should i stay...or should i go?
 

hi,
i'm not looking for anyone to give me a definite answer, b/c i know that's not possible, but i am in a very strange situation regarding "my" sorority. i say "my" b/c i was never officially initiated..and recruitment is coming up.

sorry...im trying to find the words to explain my situation, but basically due to a number of things i was not initiated and its supposed to happen in the fall. i should be excited abt this, however they were not my first choice..or even my second. i said i would except the bid b/c i thought i would get my first choice(not smart/nice i knw)everyone kept telling me to just go through new member period to see how i felt...now they're telling me to get initiated and see if my feelings change as an active. problem is if i get initiated thats it. if i dnt like it i cant go anywhere else so now is my only chance. it is not as if these are bad girls, or if i dont believe in some of the things they stand for, but i always thought the sorority you are in is supposed to feel like"family" and when i go to my sorority house it should feel like home. i have yet to make any true connections(its been a year!) should it be this hard? how did you feel when you accepted you bid?how do you feel now?

i knw this was a lot to read so any advice, or experiences would be greatly appreciated

You've been a "new member" for a year and haven't been initiated?

That's some foolywang right there.

There are actually quite a few threads around here about similar topics, I suggest giving them a read because your feelings are not uncommon (not knowing whether you want to stay or go). There is some good advcie in them. Good luck to you with your decisions.

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=112091

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ghlight=choice

I know that this isn't done much anymore, but at some chapters/schools, initiation held over until you come back from the following semester (for grade purposes). If you don't have the GPA when initiation comes, you are held over (and have to re-pledge) until the next semester's grades are out (if they improve).

My school and chapter (AXiD) did this. I don't know how common this is or if that still happens (formal recruitment is now deferred for freshman), but it was normal for all chapters on my campus at the time.

Not sure if this is the same issue, but I wanted to share my experience.

I also do not understand how you can be in a new member pledge period for a year. Is this an NPC org, or NPHC?

I am sure that my fraternity wouldn't have someone in a "new member" or pledge period status for that period of time. I would put money on no other NPHC org doing it either.

I should have included Local. I HOPE it's a Local! Otherwise.... yikes!

Possible a local, possible a weird NPC grades or late in the semester COB situation, either way do what makes you happy but know either way your decision's final.

^^^ The singer? Or am I more out-of-touch with the youth of today than I previously thought?

No. I'm thinking a LOT younger. lol.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/JoJo's_Circus

^^^ Haha, OK. I thought there was a new Beiber-esque sensation that had popped up.

Is it sad that I took a picture with JoJo and her lion (by myself) at MGM about 5 years ago?

So basically your question is whether you should initiate or drop and re-rush instead? Why in the world would you think re-rerushing would bring you better results? Last time, you didn't get a bid from your first and second choices. This time you will also have the burden of being damaged goods; not only someone who was a new member and dropped, but someone who couldn't even meet the basic requirements to be initiated.

I think if you are that uncomfortable, you should drop completely, but understand that you most likely will never be a sorority member again (at least as long as you stay on that campus.)

Someone who has or knows the Green Book could probably answer the legalities of this too. If someone is a new member like this and somehow gets held over without being initiated, would they be eligible for fall recruitment anyway?

I think she would be safe. A bid typically will last from the yearly recruitment to the next yearly recruitment (roughly a year). However, I'm with you. If she did not get initiated for academic or behavior concerns that's a shot in the dark trying to get in somewhere else and if she really is waiting until "next year" I highly doubt she's going to even see an initiation. Something will most likely "come up" or they are waiting for the bid to expire so they can say no-go is my high suspicion.

Yes. It's a year (or at least, the spirit of a calendar year) since she signed her original bid. That's what matters, not when she depledged.

I too call WTF on having been a pledge for a year and not being initiated. The only way I can see this being somewhat OK (if it's not a local) is if she was part of a colony and they didn't initiate her for grades. Although I would think if she couldn't make grades over that amount of time their colony director from HQ would have kicked her to the curb.

The other possibility is that she was given an open bid in the fall and signed it but declined to start actually pledging. This would explain the being around for a year and not making connections. And then she started actual pledging in the spring. Although my experience is if you put off an open bid for that long and don't have beyond-your-control type reasons (family issues, $$ issues, super heavy semester) you probably don't really want to be there. We had 2 girls who did this, and they both ended up being terminated because they were never around for events or for the sorority, period.

You don't want to be there. Tell the sisters you won't be initiating and go on with your life. If that includes rushing in the fall, be aware that your chances of another group bidding you may be very limited.

yeah im considered a "new member" and haven't been initiate because i didnt have enough credits in the fall and was supposed to be initiated in the spring, but i basically de-pledged b/c i didnt think it was a right fit. they asked me to come back and get initiated b/c they thought i would like it better as an active. i thought i would try it, but then i couldnt be initiated until this fall b/c i de-pledged in the same semester i was supposed to be initiated in(the spring).

Please tell me someone other than myself has been singing The Clash anytime you see this thread...

*raises hand* Probably the point I think.

Nope. I took one last year!

Just cut them loose. They don't deserve to deal with a member like you. How do you know you "don't feel at home with them"? You haven't been around at all the past year. I sure hope this isn't AOII!

Just remember what you put into it is what you'll get out of it.

This seems fishy to me (as a non-NPCer), but is this common practice?

No, it is not. They shouldn't have given her a bid in fall to begin with if she didn't have enough credits.

It sounds like this chapter is desparate for members.

That's what I was thinking. I've never heard of members begging for dropees to come back.

Thanks.

what makes you assume i haven't been around? is it really neccessary for people to make negative comments? i was looking for helpful advice and wondering how others felt about their sororities b/c generally if feels like everyone is happy/proud to be there. sorry i ever posted.

Out of an entire thread you latched on to this?

You depledged and then came back, at least for some of that time you "have not been around"

Public forum means you get the positive and the negative. You got good advice now make a decision and don't blame it on other people.

this is an NPC organization.
i was not the only one given a bid that did not have enough credits. another girl that did not have enough credits was actually initiated b/c i did not know they dont check so i was honest and told them.

So you've been an XYZ for 1 year as a new member, but you couldn't participate the first semester because you weren't eligible as a part time student. The second semester you say you de-pledged because you didn't "think it was the right fit." Please tell me how we're supposed to interpret that as having been around? You began your original post with the helpful information of "i should be excited abt this, however they were not my first choice..or even my second." None of this speaks to an open mind or a person who has tried to make things work. Give the group a break and just go away. Sorry if you don't like my advice, but not all advice is the advice you want to hear.

Really weird circumstances but ok..

I'm having trouble understanding why you'd give something a chance that you've been miserable in for an entire year..? If you haven't made bonds, connections and don't feel at home by now, chances are you never will. I suggest you get out of it.

We had a situation where one of our NMs depledged because she thought she would be transferring, but when she realized she wasn't going to transfer, she approached us and asked if she could come back, and we let her. I don't know if this was a matter of reversing the depledging, or if she changed her mind before the paperwork was sent to HQ.

But yeah, this is different. The NM wanted to be in our chapter. We didn't go begging her to come back.

At my school, if you are not a full time student you wouldn't even be allowed to rush.

Since this org gave you a bid anyway, it's natural to have feelings of wondering if you made the right choice. Even though this org is your 3rd choice and not your 1st or 2nd you are obsessing what it is like to be in those sororities and that is probably preventing you getting that "home" feeling in your current org. You need to let it go because this org gave you a bid because they could see you as one of their sisters. It's pretty crappy that you repledged and already thinking about depledging again! You shouldn't of repledged if you were still doubting if that chapter is right for you.

Sure, the members may be happy and excited that you accepted a bid to them, but it takes time to make true connections and you got to be willing to put in the effort to hang out with these girls and find your comfort zone. They aren't automatically your best friends once you step in the door on bid day, but they will always be willing to hang with you if you give them the chance and put in the effort.

If you really can't see yourself in this group and can't let go of your 1st and 2nd choice, yes, you can go through formal recruitment again, but at some schools it's harder for upperclassmen to receive a bid and think about why your fav. chapters didn't want you the 1st time.

Again, it sounds like this chapter is beyond desperate for members. If the school is so laid back that stuff like credits isn't being checked by Panhellenic, you might actually have a bit of a chance at another group, but the fact is, even at a school like that, having been associated with this chapter for a year is going to hurt you. People are going to wonder why it took so long for you to shit or get off the pot.

AXiDa22 - I don't think she is miserable per se, rather that she still feels like a stranger in a situation where she should feel like a family member. Even when a chapter's going through numbers or other issues, bonds can still be made. But quite frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if they aren't any more jazzed about her than she is about them...they gave her a bid because she was a warm body and they need numbers.

Oh got ya 33girl!

That's just a really strange situation. I was eager to hang out with my sisters and make friends from day one, so I have no idea why someone would stay in it after a year; especially if she wasn't excited about it! I've been in my sorority for a year now and I couldn't imagine not feeling at home!