so. They are all ruthless killer career women who act like those broads on "Sex and the City".....sorry to use the old "broad" epithet, but it is the only term that seems to fit for me, I can't stand that show. They always throw in one article on "How to get him to commit" almost as a token, but the rest is all about sex sex sex sex. NOT exactly the unassuming, naive young gals trolling for a hubby that guys used to encounter.

Re: Nice guys finish last....
 

I am just curious as to if your "guest" is the "filly" you are trying to nab? Do you still talk to your guest? Is she friends with the filly?

The guy I'm with is a nice guy. He does a lot for me, has never cheated on me, has always been honest with me, and we've been together for 1 year and almost 9 months. And that's on top of the fact that we currently live 3 hours apart.

Here's the catch. He doesn't back down from arguments just because he doesn't want to upset me. He sticks to his opinions. He calls me, but not too often. My most recent ex irritated me because he was TOO nice. He called me every day, and let me walk all over him in our disagreements. Bottom line in my experience is that most of us DO want nice guys... but you need to know where to draw the line. And don't get too serious too fast. We can get scared off by this just as easily as guys do!

Trust me, there IS hope for nice guys! :)

I think my perspective is a little bit different than most of my friends because, unlike most girls, I may have been *attracted* to the mysterious, player guys, but have never dated one. That could be, however, because I've been with one of the "nice guys" for almost four years now, basically all of my 'dating' life. The truth of the matter is that, if a girl is honest, she will admit that she likes a little challenge and a little mystery, but more than that she likes to be appreciated, wanted, and respected. I'd take a nice guy who opens my car door, calls me when he says he will and appreciates me for who I am over anyone else in the world, I'll tell you that much!

It causes a few problems when I try to give advice to my girlfriends though; they haven't outgrown that "bad guy" attraction thing and I just don't know how many more nights I can console them after a player has broken their hearts...sometimes it's easier to give advice then take it, but I really wish they'd take mine.

So here it is, for all the freshmen girls (and anyone else who needs to hear it) out there: The bad boy may be fun for a month, maybe even two, but getting seriously attached to anyone but a good guy at heart is trouble!!

Here's Some Comfort...
 

From bits and pieces I've heard, my dear hubby was a bigtime "player" before I met him. Guess girls love the proverbial man in uniform. Anyhoo, fate turned around and bit him on the butt because here he is stuck with ME as his mate for life! Oh, cruel, cruel fate!

BTW, he is going to be the daddy from hell when our daughters start dating. He is very, very protective. I was joking around with him recently and said "well, you know, all those girls you dated in college; they had daddies too!" He turned white. Haha, payback's a bitch!

Take Ferris Buller's point on this. Which is , oddly enough, true. The reason the nice guys get walked on and the pricks get the girls is that no girl will ever respect someone who is nice to a fault. How can you respect someone who kisses your ass? It's simple, you don't. I had fun time dealing with this in high school, then realized when i got to college that women who go after the a$$holes are either a) blantantly dumb (and there are quite a few) or b) need a little drama in their life so that they have something to talk about with sisters at 3 a.m. after he embarrasses her by kissing someone else at a bar. Women who have figured out how to eliminate dumbasses while maintaining self dignity get much props from me. The go for the jerk syndrome is in effect in real life as well, which is why I don't buy the whole"nice guys finish first" thing. How many nice guys do you think make it to be a corporate CEO or something like that. The answer is most likely zero, cause the nice guys are the ones who are diligent in their work so that people will be happy with them, not the guys who are ballsy and a$$hole enough to risk everything so that they can have everything. Just some food for thought for ya.

Re: Re: Nice guys finish last....
 

BUSTED. Yep the Guest is the filly. One in the same. The only time I hear she is interested in me is through her friends. When she sees me its like, "oh hey." Thats whats got me thinking I need to be a jerk or something. I know shes interested but being a freshman shes trying to play "the game" Being a Senior I am not really interested in it. But being a jerk seems to work for my brothers so I was thinking.... (I dont want yall to think I am head over heels, just interested and it got me thinking about the issue as a whole, and how chicks seem to dig jerks.)

She might actually be very interested. I use to do the "oh hey" thing also. I did it because I would watch my friends and sisters practically throw themselves at a guy or be all flirty. In the end, it never worked out in their favor. So, I tried a different approach that seemed to work, I didn't want to look too eager so I would just act cool and calm when I saw a guy I was interested in. Next time you see her, if it's close to lunch time and you're on campus, be like, "Hey, you wanna grap something to eat at the student union." That way, it's not a date but you guys can talk and see what happens. I hope it works out! Keep us posted! And, please please please, do not turn into a jerk. We already have enough of the player guys in the world. We need more nice guys like you. :)

My first reaction was to answer toungue in cheeck, seriously but satirically. It would have started something like: You need to stop acting like a whipped little bitch . .

But I realized that many of the viewers here can't filter satire for its underlying reality. They can't get past the invective to the words of truth. Which is ok, cause it means I'll make more money in the real world;).

So here is a more serious reply:).

Girls don't like assholes per se. They like excitement.

They like strong personalities, or intensity. We all do. Moths to flame right?

Assholes the way I believe we are using the term means: Someone with a strong personality that will just walk up to a girl and ask her out. They are usually flirty and agressive, and will walk right up to someone when many nice guys won't. And then will say the right things to keep the girl interested even if they don't always mean it. And a lot of times we also seem to mean that they don't do the little nice things we all learned from old movies as a kid.

A secondary definition of asshole is: People that don't do what we want them to do.

That is actually the definition a lot of girls are applying to their boys, and of course when they are relating a problem they make the guy seem like the biggest dick . . .

Well continuing . . .

There are also two basic kinds of nice guys:

1. "That guy" the nice guy cause he is secretly afraid of not being nice. ITs his strategy for being liked. This is the most common type of nice guy, and the one that gets dumped on, and the one the girls described as annoying.

2. The "ethically nice" guy. This is the most rare. He does The Right Thing because its the right thing. Not because he is afraid you won't like him or he is overly worried what you think. He'll treat you like a princess and at the same time will not put up with your shit.

OH there is more but have to run . . . . To be continued . . .

James, that is brilliant! The "ethically nice" guy is the one we want, and boy are we lucky when we find him!
:)

Re: Here's Some Comfort...
 

That is TOTALLY my brother in law. He finally settled down with Ms. Right (and he made an excellent choice, I might add) but he still needs a little more payback. He has just become the father of a new son (oh no another one like him!!!) but I say he desperately needs to have a daughter.....a really great looking daughter, who is sexually precocious and has really big ta-tas!!!!!

My husband wasn't a player but he hung out with a lot of them. He thinks that all the typical male things like one-night-stands, tagging those younger girls, strip bars and thongs are really great. Or at least he did until he had a little girl. Unfortunately Paige's future dating life is already completely nuked by the fact that her dad teaches at what will be her high school. There is no boy in the entire school system who will have the nuts to ask her out. She's going to have to turn to her player cousin to hook her up with some of his boys!!!!!!!! On the flip side, as a reformed tigress myself, I am already extremely protective of my sweet little boy, who is going to be such a little stud. I can just see it the first time some horny little twelve year old girl calls him up!!!!!!

Re: Re: Re: Nice guys finish last....
 

Just another thought: as a freshman as a houseguest, maybe she doesn't want to come across as a lovesick, starry eyed girl after what you two have been through - so maybe shes playing it cool not wanting to scare you off. I guess when I was a freshmen I learned real quickly the difference between dating and a one-night thing, so maybe shes just being cautious and doesn't want to get her hopes up.

My freshman year, I didn't want to play the game but got into some bad habits. On the other side, I met two guys that I dated and dating them was much more rewarding than one-night game playing.

I really don't know the whole situation, but just wanted to bring up something else to think about.

James,

After reading your post, I called my ethically-nice husband to tell him again how much I love him and how lucky I am to have someone like him as a soulmate.

Thank you for reminding me of that, although that was probably not your intention! :D

M.

Ok Nice guys part deuce . . .
 

Ok to folow up:

If you are the weaker nice guy, and most guys that are in this category don't know it, stop being an unconditional pleaser.

There all kinds of books and web sites dedicated to the art of flirting. Which is definitely an art. If you can flirt and make a girl laugh that you barely know, you are ten miles ahead of the game. LEarn to flirt well.

You don't have to be an asshole, you just have to come across as a dating prospect. As ZTAngel said, maintain a certain aura of . . . something. It can be a positive aura:)

People are the way they are, bemoaning fate doesn't change it. Personality is very changeable, its a method of comminication we develop at the earliest ages to get the world to like us. However, it is still just a method of cumminication, so if it isn't always getting you what you think you need, then work on it and change it a bit.

PKTSU01 is right in his analysis, many women seem to want a relationship to fulfill them on multiple levels. One of those levels is drama or excitement. If you know this you can create little things for good drama and spare yourself fights for the sake of excitement(conflict) and make-up sex (redemption). If they aren't already stuck in that pattern.

As far as the little filly you mentioned, well did you ever think she might feel a little rejected? I mean its a pretty positive indicator of like to have a girl on your couch in various states of being disrobed ask you "want to try sex?". If you need a sign clearer than that you need to be hit in the face with a bat.

That also assumes she didn't come out of the blue with the comment and that you had gotten her thinking about that moment. Meaning you went pretty far with her sexually, like say third base. For those of you that are baseball/sex metaphor handicapped, that means the boy went south of the belly button.

As far as her playing hard to get now, or playing it cool, most people I know that are doing that are really having self esteem/self image issues.

Hasn't there ever been a time of day that you weren't feeling good about yourself, the way you look or feel? You don't really want to have a prolonged encounter with someone you are crushing on at those times. Most of the time people blow by us it has nothing to do with us, its something going wierd in their head.

And as for her, well she made an adult decision as an adult, and you sent her packing naked from your couch like a school girl you suddenly realized was under age. And you didn't have some committed relationship going where you could give her the "I want to definitely wait for something corny before we do it" line. She's not a mind reader and will likely read more into your words than you intended.

It sounds you are thinking more than you are acting. A simple way to find out if she is still interesting is to pick up the phone, dial 7-digits, and ask her to go get some dinner with you. Boyfriend girlfriend stuff.

I'm rambling because I am hungry so that is enough from me:).

Damn James! Gave me the stern talkin to like I needed. Geez. But I am glad you said what you did. Gave me fodder to ponder. I like what you had to say. Good stuff. The best info in a while and I like the simplicity of It sounds you are thinking more than you are acting. A simple way to find out if she is still interesting is to pick up the phone, dial 7-digits, and ask her to go get some dinner with you. Boyfriend girlfriend stuff. True dat.

If you need a sign clearer than that you need to be hit in the face with a bat. HAHAHAH. OK I got it. I got it.

I just havnet dated a lot because I was always so focused on school, house stuff and work, now that I am about to graduate, I am finding I have time for myself andthe things I never had time for before. I know what I want and go for it, I just am not used to playing the games thats all. I am learning, so ya gotta cut me some slack. But seriously, thanks for the info. I am meditating on it.

We hung out on Sunday night and have made plans for dinner tomorrow night. I'll keep everyone advised. Again, please keep up with the suggestions and comments.

Life, man, you know as well as I do why us gentleman wind up bringing up the rear. Its the damn asthetic qualities of some of these pansy ass boys that women drool over, loose their sense of whats right and wrong, and go for the short term pleasure of these guys.

But when they are 22, graduating, and not hanging out with their sisters anymore and pretty boys and football players arent trying to get in their pants 24-7, that when its our turn to play.........

Take comfort in this brother. You and I drive 4 wheel drive trucks. Most of those other guys drive pansy ass cars. Nuff said right there. We can drive through mudholes while our ex's and their new asthetically pleasing 1 night boyfriends are stuck up to the axles and trying to find a towtruck. It snows here, so oh how i delight in driving around in a foot of snow looking for my ex's new men just to see em stuck in the house drinking cafe lattes.

Its the simple things in life that i derive such pleasure from.

You actually do that? LOL j/k

No, but if I ever saw either of my ex's stuck in a snow bank with their new men i would probably stop and help em like the moron that I am.

Hey lifesaver---

Quit thinking and act! Call the girl, take her out, try out the filly. Damn, if you all stop thinking so much, you might find she actually likes ya! And for the love of pete...don't do the "her friend said she likes me!" :rolleyes:

But seriously, go for it and just date her. You'll know if she likes you or not after a couple dates :)

No sweetheart...that's called being a gentleman!!!!! There's not enough of those left in the world. :)

Allison

I gotta go with this one...in my opinion, I'm an ethically nice guy, and it's the way to go - yeah, treat the girl like a princess, and be an absolute gentleman to her, because that's the way it's supposed to be. If she takes advantage of it though, don't take that shit, because there will always be others who appreciate it for what it is.

Update....
 

Ok, so I called and we went to dinner last night. Ran by school to check on something, then went back to my place. She initiated "THE" conversation about us. I was like, "Egad that came from nowhere" But it was a good thing. I just played it way cool and told her that I wasnt looing for a relationship, but friendship with benefits and if soemthing developed outta that then cool. She seemed to agree. being of the freshman mindset that she is I coulda then told her we were gonna smear ourselves with motor oil and pop-tarts and run naked across campus and she woulda gone for it. So it was cool.

Then (god this is so tacky, and a first for open discussion on GC)

<lifesaver takes a moment to put on a little Frankie Valli, Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You, and then, *bow chicka bow wow*>

We bang like a screen door in a hurricane.

OK, what can I say? I am a nice guy, but I am still a GUY. I can only hold out for so long. Come on people, I 'm not made of STONE! Geez.

<llifesaver now accepting high-fives from the guys on here, james, KSigRC, KSig kid, KABM, cory, alumwhocares, Tom, etc>

:cool:

Re: Update....
 

hahahaha, that great, i love it!

can't i slap you high-five, i'm a glad, i'm proud of you, you got some ass :p

Woo hoo! Lifesaver got some!!:D

And if she figures out that you post on here and reads that comment it will be the last ass you get from her ;) .

But good for you . . . now the test is whether she comes back for more . . .

However, a word to the wise for the boys:

If a girl is initiating "the talk" she is usually looking for an answer of committment or something, or at least the promise of a promise for future committment . . .

So what you do is turn the tables back on her with the questions: "Where do YOU think this is going? Or "where would you like us to be at?"

Or you can load the question with, its so early in the relationship don't you think you should still keep some of your options open.

And then you can have a little fun with her because most women won't go out on a limb that early (even though they brought "the talk" into it) and will probably say something like "we should still see others" but she won't necessarily believe that (remember she's the one that brought up "the talk".).

So you reply, "oh ok, actually I really like you and enjoy spending time with you, and I kind of saw the relationship getting serious, but now that you say that I am convinced you are right, we should definitely keep our options open. I mean I wasn't thinking that before, but now that I think it through, after what you said, it definitely seems best . . for a while at least."

That puts the onus back on her leaves you guiltless for keeping the relationship casual. She'll blame herself :) . And if she changes her tune and suddenly wants to back pedal, you just keep repeating, "no, I think you were right the first time".

Oustanding. Yall back up and give this man some room. If she thought the motor oil and pop tarts was good wait till he hits her up with the turkey baster and crisco idea. Cant drop all the secrets on the first night.

Turkey baster and Crisco......


I don't think I even WANT to know!!:eek:

Re: Update....
 

Haha - wow.

That is the first time i've ever heard that term, that is one of the funniest things I've heard in a while.

Luv ya, but don't agree with ya...
 

James, James, James....that is a gross generalization! We have discussed this before! When a girl initiates "the talk" (and by "the talk" I am assuming that you are refering to the "what we are to each other and where is this heading talk"), it can also mean (and often DOES mean) "Ok, at this moment I am physically attracted to you but I don't want a relationship out of this so I need to know if you're going to turn into a stalker tomorrow morning"

You make us (women) out to be these lilly-livered, needy things just waiting for Mr. Right to put a lavalier around our neck or a ring on our finger, but in this day and age I would be willing to bet that is not the case!

DISCLAIMER - James, I think you just haven't met your match yet but when you do, watch out! :eek: